The Rising Beyond Podcast

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and in this Friday Coaching Corner, we’re talking about what happens when a survivor follows all the directions she has been given and is still left feeling unprotected.

A mother has a protection order against her former partner, but he continues to violate it. When she reports the violations, she is dismissed and made to feel as though she is overreacting. Now she is questioning whether she should keep calling, while also carrying a growing fear that he may go to the children’s school and take them outside of his limited parenting time.

In this episode, we explore:

1. Should she continue reporting violations of the protection order when law enforcement does not appear to take them seriously?
2. What could a safety plan with the children’s school include—and how can she communicate her concerns without being viewed as alarmist or accused of interfering with his parenting time?
3. How can she discern between a fear that requires action and a nervous-system response to everything she has already survived?

We’ll talk about documentation, school safety planning, proportional responses to risk, and why being dismissed does not mean the larger pattern is unimportant.

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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What makes your shoulders drop?

Maybe it’s hearing a familiar voice. Pulling on your favorite sweatshirt. Sitting in the one chair where your body seems to soften. Spending a few quiet minutes in your car. Or being with someone who doesn’t require you to explain, perform, or carefully monitor their mood.

When you are healing from coercive control, especially while dealing with post-separation abuse, felt safety can seem unreachable. How are you supposed to feel safe when litigation, threats, harassment, financial abuse, or one message from your former partner can derail your entire afternoon?

In this solo episode, Sybil explains that felt safety is not about convincing yourself that everything is safe or pretending that the harm has ended. It is about creating and noticing more moments when it is safe to feel safe.

Sybil explores three different places where we can experience felt safety:

• Inside: the sensory experiences and small rituals that help you reconnect with your body
• Outside: the spaces, routines, and environmental cues that allow your nervous system to soften
• In between: the relationships in which you can simply be, without rehearsing, monitoring, or defending yourself

This is not another assignment or an elaborate self-care routine. You do not need to wake up at 5:30 a.m., meditate, journal, do yoga, and take a cold plunge. The smallest moments count.

A warm drink. A familiar podcast. A cozy bed. A safe friend. A few minutes beside your child. A place where you can breathe.

Each moment gives your nervous system another piece of evidence: In this moment, I am safe enough to soften.

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic, I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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What happens when a police officer is experiencing domestic violence—and the person harming her is also in law enforcement?

Dottie Davis served with the Fort Wayne Police Department for 32 years and rose to the rank of Deputy Chief. But her rank, training, and professional expertise did not protect her from abuse behind closed doors.

In this episode, Dottie joins Sybil to discuss the realities of domestic violence within law enforcement, the consequences survivors may face when they speak out, and why professional competence should never be mistaken for safety.

Dottie shares how another female officer helped her name what she was experiencing as domestic violence—and how the systems around her responded after her abuser attempted to strangle her.

Together, Sybil and Dottie discuss:

• Why domestic violence affects people across every profession, income, and education level
• How both abusers and survivors may maintain a very different public image
• The culture surrounding domestic violence within law enforcement
• Why professions associated with power and authority can provide additional tools for coercion
• How stalking may involve location-sharing apps, AirTags, drones, cameras, and professional access to information
• Why sexual assault must be assessed as part of domestic violence investigations
• The difference between consensual safety practices and technology-enabled control
• Why lethality and safety assessments must be repeated as circumstances change
• How seemingly minor protective-order violations can communicate continued access and control
• Why survivors should continue reporting violations even when they feel dismissed
• The importance of documenting patterns rather than judging each event in isolation
• Why lasting change requires collaboration among survivors, advocates, law enforcement, and mental health professionals

Dottie also addresses a painful bind many survivors encounter: If they do not report every violation, others may assume they were not truly afraid. If they do report, they may be characterized as overreacting.

Her message is clear: Keep calling. Each report creates a record, and circumstances and lethality risk can change quickly.

Dottie Davis is an internationally recognized speaker, domestic violence survivor, and retired Deputy Chief who served with the Fort Wayne Police Department for 32 years. Today, she trains law enforcement and mental health professionals in crisis response, domestic violence, suicide prevention, and sexual assault. She is also an expert witness and the author of STRANGLED: A Survivor’s Plea to Men Who Look the Other Way.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of domestic violence, strangulation, sexual assault, stalking, homicide, and institutional responses to abuse.

Connect w/ Dottie: https://dottiedavis.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/dottie-davis-7285b97/
STRANGLED: A Survivor’s Plea To Men Who Look The Other Way

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic, I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Wondering where to start? Check out our top free resources - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/resources.html

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When you are still dealing with coercive control or post-separation abuse, healing can feel impossible. How do you rebuild a life when the abuse has not completely ended?

In this episode, I’m joined by Anne Paphitis, a survivor and life coach joining us from Ireland. We talk about how she found moments of joy while she was still in her marriage and continued rebuilding herself through the fallout that followed.

Anne shares the small but intentional choices that helped her remember she was more than what she was experiencing. From using her grandmother’s special glasses every day to trying new classes and reconnecting with creativity, she learned to create parts of her life that the abuse did not get to define.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Finding times when it is safe to feel safe
• Creating a mental container for what you cannot address right now
• Remembering who you are outside of the abuse
• Using small rituals to bring beauty and meaning back into your life
• Learning to trust your choices again
• Trying new things without making every wrong fit mean something about you
• Why healing does not require the abuse to disappear completely
• The power of community and being around people who reflect the good parts of you back to you

You are not only a survivor. Even if you are still living with the fallout, you can begin discovering who you are, what you enjoy, and what you want the next part of your life to include.

Connect w/ Anne
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anne-paphitis-066443116/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1CuP8BgfVe/
Website: https://www.contoura-collective.co.uk/

About Anne: 
Anne Paphitis believes that life can be rebuilt, even after everything familiar has been stripped away. Born and raised in South Africa, Anne founded and ran a Cambridge school for young people who didn’t fit into mainstream education — students navigating anxiety, bullying, depression, and self-doubt. Watching them rediscover confidence, succeed academically, and later return to share their stories shaped her belief that transformation often begins when someone believes they are capable of more.

After completing formal coaching training in 2019, Anne expanded her work to help adults navigate change, resilience, and personal reinvention. Having rebuilt her own life several times — from moving countries, falling in love with Ireland, selling her school, and taking on a new business venture — she brings a deeply personal understanding of uncertainty, courage, and starting again.

Anne’s coaching focuses on resilience, midlife reinvention, emotional wellbeing, and finding purpose through practical, meaningful steps. As a podcast guest, she brings warmth, honesty, and curiosity to conversations about rebuilding confidence, embracing change, and taking the first small step toward a more fulfilling life.

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic, I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show, you may do so here at Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Wondering where to start? Check out our top free resources - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/resources.html

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If you have ever had your therapist tell you, "That's a legal issue, talk to your attorney," only to have your attorney tell you, "That's something to talk about with your therapist," you know how frustrating it can be to feel like you're the only person connecting all the pieces.

And in cases involving coercive control, post-separation abuse, and family court, those pieces are rarely separate.

A child's anxiety around parenting-time exchanges may show up in therapy, at school, at the pediatrician's office, and in a court filing. An attorney, therapist, evaluator, advocate, teacher, and medical provider may each be seeing a different part of the same family's experience.

Each professional has an important role, and staying within that role matters. But staying in your professional lane does not have to mean working in a silo.

In this episode, we're talking about why collaboration matters so much in these cases, the difference between staying within your scope and simply saying "that's not my job," and what can happen when the survivor is left trying to connect all of the dots herself.

We'll also talk about what meaningful collaboration can actually look like without asking professionals to step outside of their expertise, and a few things you can ask for when the professionals supporting your family aren't communicating.

Because children don't experience therapy over here, family court over there, school somewhere else, and coercive control in another little box.

It's all one life.

And if we want to understand what is happening to families experiencing coercive control, sometimes we need to get better at seeing the whole picture. 

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic, I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show, you may do so here at Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Wondering where to start? Check out our top free resources - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/resources.html

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Mica Miller’s story has brought coercive control into the public conversation, but this episode is not about speculating about her death or turning her life into another true crime story.

It is about learning to recognize the pattern.

When we look at each behavior separately, the seriousness can be easy to miss. A tracking device. Repeated messages and calls. Financial control. Public humiliation. Sexual coercion. Using mental health systems against someone. One incident may not tell us the whole story, but together they can reveal a pattern designed to take away a person’s autonomy, stability, and ability to safely leave.

Mica also reportedly reached out for help multiple times. Yet she encountered misunderstanding, legal limitations, and systems that seemed to conclude there was little or nothing they could do.

We talk about:

• The patterns of coercive control reportedly present in Mica’s story
• Why these behaviors are often minimized when viewed one at a time
• What may happen when professionals recognize an incident but miss the pattern
• The red tape and legal limitations survivors can face when they ask for help
• Why “nothing can be done” should never mean nothing else is offered
• What professionals, family members, faith communities, and support systems can learn moving forward

We may not always have the legal remedy a survivor needs. But we can believe her fear, document the pattern, help her understand her options, connect her with additional support, and make sure she does not leave believing that “nothing can be done” means no one can help.

Mica’s story should push all of us to learn more, listen differently, and get better at recognizing coercive control before it is too late.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of domestic violence, coercive control, stalking, sexual abuse, and suicide. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988 in the United States. For domestic violence support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE or text START to 88788.

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic, I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show, you may do so here at Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Wondering where to start? Check out our top free resources - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/resources.html

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A protective mom is preparing for her final family court hearing after receiving a fairly neutral CFI report. The evaluator acknowledged that domestic violence occurred during the relationship but did not recognize the post-separation abuse she continues to experience.

Although the parenting-time recommendations leaned slightly in her favor, the CFI did not recommend sole decision-making. After hearing stories about judges disregarding evaluators’ recommendations, she is struggling to hold onto hope without setting herself up for even more heartbreak.

In this Friday Coaching Corner, we explore:

1. Is it realistic to hope for sole decision-making when the CFI did not recommend it?
2. How can she prepare for court without becoming consumed by other people’s horror stories?
3. How can she explain the post-separation abuse the evaluator missed without appearing to attack the CFI or reject the report?

When so much is outside of your control, how do you prepare thoughtfully, stay grounded, and still leave room for hope?

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic, I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show, you may do so here at Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Wondering where to start? Check out our top free resources - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/resources.html

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Family court asks survivors to explain years of coercive control within a system that often focuses on isolated incidents, limited evidence, and only a few hours of conversation. So how do you make sure the right information is actually heard?

In this episode, I’m joined by Renee Rodriguez from The Custody Blueprint and Best Foot Forward Consulting, LLC. Renee shares how her own experience with coercive control and a custody battle led her to combine her professional background in strategy with a passion for helping protective parents prepare for family court and custody evaluations.

We talk about why having the truth is not always enough in family court. Survivors also need to understand how to organize their evidence, communicate the impact on their children, work in partnership with their attorney, and stay grounded enough to be understood by evaluators and other professionals.

Renee introduces the three pillars she uses with clients: strategy, evidence, and mindset. We also discuss the idea of developing a “court persona” that allows you to show up as an authentic, capable, child-centered parent without allowing trauma, fear, or the other parent’s accusations to pull you away from what the court needs to understand.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• Why custody evaluations can hold so much weight in family court
• The gap between passing new domestic violence laws and implementing them effectively
• Why your attorney cannot be your savior and what it means to truly partner with them
• The difference between having a plan and having a strategy
• How preparation can reduce some of the anxiety created by uncertainty
• Why the strongest evidence often focuses on the impact on the child
• How to communicate your concerns without sounding like you are simply badmouthing the other parent
• The importance of presenting as a parent rather than a litigant
• Why healing and the family court timeline rarely move together
• The different roles a therapist, attorney, domestic violence advocate, divorce coach, and custody strategist can play
• What child therapists notice during intakes and throughout treatment
• Why play therapy and other expressive therapies may be especially helpful for children experiencing coercive control

This conversation does not pretend that there is a perfect way to navigate a deeply imperfect system. It does offer practical insight into how protective parents can prepare, communicate more clearly, and make intentional decisions about what information may help professionals understand what their children are experiencing.

Learn more about Renee:
Website: https://www.bestfootforwardllc.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thecustodyblueprint
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/custody-help/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecustodyblueprint/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheCustodyBlueprint
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thecustodyblueprint
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/thecustodyblueprint
Threads: https://www.threads.net/@thecustodyblueprint

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic, I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show, you may do so here at Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Wondering where to start? Check out our top free resources - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/resources.html

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If it feels like no one fully understands what happens at the intersection of domestic violence and the larger systems survivors are forced to navigate, this conversation is for you.

So many women we serve are not only healing from coercive control. They are also trying to make sense of what happens when the systems they believed would help instead dismiss their experiences, restrict their choices, or prevent them from acting in ways that align with their values.

Dr. Summer Rippe, one of my therapists, colleagues, and friends, recently completed research on moral injury among women survivors of domestic violence. Her work examines how coercive control, betrayal, and constrained moral agency can disrupt a survivor’s sense of identity, values, and moral selfhood.
In this episode, we talk about what moral injury can look like, how it differs from other ways we understand trauma, and the impact of being forced to make impossible choices. We also discuss how institutional betrayal can deepen the harm when survivors are disbelieved, blamed, or pressured to participate in decisions they believe may hurt themselves or their children.

We discuss the possible impact of this and future research on the professionals that survivors find themselves relying on.  

If you have ever thought, “I knew what my child needed, but I wasn’t allowed to protect them,” this conversation may help put language to an experience that has been incredibly difficult to explain.

Connect w/ Summer: https://www.instagram.com/emergingmeaningcounseling/  

About Summer: Dr. Summer Rippe is a counselor educator, researcher, and licensed professional counselor candidate specializing in complex trauma, dissociation, domestic violence, and moral injury. She recently completed her Ph.D. in Counselor Education and Supervision at Colorado Christian University, where her dissertation explored the lived experiences of moral injury among women survivors of domestic violence. Her research examines how coercive control, betrayal, and constrained moral agency can disrupt survivors’ sense of identity, values, and moral selfhood. In addition to her research, Summer teaches master's level counseling students and provides trauma-focused clinical care, with a particular interest in helping survivors move toward meaning, integration, and moral repair.

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic, I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Wondering where to start? Check out our top free resources - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/resources.html

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If they see the safety concerns, why can’t they tell the court?

In this episode, I pull back the curtain on the role of a treating therapist in cases involving coercive control, post-separation abuse, and family court. I explain why a child’s therapist must remain focused on the child, why a survivor’s therapist may be cautious about testifying, and how therapy records, diagnoses, and even honest testimony can sometimes be weaponized.

But staying within our clinical role does not mean therapists have to remain silent about the larger systems affecting our clients.

I also explore the ways mental health professionals can make an impact beyond the therapy room through continued education, collaboration, thoughtful documentation, professional training, public education, and advocacy.

We explore:

• Why treating therapists generally cannot make parenting-time or decision-making recommendations.
• Why testifying may not always help—and can sometimes create additional risks for clients.
• How therapists can protect a child’s privacy and the trust built in therapy.
• Why diagnoses, records, and disclosures may be weaponized in family court.
• The importance of collaboration among therapists, attorneys, evaluators, GALs, and other professionals.
• How clinicians can advocate for survivors and children without practicing outside their scope.
• Why therapists have a role in changing the systems that shape their clients’ safety and healing.

I would love to hear from both survivors and mental health professionals: What do you wish therapists could do in these cases? What has surprised you about their role? And where could therapists make the greatest impact beyond an individual case?

Ask Me Anything - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/ama2026
Happening November 2nd at 12pm MST, November 3rd at 2pm MST and November 7th at 9am MST

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic, I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show, you may do so here at Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Wondering where to start? Check out our top free resources - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/resources.html

If you're interested in guesting on the show, please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

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