Hope For Wives

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

In today's episode, we are discussing how your healing is not dependent on your husband's recovery. This conversation has wives in mind that have been on this road for several years now and there is still a good bit of relational conflict in the marriage. In our next episode, we will talk about practical tools you can consider to care for yourself while he is still moving toward solid emotional health. For today, we are talking about what it means for you, that your healing is not dependent on his recovery. We Discuss:

1. What kind of situations and feelings can come up for a wife when his recovery is slow going?
2. Let's talk about the concept that a wife's healing is not dependent on his recovery.
3. What hope can we leave a wife who is in this situation?

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With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

With the holidays right around the corner, we talk about how to navigate this season that can be tricky for betrayed wives. We Discuss:

1. What makes the holidays hard to navigate after a recent discovery?
2. What are some practical tools for finding stability and sanity during a holiday season?
3. What hope can we leave our listeners?

Resources mentioned in this show:

• True Cotton Etsy Store

• The Huberman Lab: The Science of Gratitude and How to Build a Practice of Gratitude

• The Shepherd from The Chosen series

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With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we continue our discussion of how sobriety isn't enough to build a mutually connected relationship in marriage. We Discuss:

1. What can a wife do to help him in his recovery?
2. What are some practical tools a wife can implement if her husband is sober and still displaying dysfunctional ways of coping and relating to others?
3. What hope can we leave our listeners?

Resources mentioned in this show:

• Clarity and Peace through Boundaries with Pam Blizzard

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Help Us Help Others With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we unpack recovery just a little more. In episode 35 we had an insightful discussion with Dr. Jake Porter about the three legged stool of recovery - her recovery, his self-discovery, and the coupleships relational repair and growth. We are calling this episode sobriety isn't enough because we are exploring a wife's experience with a husband who may be sober but is not in a space of self-discovery. We Discuss:

1. What's a quick understanding of sobriety versus recovery?
2. What perspectives have you had or heard from your clients about a husband who is not in a place of recovery? (i.e. no skills to cope and no capacity, window of tolerance)
3. What hope can we leave a wife who is in this situation?

Resources mentioned in this show:

• Episode 35: A Recovery Conversation with Dr. Jake Porter

Scripture references:

James 1:16

Romans 15:13

With:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today:

We have our special friend back, Shawna Meek. She shares her own recovery journey and wisdom/training around neurodivergent couples.

"Here's what my husband would say, 'Neurodivergence is not an excuse. It's an insight,'" Shawna Meek.

We discuss:

1. What is neurodiversity?
2. What are some common concerns in neurodiverse couples' dynamics?
3. What are some of the challenges a neurodiverse couple will face?
4. How does a couple go around getting testing for the person who appears neurodiverse?
5. What hope can you leave for our listeners?

Resources mentioned:

• ASD Couples Tools

• ASD Resource List

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Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are continuing the discussion around sexual experience for wives healing form betrayal. Sexual intimacy is a part of a healthy marriage. However, how can a wife want to engage sexually after infidelity or betrayal. We discuss:

1. Let's talk about what a wife should ask herself before considering whether to engage sexually with her husband in recovery?
2. What hope can we leave our listeners?

Resources mentioned:

• Disclaimer: The following recommendation was written for the general population and general marriages. Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations about Sex for Married Couples

  The Couple's Guide to Intimacy: How Sexual Reintegration Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Heal

Scripture references:

1 Corinthians 7:1-6

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Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

TRIGGER WARNING. This content may be trigger your threat response. Please use your self-compassion and decide whether this is right for you to hear at this time. NOT SAFE FOR SMALL EARS. Please wear your ear buds for privacy and to protect small ones. Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Today, we are discussing a very important topic, the impact sexual betrayal has on a wife's sexuality. We Will be Discussing:

1. What is a sexual identity?
2. are some ways wives are impacted in the area of their sexual identity after infidelity or sexual betrayal?
3. What are some ways a wife can heal from the rupture to their sexual identity?
4. What hope can we leave our listeners?

Resources mentioned in this show:

• Sexual Clarity for Christian Women, class led by Bonny L. Burns (Strong Wives).

Scripture references:

Genesis 4:1

Psalm 139:23

Philippians 4:6

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Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are continuing our conversation around the church's response to betrayal trauma, sex addiction, and sexual issues in marriage. Last episode we shared stories of churches that have responded well and churches that responded poorly. We finish this topic by brainstorming solutions for the leadership of churches to consider in this vulnerable and tender area of sex and betrayal.

We Discuss:

1. What would you tell Pastors about the consequence problematic porn viewing has on the husband?
2. What would you tell Pastors about couples who come to them with sexual issues in their marriage?
3. What hope can we leave?

Resources

• Brain, Heart, World is a Docuseries about the harmful effects of pornography

• Fight the New Drug is a non-profit, non-religious, non-political entity that stands against the harms of porn.

• Heart of Man is a movie that Pam mentioned regarding father wounds. Here is a link to watch it on Amazon for 1.99.

• Here is a journal article on the topic mentioned by Lyschel, Compulsive Internet Pornography Use and Mental Health.

• The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It.

• APSATS (association of partners of sex addicts trauma specialists) have a special training for religious leaders, BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader). Find out more about it here.

• The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire

• For Christian Wives podcast – a tasteful round table discussion about sexual experience and sexuality. Disclaimer: the audience is intended to be the general population of Christian wives (not necessarily betrayed partners), trauma informed.

Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are diving into a hard conversation. How can the church better navigate walking with wives trying to heal from the impact of sexual betrayal, husbands struggling with problematic sexual behavior, and couples presenting with sexual problems?

We are engaging in this conversation to help you have richer understanding of this complicated plague of pornography and the fall-out it has on the wives and families of men struggling with problematic sexual behavior.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better." Maya Angelou.

We Discuss:

1. We start by sharing what we've seen done well in this area and poorly in this area.
2. What would you tell Pastors about the consequence of problematic porn viewing on the wife? On the family?
3. What hope can we leave?

Resources Mentioned:

• Pirate Monk podcast with Sam Black (author of, The Healing Church)

• The Prepared Ministry, a free resource from Covenant Eyes.

• The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It

• Trauma Reboot – free resources for churches to learn to care for trauma survivors well.

Help Us Help Others

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are continuing our discussion around the "work of recovery" for the wife overcoming the impact of sexual betrayal. Last episode we generally defined what it means to work out our recovery and what it looks like in the days immediately following discovery. In this episode, let's discuss what recovery work entails when we are further down the healing path? "Grief is a luxury for the brain that knows it's safe," Dr. Jake Porter. We Discuss:

1. What is the work she encounters after she's found stability and is moving into grief and mourning?
2. Does the "work of recovery" ever end?
3. What hope can we leave our listeners?

Verses Mentioned:

James 1:2, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." Romans 5:1-5, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

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