Connected Parenting

In this episode of Connected Parenting, I dive into a concept I call emotional glare—a phenomenon that every parent of a strong-willed, reactive child has likely experienced. If you have a sassy, feisty, gladiator child who seems to be in constant conflict with the world, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Emotional glare is what happens when you reflect back your child’s feelings, set limits, or share your own emotions—and instead of calming things down, it triggers an even bigger emotional explosion.

This episode unpacks why traditional parenting strategies often fail spectacularly with reactive children and offers solutions that actually work. We’ll explore ways to diffuse emotional glare, help your child build distress tolerance, and establish calm communication strategies that strengthen your relationship without escalating conflict.

Jennifer's Takeaways:

• Understanding Emotional Glare (00:00)
• Characteristics of Gladiator Kids (01:53)
• Common Parenting Strategies and Their Effects (04:08)
• The Calm Technique for Gladiator Kids (08:27)
• Handling Emotional Protests (12:10)
• Maintaining a Neutral Tone (14:51)

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

For most kids Halloween and the time leading up to it can be really fun and they love it. But for a lot of very sensitive children the feelings and reactions can be quite the opposite and extremely anxiety provoking.

Everywhere they look they are seeing scary images on every lawn, and on every commercial on television, there’s images of witches, ghouls and ghosts.

If this is something you are facing this Halloween season, then join me for this week’s episode to talk about what we can do as parents to support our more sensitive kids and help them when it comes to managing their thoughts and feelings surrounding what leads up to and comes with the trick or treating holiday of October 31st.

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

One of the most common things I hear from parents is, “What if I had found you sooner?”

It’s such a powerful question, and my answer is always the same—it’s never too late. Whether your kids are young, teenagers, or fully grown adults, repair is possible, and it can transform your relationships.

Parenting is a delicate dance between setting boundaries and nurturing your child’s emotional well-being. It’s challenging, especially when your child might be thrashing against the world or trapped in anxiety.

Repair helps bridge those moments when things don’t go as planned.

In this episode, I share personal stories and practical advice on how embracing connected parenting as a philosophy—not just a strategy—builds trust and stability within families. I also explain how the Calm Technique allows you to develop emotional capital, so even when things go off track (as they sometimes will), you can always find your way back to connection.

Jennifer's Takeaways:

• Understanding Repair in Connected Parenting (01:55)
• Situational Repair and Apologies (04:59)
• The Calm Technique and Its Components (07:38)
• Practicing Repair and Self-Regulation (11:17)
• The Flow of Connected Parenting (14:57)

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

In today’s guest series episode, I had an incredible conversation with Eli Harwood, a licensed therapist, attachment expert, and mother of three from Colorado. Eli has spent the past two decades immersing herself in attachment research and is on a mission to make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. We discussed the critical importance of attachment, co-regulation, and empathy as interventions in parenting, and how these can shape children's lives for the better.

Whether you’re a parent who already practices attachment or someone who is interested in learning more, this episode will give you insights into how to build stronger relationships and foster emotional security in your family. 

Tune in for an enlightening conversation that blends real-life experiences with actionable advice.

Jennifer's Takeaways:

• The power of attachment in raising secure, emotionally resilient children.
• Navigating your own upbringing and experiences to be the best parent you can be.
• Actionable tips for creating a connected, nurturing environment for your kids.

Meet Eli Harwood:

With a career spanning 17 years, I've devoted my life to the intricate art and science of attachment relationships. My mission is simple: to share this invaluable knowledge with you.

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://attachmentnerd.com/about

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

Welcome back, connected parents!

Today we’re diving into the fascinating world of the brain, specifically the Reticular Activation System (RAS). You might be wondering—what is the RAS, and why should it matter to you as a parent?

In this episode, we’ll explore how the RAS filters information and determines what we pay attention to, how it influences our reality, and more importantly unlock the secrets of this powerful brain system and learn strategies to make it a positive force in your parenting journey!

Jennifer's Takeaways:

• Understanding the RAS System (00:00)
• The Role of the RAS in Daily Life (02:45)
• Impact of Limiting Beliefs on the RAS (05:43)
• Practical Tips for Improving the RAS (09:29)

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

In this episode of Connected Parenting, we dive into the difficult topic of putting kids in the middle of adult conflicts.

It's tempting, especially in the heat of the moment, to say things like, "Did you see what daddy just did?" or "Can you believe your mother just talked to me like that?" Even though we know this isn't the right thing to do, it's a common mistake many parents make.

We'll explore why putting kids in the middle of disagreements creates an impossible situation for them and how it can affect their emotional well-being. More importantly, we’ll discuss strategies to avoid this behavior and healthier ways to handle conflict in front of your children.

Join me as we look at how to protect your kids from being caught in the crossfire of adult disputes while fostering a more positive family dynamic.

Jennifer's Takeaways:

• Normalizing Conflict and Modeling Emotional Recovery (02:15)
• Examining Personal Patterns and Using the Calm Technique (06:16)
• Using Sounding Boards and Managing Anger (08:38)
• Stimulating the Insula for Emotional Regulation (14:37)
• Repairing Relationships and Teaching Emotional Resilience (18:36)

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

In this episode of Connected Parenting, we’re diving deep into the world of gladiator kids—those feisty, strong-willed, and intensely challenging children who push back at every turn.

These spirited kids often test the limits, leaving parents feeling exhausted, judged, and overwhelmed. Parenting a gladiator child can be incredibly tough, and it’s a journey that demands understanding, patience, and a lot of support.

Join me as I explore what makes these kids tick, the unique challenges parents face, and practical strategies for managing their behavior without losing your own calm.

Whether you’ve heard my previous episodes on gladiator kids or are tuning in for the first time, this episode will provide fresh insights and tools to help navigate the daily battles—and find more peace along the way.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by parenting a strong-willed child, you’re not alone—this episode is for you.

Jennifer's Takeaways:

Understanding Gladiator Kids (00:00)

Gladiator Kids Are Change Makers (03:48)

What Parents Are Feeling (11:09)

Gladiator Kids Will Sabotage Themselves (12:06)

The Role of Parents and Children (20:11)

Characteristics and Challenges of Gladiator Kids (20:23)

Parental Emotions and Support (20:43)

Strategies for Parenting Gladiator Kids (21:02)

Connecting with the Child and Seeking Help (21:48)

Community and Support for Parents (24:58)

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

Whether it's tasting a new food, petting an unfamiliar dog, or watching a thrilling movie, each child faces unique challenges when it comes to taking risks.

But what if we could help them build the courage to face the new and unknown?

Imagine how those brief moments of bravery could boost their confidence and enrich their life experiences.

In this episode, we dive into the importance of strengthening this 'courage muscle' in children, especially those who are hesitant to take risks. We'll explore strategies to support them in trying new things, discovering joy, and overcoming their fears.

Jennifer's Takeaways:

Building a Child's Courage Muscle (00:00)

Starting the Conversation and Setting Small Goals (03:08)

The Role of Imagination and Visualization (04:34)

Acting It Out and Maintaining a Playful Approach (06:29)

Parental Support and Neutrality (07:26)

Creating an Accomplishment Book (09:13)

The Long-Term Nature of Parenting (10:07)

The Importance of Risk-Taking and Growth (10:57)

Resources and Support (11:39)

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

Seeing your child start school without friends, feeling isolated and disconnected, is incredibly tough as a parent.

It’s easy to feel helpless, but there are steps you can take to empower your child and guide them through this challenging time.

Let’s explore how you can support your child, manage your own emotions, and help create a positive path forward together.

Jennifer's Takeaways:

• Managing Your Own Emotions When Your Child Is Socially Struggling (00:00)
• The Importance of the Calm Technique (04:25)
• Strategies for Younger Children (10:47)
• Strategies for Tweens and Teens (12:00)
• Advanced Techniques for Social Anxiety (12:16)
• Supporting the Child's Social Skills Development (17:44)
• Resources and Final Thoughts (20:26)

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

For many kids, anxiety kicks in weeks before school even starts.

They begin to worry about who their teacher will be, who's in their class, and if they'll be able to handle the new challenges of the upcoming grade. The transition to high school is especially overwhelming, with so many adjustments to navigate.

During this time, kids can experience a mix of emotions—excitement to see their friends but also deep nervousness about the unknown. It’s important to let them know that these feelings are normal and can happen simultaneously.

Join me today as we explore tips and strategies to help our kids navigate the the start back to school.

Jennifer's Takeaways:

• Back to School Transition and Big Feelings (00:00)
• The Role of Oxytocin and Cortisol (02:49)
• Establishing Routines and Rituals (04:49)
• Predicting and Preparing for Challenges (05:49)
• Handling Social Adjustments and Building Resilience (11:53)
• Connecting with Children and Building Emotional Intelligence (14:19)
• Final Tips and Resources (14:32)

Meet Jennifer Kolari



Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.

Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.

Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.

Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.

One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).