What happens when "be strong" turns into "be silent"? In this episode of Heads & Tails, we sit down with Traver Boehm, founder of the UNcivilized Men's Movement, to unpack the cultural myth that men must always be tough, unbothered, and emotionally bulletproof—and how that training can quietly sabotage intimacy, conflict repair, and long-term connection.

Traver and Jay get real about what often replaces emotional vocabulary: shutdown, defensiveness, or burying pain with what Jay calls "Pot, Porn, or Pabst Blue Ribbon." Traver shares practical tools that help men build the capacity to stay present—like meditation, nervous-system regulation, and (crucially) community—so the relationship isn't the only place their unprocessed pain leaks out.

If you love a good man but feel like you're talking to a wall during conflict, this episode is for you—and for the men you care about.

💡 Name: Traver Boehm

💡Company: Man UnCivilized

💡Noteworthy: founder of the UNcivilized Men's Movement and has built programs and communities focused on helping men develop emotional strength, accountability, and connection.

💡 Where to find them:

Man UnCivilized Podcast https://www.manuncivilized.com/meet-traver-boehm

Find an in person men's group: https://www.manuncivilized.com/mensgroup

The Book: 28 Days In Darkness (https://www.manuncivilized.com/books#section-1751992894384) for men ready to reclaim authentic masculinity (and for the people who love them)

To my fellow clinicians: listen to the You Are Not Broken podcast on ⁠⁠⁠Pinnacle's network to earn FREE CME credit⁠⁠⁠.

https://learnatpinnacle.com/education

In this episode of Heads & Tails, Kate and Jay tackle the big midlife question:

Do I stay, do I go, or do I completely reinvent my work life?

They unpack the biology (hormones, brain changes, sleep, stress load) and psychology (identity shifts, boundaries, values, and meaning) that make midlife the moment where your tolerance for workplace nonsense drops to zero.

Kate explains how perimenopause/menopause, allostatic load, and poor sleep change mood, focus, and resilience—so you're not "too sensitive," you're maxed out. Jay walks through why midlife pushes us to ask, "Is this worth my time, energy, and one wild and precious life?"

Together they explore six real options:

• stay "balls to the wall" and ride into the sunset

• quiet quit / right-size your energy

• stay and try to fix what's broken

• retire or step back and volunteer where you matter most

• go live the bucket list

• strike out in a new role or career

You'll get a simple framework: audit your energy, check your biology, name the real problem (burnout, moral injury, boredom, or life mismatch), reality-check finances and relationships, and run low-risk 90-day experiments instead of all-or-nothing leaps.

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Action Items

1. Two-week work audit: Note what gives vs. drains your energy each day.

2. Biology check: If symptoms are loud (sleep, mood, hot flashes, brain fog), talk to your clinician.

3. Name your main issue: Burnout, moral injury, boredom, or life mismatch.

4. Choose one 90-day experiment: A boundary, schedule change, or small step toward a new path.

5. Write a 6–12 month intention: "I want work to feel more ___ and less ___."

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Share Your Story

Have you made a midlife work pivot?

👉 Email us at: [email protected]

Tell us your story (you can remain anonymous), and we may share it in a future episode.

To my fellow clinicians: listen to the You Are Not Broken podcast on ⁠⁠⁠Pinnacle's network to earn FREE CME credit⁠⁠⁠. https://learnatpinnacle.com/education

Midlife is not a crisis—it's a recalibration. In this special episode of Heads & Tails, Dr. Kate White is joined by menopause expert Dr. Mary Claire Haver for a candid, science-forward conversation that clears the noise around perimenopause and menopause and replaces it with a practical plan for the next three decades of your health.

You'll hear the "inside scoop" on Dr. Haver's prevention-first framework (including her "nursing home prevention plan" mindset) and how Dr. White applies the pillars of lifestyle medicine to help patients protect their body composition, brain health, energy, and mood—without perfectionism or fear.

And yes, we go there: why "losing your filter" in midlife may actually be a feature, not a flaw—unlocking more honest boundaries, clearer priorities, and better relationships at home, at work, and with friends.

In This Episode, We Cover

• The biggest myths about perimenopause and menopause (and what's actually true)

• What symptoms are "normal," what's treatable, and what you should not ignore

• Dr. Haver's prevention lens: thinking long-term about mobility, independence, and cognition

• Dr. White's lifestyle medicine approach: the daily inputs that move the needle most

• The priorities that matter most for the next 30 years: muscle, metabolic health, sleep, stress, and connection

• Why "unfiltered" midlife can improve your communication, boundaries, and relationships

• A simple way to start your recalibration this week—without overhauling your entire life

Practical Takeaways

• A myth-busting checklist you can use at your next visit

• The "minimum effective dose" of habits that protect your future health

• Language you can use to advocate for yourself when you're dismissed or told to "just deal with it"

Listener Challenge

Choose one domain to recalibrate this week: sleep, strength, nutrition, stress, or connection. Pick one small action you can repeat for 7 days—and notice what shifts.

Follow / Subscribe so you don't miss future episodes on hormones, brain fog, weight & metabolism, libido, sleep, and the relationship side of midlife.

Disclaimer: This episode is for education only and does not replace personalized medical care. Please consult your clinician for individual recommendations.

To my fellow clinicians: listen to the You Are Not Broken podcast on ⁠⁠⁠Pinnacle's network to earn FREE CME credit⁠⁠⁠.

https://learnatpinnacle.com/education

New year, fresh standards. In this episode of Heads & Tails, we tackle one of the most powerful (and challenging) forms of midlife recalibration: shedding toxic relationships. Not every hard relationship is toxic—and not every toxic relationship is obvious. We walk through five common toxic relationship types, the red flags that signal you're in one, and how to decide whether it's time for repair, distance, or a clean break.

You'll learn how to assess the real cost of staying—emotionally, physically, and relationally—and how to get out without getting pulled back in. Whether it's a partner, friend, family member, colleague, or long-time "frenemy," this episode gives you a clear, practical framework to protect your peace and move forward with integrity.

In this episode, we cover

1) How to identify the "Toxic Five"

Controlling: monitoring, isolating, "permission" dynamics, punishment for independence

Codependent: rescuing, over-functioning, guilt-driven caretaking, identity fused to fixing

Manipulative / Gaslighting: rewriting reality, "you're too sensitive," moving goalposts, plausible deniability

High-Conflict / Volatile: chaos cycles, explosions, blame, emotional whiplash, constant crisis

Emotionally Neglectful / Dismissive: chronic minimization, stonewalling, lack of empathy, "your needs are too much"

2) Red flags you're in a toxic dynamic (not just a rough season)

You routinely feel anxious before interactions or need recovery time afterward

You edit yourself to avoid backlash, sulking, or "punishment"

You're always the one apologizing, explaining, or chasing resolution

Your boundaries are treated as betrayal

The relationship costs you peace, confidence, or connection with others

3) Outgrown vs. damaging: how to tell the difference

"Outgrown" often feels sad but stable; "damaging" feels unsafe, depleting, or destabilizing

We share a simple self-check to measure: impact on mood, sleep, self-worth, stress level, and other relationships

4) What "getting out" can look like

Make it healthier: clear boundaries, structured communication, accountability, and behavior change (not promises)

Create distance: limited contact, topic boundaries, reduced access, emotional detachment

Remove yourself: ending the relationship, exiting shared systems, safety planning when needed

5) Practical tools you can use immediately

Boundary scripts you can actually say out loud

How to stop negotiating with someone who benefits from your confusion

What to do when guilt, history, or family pressure tries to pull you back in

How couples stay aligned when the toxic person is a relative or friend

Try this after you listen

Identify which of the "Toxic Five" best fits the relationship you're thinking about.

Write down three non-negotiables (how you will be spoken to, treated, and included).

Decide your next step: repair, distance, or exit—and choose one concrete action you'll take this week.

Listener takeaway

Midlife is not the time to keep paying emotional rent to relationships that drain your health, your home, or your sense of self. You're not "too much." You're just done accepting too little.

Important note

This episode is educational and does not replace medical or mental health care. If you feel unsafe or fear retaliation, prioritize safety and consider confidential support from a qualified professional or local resources.

Call to action

If this episode hit home, share it with a friend who's doing a quiet reset this year. And if you want more episodes like this, send us your "Heads or Tails?" relationship scenarios—anonymous questions welcome.

To my fellow clinicians: listen to the You Are Not Broken podcast on ⁠⁠⁠Pinnacle's network to earn FREE CME credit⁠⁠⁠.

https://learnatpinnacle.com/education

The holidays have a way of bringing out the best in people… and also the comments they should've kept in their pocket. In this episode of Heads and Tails, Kate and Jay tackle how to stay grounded when you're navigating family gatherings, in-laws, friend groups, and even your "work family" at the holiday party—without losing your composure or your mind.

We keep it practical, playful, and politely Southern: how old roles creep back in, why "well-meaning" remarks can hit sideways, and what to do in the moment when you feel your blood pressure rising under your holiday outfit. We also dig into one of the season's biggest stress points—difficult in-laws (or any complicated family dynamic)—and how couples can stay aligned instead of turning on each other.

The goal isn't perfect harmony or forced cheer. It's making it through with your dignity intact, your relationship protected, and your boundaries delivered with a smile… and just enough "bless your heart" energy to get the point across.

Featuring:

• Southern-style boundary setting: warm tone, firm line

• Scripts for work parties and family tables (exit ramps that sound nice)

To my fellow clinicians: listen to the You Are Not Broken podcast on ⁠⁠⁠Pinnacle's network to earn FREE CME credit⁠⁠⁠.

https://learnatpinnacle.com/education

What happens when your residency buddy becomes the global voice of menopause—and you've both spent 27 years growing up, growing families, and growing careers side by side?

In this episode of Heads & Tails, Kate and Jay sit down with long-time friends Dr. Mary Claire Haver and Chris Haver for a deeply personal conversation about medicine, marriage, and what it means to evolve together over decades.

Today, Dr. Mary Claire Haver is a superstar in menopause education and nutrition—

author of The New Menopause and The Galveston Diet, and the force behind a massive social media platform that has helped millions of women find evidence-based guidance through the menopause transition. But before all of that, the Havers and the Whites were just four exhausted humans trying to survive OB/GYN residency while having babies, building practices, and figuring out marriage on no sleep.

This episode pulls back the curtain on the inside story:

How friendship started in the chaos of residency—with babies, call nights, and "we're just trying to make it to tomorrow" energy

What it was really like being married to busy obstetrician-gynecologists while raising tweens and teens

Parenting teens in perimenopause: hormones, emotions, and why everyone needed a little more grace

How Mary Claire's rise as a menopause and nutrition leader reshaped roles, rhythms, and expectations in her marriage with Chris

The reality of building big, mission-driven businesses in midlife (Kate and Mary Claire) while protecting and nurturing the partnership behind the scenes

Sharing the load: how both couples have navigated caregiving for aging parents while still caring for their own marriages

Now as menopausal empty nesters—why neither couple is slowing down, and how they're intentionally planning the next 20 years of health, work, and love together

If you've ever wondered how a couple holds onto their relationship while one partner becomes a public figure—or how long-term friendships can anchor you through every season from residency to reinvention—this conversation is honest, warm, and full of hard-earned wisdom.

Guest: Chuck Nice — comedian, lifelong science lover, and long-time co-host of the award-winning StarTalk Podcast with astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson (@startalkradio)

Hosts: Dr. Kate Schuh White & Jay White, LMFT

This week on Heads & Tails, we welcome the incomparable Chuck Nice, whose rare blend of insight, science curiosity, and razor-sharp humor makes him the perfect guide through the messy, magical middle of life.

Together, we dive deep into midlife's biggest questions — with equal parts honesty, heart, and hilarity:

🎭 What it's really like to be in a relationship with a comedian

The charm, the creativity, and the moments when you wonder if the joke will ever end.

🔥 Why midlife women are the most desirable partners you'll ever have

Confidence, competence, clarity, and an unapologetic understanding of who they are.

🧬 Biology meets psychology meets comedy

We unpack the physical and emotional shifts of midlife — with Chuck translating the human condition into stories that make you think and laugh.

🧠 How mental health struggles can open life in unexpected ways

Chuck shares how facing his own challenges expanded his purpose and deepened his relationships.

📡 And yes — science!

As the long-time co-host of StarTalk with Neil deGrasse Tyson, Chuck brings his signature "just smart enough" humor to aging bodies, changing brains, and the cosmic perspective on growing older.

This episode is honest, heartfelt, and ridiculously fun. Chuck brings the comedy. Kate brings the biology. Jay brings the therapy. And midlife finally gets the three-dimensional conversation it deserves.

🎤 Watch Chuck's standup special "Chuck Nice: Just Smart Enough" on Amazon Video, and see where he's performing next on Instagram or X: @chucknicecomic

You fell in love with their spontaneity, their energy, their calm, their structure — whatever it was that balanced you out. But fast forward a decade (or two), and those same traits are now the source of your biggest fights.

In this Heads & Tails episode, Dr. Kate and Jay White unpack what happens when the differences that once sparked attraction start to cause friction. From savers vs. spenders, early birds vs. always late, and introverts vs. extroverts, to the classic messy vs. clean showdown, they explore why these dynamics shift over time and what they reveal about deeper emotional needs.

You'll learn: • Why "opposites attract" isn't a myth — but also why it's not enough to sustain connection • How to move from criticism to curiosity when your partner's habits drive you crazy • What these personality pairings can actually teach you about your own blind spots • Practical tools to recalibrate instead of resent • How midlife, empty-nest transitions, and career shifts can magnify or mellow your differences Because staying connected isn't about becoming the same — it's about learning how to stay on the same team, even when you play different positions.

🪙 Flip a coin moment: Which side are you on — the saver or the spender, the messy or the meticulous? DM us your "opposite" story @headsandtailspodcast!

Just when you think you're done parenting… it shifts again. The house gets quieter — or not. The fridge stays full — or empties overnight when your twenty-something swoops back in. Whether your kids are launching, lingering, or looping back home, this stage of parenthood is one of the biggest emotional recalibrations of midlife.

In this Heads & Tails episode, Dr. Kate White and Jay White dive into what it means to parent on the edge of the empty nest — when your role, your relationship, and your sense of self are all in flux.

You'll hear: • 🧭 How to tell if it's a kid problem or a parent problem — are you helping, hovering, or holding them back? • 💞 How launching affects your partnership — when the kids leave (or don't), couples often find hidden fractures or brand-new freedom. • 🧠 The psychology of letting go — why identity loss and control issues sneak up in this transition. • 💬 Real-life strategies for recalibration — setting loving boundaries, supporting independence, and rediscovering connection with your partner. • 🌱 How to turn the "empty nest" into an "open nest" — one that invites growth, new adventures, and space for yourself. Because parenting doesn't end when they fly — it evolves. And so do you.

When the roles reverse and you find yourself caring for the ones who raised you — no one really prepares you for that. From emotional burnout to strained sibling dynamics, financial stress, and intimacy on pause… this episode gets real about what it really means to parent your parents.

Practice This in the Mirror: "I want to understand what matters most to you as you're older and how I can be helpful without stepping on your independence."

👵👶 Sandwiched between aging parents and growing kids? This one's for you. 💬 Tag a friend who's living this right now — let them know they're not alone.

#CaregiverLife #SandwichGeneration #ParentingYourParents