For Better Or Best Podcast

Blow-A-Bag Beloved is back with his wonderful queen Shireen, outfits matching, per usual. After exchanging pleasantries, compliments and big words, the two dive right in. People are pocket watching! Aesthetics and luxury are important, but working really hard to get a deal is too. Shireen spills the tea on the Palm Springs outlets and mentions that they Google the best prices for all the items she's looking for. Charles mentions his love of watches and wanting a Rolex, so the convo about shopping internationally begins(2:10-12:19). Charles explains VAT tax and how he doesn't shop in London unless there's an exclusive piece he can't get anywhere else. If there's ever something either of them wants, they try to wait for it to go on sale. Charles would rather spend more time finding deals than just blow the bread. They elaborate on perks like being Delta Airlines loyalists, and the travel perks that come from using their Amex cards. The Kuykendolls need an Amex brand partnership please! Shireen shares that the best usage of credit card points/rewards is for hotels and airfare. Charles travels much more frequently for work so whenever he gets a seat upgrade he'll troll Shireen while she sits in coach (think of yourself, queen!). Charles admits to being a crier during certain important moments (IE when he proposed to Shireen (14:02-28:12). When R&B HouseParty was acquired, it was the most money Charles had ever seen in one payout. Charles put money aside for the kids, wanted to buy something nice for Shireen and get an Audemars Piquet watch. While in Europe, they investigated purchasing his watch and found out you have to build a portfolio(similar to Birkin) before purchasing. Charles is loud luxury, not quiet. He doesn't want to spend the loud amount for subtlety! For all the things they buy, they also give things away, but resellers have ruined the donation process. There's a group on Facebook called BuyNothing and Shireen posts clothes and furniture in good condition. Charles describes his Rolex, and says its an investment and the VAT tax refund they got from Europe covered their family vacay. If you're a big international traveler, Shireen recommends global entry for the entire family for the sake of convenience, they reference the mobile passport app. Window shopper Beloved claims to still be looking out for sales and deals. Don't feel pressured or rushed to spend money or go into debt, make sound choices for yourself. Charles says if you have issues with sizing, international order/pickup is a stress free process as well. Happy shopping!(32:01-44:39)

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The Kuykendolls are back for a solo episode this week, after several deep chats with friends! It felt like a good time to share some personal health changes that both Charles and Shireen had been experiencing. Charles makes it a point to declare he is politically correct Beloved and doesn't speak on womens' bodies, but says that seeing Shireen pregnant, he thought she was the most beautiful. Shireen has lost a considerable amount of weight. Shireen shares that she gained quite a bit during her most recent pregnancy and the post-baby weight was stubborn, especially in her mid-section and she couldn't fit anything in her closet. Despite eating salads and walking every day, she needed a little extra help. Enter WeGovy! *this is NOT an ad* (0:23-7:32). Shireen breaks down how the medicine is rationed; that its a lifelong medication. After traveling over the summer, Shireen returned home to find it wasn't as easy to get her hands on the medication. Shireen says its harder for some than others to lose weight, so she doesn't feel any kind of way about eing judged. She said she'll never be a grilled chicken girlie! Weight loss looks different for everybody (7:49-12:52). Charles asks about side effects; Shireen mentions nausea, drinking alcohol, eating processed foods, and that some people had to force themselves to eat. She said the meds have changed how she chemically thinks about food now. She no longer craves certain foods, she eats mechanically to be satiated. Shireen has lost 35 pounds in 7mo, she said she hadn't been that size since before their wedding. Charles notes how beautiful its been to see her regain her confidence. She says she wanted to share everything because social media doesn't give you the details and she wanted to disclose her experience honestly (14:12-23:42). Ironically, Charles had his own run in with BelovedGovy shortly after. The undertaking of new projects was stressful, Charles complained of neck pain and Shireen insisted he go to the doctor. His blood pressure was concerning, so they had him go to the ER against his wishes. He couldn't calm down, so the number kept going up. They kept him overnight, due to being close to heartattack. After seeing all the specialists, they deemed him pre-diabetic and he was prescribed Ozempic. He became a believer in the magic after losing 11lbs. Both Charles and Shireen have changed their perspectives on food and prioritize health and feeling good, now. Shireen feels like herself again and Charles is taking better care overall!

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This week, Charles and Shireen are joined by content creator/researcher/entrepreneur Taiwo Ade and award-winning producer and journalist Krystal Franklin. Charles starts off professing his love for Instagram, citing that its his favorite social media platform. He talks about connecting with both guests via mutual friends that introfuced them to connect at AfroTech. Charles emphasizes how much of a good networking tool IG has become, remembering how exciting it was to talk to new friends on Black Planet and MySpace. He explains how nowadays IG likes/supportive comments are his way of connecting when life make its tough to see some of his close friends as often as he'd like. He references a few "friends" that acknowledged seeing the posts of his family trip to Paris and not hitting the like button. He takes offense because he deems himself a serial "liker". Shireen's toxic IG trait is that she scrolls and consumes but doesn't necessarily hit like (0:29-10:26). Shireen retorts that she's been the same since her party promoter days in college, she wouldn't even like the flyer post. Krystal says her toxic IG trait is that she engages with posts that are aesthetically pleasing. Taiwo says she only follows accounts that enrich her in some way; that she looks for inspiration from the content, whether its travel or food, etc. Krystal says she sometimes questions whats real vs fake because as a single woman, plenty of folks only reach out to her to turn up and party; her accomplishments look different than some of her friends(11:04-18:53). There are some people who are just haters! The group discusses what the algorithm dictates (strangers are more reactive than people you know) and point out that comparison is the thief of joy. No one actually knows the truth outside of what friends post on social media unless they talk about it. Charles says he's taking a King Solomon approach to it, now. Taking courtesy to the next level, if someone shows him they care; and disengaging if it appears they do not. We're living in the matrix! Everyone is a villain in somemone's story (19:09-29:32). They continue to touch on unfollowing/blocking etiquette, sometimes it requires a conversation, sometimes not. The ladies list the top 5 expectations of real friends on IG and in real life. At the end of the day, if someone is your real close friend or someone you genuinely care about, it costs nothing to Like or Comment (31:37-43:41).

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Shireen and "Bespoke Beloved" kick off the episode recalling what it felt like receiving the news that Charles was being laid off and the friendship assessments that took place. He explains that 90% of his close friends were there to support him in new endeavors but that 10% that he felt he had invested so much into, didn't show up as he'd expected. Reciprocity was different. Joined by their good friend and psychotherapist Brittany Richardson, the couple asks what factors cause 10+ year friendships to fall apart. Brittany reminds them that social media plays a different role in your 20's vs your 30's. Career goals and lifestyle choices like marriage/partnership and children have major impacts on friendships (2:12-10:40). Charles claims to be very introspective, reflecting on where he might've fallen short or dropped the ball in friendships. Shireen points out the intentionality of friends who also have very busy lives and the value of communcating their needs directly. How do we meet our friends where they're at? Charles asks if there's room for friendship therapy and Brittany says its possible to work on it as long as there is a common goal. Shireen believes it different from marriage, brings in financial ties, children etc. The investment and attachment is different. Eventhough you're being asked to change in a friendship, family/kids/business may be prioritized over friends(10:50-18:02). Brittany explains that opting in/out feels finite in partnership but the unspoken rule is that friendship is supposed to withstand all things. Maybe friendship doesn't look the same anymore but sitting in the feeling of change is harder than just abandoning the connection. How do we give people grace, knowing its not me, its them? Boundaries has become an overused buzzword, but they're still important. Charles wishes he was more mature and more healed. He says he matches energy; if you fall back, he falls back and goes where he's celebrated. Boundaries are the cliff, and then there's a preference, which is less tit for tat and more about case by case situation. What are the signals that its time to let the friendship go? Brittany says, share how you're feeling and express what a solution would look like for you; give it a fair shot. If they're not reciprocating or flat out disregard it, leave it where it is. Decide how much you can take(19:12-28:02). Top 3 things to make friendships last: listening/communication, mutual respect, loyalty/love. To live a long and healthy life, you need community. That means sharing joy and sorrows. Some friends only share joy when they feel inadequate. Brittany emphasizes that we are everyone's best judge and our own best attorney. Pay it forward in love and don't treat the rainy days with so much shame. There are people rooting for you! 

If you'd like to connect with guest therapist Brittany Richardson please follow @venttherapy on IG and visit venttherapy.com

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The first official guest on FBOB is none other than our very own EP, Bridget Kelly! While discussing how Charles and Shireen's paths crossed w/BK, Charles poses the question, 'do you know who you are'? They started out as fans of the music and now that they're friends, wanted to dive a little deeper into BK's origin story. Growing up in NYC, music wasn't her only love. She wanted to be a marine biologist! With the encouragement of her parents, BK went from singing in the choir to open mics and then the Subway. Charles asks about getting signed and the process behind trying to get a deal. BK shares the first time she met JayZ and what her experience was like entering the music industry. Like most artists, she didn't realize how much went into creating a career in music aside from just singing and songwriting. BK goes into detail about how 'Special Delivery' came about, debuting it at her first Essence Fest. She shared how touring and visiting radio stations was necessary to promote the music. She tells stories about some of the big names she's proud to have collaborated with along the way. Career pivots from tv to podcasting wasn't easy, and the pandemic forced the changes that BK had prayed for. Throughout her 15 year career, BK divulges things she wishes she knew and things she might've done differently. Charles and Shireen remind BK of who she is to them, a friend but also a talent with so much more to create and share. Bringing things to present day, BK shares her love story, how she met her fiancee and what the future holds. Its a blessing to have friends who believe in you and pour into you the way Charles and Shireen pour into Bridget. Everyone needs someone to remind them who they are!

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Byke like they never left! Charles and Shireen return for season 2 after an exciting year, full of wonderful changes. They start with a thank you to the audience (both real friends and fans of the show) for pressing them about returning to the mics. Charles then brings us up to speed on his professional adjustments. Having been no stranger to layoffs in the tech space, he was shocked but still at peace when his news came mid-vacation. He didn't want to hide it, despite his ego being slightly bruised, and reminds listeners to have their own IP because corporate can let you go at any time (5:15-10:02). After Essence Fest, Charles began talks with Blavity about a possible acquisition of R&B HouseParty. Charles explains acquisition preparedness and his due diligence checklist, now having the time to devote to his passion project (12:30-19:52). Charles' new position at Blavity is the GM of community. Morgan DeBaun(CEO of Blavity) understood how much of an asset Charles is and saw the vision he had for his role. A music festival has always been a dream of his, and this summer its finally coming to fruition. While Charles was planting new creative seeds, Shireen was planning Carter's 1st birthday party and simultneously being scammed out of tens of thousands, trying to build a pool! They were told that contractors everywhere were shady and it turned out someone else they knew was also scammed by the same one(21:46-27:02). Over the course of several months, the pool nightmare continued. Shireen took over communication and eventually had to pull up on the guy becuase what should've cost $40k ended up costing close to $60k! What's the number you would lose your mind for? What amount of money could you let go? All is well that ends well, since lessons can be blessings, however some lessons cost more than others. Needless to say, do your research thoroughly before hiring contractors. And also, the pool really turned out great!

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We finally made it to episode 10! Shireen talks about being nervous during the first episode compared to now, and Charles says they're officially podcasters after 10 episodes. Shireen and Charles are both super excited to be at the end of season one, especially just in time for a very busy summer. CJ is about to graduate kindergarten and Carter is about to turn 1 and take his first international trip with their friends. From there they go to Chicago and Essence Fest aka Aunty Fest for some nostalgic R&B vibes. The Freaknik generation are now the Essence Fest demographic(0:22-5:40). Charles and Shireen are celebrating their 7th wedding anniversary by attending the Renaissance tour in Toronto. If you see them outside, say hello! Charles says they're both approachable with the same personalities on and offline. Shireen is looking forward to not being pregnant and enjoying drinks at all their destinations this year, and asked Charles to go dry with her for the 9mo pregnancy term of baby #3(whether with surrogate or without). Charles is ready for a Charlotte(a baby girl). He says he needs to be ready for whatever Shireen and the doctor's plan is, by 2024(5:50-14:12). The couple has seen a lot of conversations online about traveling with kids. They recall a story about a guy complaining loudly about a crying baby. Shireen says don't let your kids stop you from traveling, take them with you and get them used to it. They used to take CJ everywhere because they had no childcare so therefore, no choice. Now they're looking forward to a much needed break for the summer before returning for Season 2. Charles expresses his gratitude for everyone tuning in and also showing up to all his R&B Houseparties. Shireen works the door and welcomes everyone in. Tito's is sponsoring them this summer so they're all free, make sure you follow @rnbhouseparty on socials for info(15:4-22:07). Interior design has also been a big undertaking for Charles and Shireen. The house is so big that tehy get decision fatigue. Between wallpaer, wall trim and crown molding its all very expensive. Charles wanted to go the cheap route but Shireen shut it down so that they wouldn't stand out in the neighborhood. HGTV is not real life. They've installed a pool, ice maker by the grill and a hot tub spa as well. When they bought the new construction on the plot, there was nothing but a frame and some dirt. It's come a long way. Charles and Shireen admit they don't know how to swim so the pool is really for the kids. Charles does better on a yacht with a captain's hat at the helm. Shireen and Charles are both grateful to everyone who has joined them for these 10 episodes look forward to season 2(23:02-30:03). Feel free to share suggestions, send DMs or leave ideas in the comments, we would love to hear from you and keep expanding the conversations. That's all for now! Til next time, enjoy summer.

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Charles and Shireen kick off ep 9 by laughing about the comments and feedback from previous episodes. Charles points out that some of their subscribers believe Shireen has displayed red flags, and that its a topic the two have never discussed before. Charles says that Shireen had some yellow flags early on when they were just friends and he was watching how she moved dating other people. Shireen claims she thought Charles was corny, but admits that NY women think everyone is corny. He eventually got his swag up(1:05-8:00). Shireen was intentionally dating to meet her husband so one of her red flags was a cheap man. She recalls a date she went on with a guy on a Tuesday, and she knew it was a free movie at a random theater. She had to kiss a few frogs before finding her Prince Charming. It was a turn off, and Charles asked if she was being harsh because the cheapness was a red flag. He then says that transparency for men is what can save them from judgment about being frugal. Had the guy expressed that he either didn't have it or was saving for something, Shireen might've had a bit more respect for it. Shireen believes you should make an effort to make a good impression in the beginning, and that being cheap is acceptable if there's a goal. So now Shireen and Charles are coupon lovers and bargain hunters, but its also because they're transparent and share long term plans(11:02-17:40). Despite Charles having a lot going on which was a red flag, he was incredibly honest and open which was a green flag. Charles admits that proposing was a mental hurdle because of the vulnerability that had been established. He trusted Shireen so much from jump since they started out as friends. Shireen had dated enough and watched her friends get played and lied to so she was relieved by how much Charles shared with her. He always gave her a choice. When his ex came back around he was upfront about it and made Shireen feel safe and secure. Both would rather be uncomfortable hearing the truth than not know what is really going on. Their relationship was long distance so it would've been easy to be dishonest but the friendship was too solid. Charles says if they weren't faith-based it would never have worked(18:00-22:50). Being a God-fearing man was a non-negotiable for Shireen, she knew she wanted to raise her kids a certain way. Having kids and ensuring the family liked him was also non-negotiable. Shireen's mother has no filter, so Shireen was hopeful she would love Charles and now she calls him the son she alwyas wanted. Charles wanted to be a father more than anything because of how amazing his father has been to him. He wanted an ambitious woman, someone that would hustle and be just as much of a go getter as he is. Its hard if you're the only one pushing, who pushes the pusher? Charles and Shireen motivate each other and have stepped out on faith successfully on more than one occasion. Cheers to the green flags!(23:12-30:59)

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Do you know your partner's love languages? Charles and Shireen deep dive into their different preferences in this episode. Charles states that he'll be keeping his shades on the entire episode, to usher in R&B HouseParty energy. With summer approaching, Charles schedule is getting hectic. Shireen describes how tough it is to manage the house and her big girl job, not to mention keeping up with CJ's social life. Shireen's been watching 'Love Is Blind' and realized that understanding love languages isn't as common as it should be. The assumption is ususlly that mens' main language is physical touch(0:26-5:55). Charles' father gave them the Five Love Languges book when they were in premarital counseling and it opened his eyes to how he approaches his relationship. The pandemic also exposed some things within their marriage. Both Shireen and Charles are triggered when they don't feel seen or appreciated. If Acts of Service is the love language, both the giver and recipient have to be clear that its valuable. For some its gift giving, but if the recipient doesn't care about material things, its pointless. The world gets to see the fun version of Charles, but at home he's a different beast. He believes words of affirmation should be earned (no participation trophies). He only wants to celebrte milestones so they can be grandiose, while Shireen has said her basic needs aren't being met sometimes(6:08-16:07). They're both itentional about the time/energy they give to each other, since many of their trips are work related.(Pause to take the love language test). Shireen's love languages are acts of service, words of affirmation and quality time. For Charles, its acts of service, quality time and receiving gifts. Charles claims to value the small thoughtful things and feels like Shireen rests on him just buying everything he wants for himself. Shireen says its impossible to surprise him or buy him things and that all the little things she does on a daily basis have just become part of the routine(18:45-26:53). Shireen says all she wants is help putting the kids to bed sometimes. Charles treats financial provision as an act of service, how he's been showing up is not enough and he admits that(29:45-36:10). Charles admits that he doesn't make surprising him easy and that they can both improve on how they display their love. Shireen tried to plan a birthday party for him and asked him to hold the weekend and he booked a trip to NY. Now, she says, surprises are done. Friends and children are impacted by expressions of love as well. Charles says as a kid he enjoyed receiving gifts from his mother while his father emphasized quality time. As he got older his mother took him on trips and he realizes now how priceless those memories are, compared to all the gifts he got. Shireen is making it a priority to be more intentional and prioritize the little things to reinforce their love for one another.

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The money convo continues in episode 7, as Shireen and Charles show up in matching drip (unplanned, somehow). Both admit that podcasting isn't as easy as it looks, but that they're loving the support and feedback from the audience. Charles is still upset that Shireen kept all her money movements a secret while he was sweating, trying to figure out how they would pay for the wedding. Shireen says once she made it out the mud, she never wants to be poor again. They both have poverty ptsd and its manifested in different ways. Shireen has a spreadsheet that keeps her on track and Charles puts bills on autopay because he was unable to do it until recently(0:52-6:00). Shireen revisits her saving skills and reveals all the ways she was skimming off the top to save a significant amount. She says she can never surprise Charle because he always buys what he wants. While saving for his watch before the wedding, she was frustrated that Charles was blowing through his money while she was saving hers. Charles had started seeing money again and felt free. He would constantly remind Shireen that he was making HIS money and didn't want to be told how to spend it(6:08-13:45). Once Shireen presented Charles with the watch he wanted on their wedding day, the "my money, your money" tone changed. But when R&B HouseParty started to pick up, the MY money monster in Charles returned! Now married, they had to redefine partnership. When buying their first house, Charles had the cash, Shireen had the credit. Moving from Jersey to the Bay was a major adjustment in cost, so they both became frugal. When they moved to LA they shared 1 car so they wouldn't have to pay for an additional parking spot(14:04-26:16). They both had big goals in mind and sacrificed and endured inconvenience to reach them. Charles express his gratitude that he met Shireen because she helped him grow. He became obsessed with looking at/for homes and worked to buy their second hone himself. He knew it wasn't his forever home, Charles wanted bigger, a better kitchen. Shireen says she wasn't ready for a more expensive house, but Charles was adamant about his vision. After seeing a bunch of houses similar to the one they were in, Shireen grew tired of looking. Charles had her look at larger model homes in a gated community and she fell in love with one on an ad sheet. She circled it and wrote "if we win the lottery" underneath the image. Tearing up, Shireen admits she didn't see it coming to pass but God made it happen. Charles says faith without works is dead, and both have worked very hard to get to their dream house. Shireen is tactical and Charles is the dreamer, so they both compliment each other well and thank the other for being loving and strategic. Charles gushes that he has everything he wants in his life; a great wife, healthy kids and dream house. They've come a long way and still have forever to go(27:50-38:43).

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