The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 239: When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match


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Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours!


In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.
  • How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy without dysregulation is a more effective way to bring safety.
  • How growing your window of tolerance and strengthening your owl brain helps you stay regulated while feeling big, hard feelings.


Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/incongruentaffect

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You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

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Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
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LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

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The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}By Robyn Gobbel

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