Delight Your Marriage

"Betrayal to a marriage is what dynamite is to a door" says Gary Thomas.

Obliterating all trust, safety, dreams...

Could there be hope?

Could there be restoration?

And...

How could this have been prevented?

This is what we discuss on today's episode.

If these are your questions, Gary gives a lot of insight I think you'll want to listen in to.

What can you do as a couple to right the ship?

What can you as a couple do to come together and see how to build your marriage with strength and solidness -- keeping any explosives far, far away.

Check out Gary's work and his new book at garythomas.com -- (also he has many other books that you'll want to check out!)

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS -- We'd love to help you heal your marriage no matter what the issue is, and if you're looking for a program to come alongside other men and/or women, I invite you to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to speak to a Clarity Advisor to see how we can support you.

PPS -- A recent grad wrote: "Massively improved our marriage. Brought me closer to God. Helped me see my wife in an entirely different way. Set us on a path to healing. Facilitate mind-blowing, real-deal sexual intimacy... ...filled with lots of explanations of what and why things need to occur, but it's also very heavy on HOW to do things, which is missing from all other marriage content out there. Plus, Belah's insight is extraordinary. I never once questioned if what I spent on MR was worth it, because without question it was." Husband or wife, sign up for a Clarity Call now: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Are you getting close to marriage and the looming thought of a healthy sex life gives anxiety?

I invite you to listen in to these two women who were virgins when they got engaged (one is now married) and hear how they processed through the anxiety.

And now on the other side of the program, they have a confidence and a relaxed sense around something that used to be very difficult to even think about.

Maybe you or someone you know needs insights around marriage and intimacy before they start this journey.

I hope this conversation blesses and encourages you!

Belah

PS -- If you want to see how we can serve you in your particular situation, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - A woman in the Delighted Wife program shared this recently:

This programme is Christ-centred, led by an amazing loving, wise, compassionate, trustworthy team.

They have all 'been there' in marriage challenges themselves so speak with humility and empathy. There's lots of laughter too which is so good.

This programme is about sex but so much more. If a person engages and does the work it will be deeply transformational. This may not be in the way they expect...

I wish I had this programme just before and in the early years of our marriage.

Enrollment for the program closes tonight, Masculinity Reclaimed delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

-----

Today's podcast episode...

If perverted masculinity is overly aggressive or on the other side, overly passive... what is it actually SUPPOSED to look like?

What is a strong man?

What is a true man of God?

What is the masculinity God desires of you?

That's the topic Kyle and I discuss today.

Lots of really fresh ideas, insights, frameworks, and also very, very old ways of viewing the nature of how God designed men.

Kyle is super -- you're going to love his insights and heart after the Lord.

Gosh, I'm excited for you to hear what it's all about!

If you've been praying about our 3-month program, Masculinity Reclaimed...

the program CLOSES TONIGHT, if you'd like to join, now is your time...

delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Wow -- God is so good.

Men are joining the 3-month program Masculinity Reclaimed because they're ready to become the men that God has called them to be (and as it turns out... that is very attractive to their wives... the results are intimate, as you'll hear.)

I want you to listen to these transformation stories (several shortened stories that haven't been on the podcast before, so you can hear what God is doing!)

If you're ready to take the leap and say I am going to risk the money and invest the time and effort for the next 3 months to see the results that God is clearly doing in others' lives and marriages

I invite you to check out all the details and register here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Prayers of hope for you,

Belah & Delight Your Marriage team

PS -- If you are moved at all by these transformations, I encourage you to check out the details here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Is Jesus the Lord of your life in EVERY area?

Are you trusting God in everything except your marriage?

Are you saying, "Yes, I will follow," but then when Jesus says to sacrifice for your spouse, that's where you draw the line to do it your own way?

Is your emotional intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

Is your spiritual intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

Is your physical intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

Or, have you decided (like I too often do, sadly) "God, in this area, I can do it my way"?

God is really interested in your marriage.

Your spouse is the closest relationship to you.

Whom you can influence the most -- and they influence you the most.

So... if you decide to do marriage your own way, that's a big deal.

I was recently reminded that when I don't TRUST God, I suffer... often, unnecessarily.

When I don't trust God, and I try to do it my own way...the work that God was in the middle of doing -- behind the scenes -- I can ROYALLY mess up!

The lesson I invite you to learn from my fumble is: TRUST God in your situation.

TRUST God in the way He set up marriage and your role (husband and wife) and witness God move in your

emotional

spiritual

and

physical

intimacy.

He has a way. If you're suffering doing it His way, there is a reward on this side (or the other side) of eternity.

But, as I was reminded of, we may suffer because we are doing it OUR way. And I encourage you to make sure you're doing it His way.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you ARE doing your marriage and intimacy God's way, so you and your wife don't unnecessarily suffer.

(That's the biggest sadness I see with men I work with, they didn't have to suffer, they just didn't know...)

This is where I (shamelessly) plug our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! (Because I know it can help you!)

We are in the middle of it, but there's just enough time for you to catch up - if you sign up now. It won't be available much longer -- delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

(Also, if you already know you're going to join the 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed Program, we officially open enrollment Saturday, September 17 -- if you join the first day you get an extra Kick Start training -- where I'd love to spend time walking you through how to "win" MR and get yourself set up for amazing success -- by God's grace. You can join right away here: Masculinity Reclaimed Coaching Program)

If you don't need help in your marriage -- will you pray for this free training -- that the men who need hope would sign on and witness God's transformation for many? And most importantly, that each man would draw closer to Jesus.

Thank you for your prayers.

May God help you to TRUST Him in your specific situation. He continues to teach me, and I hope that encourages you!

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS -- The free men's training is going away soon. Sign up, and catch up here: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

**Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course is starting Monday, September 12, 2022 -- it's on-demand training but will only be available for about a week, so register now: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining**

--

I've been posting a lot of resources for men, so this one is for the ladies (and the curious men :)

I used to be very confused on what my husband needed from me. A lot of women that I have worked with feel like it comes down to a clean house, hot meals and happy kids.

And when that's not enough for him, it feels very unfair. That she is doing ALL of this and he's still grumpy and unsatisfied.

She may even have intimacy as a part of their lives, but he still doesn't seem to care.

What is missing?

Well, it took a while, but by God's grace through trial and error, learning from mentors, books and courses... now I'm at a spot where I can give you the keys I wish I had!

And I made it into a handy acronym so it's easy to remember:

RAWS.

Super simple. But, not easy.

See that's God kindness. I've noticed, that in order to love our spouse well, we wives have to deny ourselves and choose to love our God-given assignment (our husband).

And that choice, every day, makes us more like Him.

He's not like us, he's not designed like us. God made your husband unique and special.

And it's my privilege to let you hear from my husband and what he recommends to us.

Also, for the curious gents who plan to listen -- he's got some GREAT advice for you too!

I hope this blesses you!

Love,

Belah

PS -- Women if you want to go further in this, we have a community of women who support and love each other on this journey to heal their marriage, honor God, and love well. If you're interested to find out if this is right for you, sign up for a Clarity Call and a kind, empathetic Clarity Advisor will listen to your story and be able to give you guidance on your next steps. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS -- For the men who want direction for your next steps, join the free Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course, which is starting on Monday, September 12, 2022.

It's an on-demand training but has lots of interactive bells and whistles. It'll only be available for about a week, so register now! delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

(My boys make an audio appearance on today's episode).

I thought it was appropriate because Robert and I both got choked up towards the end of this interview -- you'll hear why.

Robert has more kids than me. Not 2, 3, 4 or 5... He has 7.

Robert also has about 7 times more energy than I do. Which is why I'd like him to write a book. (Please, Robert, we all need it.)

His wife was actually the one who invited him to Delight Your Marriage. And felt sure he would learn what he needed for her.

And... I have got to hand it to her :) I think she was right!

But I also have to hand it to Robert, because he totally humbled himself, did the work.

Changed himself -- and God did beautiful things in their marriage!

I can't wait for you to listen in to their story!

If you're a husband -- he gives tons of ideas and thoughts about what you can do to change things.

He started his journey with the free training, that we're offering just around the corner -- September 12, 2022. You'll need to be signed up -- you can do so here.

Love and Blessings,

Belah

PS -- You might tear up too.

PPS -- Gents, grab a tissue while you sign up for the free training!

Or if you're a lady or a gent, and you want to get on a call 1:1 to see how we can help you, you can sign up for a Clarity Call here.

From a past of pain and hurt Reed realized he needed healing.

His first wife left him after twenty years. He then found out that she had had several extramarital affairs.

Completely devastating. And left him with 5 kids to raise on his own.

Now, God be praised. He is remarried -- his wife is utterly wonderful. They had a really good marriage.

But he realized, the areas of his marriage that were not fully there around intimacy had to do with his woundedness from the past.

He is in full-time ministry and heard God encourage him to take the program for himself. Not for others -- but he needed healing.

And as he did the work of the program, his heart healed and his marriage did to -- in the ways he didn't even realize it was lacking.

I want to share his story because -- you might be like Reed.

Maybe you've done the right things for a LONG time... and you are hurt. And you are wounded. And you have rightfully, steadfastly done the good work.

And yet...

And yet...

I want you to have hope through Reed's story. He not only shares his story -- but he also shares his process for healing. He gives lots of practicals!

He started by taking the free course: Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations (starting again Sept 12, 2022) -- and then decided to go forward with the full 3 month program.

I am excited for you to get inspired by Reed's heart for the Lord and for his marriage and intimacy shifts because of the healing God brought in his heart.

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS -- We would love to have you on the Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations free training right around the corner -- sign up before you forget: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Reed began his healing through the free course.

PSS -- Seriously go register! :) But seriously... delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

An episode for a struggling husband -- or his wife.

To give you hope.

See, if you don't know what is the root of a behavior it's very hard to "white knuckle" yourself out of the behavior.

Therapist Sam Tielemans specializes in helping couples who have suffered through the pain of porn addiction.

He gives the specific reasons he sees over and over again at his practice (in Las Vegas of all places!) what is at the root of the porn addiction.

Why does he keep going back?

Why is he overwhelmed by shame but can't seem to stop?

And for the wife, how can she find healing in this?

Could she understand this addiction to see that the behavior is covering up the pain?

Should she have boundaries, and what should those be (we touch lightly on this -- there's a lot more depth we'll go into in the ladies program -- if you're interested, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc so we can support you).

For the man listening, Jesus took your sin. If you accept his sacrifice -- you are clean. Whiter than snow. As though it never happened.

You can walk with that confidence.

We speak more about it -- but if you only read this -- I want you to know the truth.

Jesus took your sin (yes, this is a bad sin). But HE -- the God of the universe -- died for it.

Don't keep the sin and pay the price of shame anymore -- God came to die to pay the price FOR YOU.

The gift you don't deserve.

That's the good news.

As a person who was addicted to porn for years, I know you can walk in victory, too.

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- The men's training is coming up! All new videos and fresh training for you. I can't wait! It all starts September 12, 2022 -- sign up delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Ladies -- if you want to witness your marriage transform -- go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc and get on a Clarity Call to see how we can help you.

PPS -- Sign up before you forget! It'll be gone before you realize it!

We invite you to listen in to Jameson's story.

Jameson participated in the free MR Foundations course that we offered in March 2022, and then decided to enroll in the full Masculinity Reclaimed course. (We're offering the free course very soon for a very limited time - Sept. 12th! Sign up here!)

Having a good marriage, but wanting to take it to the next level, he learned of the free course and signed up for it.

One of the first lessons in the free course "wrecked me," Jameson said. He realized that he had more work to do on himself than he had realized. The deep reflection caused him to see things that he couldn't see before.

Another cool thing Jameson shared as an unexpected, but also "biggest game changer" result of him taking the Masculinity Reclaimed course, "was me growing with God."

"I wish I could make everyone take the course." ~Jameson

One important thing to remember about Jameson is that his wife joined the women's program AFTER he did the work on himself. She was incredibly impressed with the results and wanted to join him in the journey! He said there's no chance she would have done the program on her end had he not gone first. And he's very grateful – by God's grace – that things transformed.

If you're doubting that things can ever really change, check out Jameson's story. God can and does do powerful things in marriages and we invite you to have faith to believe that God CAN move in your marriage...through YOU!

Come join us for the free sampler course...what do you have to lose? God cares about you and your marriage and we do, too! Sign up here.