Grief'd Up

 "The knee jerk reaction is ‘you’re not alone.’ But the reality is that you feel really f***ing alone!"

In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Andrea Girón-Mathern and Rebecca Luttrell, the dynamic duo behind the All the Grief podcast. These two Colorado-based women prove that some of the most powerful friendships are forged through shared experiences of loss– what we in the Grieve Leave community call "grief chemistry."

Andrea is a social scientist and research expert specializing in belonging and community-based research. Rebecca Luttrell is a licensed professional clinical counselor and psychotherapist trained at Naropa University's Buddhist-inspired graduate program. When Andrea's father died during the pandemic, Rebecca became one of the few people who truly understood her grief. Their deepening friendship became the foundation for creating All the Grief podcast, where they normalize conversations about death, mortality, and every kind of loss.

The conversation explores the concept of "friend soulmates,” those rare people who just get you, grief and all. Andrea and Rebecca share how their podcast evolved from just the two of them talking into a platform featuring diverse guests and grief stories. They discuss why grief support shouldn't only live in therapists' offices, the importance of learning to "hold space" for others, and why telling someone "you're not alone" can sometimes feel invalidating when they're feeling desperately lonely.

The duo opens up about their vision for creating grief retreats at Andrea's mountain cabin, offering intimate spaces for small groups to process loss together in nature. They passionately advocate for expanding our definition of grief beyond death, including job loss, friendship endings, estrangement, infertility struggles, and even the collective grief of our current chaotic times. 

Join Rebecca and the All the Grief podcast co-hosts, Andrea Girón-Mathern and Rebecca Luttrell, as they explore grief chemistry, the power of peer support, and why normalizing all types of grief has never been more urgent.

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"Grief is not a journey. It is a language. The goal is not finishing. It's becoming fluent."

In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos sits down with John Onwuchekwa, one of the most prominent voices in the grief space and creator of the We Go On Tour. John shares his journey from a child with a severe stutter to a pastor, author, and grief advocate whose work has touched millions.

After losing his brother Sam in 2015 at just 32 years old, John discovered that the most spiritual thing he could do wasn't to help others put their lives together, it was to let his own fall apart. His friends confronted him with words that changed everything: "You trying to help people put their lives back together is a type of anesthesia that has numbed your heart to the fact that yours is falling apart." That confrontation in March 2016 profoundly changed his life and set him on a new path.

John opens up about turning 40 and receiving unexpected diagnoses, Hashimoto's thyroid disease, and ADHD. He shares how these health challenges became another form of grief to process, even as they led to feeling better than ever at 41.

Rebecca and John explore why grief isn't a tunnel with light at the end, but rather a cave we must sit in together. John challenges the harmful metaphor of grief as a journey with a finish line, offering instead the idea that grief is a language we must learn to speak fluently.

Join Rebecca and John as they discuss why cemeteries are actually gardens, how grief births the most incredible friendships, and why approaching grief like a sculptor approaching a rock, rather than a passerby trying to get around it, allows us to chip away and uncover something beautiful inside.

Connect with John:

Book: Grief is a Language: Finding the Right Words When There Are None (coming soon)

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"Can a person you're getting to know sit with your pain and hold it alongside you? Can they listen and be present for whatever grief you're sharing with them, without trying to fix it or ignoring it? Can they just let your grief be? Can just be in the room with you?"

In this solo episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos gets vulnerable about one of her favorite topics: dating while grieving. Rebecca shares hard-won wisdom from four years of post-divorce dating as someone who lost both parents, exploring the delicate balance between authenticity and not "killing the vibe" on a first date.

Rebecca opens up about the evolution of grief disclosure in her dating life, from formal, sit-down conversations in college to simply linking her social media in dating profiles so potential partners could learn about her loss on their own time. She discusses the relief of finding partners who could "hold" her grief without trying to fix it, and why she found herself gravitating toward slightly older partners who had more life experience with loss.

The conversation dives into common dating pitfalls for grievers: expecting a partner to save you from your sadness, assuming shared grief automatically equals compatibility, and wrestling with weird milestones like when to bring someone to the cemetery. Rebecca challenges listeners to trust their gut, find partners brave enough to ask questions about their loss, and remember that the right person won't be scared of their grief. 

Join Rebecca as she offers big sister advice on navigating new relationships when loss is part of your story.

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“I think you have to keep one foot solidly in the camp of, this is a replication echo. It is not actually a digital version of the person that I loved."

In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes her best friend, Brooke Hartley Moy, CEO of Infactory and seasoned tech leader, to explore the surprising and  complex intersections of artificial intelligence and grief. The conversation ventures into uncharted grief support territory as they examine how AI is changing, and will continue to change, how we remember, memorialize, and interact with the people we've lost.

Rebecca and Brooke discuss the ethical complexities of creating AI avatars of the dead, drawing parallels between modern technology and historical rituals like mummification and photography. They explore uncomfortable questions: Would Rebecca want an AI version of her late father? What happens when one family member wants to preserve a loved one's memory through AI, but another finds it disturbing?

The conversation touches on the psychology of memory, the dangers of AI hallucinations in grief contexts, and how this technology could either help people process loss or trap them in an artificial past. Rebecca and Brooke also share personal moments from their 20+ year friendship, including the grief they still carry about missing a Kelly Clarkson concert in high school (thanks to Rebecca getting grounded), and how they've supported each other through breakups, deaths, and life transitions.

Join Rebecca and Brooke as they navigate the ethical, emotional, and technological frontiers of grief in the age of AI.

Connect with Brooke:

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"Shame is what killed my brother…and I refuse to let shame take anything away from us anymore.”

In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Nina Rodriguez, grief guide, educator, podcaster, and founder of Grief and Light. Nina shares her experience of the death of her little brother and only sibling, Yosef, at 32 to fentanyl poisoning. His death transformed her into a passionate advocate for grief support and stigmatized loss.

Nina was celebrating Yosef’s 32nd birthday on an ordinary Wednesday when everything changed. For a year and a half, Nina told people her brother died of a heart attack, unable to bear the weight of judgment and shame surrounding addiction and overdose. But standing at the University of Miami, preparing to speak publicly about her loss, something shifted. She realized that shame had already taken too much, and she refused to let it take anything more.

This conversation explores the unique grief of sibling loss and why siblings are often called the forgotten mourners. Nina and Rebecca discuss how losing a sibling means losing not just your person, but your future as you imagined it: no nieces or nephews, no shared experience of burying parents, the family branch ending with you. They also dive into the layers within sibling loss itself: losing a sibling as a child versus an adult, losing an only sibling, the strange relationship siblings have, and why bereaved siblings feel they must constantly qualify their loss as valid.

Nina speaks to the importance of energetic hygiene when working in the grief space, the beauty of meeting people in their most vulnerable and raw selves, and why she still uses the present tense when talking about her brother. 

Join Rebecca and Nina as they challenge the shame surrounding stigmatized loss, explore how siblings navigate being the forgotten mourners, and celebrate the ways we can maintain continuing bonds with those we love, even when they're no longer physically here.

Resources:

For more on sibling grief, listen to Rebecca's conversation with Annie Sklaver-Orenstein: https://www.grieveleave.com/podcasts/grief-d-up/episodes/2148864342

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 “I would look around and just be indignant and shocked that anybody could be laughing because my parents were dead.” 

In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Rebecca Soffer, co-founder of Modern Loss and author of "The Modern Loss Handbook." Rebecca Soffer shares her journey of losing both parents by age 33, her mother, Shelby, in a sudden car accident when Rebecca Soffer was 30, and her father, Ray, to a heart attack four years later.

Soffer was working as a producer on The Colbert Report when her mother died on Labor Day, hours after dropping her off in New York following their annual camping trip to Lake George. She describes sinking to the hospital linoleum floor when she learned the news, her body not knowing whether to cry, scream, or feel numb. Four years later, newly married for barely a year, her father died suddenly of a heart attack while traveling abroad.

As she searched for grief resources, Soffer found only content with "heavy filters,” overly clinical, heavily religious, or wrapped in silver linings. In 2013, she co-founded Modern Loss with journalist Gabrielle Birkner to create the community and publication they both desperately needed. This conversation explores how humor and grief can't be separated, why working in political satire taught her to convey hard truths without traumatizing people, and how our collective embrace of dark humor reflects a desperate need for authentic spaces to process loss.

Soffer shares unforgettable moments from her grief: returning to the funeral home with the correct shade of Clinique lipstick because her mother "was not a coral person," receiving an email from her mom months after her death, and the complicated relief of being "ahead" in grief while watching friends navigate their aging parents. She offers wisdom on maintaining community while grieving, setting boundaries as everyone's default "grief doula," and her one rule: as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, there are no rules.

Join Rebecca Feinglos and Rebecca Soffer as they discuss sudden loss, the power of storytelling, and why we all need to give each other seven seconds before responding.

Resources:

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"’I just want a break from my body.’ ‘I feel that my body is just being unfair to me.’ All of that is body grief. The feeling of loss of bodily autonomy is more prevalent than ever right now in this world, for all of us."

In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Jayne Mattingly, nationally recognized disability advocate, body image speaker, and author of the new book "This Is Body Grief." Jayne's journey from clinical mental health counselor to disabled advocate offers profound insights into the grief we experience when our bodies change.

At 27, everything suddenly changed for Jayne during a workout class. Facing 19 spine and brain surgeries over six years, she was forced to confront her own ableist beliefs. "I remember lying on my side, getting one of the spinal taps, and just thinking, like, ‘now my body won't do. Where is my worth?’" This revelation led her to recognize that "love your body for what it can do" is deeply ableist—many bodies don't "do" but still have worth.

Jayne and Rebecca explore how body grief touches every human experience, from puberty to aging, menopause to chronic illness. Rebecca shares her own secondary body grief watching her mother navigate brain cancer, and the toll it took on her body. Their conversation reveals how we can grieve both our own bodily changes and those of people we love.

Their conversation also addresses current threats to bodily autonomy and finding hope through grassroots activism, creativity, and small joys. 

Join Rebecca and Jayne as they challenge the perception of body betrayal, explore how community serves as the antidote to body grief, and offer wisdom for navigating the inevitable changes that come with being human in a body.

Connect with Jayne:

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"We only have so much battery in a day... you owe it to those people and the work that you do to take care of yourself."

In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Chris Punsalan, the content creator known to millions as "the grandma guy." Chris shares his journey of caring for his beloved Apu for eight years, documenting their daily life through viral videos that resonated with caregivers worldwide. When Apu passed away in January 2024 at age 97, Chris faced a profound identity shift from caregiver to former caregiver.

Chris opens up about the stereotypes he encountered as a young man in a caregiving role, something he didn't even realize was uncommon until people started reaching out online. The conversation explores anticipatory grief - that confusing experience of grieving someone before they die, and the guilt that can follow when relief comes instead of expected sadness.

From Montreal (Rebecca's mom's hometown, and where Rebecca’s brother took care of their nana for 7 years), they discuss the beauty of intergenerational households and how caregiving forced Chris to develop healthy habits and self-care routines. Chris shares his "gratitude hack" - imagining life without the people you love to appreciate what you have right now. He talks about his grandmother's wisdom around saving money, caring for family, and the simple joy she found in watching The Price is Right and being surrounded by loved ones.

The episode tackles the delicate balance of maintaining your own identity while caregiving, and how Chris stayed grounded through music production during those eight years. He emphasizes that taking care of yourself isn't selfish: it's essential for showing up fully for the people you love.

Join Rebecca and Chris as they explore the realities of young caregiving, processing grief in public, and finding meaning after profound loss - because as Chris reminds us, you can't pour from an empty cup.

Connect with Chris:

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"Losing someone at a young age is very hard. It gets easier to manage. It doesn't hurt less. You just grow as a person and you understand your emotions on different levels... your grief always stays with you, but not always in a bad way.”

What happens when two people separated by decades but connected by this specific, terrible thing get to talk? In this very special episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos connects with Leila, a teenager from Massachusetts who lost her mom, Justine, to cancer when she was just 12 years old. This conversation came through Experience Camps, a national nonprofit that transforms the lives of grieving children through summer camp programs and innovative year-round support. They connected Rebecca with someone who knows what it's like to be the girl with the dead mom, navigating a world that doesn't quite know what to do with you.

Rebecca lost her mother to brain cancer at 13. Leila lost hers to lung cancer at 12. The parallels are striking: both were kept in the dark about their mothers' true prognoses, both were "the baby girl" in their families, and both had to figure out how to be teenagers when everyone around them struggled to know what to say.

As Rebecca and Leila share their stories, the connection is immediate. They talk about the anger of being "protected" from the truth, the weirdness of being the only kid at school with a dead mom, and how grief doesn't look the way people expect it to. Most importantly, they explore how finding someone who truly understands your experience can be transformative. From making TikToks in hospice to picking out urns from catalogs, Leila's story captures the surreal reality of loss at a young age, and the unexpected ways we find to honor the people we've lost. This episode is a powerful reminder that grief is universal, messy, and that even if you think you're alone, there's probably someone out there who understands what you're carrying.

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"Give yourself some grace to feel your pet grief. Feel the anticipatory grief as your dog gets older and you navigate healthcare decisions and end-of-life decisions for your pet. That's grief. You are not silly. You are not weak. You are not being ridiculous. You are not overreacting.”

In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes listeners into her most unexpected grief journey yet, pet grief. When her dog Ralphie suddenly developed mysterious red spots and a life-threatening blood condition, Rebecca was thrust into a world of emergency vet visits, impossible medical decisions, and emotions that surprised her with their intensity.

Rebecca opens up about the terrifying night she left Ralphie at the animal hospital, not knowing if she'd see him again, and the guilt that comes with every caregiving choice when your pet doesn't understand why they're sick. She shares her shock at how hard the grief hit her - even questioning whether someone who "works in grief all day" should be stronger than this.

From witnessing another family's final goodbye at the emergency vet to becoming a full-time caregiver managing steroids and sleepless nights, Rebecca explores what makes pet grief so unique and heartbreaking. She challenges society's tendency to minimize pet loss as "disenfranchised grief" and argues that we don't need to rank our pain to validate it.

Join Rebecca as she gets honest about anticipatory grief, the intersection of guilt and love in pet caregiving, and why the innocence of our animals makes their suffering so devastating - because as she reminds us, you don't have to grieve alone, no matter what kind of loss you're facing.

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Newsletter: Sign up at GrieveLeave.com for grief support resource