Hope For Wives

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are discussing the "work of recovery." For ladies who have newly discovered their husbands' sexually problematic behavior, the idea that they can somehow heal from this intolerable devastation seems impossible. As they contemplate this, the question, "What is the work of recovery?" often comes up.

We Discuss:

1, So, ladies, let's generally define, "The work of recovery," concept. 2. Now, let's talk about what this work looks like in the days immediately following discovery. 3. What hope can we leave our listeners?

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen. − Reinhold Niebuh

Resources mentioned in this show:

• "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It's Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature," by Pete Scazzero.

Help Us Help Others

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are discussing intuition or gut instinct. Intuition is a type of unconscious reasoning. For example, when I have a hunch that it's better to avoid the highway today when I run my errands, that's intuition. It oftentimes disappears after a discovery or disclosure because trauma can block intuition for a time. Typically, women are tuned into their intuition and when it goes offline we can feel that everything is unsafe, even when it is not. This is a scary place to be in.

We Discuss:

1. So, ladies let's talk about your personal stories where intuition was affected. Did it go offline for you?
2. What practical tools can we offer our listeners if she's struggling to hear her inner voice?
3. What hope can we leave our listeners around the topic of intuition?

Help Us Help Others

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

We are so excited that, today, Dr. Jake Porter is joining our candid conversation. Jake is the founder of Daring Ventures and is both an APSATS certified clinical partner specialist and a CSAT (among other things).

Our discussion with Jake, today, revolves around what recovery looks like. We all know that recovery is the goal for a marriage trying to heal from problematic sexual behavior. However, recovery is an elusive entity. I get asked all the time, "What does recovery look like? How will I know he's in recovery?" I asked those same questions and the answer I got, "You'll know it when you see it," felt very unsatisfying. While Pam, Lyschel, and I have definite ideas about recovery, we decided to Jake in to enrich this conversation.

We Will be Discussing:

1. What do you define as recovery? (her recovery, his recovery – he may be doing internal stuff but he's not doing anything relationally – and the relationship's recovery)
2. What is "managing his recovery?" Is this good or bad?
3. How do I help my husband in his recovery? (Or Do I help my husband with his recovery?)

Resources mentioned in this show:

• Free Couples-Centered Recovery Webinar, Scroll to the middle of the page and sign-in.

• Returning to You Intensive Retreat Weekend for Betrayed Partners through Daring Ventures.

Help Us Help Others

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are continuing our discussion around cognitive distortions. How do we navigate or overcome them as we grow and heal?

There are over 13 common cognitive distortions that we navigate over and over in daily thoughts. CDs are important to understand because they can negatively affect our emotions and choices. They can keep us stuck and interfere with our ability to set boundaries, gain self awareness, and live in community. We are bringing this to our listeners today because we agree with M. Scott Peck when he said, "Mental health is dedication to reality at all costs."

As a reminder, we are not mental health professionals. We are professionals and leaders navigating the waters of betrayal trauma with you. Our knowledge comes from the countless hours of training and personal experience each of us have accumulated over the years.

We Will be Discussing:

1. What are some ways you can navigate around CDs or eliminate them?
2. Can you ever change or heal CD?
3. What hope can we leave for a betrayed partner feeling crazy from the wide array of thoughts and emotions that she cycles through?

Resources mentioned in this show:

• "Who I Am In Christ," scripture list compiled by Neil T. Anderson.

Bible Verses Referenced:Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—thin about such things." Ephesians 6:10-17, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

• Learn more about changing cognitive distortions in this short online course by Pam Blizzard of Recovered Peace, "Clearing Cognitive Distortions: A Practical Guide to Clarity of Reality"

Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Today, we are discussing Cognitive Distortions.

There are over 13 common cognitive distortions that we navigate over and over in daily thoughts. CDs are important to understand because they can negatively affect our emotions and choices. They can keep us stuck and interfere with our ability to set boundaries, gain self awareness, and live in community.

We are bringing this to our listeners today because we agree with M. Scott Peck when he said, "Mental health is dedication to reality at all costs."

As a reminder, we are not mental health professionals. We are professionals and leaders navigating the waters of betrayal trauma with you. Our knowledge comes from the countless hours of training and personal experience each of us have accumulated over the years.

We Discuss:

1. What are they? ANTs, Unwanted Neg Thoughts
2. Why would it be important for me to learn about CB as a person who is healing from betrayal trauma?
3. What have been some of your personal experiences with cognitive distortions?
4. What HOPE can we leave our listeners?

Resources mentioned in this show:

• Here is a short blog post on cognitive distortions from Psych Central.

• Take this short course, "Clearing Cognitive Distortions: A Practical Guide to Clarity of Reality" from Pam Blizzard at Recoverd Peace

Scripture references:

Philippians 4:8

Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Listen now:

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Since we know that many spouses in recovery are listening to our podcast, today we are talking to you. We are continuing the discussion around, "How to share my recovery work with my spouse?" This is sometimes tricky to navigate as balance is needed between oversharing and possibly triggering her, and undersharing or just appearing to check boxes and not truly have your heart in it.

We Will be Discussing:

With special guest, Shawna Meek, of Living Stones Coaching. Shawna also contract coaches with Hope Redefined.

1. What if she wants to know everything, including his thought life? (How do we coach the husband when she wants to know all of his thoughts without him doing more harm? What do we say to the post-disclosure client who wants to know all his thoughts?)
2. What if he continues to cross the line because he is an over-sharer?
3. What hope can we leave our listeners around this topic?

Resources:

Pam Blizzard's Betrayal Trauma and Recovery Basics

Lyschel Burket's Hope Redefined Online Groups

Bonny Burns' Strong Wives Sexual Clarity Class

Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Listen now:

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Since we know that many spouses in recovery are listening to our podcast, today we are talking to you. We are discussing, "How to share my recovery work with my spouse?" This is sometimes tricky to navigate as balance is needed between oversharing and possibly triggering her, and undersharing or just appearing to check boxes and not truly have your heart in it.

We Will be Discussing:

1. From your story, how much information did you want to know about his recovery work?
2. What does she really want to know?

And, as always, we end with a word of hope for our listeners.

Resources:

Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer

The Journey Course: Freedom from Sexual Brokenness

Help Us Help Others

With Your Co-Hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Listen now: Today we are continuing our discussion around the emotional roller coaster nearly all betrayed wives experience after discovering sexual betrayal in their marriage. We explore practical, real life ways to surf the wave of these intense feelings. As always, we share from our professional and personal experience. We Will be Discussing:

1. What are some practical ways to navigate the intense roller coaster of emotions?

Resources mentioned in this show:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Contact any of us through our websites listed above for information on where to find one-to-one support or a community of women healing from betrayal trauma.

Help Us Help Others:

If you have found our discussions helpful, please consider contributing to the cost of production and syndication. Thank you very much!

Click Here to Donate

With Your Co-Hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Listen now: Today we are discussing the emotional roller coaster nearly all betrayed wives experience after discovering sexual betrayal in their marriage. These intense emotions aren't due to triggers, which we've recently explored on some previous episode. What we are going to focus on today are the random waves of big emotions that seem to flood us out of nowhere. We Will be Discussing:

1. Why are we on such an emotional roller coaster the first few months after discovery?
2. What is your personal experience with the emotional roller coaster or the intensity of emotions that seem to appear out of nowhere?

Resources mentioned in this show:

• Redeemed Hope Intensive Healing Retreat (sponsored by Hope Redefined) – More Info Here

  Contact any of us through our websites listed above for information on where to find a community of women healing from betrayal trauma.

Help Us Help Others:

If you have found our discussions helpful, please consider contributing to the cost of production and syndication. Thank you very much!

Click Here to Donate

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are finalizing our conversation around the more nuanced aspects of triggers.

We Will be Discussing:

1. What are the spectrum of triggers?
2. What about when someone else in her world is triggered?

Resources mentioned in this show:

• Intimate Deception by Dr. Sheri Keffer

• Hope For Wives Episode 11: What are triggers? How to navigate them?

Scripture references:

Psalm 16:1-11

Help Us Help Others:

If you have found our discussions helpful, please consider contributing to the cost of production and syndication. Thank you very much!

Click Here to Donate