Clarity on Fire

This is one of those conversations that's going to be applicable to 99.9% of you, because who hasn't experienced a toxic workplace at some point in their life??

Whether you're a college student folding clothes at the mall or a Senior VP at a large firm, toxicity ABOUNDS—In the form of cattiness, disengagement, resentment, and groupthink, to name a few culprits.

It's about time we tackled this subject, so we invited Stacy Campesi, one of our very best friends, to share her well-earned advice about how to navigate a toxic work environment. We talked about:

• The relationship between toxic workplaces and "good girl syndrome"
• Why "toxic" is a misused word, and why using it makes the problem worse
• How we can identify an unhealthy environment ahead of time, before we ever make a commitment
• When to stick it out, and when it's OK to bail
• What steps YOU can take to improve your environment, based on what Stacy has seen work for herself and her clients

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Stacy's advice resonated with you!

DO YOU NEED A CHANGE? (YOU JUST AREN'T SURE WHAT, EXACTLY)

One of the biggest conundrums of a toxic work environment is that it drains your life force to the point that all you can really do is come home, pass out on the couch, and binge Netflix until it's time to go to bed and do it all over again.

When you're stuck in that kind of vicious loop it's hard to get any perspective or clarity. And while you absolutely want to get out of your current situation, you don't necessarily want to jump to something else without being sure it's actually the right move.

That's something we focus on all the time in 1-on-1 coaching. If you need to insert a major disruptor into the toxic loop you're stuck on, reach out to us:

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

MORE ABOUT STACY

Stacy Campesi is a certified professional coach and workshop facilitator. She is passionate about helping unfulfilled, overachieving professionals find career confidence and clarity. Stacy loves working with smart, ambitious women who lead with heart and are so used to giving to others that can't even recognize their own wants or needs without feeling selfish. By cutting through the uncertainty, self-doubt, and fear of disappointing others that holds them back, Stacy is able to help her clients make decisions that get them what they want, without compromising a thing! Stacy is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coach Federation. She is also certified as an MBTI & Emotional Intelligence practitioner.

Find Stacy on her website, connect with her on LinkedIn, and listen to her nuggets of wisdom on Voxer @stacy_campesi.

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A client of mine, Molly, is burnt out.

She's got two jobs that have her working at least 50 hours a week (usually more like 60-65), including night and weekend shifts. Sometimes after working 6 days in a row, her boss will ask if she can fill in for someone on the 7th day … and she usually agrees, even though it means she doesn't get a single day off in a week.

She's also involved in multiple social groups, and she gets roped into helping plan and coordinate events, even when she can't make it to the event (because she's working so much).

I pointed out that this is not a sustainable pace, and she fully acknowledges that. She's constantly sleep-deprived, and her naturally sunny personality is slowly being replaced by a grumpy, snippy, unmotivated person who she barely recognizes.

Molly knows that something's got to give, but whenever she considers backing out of a commitment or saying no or taking something off her very-full plate, she becomes consumed by guilt.

Recently she told me, "I really wanted to tell my boss I couldn't take on another shift this week, but I knew they didn't have anyone else they could turn to, and it felt selfish to say no when I didn't have any other plans that day."

We dug more into what "selfishness" is all about, and she (like most of us) has a warped view of what it means to be "selfish."

I told her, "You're so afraid of being selfish that you've gone to the other extreme and become a martyr. But those aren't your only two choices, you know."

I'm breaking down why so many of us are terrified of being selfish (and yet the alternative can be just as destructive), and how to strike a healthy balance, in this week's brand-new blog.

TIRED OF PUTTING YOURSELF LAST?

If you're feeling burnt out from taking care of everyone else at your own expense, or if you don't even know who you are and what you need/want because you've spent so much energy looking out for other people's needs … that's something we can help with in 1-on-1 coaching.

The whole point of coaching is to help you discover the REAL you — your needs, your wants, your desires, your passions — and then build a life that's right for that person (instead of living your life solely to make other people happy).

If that sounds like exactly what you need, and if you're ready to invest in yourself (maybe for the first time ever), then we should chat about 1-on-1 coaching!

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

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We doubt there's a person on earth (well, maybe excluding the sociopaths who walk among us) that doesn't feel that they're either "too much" or "not enough."

You know what we're talking about:

"You're too quiet. You're not interesting enough. You're too weird. You're too intense. You're not attractive enough."

We've all got a silent-but-insistent inner monologue that's terrified we aren't EXACTLY who we need to be in order to be liked, loved, and respected.

In this month's Side Chat, we're coming at this from opposite ends of the spectrum and meeting in the middle:

• Kristen shares her experience with feeling "not enough."
• Rachel talks about how she's always identified as "too much."
• We break down where this comes from and why all we do it.
• And we get in to how to let this deep-seated fear go, as well as how we personally stopped buying in to those fears.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know whether you resonate as "not enough" or "too much," and what parts of this episode stuck with you the most.

FEELING CHRONICALLY BROKEN OR NOT ENOUGH?

It's super sad to admit, but undoubtedly true that EVERYONE feels like they're not enough or broken in some way. Seriously. If you think you're alone in your feelings, it's only because other people have been keeping quiet about their own insecurities.

But just because it's normal to feel this way doesn't mean it's necessary. And the whole point of coaching is to help set you free of this type of crippling anxiety so that you can get clear on who you are and go after what you really want.

If that sounds like exactly what you need, then we should chat about 1-on-1 coaching!

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

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I once knew somebody who was excellent at deluding herself.

Her M.O. was to spend many thousands of dollars every year (money she certainly didn't have) on courses and personal development programs and fancy wellness retreats in Europe.

What was pretty genius was that it was easy to justify pulling out the credit card for these things because, on the surface, they all looked like really positive, empowering, self-loving investments. But she often came back without much to show for her investment, and would quickly jump into the next pricey course or event.

So … is that the most loving thing she could have done for herself? I'm obviously skeptical.

I could make the case that a better route would have been not to dig herself deeper into debt year by year in an attempt to find self-love and self-acceptance.

Maybe the tougher, but more compassionate, approach would have been to take a good hard look at how she was spending her money, and find a more cost-effective and less glamorous way of caring for herself. (A good therapist would likely have been covered by her insurance, after all).

In an ironic way, creating big financial problems for herself through "self-care" experiences was an unconscious form of self-loathing. I think she believed that if she'd forced herself to stay home or not invest in the 10th course that year, that would somehow equate to not loving herself.

You can see how sticky this is, which is why I wanted to dive in to it. Because self-loathing isn't always overtly mean, and tough love doesn't always look warm and fuzzy. They can masquerade as each other.

So, for those of you who know all too well what it feels like to beat yourself up (and don't want to keep doing that); BUT who also don't want to delude yourself or let yourself off the hook, I'm diving in to how to parse the difference between self-loathing and tough love in this week's brand-new blog.

TIRED OF BEATING YOURSELF UP?

It's super sad to admit, but undoubtedly true that EVERYONE has some form of self-loathing. Seriously. If you think you're alone in your feelings, it's only because other people have been keeping quiet about their own insecurities.

But just because it's normal doesn't mean it's necessary. The whole point of coaching is to help set you free of this type of crippling fear so that you can get clear on who you are and go after what you really want. And if you couldn't tell already, we're pretty excellent at tough love.

If that sounds like exactly what you need, then we should chat about 1-on-1 coaching!

Fill out the quick form on this page and we'll talk it out.

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A little over 10 years ago, Lauren's life was thrown into total chaos. Her relationship ended in a shocking, dramatic, and heartbreaking way, and she found herself a single mom to four kids, barely getting by while trying to navigate an intense emotional rollercoaster.

In the years since then, she's gone through multiple stages of redefining herself, first through external factors (her struggle, her titles, and her accomplishments), and later by going inward to figure out who she is at her core, when all the external stuff is stripped away.

Lauren will be the first to tell you that she's still a work-in-progress (as we all are!), but she's come a long way in building a life that's filled with lots more peace, love, support, and faith than she ever thought would be possible for her.

She's sharing her story and some of the wisdom she's gained along the way in today's interview with a normal person. Listen in as Lauren and Kristen talk about…

• How to process the grief, shame, and utter overwhelm that threatens to consume you during a crisis.
• What resilience is really all about (you're going to love her definition of this), and how to create it within yourself.
• How to build self-worth from the inside and get comfortable within yourself, even without external titles and validation.
• The challenge of going from fiercely independent to inter-dependent, and why relying on people in your life (emotionally, financially, and for basic day-to-day help and support) is a beautiful, generous, and deeply human thing.
• How all identity crisis are, at the end of the day, spiritual crisis. Because you can't answer questions about meaning and purpose and "What's the point?" without acknowledging something bigger than yourself.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Lauren's wisdom resonated with you.

MORE ABOUT LAUREN

Lauren is a wife, mom, step-mom, daughter, sister, and friend. Of all of her accomplishments, both personally and professionally, these are the aspects of her life she's most proud of. In her free time, you'll likely find her reading or researching something. She's a lifelong learner, and is currently pursuing certification in Christian Counseling. She lives in Northern Virginia with her husband, four children, and a gaggle of pets.

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Instead of a new blog this week, we're doing something special that we've never done before — releasing our latest live workshop as a bonus podcast episode!

Technically the video replay of this episode expired last Friday, but we're giving it a second life on the podcast. So if you didn't get a chance to watch it the first time around, then you're in luck!

This workshop was called "How to find your passion in 2019," but in hindsight we really wish we could have named it "The Amorphous Golden Blob." You'll find out why when you listen. ;)

We talked about:

• Why so many people are both desperate to find their passion and also completely clueless about how to do it.
• What exactly brings on an existential crisis, and why your career is NOT an answer to that problem.
• What "passion" is and isn't, and how to pursue it the RIGHT way.
• How to create a filter system for your life so that you can get unstuck and make decisions easily.
• The two major first steps you need to be taking before you try to find your passion or make another career move.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know how our take on this issue resonated with you!

PPVE ENROLLMENT ENDS TOMORROW!

Here's your friendly reminder that tomorrow is the last day to join the Passion Plan Virtual Experience! We won't be opening enrollment again until this fall.

The PPVE is our 6-week online course where we walk you through the process of finding your passion and figuring out what you're meant to do with your life.

• About 500 people have gone through it, so its track record is pretty stellar.
• The content requires about 3-4 hours of time per week.
• You have the opportunity to connect with other members, and get your questions answered by us, in a group forum.
• It's meant for people who not only want to find their passion, but who want to get more meaning and purpose out of their entire life.
• If you've been spinning your wheels for a long time and want some expert guidance getting un-stuck, this is very likely the right place for you.

If you're still on the fence and you like making "game time" decisions, there's a complete page of details that might help you decide whether or not this is your "thing."

We've had a bunch of awesome people join us so far, and we're having a great time meeting everyone and chatting together in the forum. We officially get started with the first week's content on Thursday the 7th!

So if this feels like it could be the right thing, at the right time for you … we hope you'll be one more of them.

You can sign up here when you're ready.

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Charlie, a published author who can't get past the feeling that they should be doing something more intellectually impressive, like medicine or law. How can they get over the need to do something other people find "worthy"?
• Jo, who has a "pipe dream" of opening a café. All her other ideas fall short in comparison, but it doesn't seem realistic. Is it smarter to give it up or take a stab?
• Jesica, who believes that no one sees her and is tired of feeling invisible. How can someone magically be seen when they've been wearing an invisibility cloak for so long?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three listeners resonated with you, too.

Want to submit a question for our March episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

EARLY BIRD ENROLLMENT ENDS TODAY!

Here's your final friendly reminder that today is the last day to join the Passion Plan Virtual Experience at the early bird price of $369 before it goes up another $100.

Officially, you have until 11:59pm Eastern today (Friday, the 1st) to take advantage of the early bird rate. Tomorrow, it's going up to its regular price of $469.

The PPVE is our 6-week online course where we walk you through the process of finding your passion and figuring out what you're meant to do with your life.

• About 500 people have gone through it, so its track record is pretty stellar.
• The content requires about 3-4 hours of time per week.
• You have the opportunity to connect with other members, and get your questions answered by us, in a group forum.
• It's meant for people who not only want to find their passion, but who want to get more meaning and purpose out of their entire life.
• If you've been spinning your wheels for a long time and want some expert guidance getting un-stuck, this is very likely the right place for you.

If you're still on the fence and you like making "game time" decisions, there's a complete page of details that might help you decide whether or not this is your "thing."

We've had a bunch of awesome people join us so far, and we're having a great time meeting everyone and chatting together in the forum.

So if this feels like it could be the right thing, at the right time for you … we hope you'll be one more of them.

You can sign up here when you're ready.

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I can't tell you the number of times I sat hunched over a desk at some of my old jobs thinking…

"What's the point of this? What's the point of this dumb report I'm writing? What's the point of showing up to all of these countless meetings? What's the point of staying here until 5:30pm every day?"

And once I headed down that path of questioning … watch out! It quickly spiraled in a dramatic and existential way:

"What's the deeper meaning of any of this? What's the point of working at all? This can't be all, right? What are we all doing here anyway? What's the purpose of life?"

{Told you. That escalated fast. I think I missed my calling as a philosopher.}

I never could come up with a sufficient answer (I mean, come on, that's only the greatest life mystery of all time), but that never stopped my continued questioning. I wanted to feel like my time, energy, and effort meant something … like I wasn't wasting all of this time for no good reason. I needed to see the bigger picture.

If you've been questioning the point of everything and desperately seeking some answers, keep listening to this throwback blog from 2016, and then leave me a comment about how it resonated with you.

THE PPVE IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT

Our twice-yearly online group coaching program, the Passion Plan Virtual Experience, is open for enrollment NOW through February 6th (or when we hit 50 people, whichever comes first).

It's a 6- week course (with a mix of pre-recorded videos, workbook assignments, and live video hangouts with the two of us) that helps you figure out what to do with your life. Think of it as the "AP Life" class you should have taken in high school, but never got the chance!

Early bird enrollment is going on NOW through this Friday the 1st. That means if you sign up before then, you can get the course for $369 instead of the usual $469.

We're only taking 50 people in this round, and enrollment is first-come, first-served. If you want in, you definitely don't want to dally.

Get more info and sign up here.

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Sometimes change happens super gradually, and sometimes in lightning strikes. Ryan's was definitely the latter.

Ten years ago, on a seemingly random walk through London, Ryan Mathie experienced a profound breakdown that became a huge breakthrough.

Since then he's been incredibly motivated to help other people see how much they're getting in their own way (like he was, pre-breakthrough), and help them set themselves free. He really LOVES busting through blocks, so we challenged him to help our listeners bust through their oldest, crustiest problems.

We picked submissions from six listeners for Ryan to tackle, and he totally delivered. We got into questions like:

• "I sabotage every job and relationship I enter into it. How can I get out of this vicious cycle?"
• "How can I stop feeling guilty for saying 'no' and having boundaries?"
• "How can I overcome the fear and perfectionism that keeps me from pursuing my creativity full-out?"
• "Should I say in my 22-year-long marriage? Or should I call it quits?"
• "How do I move past 'just getting by' when it comes to money and actually thrive?"

We also got into what almost every submission we got had in common, and what's often at the root of our most difficult blocks, regardless of what it may look like on the surface.

After you've listened, come leave a comment to let us know how Ryan's coaching resonated with you!

FREE WORKSHOP ON JANUARY 28!

We're hosting a free, LIVE online workshop on Monday, January 28, at 1pm Eastern, and we'd love for you to be there!

How to find your passion in 2019.

If you're been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about your direction in both your life and career, this is a REALLY great place for you to start.

We're packing everything we've learned in the last 7 years about how to figure out what to do with your life into this workshop (well, everything that will fit in an hour, at least!).

We only do these kinds of free workshops a few times per year, so join us while you can! There WILL be a free replay video for people who register, so sign up even if you can't be there live.

GET ON THE PPVE VIP LIST!

Our twice-yearly online group coaching program, the Passion Plan Virtual Experience, is going to be opening for enrollment on Monday, January 28!

It's a 6-week course (with a mix of videos, workbook assignments, and live Google hangouts with the two of us) that helps you figure out what to do with your life. Think of it as the "AP Life" class you should have taken in high school, but never got the chance!

If you're on the VIP list, you'll be the first to know about our early bird pricing and the handful of free coaching sessions we're going to be giving away!

We're only taking 50 people in this round, and enrollment is first-come, first-served. If you want in, you'll definitely want to be on this list.

Join the VIP list here.

MORE ABOUT RYAN

Ryan Mathie, 39, was born in the small town of Bellshill in North Lanarkshire, Scotland. At 20, Ryan moved to London where he lived for 18 years, with a short spell in the US before moving to Tunbridge Wells, Kent, in the idyllic southeast corner of the UK.

Ryan's mastery developed over the last 10 years after a profound transformative experience while walking through the streets of Bethnal Green, London. He went on to work with one of the world's leading organizations in personal development and growth as a Senior Coach and Program Leader. He has worked and continues to work with, be mentored and coached by some of the most progressive, transformational coaches and leaders in the industry.

With more than 13,000 hours of experience, he has coached over a thousand people all over the world, including multimillionaires, CEOs, actors and artists. He is regarded by his peers as one of the most highly trained and experienced coaches in the world.

Ryan loves people and their lives, talking for hours, dogs, running up and down mountains, playing golf, recycling and being on time.

Find Ryan on his website, connect with him on LinkedIn, and check out We Only Work Online, his joint venture that helps you become a digital nomad.

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Three years ago, I wrote this blog about things I wanted to want but didn't actually care about.

Reading it now, in 2019, was fascinating because a lot of these things I have NO energy or shame around anymore.

So, what follows is my original blog from 2016, with (in the true spirit of a high school theater nerd) semi-dramatic asides from my 2019 self: I want to tell you that I'm a go-getter. I'd like for you to believe that I spend my days hustling, achieving, and generally "crushing it."

(2019 aside: I actually DON'T want you to think this about me anymore. All of this implies that "crushing it" is the absolute pinnacle of life success, and I know now that it's so NOT).

It'd be great if when you thought of me, you envisioned someone who easily and breezily works 8-10 hours a day. Someone who's constantly on top of her inbox. Someone who has great hair and makeup and puts on real clothes and who juggles everything with a smile and a winning attitude.

(2019 aside: The number of hours you work per day is not the only metric of productivity. And I'm writing this from a Starbucks where I'm not wearing makeup, but I AM wearing jeans, so do with that what you will. Also, I was born with chronic bitch face. How likely is it that I'd EVER be someone who smiles constantly??).

I want to want that.

But I don't actually want any of it.

After you've listened, come share the things you WANT to want (but don't) in the comments.

FREE WORKSHOP ON JANUARY 28!

We're hosting a free, LIVE online workshop on Monday, January 28, at 1pm Eastern, and we'd love for you to be there!

How to find your passion in 2019.

If you're been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about your direction in both your life and career, this is a REALLY great place for you to start.

We're packing everything we've learned in the last 7 years about how to figure out what to do with your life into this workshop (well, everything that will fit in an hour, at least!).

We only do these kinds of free workshops a few times per year, so join us while you can! There WILL be a free replay video for people who register, so sign up even if you can't be there live.

GET ON THE PPVE VIP LIST!

Our twice-yearly online group coaching program, the Passion Plan Virtual Experience, is going to be opening for enrollment on Monday, January 28!

It's a 6-week course (with a mix of videos, workbook assignments, and live Google hangouts with the two of us) that helps you figure out what to do with your life. Think of it as the "AP Life" class you should have taken in high school, but never got the chance!

If you're on the VIP list, you'll be the first to know about our early bird pricing and the handful of free coaching sessions we're going to be giving away!

We're only taking 50 people in this round, and enrollment is first-come, first-served. If you want in, you'll definitely want to be on this list.

Join the VIP list here.

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