Hope For Wives

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are beginning a series of discussions about Trust.

Trust is defined as an assured reliance, or firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. After discovery, typically, a betrayed partner feels a loss of trust in any or all of the following areas: With yourself, your spouse, with others around us, and God.

Our first discussion will revolve around, "How do I trust myself, again?" I trust him and I was completely wrong. I gaslit myself by tamping down my intuition. So, how can I ever trust my own perceptions, again?"

We discuss:

• Personal experiences we had with losing trust in ourselves.
• How do you know when you've lost trust with yourself? Or, how do we see lack of self-trust in our clients?
• How do you know when you are starting to trust yourself?
• How can we offer hope to our listeners that it is possible to build or rebuild trust in themselves after betrayal.

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.

Today we extend our discussion around Full Therapeutic Disclosure. We explore some myths around Full Therapeutic Disclosures. We also talk about preparation work and post after-care typically looks. We will be discussing:

• Myths around Full Therapeutic Disclosure
• What preparation work looks like for the betrayed partner and the truth teller.
• What after-care looks like for the betrayed partner and the truth teller.

Welcome to Hope for Wives

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Welcome to another episode of Hope for Wives. Today, we are discussing Full Therapeutic Disclosure.

In the Pyramid of Intimacy, the foundational piece of any relationship is honesty and truth.

The full therapeutic disclosure includes many parts, not just the sharing of truth. Overall, it is a guided process usually led by trained professionals who will help couples get to a level playing field of truth. The intent is to replace lies with honesty so that a new foundation of truth can be re-established and the relationship can begin to rebuild.

• What is the definition of a Full Therapeutic Disclosure?
• If you are a betrayed wife, is there any reason not to have a Full Therapeutic Disclosure?
• Why have a Full Therapeutic Disclosure?
• Hope we offer you around Full Therapeutic Disclosure.

Betrayed Partner Workbook: Full Disclosure: Volume Two (Preparing for Disclosure on your terms)

Truth Teller Workbook: Full Disclosure: How to Tell the Truth after Sexual Betrayal

APSATS radio with Dr. Jake Porter interviewing Stephen Cabler, polygrapher

Welcome to Hope for Wives

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we're going to do something a little different. We are inviting some of our professional male colleagues to share on the topic of, "Is it a struggle, a compulsion, or an addiction?"

The root of this topic comes from questions we get most often, "Do I really need a group when he is just struggling?" Or, "My husband refuses to call it an addiction."

What is underneath this question, is her trying to assess, "What kind of help do I need? He's only struggling? Or, is the help I need different because he's addicted?" Your healing looks very similar whether it is a struggle or an addiction because you are healing from the impact of his behavior, not the severity of his behavior.

We are so thankful to the following male colleagues for joining our conversation.

• Jonathan Daugherty of BeBroken Ministries
• Nick Stumbo of Pure Desire
• Clinton Munoz of Restored2More
• Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith of Restoration Marriage

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.

Today, we are discussing why support groups are important for women overcoming sexual betrayal. For over 50 years support groups have been empirically supported as a place of healing for trauma survivors. Groups offer partners an opportunity to connect with other partners who really get it because they have been through very similar experiences. Groups help ease partners' emotional stress, including feelings of isolation, loneliness, depression, helplessness and hopelessness. Groups will help strengthen you to cope with the pain and move toward healing.

We discuss:

• Our personal group experiences.
• What types of groups are there?
• What makes a healthy group?
• What are some questions to ask the leader?
• How do I know when it's time to join a group?
• How do I know when it's time to leave a group?
• Identify what you hope to get a group
• What hope do we want to leave with our listeners about groups Resources mentioned in this show:

  • Door of Hope trauma informed and professionally trained Peer Facilitators: https://www.lifeisahead.com/info-partners

  • 12 Step based support groups for family members of addicts and other problematic behaviors: Sanon.org , salifeline.com, celebraterecovery.com

  • Lyschel's organization Hope Redefined provides many services to betrayed wives, including different types of support groups, https://hoperedefined.org/online-groups/

  • Pam's "Clarity and Peace with Boundaries" 8 week education and support group for boundaries with your sexually addicted spouse https://recoveredpeace.com/join-the-boundaries-for-clarity-and-peace-course-and-community-experience/

  • The Sarah Society is a safe place for Christian women to share their stories of how a loved one's sex addiction has affected their sense of self, their relationships/marriages, their children, and their outlook on the world. https://sarahsociety.com/newcomers-meeting/

Thank you for joining us. We hope to be a bright spot on your recovery journey. If you'd like to leave us a question or comment, please go through the contact button on our website. Also, help a friend by leaving a 5 star review on iTunes so others can find us.

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.

Today we are discussing therapeutic separation otherwise known as a healing separation.

• What are some myths about therapeutic or healing separation?
• In your personal story, what role did therapeutic separation play, if any?
• What are some practical thoughts or suggestions for our listeners in regards to therapeutic separation?
• How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to therapeutic separation?

Recovered Peace (Pam Blizzard) - Boundaries Group

Hope Redefined (Lyschel Burket) - Online Support

Strong Wives (Bonny Burns) - To be notified of the next open registration for, "Reclaim Your Sexual Identity after Betrayal," email [email protected]

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we will be discussing, Trauma Triggers. A trigger is an event that rings an alarm bell that sends our body into fight, flight, or, freeze response. sense of safety to evaporate. You may experience the consequence of a trigger as a flashback, panic attack, intense of emotions, feelings of anxiety and/or grief. These are common to the betrayal trauma experience.

• How have triggers shown up for you personally?
• What are some things we want our listeners to know about causes triggers?
• What are some practical tools we can offer our listeners to navigate triggers?
• What hope can we leave our listeners with about triggers.

Episode 6: Boundaries for Partners in Marriages with Sex Addiction or Unwanted Problematic Sexual Behavior

Episode 8: Self-Care with Practical Ideas to Care for Yourself after Discovery

Book: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal Paperback by Barbara Steffens

15 Simple Tips for Conquering Your Betrayal Trauma Triggers - free tip sheet download

A trigger-log so you can track your triggers, times, etc.

Today, we are answering listener questions regarding the 90-Day Sex Fast for marriages overcoming the impact of sexual betrayal and trying to build a new sexually intimate life.

We answer:

• Under what circumstances is the fast helpful and when might it be harmful/unnecessary? How does this differ from a betrayed partner who doesn't desire physical intimacy and needs boundaries to feel safe?
• What if we don't make it? Do we mess everything up?
• Does this begin on day 1 of sobriety? Or at the start of recovery? If your spouse has been sober for a while (but not yet in recovery), is celibacy still effective/beneficial?
• What if you're spouse hasn't desired you in months, since his last slip up and therefore you're in a forced sexual fast that wasn't mutually planned?

With co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we discuss the intimacy building experience called the 90-Day Sex Fast. It is also known as the celibacy statement or plan. Many couples approach this as they step into their recovery journey. We want to start the conversation about what it is, how you navigate through it, and share some of our personal experiences. We explore these questions:

• What is the purpose of a 90 day sex fast for her? For him?
• In your personal story, how did this play a part in your recovery journey?
• What does the couple do while in a 90 day sex fast?
• How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to 90 day sex fast?

Resources mentioned: Recreational Inventory to Build Friendship

A Mind Map for Sex and Porn Addiction

Sensate Focus Youtube

Sensate Focus pdf

Sexual Reintegration podcast Bloom for Women

Couple's Guide to Intimacy

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Today we are discussing self-care. Self-care is a popular term these days for a reason. It is an important concept in our chaotic lives, especially if you are healing from the effects of unwanted sexual behavior in your marriage. Self-care refers to behaviours performed to improve your well-being, to preserve your health, or to maintain your physical and emotional stability. For a betrayed partner, self-care if important because it helps your body build reserves in order to heal from the trauma of sexual betrayal.

Basically, self-care helps you cope with mentally with big emotions and physically to safeguard against poor health as you heal from sexual betrayal trauma. Today we discuss:

• What are some myths about self-care?
• In your personal story, what role did self-care play?
• PIESS (physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual) categories of self-care with practical ideas
• What hope can we offer our listeners about self-care?

Resources Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero

Feelings Wheel - Nonviolent Communication

Bible Verses Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."

Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."