For those of you dealing with post separation abuse and the family court system this episode is for you.

How can you live your life accepting or stomaching the decisions made by a judge or evaluator that you know in your heart is not in the best interest of your children.

How do we just accept that our systems are unjust when it is negatively affecting our babies? 

Hopefully these strategies will be a place you can start.

• Focusing on what is in your control vs what is not in your control.  In this system and situation there are SO many things outside of our control.  Focusing on the things we can control will give us a bigger bang for our buck than sharing focus with things outside of our control.
• Ask yourself these questions:
  • Can you be at peace with your efforts to protect your children?
  • Can you be at peace with your effort to heal yourself so you can be the best parent for your children?
  • Focusing on effort vs focusing on outcome can be a helpful perspective.
• Be present with your children when you are with them.  Give them the unconditional love that will carry them through all of the challenges they will experience.
• Think back to positive times with your child(ren).  If you have had your children taken from you, this can be excruciating and healing all at the same time.  Children will have benefited from your attachment and love from the past even if they are not getting it directly now.  Remember how you have positively impacted them in the past.
• Compartmentalization: Give yourself time where you can think about things, vent about things, do your research and then set up times where you put this fight away and put it on the shelf.  It’s important to not solely avoid it because avoidance will increase your trauma symptoms and it is not helpful to be in it all the time because then you cannot focus on anything else.  
• Find your tribe.  Put as many safe people around you where you can share the struggle and allow you to hate the injustice and speak to it so that it doesn't constantly come out when you don't want it to.
• Depending on where you are in the healing process, can you speak out or work towards greater change?

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