Brain First Parenting with Eileen Devine

Ep. 44 | The Tween/Teen Expectation Gap: Why Everything Suddenly Feels So Much Harder


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SUMMARY - Many parents of neurodivergent tweens and teens describe a shift that feels difficult to explain: things were already challenging, but suddenly the stakes feel higher, the behaviors feel bigger, and the future feels much more uncertain. In this episode, I introduce what I call the Tween/Teen Expectation Gap—the widening gap between age-based expectations and a child's developmental trajectory—and explore why this period can feel so disorienting, grief-filled, and overwhelming for parents.


TAKEAWAYS:

  • The tween and teen years often bring a significant increase in societal, academic, social, and emotional expectations.
  • Neurodivergent children continue to develop and mature, but often on a different timeline and trajectory than their peers.
  • The Tween/Teen Expectation Gap emerges when age-based expectations begin to outpace a child's ability to consistently meet them.
  • Differences that may have been easier to accommodate in childhood often become more visible and consequential during adolescence.
  • Parents frequently experience increased fear, grief, dread, shame, and uncertainty during this stage.
  • Intensifying behaviors are often a reflection of increased stress, overwhelm, and nervous system dysregulation.
  • Viewing this period through a Brain First lens helps parents understand what is happening beneath the behavior and respond more effectively.


RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting™ Framework

Parent Coaching with Eileen Devine


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Brain First Parenting with Eileen DevineBy Eileen Devine

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