Dial Emma

This week we’re looking at the theme of Responsibility, how we feel about it, and how its meaning might change for us over time.

Whether it begins with a badge on our blazers or a ticket to teenage independence, being given responsibility might not always be such a gift, when it later brings with it the added pressures of work, or the task of emotionally regulating the people we live alongside.

We suggest that it might be wiser to take responsibility in our lives, rather than be given it, and for our sense of duty to deliver on the values that lie within ourselves, rather than be employed to meet the needs of others.

We talk about the dangers of outsourcing responsibility to others and how gaslighting and toxic relationships can get set up, and we discuss the impact of an outdated and patriarchal sense of responsibility for others, when all we can ever usefully offer is a sense of responsibility to the people we care about.

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Elizabeth references the Changes podcast, hosted by Annie Macmanus, in which she interviews Zadie Smith: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/zadie-smith/id1465937091?i=1000626637952

And she generously crowbars in a reference to Emma’s new book, called “What Am I Missing: The Four Blind Spots that are Holding You Back, and How to Overcome Them” - out in April 2024 and available to pre-order now: https://amzn.eu/d/6yuHeXV

Oh, and she also takes us back to Aristotle, because she’s a historian at heart.

Emma shares her most wholesome of weekends and, should you find yourself in Hampshire and keen to become more “manipulate”, you too can check out the wonderful workshops hosted by @alicecrowe_ceramics, @nicepearceramics and @rushmerefarm.

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

We’re back with Season 6 of Best Friend Therapy and we are overjoyed to be in your ears again!
In fact we're feeling so damn positive about life right now, we thought we'd kick off with a conversation about whether positivity can ever be negative... or even toxic?


There’s nothing wrong with looking on the bright side of life, or tackling challenges with optimism and a positive mental attitude. But we wonder whether there is a role for taking our time to get there in certain situations, to feel heard first (by ourselves and others) and to feel validated in the truth of what is, even when it’s not as we would wish. And whether we can trip ourselves up with the pressures to be positive and feel like we’re failing, when really what we’re acknowledging is the complicated, nuanced, conflicted reality of life. To quote our very own Elizabeth Day, “life is texture” and striving to be overly positive, at the cost of authenticity, can make us more fearful of the darker feelings that are an inevitable part of the human condition.

Elizabeth introduces us to the view of Zadie Smith that tells us our pain can run in parallel to others’ experiences and Emma questions whether this season of Married at First Sight sees its participants setting themselves up to fail with their "good vibes only". Never let it be said that we don’t draw on a diverse range of sources in our research for BFT.

We hope our conversation puts a smile on your face but, if it doesn't, cheer up, it might never happen!

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Elizabeth quotes Zadie Smith's "Intimations": https://www.waterstones.com/book/intimations/zadie-smith/9780241492383

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

It's that time again, it's our season finale!

And this week on Best Friend Therapy, we thought it fitting to send you into the break with an episode all about uncertain times.

We explore how cultural events such as the pandemic, the cost of living crisis and economic uncertainty can manifest in anxiety, and we also examine the potential for growth and change therein.

We suggest that certainty might not be the only antidote to uncertainty, if we can find other ways to settle and soothe our nervous systems.

Emma helps us recognise the difference between dread and excitement and Elizabeth explains why she's always nice to Siri.

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Elizabeth talks about ClearScore and you can find out more about how they can help at: https://www.clearscore.com

Emma references the research of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and you can read more about her life and work at: https://www.ekrfoundation.org/elisabeth-kubler-ross/

If you're struggling with uncertainty, below are some services that might be able to help:

Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/using-this-tool/
Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org
Citizens Advice Bureau: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Join us for this season's live therapy experience, with our glamorous assistant/guinea pig, Elizabeth Day!

This week, Emma blends techniques from Neuro Linguistic Programming and timeline therapy to guide Elizabeth back through some significant experiences, in order to identify an unmet need or missing piece that might still hold her back today.

You'll hear a guided visualisation that reframes past experiences in a way that can heal past hurt, and shows you what to look for in future.

Listen along to Elizabeth's journey or try it for yourself, and let us know what you learn along the way!

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The original Time Line Therapy is a NLP based technique, developed by Master NLP and Hypnosis Trainer, Tad James: https://www.nlpcoaching.com/tad-james-m-s-ph-d-transformational-leader/

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

This week we are talking about how we can tune in to our 'inner child'. Or, at least, we're attempting to because Elizabeth has so far found her inner child to be quite elusive and the prospect of dancing on the beach to be a bit cringe.

We come to the conclusion that inner child work might actually be about learning to trust our intuition and accept our wants and needs exactly as they are, with no judgment, and to give ourselves permission to play in whichever way we find comfortable - even if that looks like a Hippo bag for Emma and a dose of reality TV (rather than a skip along the sand) for Elizabeth.

Inner child work helps us to identify how we feel and what we need, so that we can 'reparent' ourselves as grown-ups, and releases us from the idea that there is a right and wrong way to feel freedom and joy.

What is your idea of fun? How do you like to play? Are you paying attention to the wisdom of your inner child?

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Emma references Lucia Capacchione's book "Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self" https://amzn.eu/d/5S6v9Er

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

TW; discussions around suicide.

This week we are talking about gaslighting, where the term originates from and how it has helped us name a particular type of coercive control.

We also talk about how it has been more recently adopted in casual conversation and how therapy talk doesn't always serve us when it’s overused or taken out of context.

As always, our insights are informed by popular culture - namely the Archers, Jury Duty and Married at First Sight Australia (we’re talking to you, Harrison).

We cover gaslighting as it appears in romantic relationships, but also how it can show up in friendships, family dynamics and broader society.

Emma takes us through a Transactional Analysis theory known as Escape Hatches and Elizabeth shares her experience of being on the receiving end of gaslighting, to help us understand what to look out for and how to own our truth.

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For anyone interested in escape hatch theory, here is a clip from two legends of TA, Ian Stewart and Adrienne Lee, discussing how to decide on life: https://youtu.be/FaKxr5Lfkv4

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

This week on Best Friend Therapy, we are reflecting on regret.

As usual, we strive to keep our conversation authentic, which is why you’ll hear us singing along with Edith Piaf, receiving deliveries from the postman, battling with flies and playing a quick round of Just a Minute… NONE of which we regret because we come to the conclusion that regret really means mourning a life un-lived and, well, we’ll all have plenty of those.

We also have the life we are living right now and we reckon this is the one to be present and intentional about. So here is our unfiltered, imperfect, present and intentional take on the tricky feeling of regret.

We go deep and reflect on those end of life regrets and what it means to say goodbye, and we resolve, once and for all, whether it’s acceptable to go to bed on an argument.

So here’s to cutting yourself some slack for not knowing what you didn’t know, and getting on with the act of the everyday.

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You can read more about the work of Bronnie Ware and her book, "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing" at bronnieware.com.

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

This week we're talking all things menopause.

Emma and Elizabeth share their journeys so far, through the wild ride that is peri-menopause, and look at the good (no longer doing things you don't want to do), the bad (next-level anxiety) and the ugly (who knew anyone could sweat this much?).

Menopause has gone from being the taboo of previous generations, to a subject discussed openly in mainstream media and we wanted to celebrate this transition into a new stage of womanhood - one that is as much about acceptance as it is change.

Whether you're directly affected by menopause or not, we hope this conversation offers you insight into listening to your bodies and growing through change.

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

This week on Best Friend Therapy, we're talking about DIY!

Ok, we're not but, with all of our references to sanding and painting, we might as well be. We are actually talking about how we need friction to make meaningful bonds and how a glossy finish can get in the way of connection. Because this week we're talking about perfectionism and how it can hold us back.

Exploring toxic positivity, the sense of dissatisfaction we're often sold by the beauty industry, and the impact of social media, this week's conversation uncovers the myths of control and why we shouldn't always believe our eyes.

Emma advocates "perfect moments" while Elizabeth prefers to reject the notion of perfect altogether. Emma tells us about the fateful day she took a cup of coffee into therapy and Elizabeth spills the tea, as usual.

Remember, when you try to be perfect, you can forget to be personal, and we know which we prefer.

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Emma quotes the work of Taibi Kahler on "Drivers": Kahler, T. (1975). Drivers—The Key to the Process Script. Transactional Analysis Journal, 5:3

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy