Dad Starting Over

DSO responds to a question from a man named Nick who is frustrated with his wife's lack of contribution to household chores and responsibilities. Nick works long hours and comes home to clean, cook, and take care of their four children while his wife spends her time on the couch or surfing the web. DSO explains that this situation is not uncommon and suggests that Nick has inadvertently trained his wife to behave this way by not setting boundaries or demanding equal participation. He advises Nick to put his foot down and insist on change, as well as consider the possibility that his wife may be suffering from depression. DSO emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help and being patient throughout the process of addressing these issues.

Key Takeaways:

1. Lack of boundaries and inaction can lead to one partner taking on all household responsibilities.
2. Depression may be a factor in a partner's lack of motivation and contribution.
3. Seeking professional help and setting clear expectations are crucial for resolving these issues.

Quotes:

1. "You have trained this woman to do this stuff. Why? Because she did a little at a time, and you basically, with your inaction said, that's cool."
2. "Depression can manifest or present itself in a lot of different ways. And one of the most common ways is glued to the couch in action, not doing a damn thing."
3. "Put your foot down and say, enough is enough. We're going to get help with this."
4. "You have years of training. You've trained this dog to act a certain way, and suddenly tomorrow you're going to be like, you know all that training I gave you? Pet dog. Well, it's terrible."
5. "Don't just throw in the towel right away. Put in the old effort, the effort that goes beyond just being a yes man and trying to smooth things over and avoid conflict."

The DSO Fraternity

Lloyd is obviously not too happy with his love life to his wife of twenty years. He labels her as "avoidant", and their scheduled once-per-week intimacy sessions aren't panning out. What can he do?

A follower, JD, reaches out and shares a story that is, unfortunately, pretty common. His wife seems to have flipped out after enduring a pretty normal but negative life situation. Her father passed away. What does she do? She copes by getting attention and having sexual relations with people outside of the marriage. Not good! What JD does is a common thing: He frames the situation as, "Everything was fine up until the big life moment happened". With some honest reflection, he'll probably look back on their life together and uncover ALL KINDS of red flag moments throughout their history together. That's why JD needs to do the extra hard work of determining why he was initially attracted to and stayed attached to such a person. If he doesn't figure that out... he's going to do it again with the next one!

A follower shares the story of being stuck in a long-term dead bedroom relationship. He has worked on himself and tried like hell to repair the relationship, but the wife doesn't seem to care. And now, with this high status as a business owner/boss and with his newfound physical fitness, he has caught the eye of a younger woman. He's obviously already head over heels for the woman, but doesn't want to destroy his marriage. Or does he? Like most men in this situation, he is very conflicted.

A follower reaches out and tells the story of his wife who wants nothing more to do with him. It's time that he listens and stops hanging on...

You can ask DSO a question by filling out the form here: https://dadstartingover.com/dear-dso

A follower asks if I have ever heard about an affair saving a marriage. "John" says that he has been in a dead bedroom relationship for a while, tried all kinds to rekindle his marriage, but it wasn't until he actually stepped outside of his marriage that things seem to improve. Interesting! Let's talk about it.

You can submit your own question to Ralph/DSO here: https://dadstartingover.com/dear-dso

Something a little different for the Dad Starting Over world! I had the pleasure of chatting with one of my favorite business people, Daniel Priestley. Daniel is an entrepreneur, best-selling author and international speaker. Starting with nothing, he built successful multi-million dollar businesses in Australia, UK and Singapore.

Daniel and I chat about entrepreneurship and all the opportunities that are available to men out there who are looking to start up their own business.

Learn more about Daniel: https://danielpriestley.com/

It seems that everyone and their cousin has sent me the link to this video! This is a clip from a UK television show where a therapist sits down with a VERY typical dead bedroom couple. He wants more. She is too overwhelmed and busy with the new baby. As always, they both have a point. The man is completely clueless about how his old game plan for getting physical intimacy is done (just show up), and the wife doesn't realize that actual work is needed to stay connected as a couple. It's ok to prioritize your relationship.