Combative Calm

Affirmations That Don’t Suck Ass Balls: Anxiety Edition

This episode gives you two things:

1. The science of anxiety — how your amygdala (Amy) hijacks your nervous system, kicks your prefrontal cortex (Carl) offline, and drags you into past regrets or future catastrophes. I break down why your brain time-travels, why it feels so physical, and how your vagus nerve (Vega) is the key to getting calm again.
2. Actual affirmations that don’t suck ass balls — no sugar-coated “I am enough” garbage. These are funny, grounding one-liners you can actually use in the middle of a spiral. They’re designed to snap you out of anxiety’s bullshit and anchor you back into the present moment.

By the end, you’ll walk away with a set of science-backed affirmations you can repeat, write on a Post-it, or scream into your steering wheel the next time your brain tries to time-travel you into chaos.

This isn’t your average soft-and-sparkly meditation.
This is for the moments when you don’t trust yourself, when you’re second-guessing every damn decision, and when you’re convinced everyone else has it figured out but you.

In this guided meditation, we’ll use 4–6 breath and 4–7–8 breath to calm your nervous system, then drop into a visualization of the compass that lives in your chest. You’ll steady the needle, ask it the questions that matter, and anchor trust back into your body.

By the end, you’ll remember: your body already knows the way. Every breath is a rep. Every rep builds self-trust.

I used to think I couldn’t trust myself — so much that I paid $10K a month to a coach to make every decision for me. What I didn’t realize was that self-trust isn’t a mindset issue, it’s a nervous system issue.

In this episode, I share how being a 2/4 Generator with emotional authority in Human Design and understanding the vagus nerve as your second brain helped me stop outsourcing my power. Then I’ll walk you through six science-backed resets you can use anytime you’re spiraling:

• Voice memo dump
• Emotional wave wait
• Gut-check breath
• Somatic sway test
• Micro-rep sprints
• Push + pull qigong

These are the nervous system reps that build trust in your own gut, your own rhythm, your own life. 
No more second-guessing, no outsourcing — just you proving to yourself that you can handle it.

(For more info on Human design, check out https://humandesignblueprint.com/

This episode is all about building self-trust and giving you affirmations that don’t suck ass balls.
I used to believe I couldn’t trust myself to make a single decision — so much so that I paid ten grand a month to a shady “expert” who convinced me I was helpless.
Spoiler: she was wrong. This episode is your crash course in building self-trust when your brain is screaming you’re screwing it all up — with affirmations that don’t suck ass balls.

15 MIN Guided Meditation
We all have that inner asshole — the voice that trash talks us, tells us nothing we do is enough, and drags us through bullshit stories we’d never say to anyone else. 
In this guided meditation, we’re not shutting that part down or pretending the inner asshole is not there. We’re meeting them. We’re asking what they're trying to protect us from, what they need to feel safe, and how we can finally stop letting them run the show.

When your inner asshole is on a rampage, no amount of “positive thinking” is gonna save you.
Self-worth doesn’t live in your head — it lives in your body.
This episode gives you quick, weird, nervous-system-friendly practices to shift the way you feel in real time: self-hugs, shoulder rubs, grounding breathwork, and one ridiculous roar that shakes the shame right out of your jaw.

You’ve been trash-talking yourself for years — calling yourself names you wouldn’t even say to your worst enemy.
I know, because I did it too. One day I called myself a “stupid fucking cunt” out loud in front of a client. She cried. T
hat moment CHANGED MY LIFE and showed me just how vicious my inner self-talk had become.

This episode isn’t fluffy, diabetes inducing, sugary-sweet affirmations you don’t believe. It’s gritty, nervous-system-approved ways to shift how you talk to yourself. 

 If you’ve ever felt like you’re failing, behind, or just generally being roasted alive by your own brain, this one’s for you.

This one’s for the days when your brain won’t shut the fuck up about how you’re behind, failing, or the world’s biggest screw-up.

We’ll ground, gather all that comparison bullshit into a ball, spin it fast, and launch it into the cosmos where it can’t touch you. 
Then we’ll call in what you actually need—compassion, safety, power—and anchor it into your body until it radiates through every inch of you.

Bottom line: comparison is a liar. Your body is the truth. And the truth is, you’re not behind—you’re right where you need to be.

Ever spiral so hard you’re sure everyone hates you and you’re failing at life?
Yeah. Been there.
Last week my nervous system flipped the “everything is fucked” switch, and logic wasn’t gonna save me.
This episode is all about nervous system resets you can use when your brain won’t shut the fuck up:

• Verbal Purge → trauma dump into a voice memo. Get the poison thoughts out of your head so they stop looping.
• Power Pumps + Breath of Fire → light up your core, reclaim your power, and stop feeling like comparison owns you.
• Qigong Flow → push away the bullshit, pull in what’s true. Slow movement that tells your body: “I’m safe. I’m mine.”

💥 Big takeaway: Comparison is a liar. Your nervous system can trick you into thinking you’re behind, unloved, and failing — but your body always tells the truth. And the truth is: you’re not behind. You’re exactly where you need to be.

This one’s for the days your brain won’t shut up about how you’re failing at life, everyone else is sprinting ahead, and you’re crawling in last place.

Spoiler: that’s not truth. 
That’s your nervous system on overdrive.
Comparison makes your amygdala scream “danger,” floods you with cortisol, and then dangles dopamine hits while you scroll yourself into shame. End result? You feel like shit in a race that doesn’t even exist.

In this episode:

• Why your brain lies about “falling behind.”
• How comparison hijacks your nervous system.
• Affirmations that don’t suck — to remind you your pace is not a problem, it’s protection.
• The truth: nobody’s ahead of you. They’re just on a different path.

💥 Big takeaway: Life isn’t a race. There’s no scoreboard. You are not late to your own life.