What happens when a parenting plan leaves too much room for interpretation?

In this episode, we’re talking about one of the biggest mistakes survivors make during divorce and custody negotiations: agreeing to vague parenting plans that unintentionally create openings for ongoing manipulation, conflict, and coercive control.

I’m joined by Cat Climaco to discuss why detailed, clearly written parenting plans matter so much in high-conflict and abusive co-parenting situations. We break down some of the most common loopholes narcissistic or controlling co-parents exploit, including pick-up and drop-off logistics, extracurricular activities, communication expectations, and what happens when parents with joint decision-making reach an impasse.

We also talk about how to advocate for a more specific parenting plan when attorneys or mediators push back and prefer “standard” or cookie-cutter agreements.

If you’re currently negotiating a parenting plan or struggling with one that feels impossible to navigate, this episode will help you understand why clarity and specificity matter far more than most people realize.

In This Episode We Discuss:

• Common parenting plan loopholes
• Why vague agreements create more conflict
• Decision-making impasse clauses
• Extracurricular and exchange challenges
• Advocating for specificity with attorneys 

About Cat: Cat Climaco, Founder of Peaceful Presence Divorce Coaching, is a nationally certified High-Conflict Divorce, Custody, and Co-Parenting Coach, mediator, DASH Risk Assessor, and trauma-informed Colorado Victim's Advocate who specializes in helping protective parents navigate complex, high-conflict family court cases to achieve greater peace and safety in life after divorce. Cat blends professional expertise with lived experience to support parents facing coercive control, post-separation abuse, abusive co-parenting, and cases involving children with additional emotional or developmental needs. 

Connect w/ Cat: 
https://www.peacefulpresencedivorcecoaching.com
https://www.instagram.com/peacefulpresencedivorcecoach/
https://www.facebook.com/peacefulpresencedivorcecoaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/catclimaco/
https://www.youtube.com/@PeacefulPresenceDivorceCoach
https://www.peacefulpresencedivorcecoaching.com/workshops-documentation

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What if the reason you can’t relax… is because your body learned that calm never lasted and does not mean you are safe?

In this episode, I’m talking about something so many survivors experience after coercive control and domestic violence: feeling constantly on edge, even when nothing is actively happening. The messages stop. The house is quiet. Things seem calm. But your body still feels like it’s bracing for impact.

We explore why survivors often struggle to feel safe even after separation, how trauma and unpredictability train the nervous system to stay hypervigilant, and why this is not a character flaw or “loving drama.” It’s survival.

I also break down the difference between being safe and feeling safe, the role of the nervous system and amygdala in trauma responses, and why healing has to include more than just insight or positive thinking.

Most importantly, we talk about “felt safety” — those moments where your body starts to believe you might actually be okay — and how building those moments can change the way you parent, communicate, respond to stress, and begin healing after abuse.

In This Episode We Discuss:

• Why survivors feel anxious even during calm moments
• Hypervigilance and the nervous system after abuse
• The impact of unpredictability in coercive control
• Why healing is not just cognitive
• Felt safety and nervous system regulation
• How trauma responses impact parenting
• Practical grounding and regulation strategies
• The difference between being safe and feeling safe

If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just relax?” this episode is for you.

Nervous System episodes:
Ep 150: Post-Separation Abuse Burnout: A Nervous System Perspective https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/17103086
Ep 11: Your Nervous System is Shot: Strategies to Move Out of Fight, Flight, and Freeze https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/11272280

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What happens when the parent who was minimally involved suddenly becomes “Parent of the Year” once court professionals start watching?

In this Friday Coaching Corner episode, we’re talking about a situation many protective parents quietly fear:

A second court evaluation where the abusive parent is seeking 50/50 parenting time and increased decision-making authority while pushing a narrative that the protective parent is exaggerating concerns or harming the child through over-medicalizing or overprotectiveness.

Meanwhile, the protective parent feels terrified of looking emotional, reactive, or “high conflict” while trying to advocate for their children’s safety and well-being.

If you are navigating a PRE, custody evaluation, or other family court professional process, this episode will help you think more strategically about grounding yourself, communicating clearly, and staying focused on your children’s needs.

Questions from this episode:

• Can a PRE evaluator in Colorado recommend decision-making authority?
• How do I show up credibly when my ex suddenly acts like the perfect parent once people are watching?
• How do I talk about coercive control and my children’s wellbeing without sounding reactive or “high conflict”?

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We don’t talk enough about the real collateral damage of broken systems.

And it’s not just survivors.

It’s our kids.

In this episode, I’m naming something that so many of you are living through but rarely see acknowledged out loud — the ways children are impacted when systems like family court, child protection, and even therapeutic settings fail to fully understand coercive control and domestic violence.

Because this isn’t just about what happened in the relationship.

It’s about what continues to happen after separation… when you’re doing everything “right,” and your child is still paying the price.

We’re talking about the full spectrum of collateral damage — from the quieter, everyday barriers (like not being able to access therapy due to joint decision-making) to the more extreme and devastating outcomes that can occur when abuse is minimized, misunderstood, or ignored.

This episode is honest. It’s heavy.
And it also holds space for hope — because that matters too.

In this episode, we cover:

• How coercive control and post-separation abuse continue to impact kids
• Why joint decision-making can block access to critical care
• How children learn to stay silent in medical, legal, and therapeutic settings
• The impact of misinformed professionals (including in therapy and court)
• How fear, threats, and “provoke and record” dynamics affect children
• The misuse of terms like “parental alienation” and its consequences
• What happens when abuse (including sexual abuse) is not believed or substantiated
• The emotional and psychological toll on protective parents and children

Peer-Reviewed Articles
https://www.law.georgetown.edu/georgetown-law-journal/wp-content/uploads/sites/26/2022/06/Meier_Denial-of-Family-Violence-in-Court.pdf

https://scholarship.law.gwu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2809&context=faculty_publications

https://scholarship.law.gwu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1857&context=faculty_publications

https://barrygoldstein.net/component/tags/tag/the-saunders-study

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What actually happens when domestic violence cases enter the courtroom?

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Carol Ann Peterson—expert witness, consultant, and longtime advocate—who brings a behind-the-scenes look at how abuse is understood (and often misunderstood) in criminal, civil, and family court.

We talk about what expert witnesses really do, when they can make a difference, and why context—not isolated incidents—is critical in understanding abuse. Dr. Peterson also shares how survivors are often misperceived in court, how abusers present, and what decision-makers frequently get wrong.

This conversation pulls back the curtain on the systems many survivors are navigating—and highlights where change is still urgently needed.

About Carol Ann: Dr. Carol Ann Peterson is an expert witness, consultant, and nationally recognized trainer specializing in domestic and intimate partner violence. She has trained with the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center under the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and has consulted with the U.S. Attorney General’s Office, the California Attorney General’s Office, the Los Angeles County District Attorney, and the Los Angeles City Attorney.

Dr. Peterson has served as an expert witness in criminal, civil, and family court cases for both prosecution and defense, including district attorneys, public defenders, and private attorneys. She is a certified strangulation prevention expert and a member of the Expert Advisory Group for DomesticShelters.org.

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A lot of survivors feel exhausted for a long time.

Physically tired.
Mentally overloaded.
Emotionally drained.

And then one day, something shifts.

Anger shows up.

And what surprises many people is not just the anger. It is the energy that comes with it.

In this episode, we are looking at anger in a different way. Not just as something to manage or calm down, but as something that can actually be useful when you understand how to work with it.

Because anger is one of the few emotions that brings movement back into a system that has been stuck in survival mode.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why trauma often leads to exhaustion and low energy
 • What is happening in your body when anger shows up
 • Why anger can feel uncomfortable or even scary
 • The ways anger often gets pushed down or turned inward
 • How anger can support boundaries and decision making
 • The difference between feeling anger and acting on it
 • Practical ways to release and direct anger energy
 • How anger can reconnect you with your values and your voice

This episode is especially helpful if you have started to feel more anger and are not sure what to do with it.

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What actually happens in a domestic violence assessment? And how do you know if you even need one?

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Lisa Fontes, an expert in coercive control and domestic violence assessments, to talk about something many survivors are navigating but don’t fully understand — how these evaluations and expert witnesses show up in family court.

If you’ve ever been told to “get an expert” or wondered if that would help your case, this conversation will give you a clearer picture of what that actually means and when it might (and might not) be helpful.

We also talk about the reality that many survivors face in family court — where experiences like coercive control, sexual coercion, and post-separation abuse are often misunderstood, minimized, or not given the weight they deserve.

Inside this episode, we talk about:
• What a domestic violence or coercive control assessment actually looks like
 • The difference between an expert witness and a subject matter expert
 • When an expert can be helpful in family court — and when they may not be necessary
 • Why self-report assessments can be unreliable in abuse cases
 • How coercive control and sexual abuse often go unrecognized in legal settings
 • What “manufactured” claims and “provoke and record” tactics can look like
 • The misuse of the term “parental alienation” and how it shows up in court
 • Why post-separation abuse is often missed — and why that matters
 • How to evaluate whether an expert witness is actually qualified
 • The growing trend of survivors pursuing civil cases for damages

This episode is especially relevant if you are navigating family court, dealing with custody issues, or trying to figure out how to advocate for yourself in systems that may not fully understand abuse.

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At some point in healing, a lot of people hit this moment:

You were making progress.
You were starting to feel a shift.
And then… it feels like nothing is happening anymore.

It can feel confusing. Frustrating. Even discouraging.

In this episode, we’re talking about something that does not get talked about enough: the phase of healing where things slow down and it starts to feel like you are stuck.

If you have caught yourself thinking: Am I actually getting better? Why does this feel harder again? Shouldn’t I be further along by now?

You are not alone.

What many survivors don’t realize is that there is a phase of healing that is less about big changes and more about integration. And that phase often feels quiet, slow, and sometimes even uncomfortable.

In this episode, we talk about:
• Why healing is not linear and tends to happen in layers
 • What the plateau phase actually is and why it matters
 • Why things can feel slower after the initial stages of healing
 • What is happening in your nervous system during this time
 • Signs you are healing that are easy to miss
 • Why comparison can make this phase feel worse
 • How to look at progress in a more realistic way
 • What actually helps during this stage

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When child protection gets involved, it can feel like everything your ex threatened is starting to happen.

Many survivors were told: “If you leave, I’ll make sure everyone thinks you’re unstable—and I’ll take the kids.”

So when CPS opens an investigation, the fear isn’t just about the process.
It’s about the possibility that the narrative could be turned against you.

In this Friday Coaching Corner episode, we’re talking about how to navigate a CPS investigation when there is a history of coercive control—and when you’re worried your ex will present well while you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or misunderstood.

We’ll walk through:

• How to gauge whether a caseworker understands coercive control and domestic violence
• How to present in a way that is grounded, credible, and child-focused (without overexplaining)
• What CPS is often paying attention to beyond first impressions
• How to prepare your children in a supportive way without coaching or adding pressure

This episode also focuses on something that often gets missed:
You don’t need to outperform your ex.
You need to stay steady, consistent, and anchored in what your children need.

If you’re in the middle of an investigation—or fear this could happen—this conversation will help you move from panic to strategy.

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Sometimes the deepest wound isn't just what happened to you.

It's what happens when you try to explain it, and no one believes you.

In this episode, we are talking about epistemic injury — a form of harm that happens when your reality, your knowledge, or your credibility is questioned, dismissed, or minimized. Many survivors of coercive control experience this not only in their relationships but also in the systems they turn to for help.

If you have ever walked out of a meeting, court appointment, therapy session, or conversation, wondering:
 Did I explain that wrong?
 Did I sound crazy?
 Maybe it really is me…

You are not alone. And you are not imagining the impact this has on you.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What epistemic injury is and why it affects so many survivors
 • How not being believed can recreate the effects of gaslighting
 • Why this type of injury can be so destabilizing to your identity
 • How systemic betrayal connects to epistemic injury
 • Signs you may be dealing with epistemic injury
 • How healing begins by rebuilding trust in your own perception
 • Why healing sometimes means protecting your reality instead of proving it

This conversation is especially important for survivors navigating family court, post-separation abuse, or professional systems that may not fully understand coercive control.

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