Delight Your Marriage

Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!

Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?

Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?

And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator's intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?

The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn't a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!

If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?

Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn't fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We've seen it! We've experienced it!

Here at Delight Your Marriage, God has blessed Belah with a lot of really good advice and encouragement for couples in this specific arena. Yes! There are principles that we can learn and apply to help us grow in our relationships - not just in the area of sexual intimacy, but in the overall connection within our marriage. This is what Delight Your Marriage is all about!

Okay, now this is THE bonus piece of information here that we hope you don't miss because it can be cliche or common to our ears: THE key of loving others well is to be filled up with Jesus' love and to lean into loving Him well! He IS love! As we grow in His love, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more abundant in OUR lives! I Cor. 14:1 "Pursue love…"

Would you pause right there and snatch that and think on it for a bit? I'm dead serious!

You know, we're similar to a tree. Have you seen a branch on a tree that is partly broken off? What does the branch generally look like? A lot of times the leaves are shriveling up, right? The health of the branch is directly correlated to how well the branch is connected to the trunk of the tree.

Are we feeling shriveled up? Are we feeling unfruitful? Are we struggling to experience the abundant life that Jesus has offered to us? …That's a good gauge that we need to check our attachment to The Vine.

Do you need some guidance, accountability, and encouragement to grow in these areas? We want to help you!

We're SO excited to announce we are offering a FREE men's course - it will only be available for a very short time! We offer this only a few times/year. March 28th is when the first lesson will be released. Sign up here if you want to join us!

I promise I didn't put them up to this... But I was nervous about what they'd say, so I asked if they'd let me hear it before it went live. Golly... made me blush and eyes water. It meant a lot to me. But more than that, I hope you feel like you've been invited into our DYM family virtual living room and know that we love you and we care about you. This DYM Team is truly amazing. I am honored and blessed to be a part of others doing this amazing work. I just came back from sabbatical this week, and things are better than when I left :) So, God is working through these wonderful individuals and I'm so glad you finally get to meet: Dana, Darcy, Kevin, Vikas, Kyle, and Ali! I believe that you'll be encouraged to hear more of their stories and their work. May it comfort you! (If it can happen for them, it can happen for you! Don't lose heart!) Love & Blessings, Belah

PS -- if you'd like to witness your marriage transform as these team members have (all of them saw dramatic changes in their marriages due to the DYM programs) then get on a call with one of our Clarity Advisors to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Have you lost hope of your marriage EVER changing? You're not alone! Many who come to Delight Your Marriage (DYM) have all but given up on their marriages. Some who come here, are separated and/or on the verge of divorce.

Many others, have good marriages but want an even better one!

In regard to the specific challenges that Minister Matt and his wife experienced in their marriage, he shares, "I kind of resigned myself to, 'That's what it is and this is how it's going to be.'"

After finding Delight Your Marriage, "It gave me hope for the first time in a long time."

Minister Matt found the supportive community within DYM to be a key factor to helping guys to continue moving in the right direction.

For those of you who are in ministry and feel somewhat isolated to get the help you need in your marriage, DYM is the ideal place to come!

Your marriages are likely under a higher level of enemy attack because of your position as a leader in your church or ministry.

We welcome you and offer a safe and godly environment to get the support and help that you need! We love you and want to pour into you and your marriage to release you to better serve in the critical work that you are doing!

Thank you pastors and church leaders for your work! Don't suffer and struggle in silence, don't settle for defeat in your marriage...FIGHT for your marriage, knowing that the battle is with the principalities and powers of the darkness and not a physical battle! DYM will help support you in the battle for your heart, your marriage, and your family!

One of the coolest things that I loved about what Pastor Matt shares on this podcast is that He felt God's encouragement in this pursuit to learn to love his wife well and grow in intimacy with her but He also challenged Pastor Matt that he and God were going to grow in intimacy at the same time!

God longs for our heart and devotion, just as we long for the heart and devotion of our spouse! This is an earnest pursuit for us here at DYM...the heart of God - as He has already pursued us!! Would you like to join us?

We WELCOME you! Schedule a free call with one of our advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

How would you rate intimacy in your marriage…any type of intimacy?

Do you wonder why intimacy is such a difficult topic in marriage? Do you wish you could understand why husbands and wives see this topic so differently?

How do you know if you're off target in how you relate to your spouse?

Maybe you feel like you're not the one with a problem, it's your spouse…

"You don't know what you don't know!"

Listen in as Pastor Luke shares how things that he thought he knew and had a handle on, had a whole new light shone on them in Masculinity Reclaimed. He also discovered that some things that he had once found confusing, now seem so clear!

Pastor Luke explains why he thinks Delight Your Marriage is effective, "It's easy for women to understand how women feel. It's easy for men to understand how men feel, but if you can find a man who understands women or women who understand men, I think they have a responsibility to help bridge that gap. Belah has it and she is living into that responsibility. She is bridging the gap for men and for women to understand each other and understand how they are different and understand sexuality. What a blessing!"

So, you've been hearing about this Masculinity Reclaimed course and wonder just how effective it is. Pastor Luke shares his observation of others in the course with him…

"Twelve weeks is not a lot of time but I think probably every guy was experiencing some change, if not like insane amounts of change over twelve weeks, from just following these simple principles consistently."

Pastor Luke also says, "The cost was well worth it. I would pay it again…The value was there. The quality was there. The group time with Belah was there…It was worth every single penny. What would you pay to have your marriage filled with intimacy?...I would be really, REALLY surprised if you regretted it after the program."

We're here because God cares about marriages and He has equipped Belah and the team here at DYM to help marriages! He loves you and wants to heal and redeem your brokenness! All who are weak and heavy laden, come find rest at our Savior's feet!

We invite you to schedule a free call with one of our course advisors to see if we're a good fit for you.

"I wish I could have done this course before I got married." - Pastor Bennie

This is a statement that we commonly hear at DYM. Whether a marriage is good or bad, whether couples have been married many years or few, marriage after marriage has been profoundly impacted through DYM - praise God!

In this podcast, Pastor Bennie shares about his personal experience taking Masculinity Reclaimed - DYM's main coursework for husbands.

He shares how the course helped him to better understand and love his wife and helps to address heart issues - which is the root of the problem to begin with.

Pastor Bennie shares about the "massive" changes that he and other men in the course with him experienced while progressing through the course.

You know, I don't know where you are in your marriage right now, but I would want for every marriage out there the great results that SO many couples are experiencing here at DYM!

We invite you to consider if this may be the place for you to find breakthrough or even just a brand new level of great in your marriage. It has been that way for all of us on the DYM team, and we love sharing our new normal with everyone else...because you just can't help but share things that have totally changed your life!

You don't have to just take our word for it, Pastor Bennie and so many others have shared their stories, too! We would love for YOU to experience a better, richer marriage, too, so come on in and join us!!

delightyourmarriage.com/cc - I invite you to schedule a free call with our course advisor to investigate if DYM may be the right fit for you.

"She felt he was pushing her towards sex and she would pull away and it would make him angry".

After 37 years of marriage, God has done a work in their marriage. Even though they were best friends, this was something that was always this "friction" between them.

She felt like she was up against a wall all the time and being pushed caused her to have no libido.

She had never, ever spoken to ANYONE about sex, ever. And she said now she is able to speak about it. After 37 years of questions and pain, now she's feeling healing.

He thought he was expressing his heart and it was just pushing me farther from him sexually.

She says this freedom in intimacy "impacts everything".

I think this will give you so much hope and insights into what you can do as a husband, and how you can be encouraged as a wife.

God is still transforming hearts!

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you'd like to find out if a program that Julie was discussing that she or her husband went through, join us on a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to speak to a Clarity Advisor (a $300 value, for free) to determine if we can help you like Julie.

What a fantastic interview with Gary Thomas!

If you're not familiar with him yet, I think you'll be glad that you are now!

Gary has a book: Married Sex -- to add to the other books that have been such a perspective shift for me and many I know. His heart is specifically about God's design for marriage as an opportunity to grow closer to Him.

I want to share one specific phrase, the tagline of his bestseller Sacred Marriage, "What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" That inspires me and encourages me away from secular values and norms, and provokes me to be more aligned with God's will and desires.

But know, dear listener, he believes that enjoyable and pleasurable sex is a great part of God's plan!

How? Well, we talk about tools and tips and understandings around sex and the differences in men and women that can give you a whole different view of what God intended sex to be.

Gary helps people open their hearts to more. And because you can see so clearly his pursuit for the Lord, it helps to hear him say some things about sex that you might otherwise think are not "appropriate" for a holy person. But the truth is they are and so much more joy can be had in this realm.

Do pick up his book Married Sex and check out more of his work at garythomas.com

It was a true honor to get to speak to Gary in person as I have admired his work from afar. It really has been a huge blessing to me, my understanding of God as well as grace, joy and respect for my own husband. I'm excited for you to get to know him better!

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you'd like to find out more about Delight Your Marriage accountability-based programs and live coaching, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com and click on Clarity Calls or other free resources.

Do you ever feel humbled by your mistakes?

Do you ever feel flat-out humiliated?

Oh my, do I fall into that sometimes!

I think the enemy feels glad about that -- and then the shame he heaps upon us while we're recognizing the mistake (and maybe the enormity of it.)

And that's when God's truth (as Kyle, DYM Mentor, reminded me of yesterday) is so helpful.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

See, when we go out of our comfort zone and try to do God's work, we're going to trip. And that's normal.

One reason I hope and pray that you have seen me trip is so that you can have more courage to get out there and do something that God has called you to do also.

It takes courage, and we're going to trip. I'll raise my hand to that.

We're going to mess up.

But the nice thing is God is present and He is helping us to get up and get better over and over again.

Note: Perfection isn't even a real possibility anyway -- who gets to decide what "perfect" even is? Who are we trying to impress, really? Which of the billions of humans' opinions are you going to listen to? And what if their opinion changes?

But if you say, "I'm going to do my best. I'm going to do something bold". You're gonna mess up sometimes. And it's good!

It feels terrible though. But that means you're still living. Just like a plant, if you're growing it means you're living.

We have to own it and clean up the mess we made, but thank God you're not perfect and you're still growing.

Also, the great thing about God, is that He may reveal your imperfections to those who admire you, for the reason that they need to see you as "not God".

They need to see God as God and you as a humble, imperfect servant who is just trying their best to make Him proud.

So...

Bravo to you. You're out there! You're doing it!

We're not perfect. We're making a mess, but we're cleaning it up and trying to move forward a bit wiser and more compassionate next time.

(Also, if you want to see someone "making a mess in public" check out our website right now: delightyourmarriage.com

We're in the middle of a refresh. And it's definitely in the "getting there" mode.

Why didn't we put an "under construction" sign up and reveal once it's perfect? Well, then I would be taking away a lot of ways I serve you, plus how interesting is it to walk into someone's workshop and see what they're tinkering with as it happens? So, you're welcome to see how we're tinkering :)

Wishing you a fantastic rest of your day, may this episode bless you and give you courage!

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- If you'd like your marriage to go from ok even good to wonderful -- we'd love to help! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

This is a resource to invite your wife to Delight Your Marriage, and to me, Belah Rose.

I would love for you, husband, to listen first and see if you might use this as a warm introduction to my material.

It's so easy to see words on a page and be repelled by it, but it's far better for us to get to know each other on a personal level and I'm hoping that's what this episode allows for.

(For those who have already gone through MR1 -- or are the recent graduating class -- I especially made this for you!)

If you've done the work on yourself, I think it makes sense to pray and ask God for His timing and see if this might be a tool that He can use for a brief and positive introduction to the work.

The work that is transforming families and marriages around the world -- by God's grace!

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- If you'd like your marriage to have the passion (even if you're really great friends right now), then you need to chat with one of our Clarity Advisors.

Allow them to hear your story and see if a program could truly make the change you're seeking. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

I think we often forget about the power of words. Especially if the "party" we're talking about isn't present.

But what about the "party" that is present?

Here's a true saying: "those who talk to you about others, will talk to others about you".

And when your spouse hears you judge another person, they may feel glad that you consider them a confidant.

But the problem is, they also get to hear what kind of person you are.

They understand if you judge others, you're going to judge them the same way.

And judging outside of the bedroom means judging inside of the bedroom.

A judging mindset doesn't stop when you get in the sheets -- and your spouse knows it.

And specifically, women, can't feel safe and free if she knows she's sharing a mattress with a meany.

Then, Jesus has some pretty scary things to say about our words:

"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken."

Yikes!

Who needs to go delete a few social media posts (or dozens?), amazon reviews, apologize to our spouse/kids/family/friends/acquaintances/coworkers, and repent bitterly for the silly nonsense we say!?

Gossip. Slander. Criticism.

Lord have mercy.

This episode is a message to encourage all of us to watch our tongue.

Or... keyboards.

(Regardless of how many followers someone has... you may be reading/listening to plain-old gossip.

And it's on each of us to look away from the "juicy slander" and recognize it for what it is and recognize that the speaker will have to give an account for it.)

This episode is a message is to remember the power of the tongue.

In James, he says A FOREST FIRE is ignited through it.

I want to challenge our cultural norm to say.... all sorts of immature things :) I can only say that with a knowing through experience expression.

Thank you, dear listener...

...for always wanting to grow.

...for always trying to do better.

...for always wanting to make God proud of you.

Bravo -- and good on ya!

Have a great weekend.

Love and Blessings,

Belah

PS -- You need help in your marriage? You know where to find us! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

We'll get on a call with you and see how we can support you to transform your marriage to peace, playful, and passion <3