Dad Starting Over

Some men can’t stop trying to “save” broken women. They think it’s love. They think it’s noble. But it’s an addiction — a way of escaping their own pain. In this episode, I read a powerful letter from a man trapped in the “White Knight” pattern and delivers some tough love on how rescuing others can destroy you, your marriage, and your peace of mind.

If you’ve ever tried to fix someone who didn’t want to be fixed, or confused pity for love, this one’s going to hit home.

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A lot of men direct all their anger toward the other guy — the affair partner — when they find out their wife cheated. I get it. It feels easier to hate the outsider than to face what your wife actually did. But at some point, we need to be honest about where the real responsibility lies.

In this episode, I respond to a man who wrote in saying he’s still furious at his wife’s affair partner, years after the infidelity ended. We talk about why misplaced anger keeps men stuck, why some “nice guys” absolve their wives of all wrongdoing, and what it really takes to let go and move forward.

We also get into his second question: why his wife, who cheated and moved out, still hasn’t followed through with the divorce. Spoiler — she doesn’t get to decide your future.

If you’ve ever struggled with letting go after betrayal, this one’s for you.
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In today’s Dear DSO episode, I read a letter from a guy I’ll call John. He’s reached the end of his rope. His wife drinks heavily, refuses therapy, hasn’t been intimate with him in years, and contributes nothing to the family or household. Meanwhile, John’s doing it all — cooking, cleaning, parenting, working full-time — and he’s still trying to “make it work.”

If you’ve ever found yourself trapped in a relationship like this, wondering what’s wrong with you for staying… this one’s going to hit home. I talk about why so many men hang on to something that’s clearly dead, the psychological trap that keeps them stuck, and why the real work isn’t about fixing her — it’s about fixing yourself.

I also share what I told John privately about the importance of therapy, male friendships, and finding a group of men who will call you out and help you rebuild your life.

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👉 Get early access to my upcoming book REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man: helpformen.com/rebuild

In this episode, I share a powerful story from a listener who has lived through 17 years of marital chaos. On paper, he’s a hardworking, successful man—a career in medicine, a thriving real estate business, and five kids. But behind the scenes, his marriage has been a war zone: false accusations, secret fertility treatments, volatility, and finally his wife moving three hours away with the children.

In the middle of all this, he admits he lost himself—turning to affairs and even escorting—becoming a man he barely recognizes. Now, with his teenage daughter reaching out about her mother’s abuse, he’s finally facing the truth and taking steps to fight for custody.

This is a raw reminder that living in dysfunction doesn’t make you stronger—it makes you weaker. If you’re in chaos, you need to draw the line before you lose everything, including yourself.

Submit your own story: deardso.com
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In this episode, I respond to a listener email from a man who caught his wife sneaking around with ‘just a friend.’ Even when confronted, she flips it on him and calls him insecure. Why do cheaters deny and gaslight instead of owning up? I break it all down—and talk about what men need to do in this situation.

Submit your own story to Dear DSO.
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In this episode, I respond to a listener email from a man whose wife left him after 33 years of marriage. She had an affair, moved 2,000 miles away, and says she’s finally living for herself. Is this midlife crisis? Perimenopause? Or just long-simmering resentment finally boiling over? I break it all down—and more importantly, talk about what men can do when blindsided like this.

Submit your own story to Deardso.com
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A man wrote in after 30+ years of marriage. Three kids, a successful career, a busy and interesting life—he’s fit, adventurous, and still chasing growth at 61 years old.

The problem? His wife has completely checked out sexually. No intimacy, no affection, not even a kiss on the cheek. Even hormone therapy hasn’t changed anything. He loves her, doesn’t want divorce, but he’s dying inside.

I got a “Dear DSO” email from a guy who, on paper, checks every single box: tall, fit, wealthy, educated, successful, funny, a family man… and yet, his wife treats sex like a chore. She’s overweight, disengaged, and more interested in romance novels than her husband.

His question: If you’re not a porn star, is this just the life you have to accept?

Most of the guys who find their way to my videos have two things in common: their relationship is falling apart… and their brain feels like a blender stuck on “purée.”

Turns out, a huge number of men struggling with marriage or divorce also have undiagnosed ADHD. In this video, I break down the real signs of adult ADHD in men—no TikTok self-diagnosing nonsense—and show how it wrecks your relationships, ramps up obsession, fuels hypersexuality, and often overlaps with autism.

I also talk about what you can do without burning your life down or living in a van to find inner peace. Spoiler: you're not broken. But understanding how your brain works might just save your marriage—or your sanity.

👇 If this hit close to home, you’re not alone:

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A guy books an emergency coaching call. Says his marriage is hanging by a thread. He's sleeping in the guest room. She won’t talk to him. Full panic mode.

Then when we finally meet?
 “Oh… never mind. We had sex last night. I think we’re good now.”

Let me tell you something, fellas — if a single act of pity sex is enough to make you cancel your plan to fix your marriage… then the marriage was never getting fixed in the first place.

In this video, we’re talking about:

• Why post-conflict sex feels like a miracle cure (but isn’t)
• The illusion of progress vs. real connection
• How men get addicted to “sexual relief” instead of doing the work
• And why you should never cancel your damn coaching session

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Read the book that started it all: https://deadbedroomfix.com
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