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Anger and hate are both related to unmet needs. When we feel angry, it's because we want something that we're not getting. And when we feel hate, it's because we have deep needs that are not being met, and we're struggling to deal with them. Self-hate is a common problem that many people face, and it can be very hard to overcome. We often hate ourselves because we feel helpless and stuck and don't know how to do things differently. This can be especially challenging if we've been raised in an environment where we were not encouraged to be independent or take care of our needs. 

To overcome self-hate, it's important to figure out our needs and start taking steps to meet them. This can be difficult, especially if we've never learned how to do this before. Shifting our focus from hating ourselves to feeling angry at those who have hurt us is helpful. This can be a useful step in the healing process, but it's important not to get stuck in feelings of anger and hate towards others. Ultimately, we must work on understanding ourselves and taking responsibility for our well-being. 

This can be a challenging process, and it may involve making difficult decisions, such as cutting people out of our lives or disappointing others. However, it's important to remember that we are responsible for our happiness and well-being. We must learn how to meet our needs and stop depending on others for validation and support. This can be a lonely process sometimes, but staying committed to our growth and healing is important.