John’s annoyed because Elis and Dave have used all their material before the mics came on. Chin wagging like old ladies at the salon. But as is often the case we are saved by delving into the depths of insignificance.

Some people think that the mines of inconsequentiality had run dry on this show. That the pick axes couldn’t uncover anything more minor than previously. But there's the richest of seams for John to sink his teeth into as Lawrence throws more fuel onto the one touch fire.

And it’s a big old busy show for John’s also got some very significant news that’s written in the stars and Video Producer Izzy explains the concept of situationships to men in their forties.

For all of your voicenotes relating to efficiency it’s 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp or [email protected] via email.

The time has come to pick a side: are you pro-riff or anti-riff? Do you think that caution kills the riff? Would you wilfully step into the riff matrix and do your damnedest to see it through to the bitter end? In short, do you back the riff? This is what Producer Dave must decide.

But he’s not the only one facing tough questions this week. Elis is confronted by his young son about a timing mishap that leaves him quoting Harold Wilson at his daughter in his pants. And John is left questioning why people act so strangely whilst waiting for the tube.

There’s also an excellent outing of the Cymru Connection, a tense dice-based game, and the boys riff the first ever 100% watched TV program.

If you back the riff let us know at [email protected], or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

It’s a strange old time for Elis James. On the one hand he’s being called a thirst trap on the carra (the Instagram carousel, for those not in the know); people can’t seem to get enough of his floppy hair, his jawline, and his interesting t-shirts. On the other hand, he’s getting hammered for slagging off Belgium, and having some harsh words directed at him by one of TV’s greatest quiz hosts. What the sigma can he do!?

But no worries, it’s Rodmas Day! He’s off to see Olivia Rodrigo, one of the most famous singers on the planet, whom John’s never heard of - he's more of an Avril Lavigne guy.

John’s been busy chalking up his wins and losses, and working out whether the massive box of carb chews he bought was a good or bad purchase.

There’s a lovely chat with biker Adrian Chiles, more taxi-related stag antics, and John finds common ground with an emailer’s assertion that every journey counts.

If you want to praise or berate Elis, or share your words of wisdom with John, it’s [email protected], or 07974 293 022 on the WhatsApp.

And make sure you catch the finale of DI Robbyns in tomorrow’s Bureau de Change of the Mind, only on BBC Sounds of course.

There’s something drifting in on the air today. A funk. Criminality. Yes it seems to be bifta o’clock as John spots a doob roller on the tube. That, and it being the relaxfest which is Glastonbury, combine to see the hazy funk of ‘da ‘erb’ and its ensuing uncoolness discussed at length. Because simply put this is not how Britain will build back better.

Elsewhere, Elis comes in today on a high. A cycling high. And that high isn’t from anything which Lance Armstrong might have partaken in. It’s just the high of exercise, good vibes and raising money for charity. A figure that was primarily boosted by John. Humble, giving John. Why? Because that’s just who he is.

There’s also a Made Up Game which appeals to Producer Dave’s topical content nose, a classic Mad Dad and the expectation of Elis knowing William Hague’s wife.

If you want to get in touch then [email protected] is the means, as is 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

There’s some good upstanding British gear flying around today. Bin chat. Which bins? What goes in what? What blooming colours have you got? Show us your bins on [email protected] or WhatsApp on 07974 293 022.

In less disposable content, there’s a right to reply from one of Colin’s holiday companions and he may have to be sent to prison for telling the truth.

Plus there’s an absolute anxiety dream as John is forced to sit through playing the voice of DI Robbyns to someone from Cork.

There’s bonus post bag content over on the Bureau de Change of the Mind on Saturday morning. ONLY on BBC Sounds.

Elis James has become the story, and not for the right reasons. No matter how much he talks about ‘Zoe on the train’, there’s no doubt that our Cymru Connecting prodigy has lost his way. He’s in the Bobby Gould years. Today we attempt to correct his woeful form with some expert help.

Colin makes a welcome return to proceedings as John shares more information about his holiday. Plus, there’s a belting taxi-based stag Shame, and everyone tries to work out who Alan Howard is.

And remember, the price of success is always paid in full and in advance.

If you want to get in touch then [email protected] is the means, as is 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

You can tell John’s been on holiday because he starts the show by giving a promotion to someone who doesn’t even work on the show. The mood is high.

And he’s come back a new man. He’s Colin now. An even more chill and organised version of Johnny JR. He’s the opposite of pura vida - i.e. not the same as his travel companions, who included someone who lost their bank card before they set off and a second bank card before they returned. No surprises for who that could be.

So expect a bumper John Wins Again Costa Rica Edition feat. bums.

Plus there’s a grovelling apology from Elis after he dug out a valued friend, reminding us of the important phrase “putting percentages on curries isn’t very fun”.

Have you been on a shoe string stag? Well send it to [email protected] or WhatsApp it over on 07974 293 022.

William Wordsworth, Carol Ann Duffy… Tim Key. Just a few of the great poets this fair nation has produced. But there are two more names to add to the pantheon, two new kids on the block: Elis James and John Robins. Our heroes have picked up their pens (opened their laptops), unfurled their manuscripts (opened Word), and trawled their creative depths to write some verses that Shakespeare himself would be proud of.

Why is poetry the order of the day you might be asking? Because the aforementioned Tim Key has unlocked the door to the house and made himself at home, that’s why! Plus he’s only gone and made a film which crucially John wasn’t invited to the screening of.

Elsewhere, there is newsworthy Cymru Connection to captivate people, but are they being entertained for all the wrong reasons? Also Dave’s life has fallen apart because Hannah’s gone to Ibiza.

Tim’s also in Saturday’s Bureau de Change of the Mind if you want some bonus Key. That of course is only on the delectable BBC Sounds.

If you want to get in touch then [email protected] is the means, as is 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

After a week when John offered apology texts to Elis, Dave and the production team for being in a bad mood, he’s back to his Billy best. There’s a bright ray of sunshine in his heart and nethers which clears the studio air. No black eps today and Elis can leave the studio without an impending sense of worry.

But there are challenges afoot for our hero, as he contends with holidaying with one whose administrative approach sits in bleak contrast to his own.

Luckily he’s superchillathon, and amidst such admin fears there’s a decision to build a harvesting coop for the nation’s Good Eggs. Plus Elis’s mocking of a reaction to some quality snap bags sees the Welshman hoisted by a double sealed petard.

Check out this week’s Bureau bonus on Saturday, only on BBC Sounds, where rumour has it there’s a very special guest joining the chaps.

Want to get in touch with everything from bons oeufs to packaging retention, well send it to [email protected] or WhatsApp it over on 07974 293 022.

Wagon wheels, mushy pea hummus and baked bean daal. Move over Rick Stein, there’s new gastronomic broadcasters in town. Yes, food is the order of the day as the delectable George Egg rides into the studio to serve up a delicious Made Up Game for Elis and John.

And the theme doesn’t stop there, for before you can say ‘Ready, Steady, Cook’ there's a longing for Great British puds and the question “why do chippies give you so many chips?”.

In non-edible happenings will Elis continue to fail at connecting until death? That and much more in 50 minutes of digestible content.

To get in touch it’s [email protected] via electronic mail, or 07974 293 022 on the WhatsApp.