DO WOMEN NEED TO BE KEPT IN CHECK?

Not all women.  

But the women who have the desire for being in a hierarchical relationship should understand this point : One of the functions and responsibilities of the person higher in the hierarchy is to keep the people lower in the hierarchy in check.

This is a point that even the people who are actively pursuing polarized dynamics are grasping are often failing to grasp.

I see a lot of women who are ready to be with men who are strong and dominant and grounded and making something of themselves in the world.  The women do want their men to ‘take the lead’.  But when it comes to decision-making and directing action, the women are firmly planted in the feminist egalitarian model that all important decisions should be made by democratic vote, and everybody’s thoughts and feelings should be taken under consideration.  All of a sudden, the Dom-sub dynamic collapses into an Occupy Wall Street meeting full of gentle and considerate hand signals.

There is no advocacy here on my part.  I am not saying women should take directions from men.  I most certainly am not saying that all the men of the world should keep all the women of the world in check.  There is no ideology here.  

What I do want to point out is a cornerstone of hierarchical dynamic that is in the blindspot of many people who are wondering why their dynamic still feels like more work than enjoyment.  

If you want a hierarchical dynamic, find a man whose decision making, clarity and judgement you trust and respect above your own.  I grant you, finding this man is not easy.  But these are the basic requirements of functional hierarchy — find someone better than yourself to follow.  And then follow them.

Following them means you don’t direct their actions.

Following them means they can direct your actions.

Following him means he gets to veto your decisions.

Following him means, when there is a difference in opinion between you and him, his decision is the final one.

He needs to be a man who can hold that position of leadership with ethos, a big heart and desire for a win-win outcome.

Find that man.  Then, follow him.

— Om Rupani

www.OmRupani.org