Clarity on Fire

Calling all fellow bookworms, library nerds, and general lovers of literature — it's time for another book club episode of the podcast!

Whenever there are five Fridays in a month, we devote the extra Friday to a book that we can't get enough of. This time we decided to have a conversation about a brand-new book by an author you may recognize (because our last book club episode was also about one of her books!), Tosha Silver.

This one's called It's Not Your Money: How to live fully from divine abundance. If you like the idea of exploring the intersection between money, spirituality, and practicality, you're going to love this conversation.

We talked about:

• If it's not "your money," then whose is it??
• How to let go of the illusion that you've got to figure out how to make money all on your own.
• How to accept where you are right now, even if you're broke.
• Fun, practical tools for letting go of your money fears and becoming a magnet to more abundance.
• How to trust in divine timing and believe everything is going to work out.
• Some personal stories about how we've let go of money anxiety (and the surprising results).

Come leave us a comment after you've listened and let us know what resonated most from this conversation. And in the true spirit of this book, we'd also LOVE to hear your stories of signs, synchronicities, and surrendering to the Universe (when it comes to money, or anything else!), so come share that, too!

IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE CHECK OUT OUR PAST BOOK CLUB CONVERSATIONS

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Bonus Book Club! The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver

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I was sitting on the floor with my 4-month-old black lab puppy in my lap, sobbing. She was happily chewing a bone, oblivious to the fact that I was heartbroken because I was planning to give her away.

Scarlett, my puppy, was a bit of a hellion. She had a habit of attacking your feet when you weren't looking, and she would bark at you for what felt like hours without stopping.

She didn't care for kids, or scooters, or skateboards, or anything that darted around in an unpredictable fashion.

If you rolled her over on her back, she would shriek and fight like a chimpanzee being murdered (I swear I'm not exaggerating. I have witnesses!).

This dog was nothing like the sweet, loving, cuddly puppy I had imagined. She was completely unmanageable. So obviously I brought in professional help.

The dog trainer who came to my apartment only visited a few times before she pointed at Scarlett, who had been busy attacking my feet again, and said, "That is NOT normal. You will never be able to trust this dog. She'll have to wear a muzzle around kids for the rest of her life."

She suggested that I take my puppy to a shelter she knew of and then start over with a different breed; something more suited to me.

This woman's advice broke my heart. I couldn't imagine just giving my dog away, regardless of how difficult she was. But what else could I do? She was the expert, not me. If she said my dog was broken, then she was … right?

Well, not so much.

My parents encouraged me to get a second opinion. The new trainer rolled his eyes and said, "She'll be perfect in 3 weeks. This is normal stuff for a smart, spirited lab."

And he was right. After working with the right expert, Scarlett was a completely different dog than she had been the month before.

That was seven years ago. She still doesn't love weird things with wheels, but she happily plays with babies and kids of all sizes, and she loves rolling over and getting belly rubs. No screeching necessary.

Sometimes I think about how I almost gave her away, and I shudder. Because how many people did take that terrible dog trainer's advice? How many perfectly decent dogs ended up homeless (or worse) because of her?

The truth is, this kind of stuff happens all the time. We put our faith in experts, simply because we assume they're more knowledgeable and educated, and dismiss our own intuition — often to disastrous ends.

In this week's throwback blog from October, 2017 I'm giving you a few super compelling reasons why you shouldn't always trust advice from experts.

CHECK OUT OUR FREE E-BOOKS

If you're new to Clarity on Fire, a great place to start is with one (or all four!) of our e-books. Each one is a collection of 7-ish of our most popular blog posts that revolve around a central theme. We've got one called WHAT IS THE POINT? A jolt of hope & practical advice for anyone going through an existential crisis and another called WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE? (Almost everything we know about finding your passion & having a fulfilling career).

Download all four here, for free!

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Some of you are probably very familiar with the unique stress of being at a career crossroads.

You feel called to make a change, but you're overwhelmed with fears and hang-ups—Is it even possible to go in a new direction? What will people think of me if I do?? What if I make zero dollars and end up back at square one?! (Cue standing frozen at the intersection like a deer in headlights).

That's why we sat down with our friend and fellow coach, Marissa Burdett, to talk about how to move through your fear of making a major pivot. We covered:

• What to do when you're afraid that leaving your job will mean letting down your parents/boss/co-workers.
• Why it's totally possible (and never too late) to transition to a creative profession.
• Why the idea that you need to have a side hustle or personal brand is totally wrong.
• The fear of not being good enough at something to make a career out of it.
• What to do if you think you'll need to take a massive pay cut or go into debt in order to make a career pivot.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know which of these fears spoke most to you, and how Marissa's advice landed with you.

MORE ABOUT MARISSA

Marissa Burdett is the certified life and career coach behind Ampersand Coaching and the host of the Permission to Pivot Podcast. Through personalized coaching, podcast episodes, and other offerings, she helps creative, ambitious women get unstuck so they can move forward in their careers and lives with a renewed sense of confidence and clarity.

Join Marissa in the Permission to Pivot Facebook community where an intimate group of like-minded folk gathers to connect with, support, and empower one another to make a place for exactly who they are in work and in the world.

Take the Career Persona Quiz! Learn about your Career Persona and how you can use your strengths and perspective to find more joy and fulfillment in your career right now, even if you're still navigating a potential pivot.

Grab a free coaching session! Marissa is giving away FIVE free 45-minute coaching sessions to Clarity on Fire listeners! Break through what's getting in the way of your own career pivot so you can move forward with confidence and clarity.

Follow Marissa on IG at @marissaburdett.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Bust through any block with Ryan Mathie

Finding a dream job after years of searching with Teanca Shepherd

Side Chat: Overcoming impostor syndrome

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

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I don't know if it's my face (whatever the opposite of 'resting bitch face' is, I have that) or my overall demeanor or what, but I must have an invisible sign hanging around my neck that says, "Hello stranger! Please strike up a conversation with me."

This happens to me everywhere, including (no kidding) while I'm changing in the women's locker room at the gym. I can't even avoid it when I'm half-dressed!

The other day at yoga, I was in a crappy mood and I actively tried to put off a "don't talk to me" vibe because I just wanted to be left alone. Three women separately approached me after class to strike up a conversation. I had to laugh.

So I give up! I accept that this is just the way I am.

And mostly, I don't mind it so much. I like hearing people's stories (I mean, it's what my entire job is centered around, after all!), and I've met some really cool people because of this superpower/curse of mine.

The only real problem is that I hate small talk. Having endless polite, surface-level, meaningless conversations with strangers is my idea of "the bad place." (Shudder.)

So, since I end up talking to random people all the time, it's been crucial for me to figure out how to dive straight into the conversation deep-end, to avoid the awful awkwardness of small talk.

I'm sharing 4 ways I've learned to avoid small talk, have better conversations, and ultimately, build deeper connections with the people in my life.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU SHOULD ALSO CHECK OUT…

For the love of god, stop asking people, "So, what do you do?"

How to find your tribe

How to find your tribe and grow a network with Carolyn Birsky

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This one goes out to all of the caring, compassionate, empathetic, concerned people who just want to help others.

Especially if, in your altruistic mindset, you deeply believe that you know what's best for someone, and that if they'd only listen to you, you'd be able to solve all their problems.

Dudes, from a couple of (recovering) fixers, YOU GOTTA CUT THAT OUT.

In this month's Side Chat, we're getting in to what to do when you want to fix someone, but can't. We talked about:

• The ways (including the less-than-obvious ones) that the compulsion to "fix" can show up.
• How people-pleasing and being a highly sensitive person relate to the desire to fix others.
• Why over-giving and over-doing tend to backfire in spectacular fashion.
• Why letting people struggle is often the kindest thing you can do for them.
• Better ways to respond to someone who needs fixing, and how to encourage people to change in a way that actually works.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how called-out you feel, and which part of this side chat resonates most.

DUDE, FIX THYSELF

You know what's a better use of your time and energy than worrying about how to fix other people? Fixing your damn self!

If you'd like to get out of your own way and make more progress in a matter of months than you've likely made in years, that's what 1-on-1 coaching is for:

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Side Chat: Curing your people-pleasing disease

Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones! (How to tell if you're a highly sensitive person)

Side Chat: "I'm not enough" vs. "I'm too much"

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Last month we got a Dear Krachel question from Kate, who asked:

"What do you do when you're bored with life? Job, relationships, everything seems like such a drag."

Well, Kate, I see your Dear Krachel question and raise you an entire blog post (I have no idea how to play poker, but I'm all in on this question).

I've personally been bored with life many times (and to a degree, STILL feel bored with a few aspects of life that feel stubbornly unchanging). So, do we blow everything up and start over? Wait for inspiration to strike? And is being bored with life OK, or is it problematic?

I'm diving into that, as well as sharing my best ideas for how to bring your life back to, um, life in this week's brand-new blog.

After you've listened, leave a comment and share which of my approaches you suspect is the most accurate for you, and what ideas you have for banishing boredom.

LAST DAY TO TAKE THE SURVEY!

Thanks in advance for taking our short survey! Anyone who completes it by 11:59pm EST TODAY, March 12, 2019, will be automatically entered into a random drawing to win one of five free coaching calls we're giving away. Winners will be selected by this Friday (March 15th) and will be personally emailed to let them know they've won.

Take the survey now!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU SHOULD ALSO LISTEN TO…

What to do when you feel overwhelmingly "meh" about everything (from 11/20/18)

The danger of living a life that's OK, but not great (from 12/4/18)

You can't cure the human experience with Kyle Ramsvig (from 4/10/18)

Treating life like a magical scavenger hunt with Francisca Hernandez (from 11/9/18)

Side Chat: How to figure out what to do with your life (from 6/15/18)

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I knew Jes was a soul sister the moment she told me that, as a kid in gym class, she was the one who couldn't pass the presidential fitness test.

You know that rope attached to the ceiling? The one other kids shimmy up and down easily? Yeah, she was the sad kid hanging at the bottom. (As a tween who couldn't even pass the sit-and-reach, this resonated at the core of my being).

So, how does that kid—the one whose childhood diet consisted of white bread, butter, cheese, and Pepsi; who never saw an avocado until she was in college and pronounced "quinoa" wrong for years—become a personal trainer, health coach, and habit change specialist?

I dug into that, and lots more, with Jes Binder in this month's interview with a normal person. We talked about:

• Why she didn't initially think it was possible quit her job and start her own business.
• How she got over the fear of doing something "abnormal," in a small town where no one had ever heard of a health coach.
• How someone who "wasn't even a natural at drinking water" changed her diet and lifestyle habits for good.
• How you can change your bad habits, even if the fear of failure has prevented you from getting started.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know which piece of Jessica's story and advice resonated most with you!

TAKE THE SURVEY

Thanks in advance for taking our short survey! Anyone who completes it between now and March 12, 2019, will be automatically entered into a random drawing to win one of five free coaching calls we're giving away. Winners will be selected by March 15th and personally emailed to let them know they've won.

Take the survey now!

MORE ABOUT JESSICA

As a Habit Change Specialist, Jessica helps people who struggle with maintaining healthy habits transform their lifestyle from the inside out, so that exercise, mindfulness and nutritious eating become sustainable elements in their everyday lives. She coaches with her experience and education in psychology, behavior modification, health coaching, personal training and nutrition. She believes everyone can create their own successful wellness journey and accomplish their goals.

Find Jes on her website, and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Getting over your 'all or nothing' obsession with Amy Everhart

Ditching your perfectionism with Terece Hahn

Ghosting your job with Lana Jackson

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I want to start this by outing myself as an absolute school nerd.

As in, I used to "assign" myself summer book reports in elementary and middle school. I would gladly be an eternal student — if I could get paid just to go to school and learn for the rest of my life, I'd be in heaven.

So when I hear my clients saying things like, "I'm not really sure what I'm passionate about or what kind of career I want, so I'm thinking about going back to grad school to figure it out," I'll admit that my first split-second reaction is, "Yeah, school!"

But even I have to admit that going back to grad school isn't always the right answer to the question, "What am I supposed to do with my life?"

To be honest, more often than not, I see people going back to grad school simply because they don't know what else to do. Plenty of people use grad school as a way of feeling productive and directed, when unconsciously it's just a way of postponing the scary step of figuring things out in the "real world."

So how can you tell if more education is worth it, or if you're doing it for the wrong reasons? That's what we're getting into in this week's throwback blog…

TAKE THE SURVEY

Thanks in advance for taking our short survey! Anyone who completes it between now and March 12, 2019, will be automatically entered into a random drawing to win one of five free coaching calls we're giving away.

Take the survey now!

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Broke Girl, who deeply fears becoming a "slave to work," but she has a ton of debt to pay off. Should she keep her freedom (but not make much money), or suck it up and do something she hates for a few years to pay off debt?
• Frustrated Firestarter, who fears she's a "dilettante;" a dabbler who loves variety and can't seriously commit to anything. Does she need a little tough love so she'll finally focus, or is this not actually a problem?
• The Forever Student, who'd sign up in a heartbeat if being a student was a paid profession. No "real" job has ever interested her as much as school, so what's a girl to do? Should she get (yet another) degree or submit to a job in the real world?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three listeners resonated with you, too.

Want to submit a question for our April episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

TAKE THE SURVEY

Thanks in advance for taking our short survey! Anyone who completes it between now and March 12, 2019 will be automatically entered into a random drawing to win one of five free coaching calls we're giving away.

Take the survey now!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Side Chat: How to figure out what to do with your life

Dear Krachel: How do I get out of my own way?

Dear Krachel: How do I get out of a really long rut?

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Pardon me while I dust off my soapbox and get fired up about something (Ha! As if my soapbox ever gets dusty…).

I've got a bone to pick when it comes to introverts and extroverts.

There's a huge misconception about what both of those words mean, and I used to fall prey to it. In fact, I spent a big chunk of my life feeling like I was broken because of how widespread this false interpretation is.

For some reason, we've gotten the idea that being an introvert means that you're shy. A wallflower. Quiet. Hesitant to share your opinions. Demure.

And on the other hand, we assume that being an extrovert makes you loud, outgoing, talkative, and opinionated.

So, because I'm loud and opinionated and not particularly concerned with what others think of me, most people are surprised to find out that I'm not an extrovert. I'm actually a huge introvert.

But they shouldn't be surprised at all. Because that's not what it means to be introverted or extroverted.

Quite simply, introversion and extroversion are about where you draw energy.

Think of it this way: Each one of us has a battery life, just like your phone or computer. When our batteries are depleted we feel tired and antsy and far from the best version of ourselves. We all need to refuel, and the difference between introvert and extroverts is how they go about doing that.

Introverts recharge mostly with alone time. They need a lot of peace and quiet and time to think.

Extroverts recharge mostly by being around people. They need more social stimulation and human connection to feel at ease.

There's nothing inherently good or bad about either of these. You're just born that way. It's how you're wired, and you can't really reprogram it.

But here's the problem … because I didn't know I was an introvert for most of my life, I was ashamed of how I felt. Lately, I've seen other people resisting their introversion or extroversion, and it always wreaks havoc.

TIRED OF TRYING TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT?

The single most common problem we've witnessed in our years of coaching is how EVERYONE is beating themselves up for being someone they're not. The introverts are ashamed they aren't extroverts. The highly sensitive people are afraid that they're weak or too emotional.

But while you're busy feeling guilty for not being someone else, you can't make any progress. Clarity comes when you give yourself permission to be who you are, want what you want, and then go after it without guilt or shame.

If that sounds like exactly what you need, but you're having a hard time achieving it on your own, then we should chat about 1-on-1 coaching!

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

LIKED THIS? THEN YOU'LL ALSO LOVE

Exploring the 16 personality types with Leslie McDaniel

Side Chat: Overcoming impostor syndrome

Blog: Are you an internal or external processor?

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Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

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