Freedom from Attachment

The subconscious can be a sneaky sucker when it comes to insecure attachment. It may lead us to chase disappointment, which is incredibly painful, but also part of the draw because it’s what we know. Is there someone you’re seeking validation from? It may not even be someone currently in your life; it could be a new relationship that looks a lot like an old one. Your subconscious leads you to pick someone with many similar qualities in the hope that your feelings will be validated. You’re looking for a “do over” with this new person to satisfy the validation you didn’t get from the old one. So how does this tie in to disappointment? Well, the disappointment you felt with the old relationship is something your subconscious seeks to repeat because it’s familiar. But the way you stop the pattern is by jumping on the rollercoaster to finally feel your emotions and face the disappointment.

It’s important to note, however, this rollercoaster is not “just how relationships are.” Once you start to accept disappointment as inevitable, the ride starts to slow down and you realize the ups and downs are not essential to a healthy, intimate relationship. Learn how to jump on the disappointment rollercoaster to face your fears, then let it slow down and come to a complete stop.

The subconscious can be a sneaky sucker when it comes to insecure attachment. It may lead us to chase disappointment, which is incredibly painful, but also part of the draw because it’s what we know. Is there someone you’re seeking validation from? It may not even be someone currently in your life; it could be a new relationship that looks a lot like an old one. Your subconscious leads you to pick someone with many similar qualities in the hope that your feelings will be validated. You’re looking for a “do over” with this new person to satisfy the validation you didn’t get from the old one. So how does this tie in to disappointment? Well, the disappointment you felt with the old relationship is something your subconscious seeks to repeat because it’s familiar. But the way you stop the pattern is by jumping on the rollercoaster to finally feel your emotions and face the disappointment.

It’s important to note, however, this rollercoaster is not “just how relationships are.” Once you start to accept disappointment as inevitable, the ride starts to slow down and you realize the ups and downs are not essential to a healthy, intimate relationship. Learn how to jump on the disappointment rollercoaster to face your fears, then let it slow down and come to a complete stop.

Do you know how to have a relationship that isn't a power struggle? Most of us don’t. Looking back at the past is a great opportunity to see how you have shown up in your relationships. I have, and it is easy to see where it all had to be MY WAY. I didn't think so at the time, but in being so busy people pleasing and being perfect, I had no idea I was trying to manipulate to get my way! I also didn’t think I had expectation; I was just doing what I thought was right. Expectations meant disappointment, but I had no idea how limiting that was for me. Expectations are limiting to all of us and they’re based on old beliefs. Not even our own beliefs... more often the beliefs of others.

Were your parents or other adult figures always in a power struggle? Are you in one with yourself? They litter the landscape of our lives. You want things outside to match the fear that if life doesn’t deliver, perhaps you have no value or you are no good (or whatever it is for you).

Stop and look at your past disappointments. What were your expectations? What was it you were trying to get? And frankly is it so horrible that those disappointments happened? Was there anything you learned from them? If you can see your part of the struggle—you can see how you helped create your problems.

Do you know how to have a relationship that isn't a power struggle? Most of us don’t. Looking back at the past is a great opportunity to see how you have shown up in your relationships. I have, and it is easy to see where it all had to be MY WAY. I didn't think so at the time, but in being so busy people pleasing and being perfect, I had no idea I was trying to manipulate to get my way! I also didn’t think I had expectation; I was just doing what I thought was right. Expectations meant disappointment, but I had no idea how limiting that was for me. Expectations are limiting to all of us and they’re based on old beliefs. Not even our own beliefs... more often the beliefs of others.

Were your parents or other adult figures always in a power struggle? Are you in one with yourself? They litter the landscape of our lives. You want things outside to match the fear that if life doesn’t deliver, perhaps you have no value or you are no good (or whatever it is for you).

Stop and look at your past disappointments. What were your expectations? What was it you were trying to get? And frankly is it so horrible that those disappointments happened? Was there anything you learned from them? If you can see your part of the struggle—you can see how you helped create your problems.

Do you know how to have a relationship that isn't a power struggle? Most of us don’t. Looking back at the past is a great opportunity to see how you have shown up in your relationships. I have, and it is easy to see where it all had to be MY WAY. I didn't think so at the time, but in being so busy people pleasing and being perfect, I had no idea I was trying to manipulate to get my way! I also didn’t think I had expectation; I was just doing what I thought was right. Expectations meant disappointment, but I had no idea how limiting that was for me. Expectations are limiting to all of us and they’re based on old beliefs. Not even our own beliefs... more often the beliefs of others.

Were your parents or other adult figures always in a power struggle? Are you in one with yourself? They litter the landscape of our lives. You want things outside to match the fear that if life doesn’t deliver, perhaps you have no value or you are no good (or whatever it is for you).

Stop and look at your past disappointments. What were your expectations? What was it you were trying to get? And frankly is it so horrible that those disappointments happened? Was there anything you learned from them? If you can see your part of the struggle—you can see how you helped create your problems.

Do you know how to have a relationship that isn't a power struggle? Most of us don’t. Looking back at the past is a great opportunity to see how you have shown up in your relationships. I have, and it is easy to see where it all had to be MY WAY. I didn't think so at the time, but in being so busy people pleasing and being perfect, I had no idea I was trying to manipulate to get my way! I also didn’t think I had expectation; I was just doing what I thought was right. Expectations meant disappointment, but I had no idea how limiting that was for me. Expectations are limiting to all of us and they’re based on old beliefs. Not even our own beliefs... more often the beliefs of others.

Were your parents or other adult figures always in a power struggle? Are you in one with yourself? They litter the landscape of our lives. You want things outside to match the fear that if life doesn’t deliver, perhaps you have no value or you are no good (or whatever it is for you).

Stop and look at your past disappointments. What were your expectations? What was it you were trying to get? And frankly is it so horrible that those disappointments happened? Was there anything you learned from them? If you can see your part of the struggle—you can see how you helped create your problems.

Some people refer to it as the game of love, but for me it was the game of attachment. I did it for years… in fact, for most of my life. Rules and strategies were always in the driver’s seat (while my heart was in the backseat). I was great on a first date and used to be able to guarantee a second and third. Even if I didn’t like the guy, I needed him to like ME. It was my thirst for validation. In that place of insecure attachment, I went against my own desire. So what happened? I would keep going out with him and get attached. Yep.

I built walls for so long that it was second nature; I had new walls and old crumbling walls, which kept me operating in old strategies so I wouldn’t feel pain. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, it’s this dance we do to protect ourselves and remain in control. We ALL crave emotional intimacy, but many of us find it difficult to open up and allow. Playing games or having rules for engagement keep us stuck in scarcity. We feel there are so few people who will answer our mating call, but that’s just our perception. We use scarcity and invulnerability to keep us stuck. Change that and you’ll change all of your relationships… not because others change, but because you will become more authentically you. Isn’t it time to ditch your rule book?

Some people refer to it as the game of love, but for me it was the game of attachment. I did it for years… in fact, for most of my life. Rules and strategies were always in the driver’s seat (while my heart was in the backseat). I was great on a first date and used to be able to guarantee a second and third. Even if I didn’t like the guy, I needed him to like ME. It was my thirst for validation. In that place of insecure attachment, I went against my own desire. So what happened? I would keep going out with him and get attached. Yep.

I built walls for so long that it was second nature; I had new walls and old crumbling walls, which kept me operating in old strategies so I wouldn’t feel pain. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, it’s this dance we do to protect ourselves and remain in control. We ALL crave emotional intimacy, but many of us find it difficult to open up and allow. Playing games or having rules for engagement keep us stuck in scarcity. We feel there are so few people who will answer our mating call, but that’s just our perception. We use scarcity and invulnerability to keep us stuck. Change that and you’ll change all of your relationships… not because others change, but because you will become more authentically you. Isn’t it time to ditch your rule book?

Some people refer to it as the game of love, but for me it was the game of attachment. I did it for years… in fact, for most of my life. Rules and strategies were always in the driver’s seat (while my heart was in the backseat). I was great on a first date and used to be able to guarantee a second and third. Even if I didn’t like the guy, I needed him to like ME. It was my thirst for validation. In that place of insecure attachment, I went against my own desire. So what happened? I would keep going out with him and get attached. Yep.

I built walls for so long that it was second nature; I had new walls and old crumbling walls, which kept me operating in old strategies so I wouldn’t feel pain. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, it’s this dance we do to protect ourselves and remain in control. We ALL crave emotional intimacy, but many of us find it difficult to open up and allow. Playing games or having rules for engagement keep us stuck in scarcity. We feel there are so few people who will answer our mating call, but that’s just our perception. We use scarcity and invulnerability to keep us stuck. Change that and you’ll change all of your relationships… not because others change, but because you will become more authentically you. Isn’t it time to ditch your rule book?

Some people refer to it as the game of love, but for me it was the game of attachment. I did it for years… in fact, for most of my life. Rules and strategies were always in the driver’s seat (while my heart was in the backseat). I was great on a first date and used to be able to guarantee a second and third. Even if I didn’t like the guy, I needed him to like ME. It was my thirst for validation. In that place of insecure attachment, I went against my own desire. So what happened? I would keep going out with him and get attached. Yep.

I built walls for so long that it was second nature; I had new walls and old crumbling walls, which kept me operating in old strategies so I wouldn’t feel pain. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, it’s this dance we do to protect ourselves and remain in control. We ALL crave emotional intimacy, but many of us find it difficult to open up and allow. Playing games or having rules for engagement keep us stuck in scarcity. We feel there are so few people who will answer our mating call, but that’s just our perception. We use scarcity and invulnerability to keep us stuck. Change that and you’ll change all of your relationships… not because others change, but because you will become more authentically you. Isn’t it time to ditch your rule book?