I don't know if it's my face (whatever the opposite of 'resting bitch face' is, I have that) or my overall demeanor or what, but I must have an invisible sign hanging around my neck that says, "Hello stranger! Please strike up a conversation with me."

This happens to me everywhere, including (no kidding) while I'm changing in the women's locker room at the gym. I can't even avoid it when I'm half-dressed!

The other day at yoga, I was in a crappy mood and I actively tried to put off a "don't talk to me" vibe because I just wanted to be left alone. Three women separately approached me after class to strike up a conversation. I had to laugh.

So I give up! I accept that this is just the way I am.

And mostly, I don't mind it so much. I like hearing people's stories (I mean, it's what my entire job is centered around, after all!), and I've met some really cool people because of this superpower/curse of mine.

The only real problem is that I hate small talk. Having endless polite, surface-level, meaningless conversations with strangers is my idea of "the bad place." (Shudder.)

So, since I end up talking to random people all the time, it's been crucial for me to figure out how to dive straight into the conversation deep-end, to avoid the awful awkwardness of small talk.

I'm sharing 4 ways I've learned to avoid small talk, have better conversations, and ultimately, build deeper connections with the people in my life.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU SHOULD ALSO CHECK OUT…

For the love of god, stop asking people, "So, what do you do?"

How to find your tribe

How to find your tribe and grow a network with Carolyn Birsky

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This one goes out to all of the caring, compassionate, empathetic, concerned people who just want to help others.

Especially if, in your altruistic mindset, you deeply believe that you know what's best for someone, and that if they'd only listen to you, you'd be able to solve all their problems.

Dudes, from a couple of (recovering) fixers, YOU GOTTA CUT THAT OUT.

In this month's Side Chat, we're getting in to what to do when you want to fix someone, but can't. We talked about:

• The ways (including the less-than-obvious ones) that the compulsion to "fix" can show up.
• How people-pleasing and being a highly sensitive person relate to the desire to fix others.
• Why over-giving and over-doing tend to backfire in spectacular fashion.
• Why letting people struggle is often the kindest thing you can do for them.
• Better ways to respond to someone who needs fixing, and how to encourage people to change in a way that actually works.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how called-out you feel, and which part of this side chat resonates most.

DUDE, FIX THYSELF

You know what's a better use of your time and energy than worrying about how to fix other people? Fixing your damn self!

If you'd like to get out of your own way and make more progress in a matter of months than you've likely made in years, that's what 1-on-1 coaching is for:

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Side Chat: Curing your people-pleasing disease

Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones! (How to tell if you're a highly sensitive person)

Side Chat: "I'm not enough" vs. "I'm too much"

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Last month we got a Dear Krachel question from Kate, who asked:

"What do you do when you're bored with life? Job, relationships, everything seems like such a drag."

Well, Kate, I see your Dear Krachel question and raise you an entire blog post (I have no idea how to play poker, but I'm all in on this question).

I've personally been bored with life many times (and to a degree, STILL feel bored with a few aspects of life that feel stubbornly unchanging). So, do we blow everything up and start over? Wait for inspiration to strike? And is being bored with life OK, or is it problematic?

I'm diving into that, as well as sharing my best ideas for how to bring your life back to, um, life in this week's brand-new blog.

After you've listened, leave a comment and share which of my approaches you suspect is the most accurate for you, and what ideas you have for banishing boredom.

LAST DAY TO TAKE THE SURVEY!

Thanks in advance for taking our short survey! Anyone who completes it by 11:59pm EST TODAY, March 12, 2019, will be automatically entered into a random drawing to win one of five free coaching calls we're giving away. Winners will be selected by this Friday (March 15th) and will be personally emailed to let them know they've won.

Take the survey now!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU SHOULD ALSO LISTEN TO…

What to do when you feel overwhelmingly "meh" about everything (from 11/20/18)

The danger of living a life that's OK, but not great (from 12/4/18)

You can't cure the human experience with Kyle Ramsvig (from 4/10/18)

Treating life like a magical scavenger hunt with Francisca Hernandez (from 11/9/18)

Side Chat: How to figure out what to do with your life (from 6/15/18)

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I knew Jes was a soul sister the moment she told me that, as a kid in gym class, she was the one who couldn't pass the presidential fitness test.

You know that rope attached to the ceiling? The one other kids shimmy up and down easily? Yeah, she was the sad kid hanging at the bottom. (As a tween who couldn't even pass the sit-and-reach, this resonated at the core of my being).

So, how does that kid—the one whose childhood diet consisted of white bread, butter, cheese, and Pepsi; who never saw an avocado until she was in college and pronounced "quinoa" wrong for years—become a personal trainer, health coach, and habit change specialist?

I dug into that, and lots more, with Jes Binder in this month's interview with a normal person. We talked about:

• Why she didn't initially think it was possible quit her job and start her own business.
• How she got over the fear of doing something "abnormal," in a small town where no one had ever heard of a health coach.
• How someone who "wasn't even a natural at drinking water" changed her diet and lifestyle habits for good.
• How you can change your bad habits, even if the fear of failure has prevented you from getting started.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know which piece of Jessica's story and advice resonated most with you!

TAKE THE SURVEY

Thanks in advance for taking our short survey! Anyone who completes it between now and March 12, 2019, will be automatically entered into a random drawing to win one of five free coaching calls we're giving away. Winners will be selected by March 15th and personally emailed to let them know they've won.

Take the survey now!

MORE ABOUT JESSICA

As a Habit Change Specialist, Jessica helps people who struggle with maintaining healthy habits transform their lifestyle from the inside out, so that exercise, mindfulness and nutritious eating become sustainable elements in their everyday lives. She coaches with her experience and education in psychology, behavior modification, health coaching, personal training and nutrition. She believes everyone can create their own successful wellness journey and accomplish their goals.

Find Jes on her website, and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Getting over your 'all or nothing' obsession with Amy Everhart

Ditching your perfectionism with Terece Hahn

Ghosting your job with Lana Jackson

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I want to start this by outing myself as an absolute school nerd.

As in, I used to "assign" myself summer book reports in elementary and middle school. I would gladly be an eternal student — if I could get paid just to go to school and learn for the rest of my life, I'd be in heaven.

So when I hear my clients saying things like, "I'm not really sure what I'm passionate about or what kind of career I want, so I'm thinking about going back to grad school to figure it out," I'll admit that my first split-second reaction is, "Yeah, school!"

But even I have to admit that going back to grad school isn't always the right answer to the question, "What am I supposed to do with my life?"

To be honest, more often than not, I see people going back to grad school simply because they don't know what else to do. Plenty of people use grad school as a way of feeling productive and directed, when unconsciously it's just a way of postponing the scary step of figuring things out in the "real world."

So how can you tell if more education is worth it, or if you're doing it for the wrong reasons? That's what we're getting into in this week's throwback blog…

TAKE THE SURVEY

Thanks in advance for taking our short survey! Anyone who completes it between now and March 12, 2019, will be automatically entered into a random drawing to win one of five free coaching calls we're giving away.

Take the survey now!

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Broke Girl, who deeply fears becoming a "slave to work," but she has a ton of debt to pay off. Should she keep her freedom (but not make much money), or suck it up and do something she hates for a few years to pay off debt?
• Frustrated Firestarter, who fears she's a "dilettante;" a dabbler who loves variety and can't seriously commit to anything. Does she need a little tough love so she'll finally focus, or is this not actually a problem?
• The Forever Student, who'd sign up in a heartbeat if being a student was a paid profession. No "real" job has ever interested her as much as school, so what's a girl to do? Should she get (yet another) degree or submit to a job in the real world?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three listeners resonated with you, too.

Want to submit a question for our April episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

TAKE THE SURVEY

Thanks in advance for taking our short survey! Anyone who completes it between now and March 12, 2019 will be automatically entered into a random drawing to win one of five free coaching calls we're giving away.

Take the survey now!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Side Chat: How to figure out what to do with your life

Dear Krachel: How do I get out of my own way?

Dear Krachel: How do I get out of a really long rut?

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Pardon me while I dust off my soapbox and get fired up about something (Ha! As if my soapbox ever gets dusty…).

I've got a bone to pick when it comes to introverts and extroverts.

There's a huge misconception about what both of those words mean, and I used to fall prey to it. In fact, I spent a big chunk of my life feeling like I was broken because of how widespread this false interpretation is.

For some reason, we've gotten the idea that being an introvert means that you're shy. A wallflower. Quiet. Hesitant to share your opinions. Demure.

And on the other hand, we assume that being an extrovert makes you loud, outgoing, talkative, and opinionated.

So, because I'm loud and opinionated and not particularly concerned with what others think of me, most people are surprised to find out that I'm not an extrovert. I'm actually a huge introvert.

But they shouldn't be surprised at all. Because that's not what it means to be introverted or extroverted.

Quite simply, introversion and extroversion are about where you draw energy.

Think of it this way: Each one of us has a battery life, just like your phone or computer. When our batteries are depleted we feel tired and antsy and far from the best version of ourselves. We all need to refuel, and the difference between introvert and extroverts is how they go about doing that.

Introverts recharge mostly with alone time. They need a lot of peace and quiet and time to think.

Extroverts recharge mostly by being around people. They need more social stimulation and human connection to feel at ease.

There's nothing inherently good or bad about either of these. You're just born that way. It's how you're wired, and you can't really reprogram it.

But here's the problem … because I didn't know I was an introvert for most of my life, I was ashamed of how I felt. Lately, I've seen other people resisting their introversion or extroversion, and it always wreaks havoc.

TIRED OF TRYING TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT?

The single most common problem we've witnessed in our years of coaching is how EVERYONE is beating themselves up for being someone they're not. The introverts are ashamed they aren't extroverts. The highly sensitive people are afraid that they're weak or too emotional.

But while you're busy feeling guilty for not being someone else, you can't make any progress. Clarity comes when you give yourself permission to be who you are, want what you want, and then go after it without guilt or shame.

If that sounds like exactly what you need, but you're having a hard time achieving it on your own, then we should chat about 1-on-1 coaching!

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

LIKED THIS? THEN YOU'LL ALSO LOVE

Exploring the 16 personality types with Leslie McDaniel

Side Chat: Overcoming impostor syndrome

Blog: Are you an internal or external processor?

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This is one of those conversations that's going to be applicable to 99.9% of you, because who hasn't experienced a toxic workplace at some point in their life??

Whether you're a college student folding clothes at the mall or a Senior VP at a large firm, toxicity ABOUNDS—In the form of cattiness, disengagement, resentment, and groupthink, to name a few culprits.

It's about time we tackled this subject, so we invited Stacy Campesi, one of our very best friends, to share her well-earned advice about how to navigate a toxic work environment. We talked about:

• The relationship between toxic workplaces and "good girl syndrome"
• Why "toxic" is a misused word, and why using it makes the problem worse
• How we can identify an unhealthy environment ahead of time, before we ever make a commitment
• When to stick it out, and when it's OK to bail
• What steps YOU can take to improve your environment, based on what Stacy has seen work for herself and her clients

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Stacy's advice resonated with you!

DO YOU NEED A CHANGE? (YOU JUST AREN'T SURE WHAT, EXACTLY)

One of the biggest conundrums of a toxic work environment is that it drains your life force to the point that all you can really do is come home, pass out on the couch, and binge Netflix until it's time to go to bed and do it all over again.

When you're stuck in that kind of vicious loop it's hard to get any perspective or clarity. And while you absolutely want to get out of your current situation, you don't necessarily want to jump to something else without being sure it's actually the right move.

That's something we focus on all the time in 1-on-1 coaching. If you need to insert a major disruptor into the toxic loop you're stuck on, reach out to us:

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

MORE ABOUT STACY

Stacy Campesi is a certified professional coach and workshop facilitator. She is passionate about helping unfulfilled, overachieving professionals find career confidence and clarity. Stacy loves working with smart, ambitious women who lead with heart and are so used to giving to others that can't even recognize their own wants or needs without feeling selfish. By cutting through the uncertainty, self-doubt, and fear of disappointing others that holds them back, Stacy is able to help her clients make decisions that get them what they want, without compromising a thing! Stacy is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coach Federation. She is also certified as an MBTI & Emotional Intelligence practitioner.

Find Stacy on her website, connect with her on LinkedIn, and listen to her nuggets of wisdom on Voxer @stacy_campesi.

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A client of mine, Molly, is burnt out.

She's got two jobs that have her working at least 50 hours a week (usually more like 60-65), including night and weekend shifts. Sometimes after working 6 days in a row, her boss will ask if she can fill in for someone on the 7th day … and she usually agrees, even though it means she doesn't get a single day off in a week.

She's also involved in multiple social groups, and she gets roped into helping plan and coordinate events, even when she can't make it to the event (because she's working so much).

I pointed out that this is not a sustainable pace, and she fully acknowledges that. She's constantly sleep-deprived, and her naturally sunny personality is slowly being replaced by a grumpy, snippy, unmotivated person who she barely recognizes.

Molly knows that something's got to give, but whenever she considers backing out of a commitment or saying no or taking something off her very-full plate, she becomes consumed by guilt.

Recently she told me, "I really wanted to tell my boss I couldn't take on another shift this week, but I knew they didn't have anyone else they could turn to, and it felt selfish to say no when I didn't have any other plans that day."

We dug more into what "selfishness" is all about, and she (like most of us) has a warped view of what it means to be "selfish."

I told her, "You're so afraid of being selfish that you've gone to the other extreme and become a martyr. But those aren't your only two choices, you know."

I'm breaking down why so many of us are terrified of being selfish (and yet the alternative can be just as destructive), and how to strike a healthy balance, in this week's brand-new blog.

TIRED OF PUTTING YOURSELF LAST?

If you're feeling burnt out from taking care of everyone else at your own expense, or if you don't even know who you are and what you need/want because you've spent so much energy looking out for other people's needs … that's something we can help with in 1-on-1 coaching.

The whole point of coaching is to help you discover the REAL you — your needs, your wants, your desires, your passions — and then build a life that's right for that person (instead of living your life solely to make other people happy).

If that sounds like exactly what you need, and if you're ready to invest in yourself (maybe for the first time ever), then we should chat about 1-on-1 coaching!

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

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We doubt there's a person on earth (well, maybe excluding the sociopaths who walk among us) that doesn't feel that they're either "too much" or "not enough."

You know what we're talking about:

"You're too quiet. You're not interesting enough. You're too weird. You're too intense. You're not attractive enough."

We've all got a silent-but-insistent inner monologue that's terrified we aren't EXACTLY who we need to be in order to be liked, loved, and respected.

In this month's Side Chat, we're coming at this from opposite ends of the spectrum and meeting in the middle:

• Kristen shares her experience with feeling "not enough."
• Rachel talks about how she's always identified as "too much."
• We break down where this comes from and why all we do it.
• And we get in to how to let this deep-seated fear go, as well as how we personally stopped buying in to those fears.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know whether you resonate as "not enough" or "too much," and what parts of this episode stuck with you the most.

FEELING CHRONICALLY BROKEN OR NOT ENOUGH?

It's super sad to admit, but undoubtedly true that EVERYONE feels like they're not enough or broken in some way. Seriously. If you think you're alone in your feelings, it's only because other people have been keeping quiet about their own insecurities.

But just because it's normal to feel this way doesn't mean it's necessary. And the whole point of coaching is to help set you free of this type of crippling anxiety so that you can get clear on who you are and go after what you really want.

If that sounds like exactly what you need, then we should chat about 1-on-1 coaching!

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

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