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"How can you continue your healing while staying connected to a mother who hurt you, just so your child can know the love of a grandmother?"

Wanting your child to have a relationship with their grandmother is natural, but when that grandmother causes you pain, it becomes complicated. Holding onto the hope that your child can get what you didn’t may feel healing, but it can put them in the middle of adult wounds they cannot handle.

True love for your child is about protecting their emotional safety. It means letting go of fantasies, setting boundaries, and creating a circle of care built on authenticity and respect. Your child doesn’t need a perfect family to feel loved. They need a parent who sees them, values them, and models what healthy love looks like.

By doing this, you break the cycle and give your child something far greater than a relationship with a grandmother. You give them a foundation of real love and self-worth.In this episode, we explore the challenge of keeping a grandmother in your child’s life, even when that relationship has hurt you. I share why holding onto the fantasy of a “perfect family” can keep old wounds open and affect your child. We also discuss setting boundaries, creating emotional safety, and letting go of guilt around “missing grandparents” to break the cycle. Tune in to learn how to protect your children, honor your healing, and redefine what family really means.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:15) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:03:51) Healing while your child maintains a relationship with grandma

(00:07:04) The fantasy of the “perfect mother

(00:10:04) Hoping your mother will change through your kids

(00:16:06) The cost of the fantasy

(00:20:15) The illusion of “cute phases” with grandparents

(00:22:25) Choosing your child’s family intentionally

(00:24:11) Don’t assign authority to harmful adults

(00:27:16) Letting go of the fantasy of a fairytale family

(00:29:13) Stop projecting your fears onto your children

(00:31:08) Kids don’t necessarily need grandparents

(00:32:00) Come late and leave early

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

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