For Better Or Best Podcast

This episode is said to be our season finale (allegedly) and Shireen is flying solo without Charles. She is happily joined by one of her best friends, content creator, free diving mermaid and travel aficionado Rene Daniella, known on social media as @ownbyfemme. Shireen gives her guest her flowers, complimenting how intentional Rene is about posting on social media. Rene takes us through her journey to becoming an influencer. She studied broadcast journalism and was working for a PR firm in NYC. She did a shoot that she felt self conscious about but it was during a time when natural/curly hair was a thing, so it picked up traction (1:23-8:01). Fast forward to Rene living in Paris during grad school. She gave herself a year; if she couldn't build up a significant enough following and brand partnerships to stay afloat, she would go back to NYC. Rene mentions how the support of her family/parents really helpd get her through some struggle times in her 20s. Maxing out credit cards and borrowing from her parents helped her get the start she needed. The foundation she had is one that she is immensely grateful for. After returning to NY Rene made friends with more Black travel content creators and she was off to the races. She was hired to host a travel series for YouTube and moved to Colombia for 6mo. That's when she knew she could do it full time in the states (14:54-20:06). Rene says blind faith is really what has propelled her forward in the content space. At the root of all her desires is freedom to travel. Shireen asks about failures vs successes and Rene mentions the ups and downs since 2020. The pandemic halted most of her travel plans so she wound up staying in the UK with her parents for many months. Rene recalls not having as many deals during that time but once they picked up, she was able to buy a house in 2022. She takes pride in being able to afford the lifestyle she dreamed about, all from her earnings from brand partnerships on social media. People are fnally starting to see how lucrative it is to curate branded content that way(21:14-29:08). Rene is fulfilled by the community she's created online and shares that keeping up with people online through shared interests is a talent in itself. Shireen then shifts the convo to home ownership and the woes of draining your resources. Rene mentions how Rocket Money(not an ad) has helped her manage her budget better, so that there is less frivolous spending. She shared how 2023 she was on a weight loss journey, so the content focus was on that and home decor. How you feel about yourself, your body, being in front of the camera impacts how you share content. Rene's secret to success appears to be blind faith, personal deadlines and pushing through insecurities to find something creative to get passionate about. Social media is a culmination of everyone's wins, but rarely do any come without a bunch of unseen losses. She's an expert at capturing "the moment" and then putting her phone away to actually enjoy it. We could all take some notes on that! (32:03-40:19)

After giving Shireen more flowers this week, the Kuykendolls are joined by one of their favorites, Scottie Beam. Charles recalls meeting Scottie at his first Revolt event in Chicago and knowing immediately that she was a star. Shireen remembered watching Scottie at ComplexCon, realizing how much she makes Black women and men feel seen. Scottie acknowledges everyone, always says hello, always stops to take pictures. Charles asks how she became an influencer. Humbly, Scottie shares how she got her start on the Hot97 street team in NYC and worked her way up to digital producer, taking what she learned from creating awareness on the street to the internet. They all joke about their AIM names and MySpace. Some men peaked as athletes in high school and never let it go, so their highlights ended up online (1:46-11:21). Scottie says she likes a nerd, a smart man that doesn't have to be "universally fine", just fine for her, and that always surprises dudes. Somehow they land on deodorant and soaps, claiming that the 3 in 1 and 5 in 1 soaps don't count (Head&Shoulders is NOT body wash). Getting back to her industry start, Scottie shares how working with Angie Martinez and learning social media taught her about content for her audience. She began posting more images of herself. Scottie's mother always told her to document everything; even if you're uncomfortbale in your body, post it as a reminder of your growth. Shireen has a hard time consistently posting as well because she feels like more of a consumer than a content creator (12:02-19:24). Scottie says she tried multiple things before landing in the content space as a creator; Interning at labels, working in retail. Taking the content/talk space by storm has been grat, and Scottie says she knows when to leave and when things don't serve her anymore. Charles asks how she trusts her gut and she replies that when she left Hot97 to focus fully on digital content, she knew her passion would elevate her. The purpose is louder than the look! She had stopped hosting once she was clinically diagnosed with dyslexia. She was overthinking everything, including her confidence. Coupled with the isolation of Covid, fear got overwhelming. Scottie admits that she's afraid she won't make her loved ones proud, that she's very hard on herself but she's learning more and more to trust God (21:08-31:13). The convo shifts to Charles and his need to feel in control of things. Shireen has patience but also gets frustrated when she feels Charles doesn't trust her work ethic. He claims his biggest fear is being disappointed, and Scottie asks for how long? Eventually Charles digresses and listens to the ladies point out how much Shireen does for their family and some of the efforts that go unseen. Women always get it done, especially without a hand clap. Charles has always said he couldn't do half as much in his life or achieve his amount of success without Shireen, but it helps to hear it out loud from friends as well. Scottie goes on to give Charles his flowers about how well he moves in the industry; always keeping his wife next to him, never letting any other women(friends or colleagues) get too familiar without also getting to know Shireen. "If you like me, you'd love my wife" energy. Real friends loving on each other this episode! (33:36-47:43)

This week the Kuykendolls dive into making a decision about having baby girl Beloved. Charles recalls the first episode ever being about the vasectomy and now 15 months later they're preparing to go through the process of IVF. Shireen says that he revealed he really wanted a little girl during her 37 week ultrasound while pregnant with Carter and she thought he was joking. Now that Carter is almost 2 and Shireen's snapback is crazy, Charles thinks its time for them to do the egg retrieval. Shireen says she was intentional about her prayers and there was never a prayer for baby #3. Charles remembers still wanting to be outside and travel when CJ was born but now he loves being at home. Shireen is now traveling more and Charles jokes that he's gotta get her pregnant to keep her from going on all these girls trips!(1:02-8:57). Charles says if he had his way, there would be a 5yr gap between kids, Shireen says they should've started younger. Shireen doesn't want to wait longer becuase she's already loving the freedom she's getting as Carter grows, she's not gonna want to give it up. CJ is perfectly content with his little brother, he thinks 2 kids is enough. Shireen explans the egg retrieval process; injections 10-12 days, doctors visits etc. and said she needed Charles to be present to help her. Charles doesn't believe in needles, apparently, so she was on her own. Both have agreed they're only going through all this for a baby girl. So once fertilized, if the embryos turned out to be all boys, they've agreed not to do another round of egg retrievals(9:09-19:34). Charles recaps his sperm retrieval experience; from the buzzing lights to the turn dial tv to the magazines. Shireen shares the hurdle that is fibroids, and wasn't sure if she would be able to carry. She suggested a surrogate, and Charles said he was down as long as she follows his set of rules, its giving princess/prisoner. Charles recalls Shireen locking in on her health during pregnancy so the bar is high. Shireen said the exam on her uterus was painful but the doctor cleared her to carry. Baby shower for a surrogate? They did a gender reveal for CJ and Carter, so the same will stand for baby girl. Adoption is also not off the table as a last resort, and would be an option for Shireen into her 40s. She shares that pregnancy was not easy for her, as beautiful a feeling as it was, it was rough both times. Despite how physically and emotionally taxing, Shireen loves Charles and having baby girl Beloved will be her love letter to him(22:13-37:08).

Barely-making-it Beloved is fresh off of a flight to join Shireen and their guest, occupational therapist, Shardia Washington. Her intro defines what her exact medical title means as they discuss the very touchy topic of children. Identifying developmental hurdles as a parent can be tough. Shireen shares that their second son Carter was a little delayed in his ability to stand and walk as a 1 year old, and being familiar with CJ's growth (he was slightly late and lazy), she knew that Carter would need the same if not more grace(1:52-5:05). Milestones are not definitive; Shardia explains that having an idea of where kids should be is fine, but the shame and guilt about something possibly being "wrong" shouldn't keep you from getting an assessment. She says that being a clinician, she can't help but always be transparent with parents, even friends who may be in denial about their situation. She says she can't turn it off, its her responsibility but always makes sure that she's not overstepping boundaries. Shireen asks if Shardia gets pushback from parents because she doesn't have children. Shardia makes it clear to parents that they know their child, no one knows and loves them like a mom, but the mom doesn't know disability or development, so she says its important to disarm the parents so it feels solution based (7:12-13:30). There's progress made in discomfort. Charles jokes that he's knock-kneed and Shireen is piegon toed so he cracks a joke about their kids having inherited their joint traits. Carter is now old enough to understand his intuition and senses when he's about to be pushed or challenged to work on his development. Charles describes Carter as being a little lazy and stubborn, that the older he gets the harder it is for him to adapt; fear shows up. Some days he's got the energy and some days he doesn't. Shardia says thats like us too, as adults. Nurturing a kids' capacity is just as important as our own. We have to recognize what we grew out of and get out of our feelings about where the kids are in comparison. So much of the Black community has been held together by the "family business stays in the house" idealogy, that help thats available goes ignored. You'd be shocked to find out how many people would assist if they knew you were in need(14:01-20:10). Shardia breaks down how small things get compounded if gone untreated with kids, and the problems can go from being medical to social. Carter is very social, Shireen sees how engaged he is at home with his brother. They point out how different their lives have become, from once having a baby who was immobile to having a child who runs around with curiosity. Shireen says the physical therapist sees Carter twice a week but she doesn't feel like its really working as well as it should, even with concentrated practice at home. Shardia looks for patient/clinician fit and results. She says sometimes you can have one without the other, and if progress isn't ongoing, its time to take a more aggressive approach and explore second and third opinions. And bear in mind that cost does not always equal quality when it comes to care(21:02-27:32). When you first start therapy, Shardia says she's assessing the barriers that are preventing the child from doing what they need to do. Throughout the intervention, Shardia knows what targets the kid needs to hit at every session. Every parent should also be able to keep track according to what the clinician provides. Shireen is an action oriented parent, and found another treatment center for Carter and had a new therapist do a home evaluation that felt much more productive. CJ makes a rare appearance! Shireen says that kids tell everybody your business at school, he's bragging about season 2 of the podcast!

Friends, how many of us have them?! This week the Kuykendolls are joined by good friends Jae Murphy (DJ, host, artist) and Alex Hill (chef, food blogger, content creator). The guests start off disucissing their HBCU experiences, Jae was at Howard for broadcast journalism and Alex went to Hampton for PR/marketing. Charles gushes about wanting his kids going to HBCUs, for all the perks of culture and networking. Jae pledged Kappa and learned how to DJ quietly while building a local name for himself. After getting asked to host the BET Music Matters showcase with Kendrick Lamar, he hit the gas and moved to LA to pursue a gig at Revolt. Shooters shoot! (1:19-15:19). The attention shifts to Alex, who shares that her mom taught her how to cook and her favorite hot sauces are Krystal's and Tapatio. The 'Just Add Hot Sauce' blog was perfectly on brand! Alex didn't know how to shoot/edit food content back then. She worked for Team Epiphany (Black owned media company) and after a tough love/life lesson moved from NY to LA. Overwhelmed by the high demand of the job, Alex decided to pivot. She saved $20k and launched her video series. It's not about who you know but who knows you! (19:18-28:10). Jae Murphy is a brand, not just a DJ anymore. He's a host, music artist and content creator. He explains that people stiill treat DJing like its not a real job, its a trendy hobby. Similarly to that, cooking on IG has become a widespread trend. Alex always wanted to start a cooking show, hence her long form series on YouTube, 'Hot Sauce At Home'. Tastemates found her and she realized someone had been quietly pitching her content for a show for a while. Both Jae and Alex go back and forth about the pains of dating. East coast men are the preference all across the board for Alex, whereas Jae prefers west coast women because he went to college with so many of them. Alex says its important to be intentional in dating, that whoever she considers has to be ok with the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. Jae working in nightlife works against him, people assume the public persona is all they are in real life. They all chat about Charles' ability to bring singles together by curating "tribal gatherings" for his many friend groups. Jae is content being single in this season, while Alex is not interested in the unserious, no more ignoring red flags, no more dating with potential, you gotta come potenched! (33:13-50:45). Alex has been trying her luck on Raya. She says she doesn't need a partner to be passionate about the same things as her, just be super supportive. Jae concurs that he needs someone that doesn't mind being his supporting act, and that Charles and Shireen give him hope, the way they love each other loudly (51:30-1:01:02).

Make sure to check out 'Spice Spice Baby' on Tastemates, listen to 'Angel' on Apple Music/Spotify, and follow @justaddhotsauce and @jaemurphy on IG

Blow-A-Bag Beloved is back with his wonderful queen Shireen, outfits matching, per usual. After exchanging pleasantries, compliments and big words, the two dive right in. People are pocket watching! Aesthetics and luxury are important, but working really hard to get a deal is too. Shireen spills the tea on the Palm Springs outlets and mentions that they Google the best prices for all the items she's looking for. Charles mentions his love of watches and wanting a Rolex, so the convo about shopping internationally begins(2:10-12:19). Charles explains VAT tax and how he doesn't shop in London unless there's an exclusive piece he can't get anywhere else. If there's ever something either of them wants, they try to wait for it to go on sale. Charles would rather spend more time finding deals than just blow the bread. They elaborate on perks like being Delta Airlines loyalists, and the travel perks that come from using their Amex cards. The Kuykendolls need an Amex brand partnership please! Shireen shares that the best usage of credit card points/rewards is for hotels and airfare. Charles travels much more frequently for work so whenever he gets a seat upgrade he'll troll Shireen while she sits in coach (think of yourself, queen!). Charles admits to being a crier during certain important moments (IE when he proposed to Shireen (14:02-28:12). When R&B HouseParty was acquired, it was the most money Charles had ever seen in one payout. Charles put money aside for the kids, wanted to buy something nice for Shireen and get an Audemars Piquet watch. While in Europe, they investigated purchasing his watch and found out you have to build a portfolio(similar to Birkin) before purchasing. Charles is loud luxury, not quiet. He doesn't want to spend the loud amount for subtlety! For all the things they buy, they also give things away, but resellers have ruined the donation process. There's a group on Facebook called BuyNothing and Shireen posts clothes and furniture in good condition. Charles describes his Rolex, and says its an investment and the VAT tax refund they got from Europe covered their family vacay. If you're a big international traveler, Shireen recommends global entry for the entire family for the sake of convenience, they reference the mobile passport app. Window shopper Beloved claims to still be looking out for sales and deals. Don't feel pressured or rushed to spend money or go into debt, make sound choices for yourself. Charles says if you have issues with sizing, international order/pickup is a stress free process as well. Happy shopping!(32:01-44:39)

The Kuykendolls are back for a solo episode this week, after several deep chats with friends! It felt like a good time to share some personal health changes that both Charles and Shireen had been experiencing. Charles makes it a point to declare he is politically correct Beloved and doesn't speak on womens' bodies, but says that seeing Shireen pregnant, he thought she was the most beautiful. Shireen has lost a considerable amount of weight. Shireen shares that she gained quite a bit during her most recent pregnancy and the post-baby weight was stubborn, especially in her mid-section and she couldn't fit anything in her closet. Despite eating salads and walking every day, she needed a little extra help. Enter WeGovy! *this is NOT an ad* (0:23-7:32). Shireen breaks down how the medicine is rationed; that its a lifelong medication. After traveling over the summer, Shireen returned home to find it wasn't as easy to get her hands on the medication. Shireen says its harder for some than others to lose weight, so she doesn't feel any kind of way about eing judged. She said she'll never be a grilled chicken girlie! Weight loss looks different for everybody (7:49-12:52). Charles asks about side effects; Shireen mentions nausea, drinking alcohol, eating processed foods, and that some people had to force themselves to eat. She said the meds have changed how she chemically thinks about food now. She no longer craves certain foods, she eats mechanically to be satiated. Shireen has lost 35 pounds in 7mo, she said she hadn't been that size since before their wedding. Charles notes how beautiful its been to see her regain her confidence. She says she wanted to share everything because social media doesn't give you the details and she wanted to disclose her experience honestly (14:12-23:42). Ironically, Charles had his own run in with BelovedGovy shortly after. The undertaking of new projects was stressful, Charles complained of neck pain and Shireen insisted he go to the doctor. His blood pressure was concerning, so they had him go to the ER against his wishes. He couldn't calm down, so the number kept going up. They kept him overnight, due to being close to heartattack. After seeing all the specialists, they deemed him pre-diabetic and he was prescribed Ozempic. He became a believer in the magic after losing 11lbs. Both Charles and Shireen have changed their perspectives on food and prioritize health and feeling good, now. Shireen feels like herself again and Charles is taking better care overall!

This week, Charles and Shireen are joined by content creator/researcher/entrepreneur Taiwo Ade and award-winning producer and journalist Krystal Franklin. Charles starts off professing his love for Instagram, citing that its his favorite social media platform. He talks about connecting with both guests via mutual friends that introfuced them to connect at AfroTech. Charles emphasizes how much of a good networking tool IG has become, remembering how exciting it was to talk to new friends on Black Planet and MySpace. He explains how nowadays IG likes/supportive comments are his way of connecting when life make its tough to see some of his close friends as often as he'd like. He references a few "friends" that acknowledged seeing the posts of his family trip to Paris and not hitting the like button. He takes offense because he deems himself a serial "liker". Shireen's toxic IG trait is that she scrolls and consumes but doesn't necessarily hit like (0:29-10:26). Shireen retorts that she's been the same since her party promoter days in college, she wouldn't even like the flyer post. Krystal says her toxic IG trait is that she engages with posts that are aesthetically pleasing. Taiwo says she only follows accounts that enrich her in some way; that she looks for inspiration from the content, whether its travel or food, etc. Krystal says she sometimes questions whats real vs fake because as a single woman, plenty of folks only reach out to her to turn up and party; her accomplishments look different than some of her friends(11:04-18:53). There are some people who are just haters! The group discusses what the algorithm dictates (strangers are more reactive than people you know) and point out that comparison is the thief of joy. No one actually knows the truth outside of what friends post on social media unless they talk about it. Charles says he's taking a King Solomon approach to it, now. Taking courtesy to the next level, if someone shows him they care; and disengaging if it appears they do not. We're living in the matrix! Everyone is a villain in somemone's story (19:09-29:32). They continue to touch on unfollowing/blocking etiquette, sometimes it requires a conversation, sometimes not. The ladies list the top 5 expectations of real friends on IG and in real life. At the end of the day, if someone is your real close friend or someone you genuinely care about, it costs nothing to Like or Comment (31:37-43:41).

Shireen and "Bespoke Beloved" kick off the episode recalling what it felt like receiving the news that Charles was being laid off and the friendship assessments that took place. He explains that 90% of his close friends were there to support him in new endeavors but that 10% that he felt he had invested so much into, didn't show up as he'd expected. Reciprocity was different. Joined by their good friend and psychotherapist Brittany Richardson, the couple asks what factors cause 10+ year friendships to fall apart. Brittany reminds them that social media plays a different role in your 20's vs your 30's. Career goals and lifestyle choices like marriage/partnership and children have major impacts on friendships (2:12-10:40). Charles claims to be very introspective, reflecting on where he might've fallen short or dropped the ball in friendships. Shireen points out the intentionality of friends who also have very busy lives and the value of communcating their needs directly. How do we meet our friends where they're at? Charles asks if there's room for friendship therapy and Brittany says its possible to work on it as long as there is a common goal. Shireen believes it different from marriage, brings in financial ties, children etc. The investment and attachment is different. Eventhough you're being asked to change in a friendship, family/kids/business may be prioritized over friends(10:50-18:02). Brittany explains that opting in/out feels finite in partnership but the unspoken rule is that friendship is supposed to withstand all things. Maybe friendship doesn't look the same anymore but sitting in the feeling of change is harder than just abandoning the connection. How do we give people grace, knowing its not me, its them? Boundaries has become an overused buzzword, but they're still important. Charles wishes he was more mature and more healed. He says he matches energy; if you fall back, he falls back and goes where he's celebrated. Boundaries are the cliff, and then there's a preference, which is less tit for tat and more about case by case situation. What are the signals that its time to let the friendship go? Brittany says, share how you're feeling and express what a solution would look like for you; give it a fair shot. If they're not reciprocating or flat out disregard it, leave it where it is. Decide how much you can take(19:12-28:02). Top 3 things to make friendships last: listening/communication, mutual respect, loyalty/love. To live a long and healthy life, you need community. That means sharing joy and sorrows. Some friends only share joy when they feel inadequate. Brittany emphasizes that we are everyone's best judge and our own best attorney. Pay it forward in love and don't treat the rainy days with so much shame. There are people rooting for you! 

If you'd like to connect with guest therapist Brittany Richardson please follow @venttherapy on IG and visit venttherapy.com

The first official guest on FBOB is none other than our very own EP, Bridget Kelly! While discussing how Charles and Shireen's paths crossed w/BK, Charles poses the question, 'do you know who you are'? They started out as fans of the music and now that they're friends, wanted to dive a little deeper into BK's origin story. Growing up in NYC, music wasn't her only love. She wanted to be a marine biologist! With the encouragement of her parents, BK went from singing in the choir to open mics and then the Subway. Charles asks about getting signed and the process behind trying to get a deal. BK shares the first time she met JayZ and what her experience was like entering the music industry. Like most artists, she didn't realize how much went into creating a career in music aside from just singing and songwriting. BK goes into detail about how 'Special Delivery' came about, debuting it at her first Essence Fest. She shared how touring and visiting radio stations was necessary to promote the music. She tells stories about some of the big names she's proud to have collaborated with along the way. Career pivots from tv to podcasting wasn't easy, and the pandemic forced the changes that BK had prayed for. Throughout her 15 year career, BK divulges things she wishes she knew and things she might've done differently. Charles and Shireen remind BK of who she is to them, a friend but also a talent with so much more to create and share. Bringing things to present day, BK shares her love story, how she met her fiancee and what the future holds. Its a blessing to have friends who believe in you and pour into you the way Charles and Shireen pour into Bridget. Everyone needs someone to remind them who they are!