#39 Communicating with NEGATIVE PEOPLE – with HR expert Tamara Finlay

Working with difficult or negative people can be stressful. Learn reasons why people act so negatively and what you can do about it. Human Resources expert Tamara Finlay suggests diagnosing the issue using the SCARF model, then shares specific Do’s and Do-Not’s, depending on whether it is your peer, your subordinate or your boss.

?Printable Shownotes: https://talkabouttalk.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/SHOWNOTES-39-Negative-People.pdf

?Podcast:  https://talkabouttalk.com/39-negative-people

CONTENTS

*

Summary: Communicating with Negative People

*

References & Links

*

Dr. Andrea’s Introduction

*

Interview Transcript

*

Dr. Andrea’s Conclusion 

SUMMARY: Communicating with NEGATIVE PEOPLE

Context

* We are all working hard these days and sometimes we need to give each other a break. Things are changing rapidly, and it’s stressful.

* Yes, there should boundaries between work and personal life, but getting to know your colleagues When the going gets tough at work, personal relationships matter the most.  Your co-workers are going to choose to help you as a person, not just because of the job.

Diagnosing the Issue 

* Six Thinking Hats Model – Negative people can be helpful! Acknowledge that we need all of these perspectives (hats) to be most productive.  Try assigning hats to ensure all perspectives are included.

* Red is focused on emotions, Black is pessimist, Yellow is optimist, Green is focused on possibilities, Blue is focused on organizing, White is focused on information

* The SCARF Model – When people, including ourselves, believe that any of these are under threat, it can adversely affect behavior and turn us into “negative people”:

* SCARF stands for Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness

What to Do

* If it’s a PEER, get out of the office and talk with the colleague on a more personal level. Go out for coffee or lunch or go for a walk.  Get to know them.  As Tamara says, once when you know someone more on a personal level, it’s amazing how much better you can work together. Be compassionate and empathetic.  Try to find some common ground, a common goal.

* If it’s your SUBORDINATE. – Same as above, plus you can talk about the firm’s resources, expectations and values.

* If it’s your BOSS – then ask yourself two questions: (1.) Does this person’s values and behavior reflect those of the organization?  If yes, then you probably need to get out.  If no, then things usually have a way of sorting themselves out.  (2.) Are you learning things from working for this person? Try focusing on that in the meantime.

* DO NOT:

* Do NOT ignore it!

* Do NOT go to your boss or to HR unless 3 things have occurred: A) you’ve observed the behavior with your own eyes, (B) you haven’t been successful in resolving it on your own, and (C) it’s escalated in terms of impact.

* Do NOT gossip or talk to others about it unnecessarily. Do not compromise people’s privacy. Feedback and sensitive discussions should be in private.

References & Links

Tamara Finlay

* LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/tamarafinlay/

* Expert Interview on Talk About Talk episode #37: “Communication Media: Phone or Email?” – https://talkabouttalk.com/37-phone-or-email/