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We’re diving deep into the world of triggers. A common and often overwhelming experience for survivors of trauma and abuse. We’ll explore what triggers are, why they happen, and how they can actually become opportunities for healing and growth.

Whether you’re just beginning your recovery journey or you’re further along, this episode offers practical tools and validation to help you navigate triggers with confidence and compassion.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Understanding Triggers: What they are, how they relate to the brain and body’s fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses, and the difference between triggers and flashbacks.
• Common Triggers: Examples like certain sounds, behaviors, or phrases that may remind you of past trauma.
• Recognizing Triggers: Learn how to identify early signs of being triggered and track patterns using a “trigger tracker” journal.
• Managing Triggers in the Moment: Techniques like grounding exercises, deep breathing, and creating a personalized “calm kit.”
• Growing Through Triggers: How to reframe triggers as milestones in your healing journey and use them as data to guide therapeutic work.

Key Takeaways:

• Triggers are a normal part of recovery and not a sign of failure.
• Grounding tools, when practiced consistently, can help regulate your nervous system.
• With mindfulness and support, triggers can illuminate unresolved trauma and help you move toward healing.

Call to Action:
This week, choose one grounding tool like deep breathing or the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, and practice it daily. Building this habit can make it easier to manage triggers when they arise.

Related Episodes:

• Episode 133: Polyvagal Healing with Erica

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Why is it that we can understand the abuse we suffered, understand why we are hypervigilant, and yet not see the progress we are hoping for on the healing front?

The trauma of an abusive, narcissistic and coercively controlling relationship affects survivors in such a way that we cannot just think our way out of it.  Your brains and nervous systems have been re-wired to protect you and your survival at all costs.  And your nervous system will not give up those strategies of survival just because you now understand the abuse.

This abuse is held in our bodies as well.  So we need a full bodied, holistic approach to healing and this is what I am talking about with Erica Bonham, LPC today.  We discuss the different ways in which trauma is held in our bodies and she shares some practical tips and skills you can use today to start to lower your hypervigilance and fight, flight, freeze, and fawning responses.

Erica shares her passion in helping survivors heal and how she is offering this healing to a wider audience in her new book, Always Enough, Never Done.

Erica Bonham is a certified EMDR clinician, consultant and trainer, and is a licensed professional counselor and nervous system regulation coach in the state of Colorado.   She aspires to be a catalyst for change, justice, growth, evolution and all around badassery.  She specializes in abuse recovery, trauma related to social injustice, and spiritual abuse.  She incorporates her training as a yoga instructor and mindfulness practitioner to deepen clients healing of their bodies and specializes in somatic and attachment EMDR, Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, and ego state work. She is a published author and speaker.  

Connect with Erica:
AVOS practice website: www.avoscounseling.com
To order the book, Always Enough, Never Done, the accompanying workbook, course, and/or join coaching calls: https://www.avoscounseling.com/coaching-packages
Download Erica's Free Polyvagal Toning Guide with a BONUS of 6 guided meditations:
https://www.avoscounseling.com/freebie
Follow Erica on social:
http://m.facebook.com/avoscounseling
https://www.instagram.com/avoscounseling/
https://www.tiktok.com/@ericabonhamsomaticcoach?_t=8sEnEoat3zH&_r=1

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If you’re a survivor navigating family court, co-parenting with an abusive ex, and just trying to make it through another day, goal-setting might feel like an impossible task. Even though it is a new year, you are expecting the same old BS from your co-parent and the family court system.

In this episode, we explore how to set meaningful goals for the year ahead—even when life feels like it’s stuck on repeat and the container you’re in does not seem to be changing.

Drawing inspiration from the book 10X Is Easier Than 2X, I share how thinking bigger—instead of smaller—can help you create radical change, even in challenging circumstances. We’ll contrast 10X thinking with the more traditional SMART goals and “1% better each day” theories, highlighting the pros and cons of each approach. Most importantly, I validate the very real feeling that if you’re low on energy or hope, these big ideas might feel overwhelming or out of reach. And that’s okay—we’re meeting you where you are.

This episode focuses on balancing outside-the-box thinking with the strategies you already know work for, as well as putting energy into what is in our control:

• Navigating family court more effectively
• Parenting and co-parenting in high-conflict situations
• Protecting your energy and mental health

Whether you’re ready to dream big or simply looking for small steps to regain control, this episode offers practical, compassionate guidance to help you move forward in your unique situation. cJHs2fzYlu5CvCQx080x

Referenced Links:
Episode 128 - https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/16201738-ep-128-when-hope-feels-out-of-reach-for-domestic-violence-survivors
Book:

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One of the most devastating consequences of coercive control and domestic abuse is the stripping away of the victim’s identity and sense of self.

The emotional and psychological abuse leads victims to feel incapable of doing even small tasks that may once have felt easy, let alone the belief that one can follow their dreams.

What if finding a way to take that first step towards your dreams could catapult your healing?

On this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, I talk with Lola REid Allin on how following her dreams to become a pilot allowed her to escape her abusive marriage in a time when it was shocking for a woman to leave her husband.  In this episode we also discuss the harmful culture in the male dominated profession of aviation and what leads to this harassment and “boys club” culture.

Lola shares her reason for writing her memoir,  HIGHWAY to the SKY: An Aviator’s Journey. It is a way that she can bring light to the many women’s issues that prevent women from living out their dreams.

About Lola: Lola Reid Allin is a survivor, former Airline Transport Pilot, pilot examiner, and the first female flight instructor at two flight schools (BC & ON), and the first woman to fly the Twin Otter (DHC6/300) for a scheduled air service, commemorated on the Wall of Women in Aviation History at the Bush Plane Museum in Sault Ste Marie.

In addition, she is a SCUBA Dive Master, and an award-winning author and photographer whose work has appeared in many notable local, national, and international publications, including National Post, Globe & Mail, Toronto Star, National Geographic, Santa Fe Centre for Photography, Verge Magazine, & Grapevine Magazine. 

To promote the role of women in aviation and to encourage other females to consider aviation careers, Lola is a speaker with the Northern Lights Aero Foundation & the Eastern Ontario 99s Education & Outreach Committee. 
In 2022, she and Robin Hadfield, the International 99s President, created the New Track Scholarship, an annual award for female pilots.

Connect with Lola: 
https://www.lolareidallin.com/
https://www.facebook.com/Lola.Reid.Allin.Pilot/
https://www.instagram.com/lola.reid.allin/
https://www.linkedin.

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What can we learn from all that happened in 2024?

In this episode, I share some of the top themes that I have seen throughout the year based on the most listened to podcast episodes, my communications with the other advocates fighting for survivors of coercive control and domestic violence, and most importantly the clients and community members I have the honor to walk alongside every day.

I have seen parallels between the podcast episodes that had the highest engagement and that of the typical healing process from abuse.  I also discuss the changes legislatively that have happened in 2024, as well as the increased awareness and media coverage of our family court crisis. I also share the common struggles of the survivors I am working with currently.

While we have done a better job working together this year, we still have a long way to go including improvements in accountability and enforcement, transparency, and leading people to take the next step when we are doing work to bring awareness to family court and domestic violence issues.

Offer your input on what you want to know more about in 2025 - https://us20.list-manage.com/survey?u=7d2b7e1333294299a48cf04aa&id=fd5c41ccdf&e=07c24158c9&mc_cid=a6957ae7b5

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Post separation abuse resources are still scarce even though it is no longer a secret that abuse continues after a victim leaves the relationship.

Feeling like you are on your own as you read and respond to your co-parent’s messages in your co-parenting app or as you search through hundreds of messages to find that one thread that your attorney has asked you to find by the end of the day is common for survivors dealing with post separation abuse.

The Rising Beyond Podcast first introduced Anne Wintemute, the co-founder of Aimee says, the AI companion for survivors of domestic violence in Dec 2023 when this resource was just getting off the ground.  A year later, AImee is helping tens of thousands of survivors every month and we wanted to follow up to chat about how this tool continues to help combat the challenges post separation brings and some interesting themes that Anne is seeing with their users.

We explore the time and money saved by using Aimee and how "Aimee" combats the loneliness and isolation that survivors experience by offering 24/7 support, from co-parenting advice to emotional validation.

Listen now to see if Aimee could be a helpful tool in your post separation abuse tool box.

Anne Wintemute is a post-separation abuse consultant and co-founder of Aimee Says, an Al tool for survivors. Her work strives to bridge the gap in understanding that allows perpetrators of abuse to act within a culture of tolerance.  Previously, Anne was a Head of School at an independent elementary in Denver.

Checkout the app - https://www.aimeesays.com/en/home

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Navigating the family court system with an abusive ex can feel like an endless, uphill battle. 

And with our current system broken and the current state of our world, the idea of “finding hope” and positivity may not feel possible.

In this episode, we explore how to find steadiness and strength when hope feels out of reach. Instead of relying on external outcomes, we discuss how cultivating resilience and persistence can empower you, and how creating personal anchors can offer daily stability. These tools are practical, actionable, and within your control—helping you stay grounded, no matter what challenges arise.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why “hope” can feel misplaced in the family court system and what to focus on instead.
• The power of resilience and persistence in staying steady through the process.
• How to create and use emotional, physical, and mental “anchors” for daily grounding.
• Practical examples of resilience-building practices and anchoring techniques.
• How to integrate persistence and anchors for long-term stability and self-empowerment.

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Do you ever feel like you are stuck in your head?

It may mean that you need to get out of your thoughts and into your body and emotions.

On this week’s episode we do a deep dive with Bre Wolta, a relationship coach and certified EFT practitioner, on her experiences leaving an abusive relationship and the invaluable lessons about boundaries, self-worth, and the illusion of "potential land” she learned on her healing journey. She explains how clinging to hope can keep you anchored in dysfunction, and emphasizes the importance of emotional recognition and processing. Discover the transformative power of the "analytical buoy," and how allowing yourself to feel the full range of emotions, from grief to anger, can be healing.

While it is important to understand what you’ve gone through it is just as important to allow yourself to feel what you’ve gone through.  Healing from abuse takes both.

Bre Wolta, EFT and The Clearing Work™ Certified Practitioner, is a Relationship Clarity Coach who is passionate about helping women heal from the mindf*ck of toxic relationships so that they can securely attach and finally experience healthy love. Bre's own toxic relationship healing journey, and her ability to hold safe space allows her to walk alongside clients as they find clarity and build trust from within, rekindling the most important relationship of all: the one they have with themselves.

Connect with Bre:

• Website: www.brewolta.com
• Podcast (Heartbreak to Healing: Untangling the Mindf*ck of Narcissistic Relationships): https://link.chtbl.com/nGsnWVzZ
• Episode 25 "What To Do After The Breakup: 4 Steps to Help You Move Through The Grief & Heartbreak Of A Narcissistic Relationship" - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/25-what-to-do-after-the-breakup-4-steps-to-help-you/id1714991254?i=1000655949382
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBd9yoGwfdc-m5RhAUolGwg
• IG: @‌lucid.living.with.bre
• Mini Course: Find Yourself Again - https://www.brewolta.com/find-yourself-again. Use code Podcast10 to receive 10% off
  
  

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What does the family court system and other systems need to know about the realistic time it will take someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or those who are high on the continuum of narcissism to actually change?

That is if they are willing to change.

And if you are struggling to leave, hoping that your partner will make the changes they have promised, what do you need to know?

In this episode I critique and summarize an article that hooked me in several years ago called 
“10 Stages in the Treatment of Narcissistic Disorders: Narcissists can slowly change, with appropriate therapy and a lot of effort.”

This article suggests 10 stages for the clinical “curing” of NPD. I share the takeaways for those who come into contact with someone with NPD or someone high on the continuum of narcissism including how the family court system can learn from and make changes to their assumptions based in this article.  I also discuss what is missing from the article and ideas for future research.

Read the article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/201908/10-stages-in-the-treatment-narcissistic-disorders

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Transparency is a requirement for any meaningful change in our family court system for survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse.  This is extremely apparent when you hear the horror stories of survivors day after day of their time and retraumatization in family court.

And just recently, the curtain has been pulled back to allow the world to see what is really going on when a survivor of domestic violence tries to protect her children in family court.  Today I am talking with two survivors with their own horror stories who have both received media attention on their cases.

Rachel Pickrel-Hawkins was recently in the news after being jailed for protecting her children.  And while the media reported several things incorrectly (which will be corrected in this episode) it shed the light on courts ordering reunification therapy when there are significant concerns of sexual abuse with what turns out to be an unethical therapist.

Erin Siegal’s case was in the limelight several years ago on her experiences with unethical and harmful court evaluators and other legal professionals.  This case and reporting were at the start of the movement here in Colorado that allowed Kayden’s Law and other laws to be passed to help start court reform.  She continues to be threatened with gag orders to silence her advocacy.

We need to continue the momentum and continue to shine the spotlight on what is really going on in our family court system.  So that survivors are not silenced.  

Where to find Erin and Rachel -
Erin - https://linktr.ee/fortitudeflourish
Rachel - https://www.tiktok.com/@mount.simon.minis?_t=8qQwZPeFfit&_r=1 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550070298795&mibextid=LQQJ4d 

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