Hopestream: Parenting Kids Through Addiction & Mental Health

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Lacey Tezino grew up believing her biological mother was dead. That’s what her family told her in the ‘80s when she was adopted, and she carried that story until she was 19 years old. Hungover on just one more motherless-Mother’s Day, Lacey somehow found the nerve to call ‘information’ to see if that was true. Her mother picked up the phone. That call became a decade-long relationship that Lacey describes as beautiful, heartbreaking, and nothing she was prepared for.

The complications didn’t end with the reunion. Lacey’s mother had her own life, her own rhythm, and her own relationship with alcohol. So did Lacey. And when her mother received a stage four lung cancer diagnosis, the urgency it created forced them both into a kind of honesty they had never quite managed before. They sat through chemo appointments and asked the hard questions. They talked about what they’d each been holding. And Lacey has spent the years since wondering why it took running out of time to get there.

Lacey is the founder of Passport Journeys and the author of Therapy After Mom Died. She now works with mothers and daughters to help them heal together before a crisis forces their hand, matching them with therapists, building structured connections, and asking the eight questions that reveal exactly where a relationship has come apart.

This conversation goes somewhere I don’t hear talked about often enough: the way our kids watch us reach for a drink at the end of a hard day, and what they quietly absorb from that. Lacey tells the story of her own Friday night ritual, margaritas that offered tired parents decompression, the moment she realized her children were watching all of it, and what they might be learning. 

If you have a daughter - or son - you love and a relationship that feels like it’s missing something you can’t quite name, this one is for you.

YOU’LL LEARN:

• What Lacey said when her mother, who she thought was dead, picked up the phone
• The unhealthy Friday night ritual she couldn’t unsee once she saw it
• The gap she keeps finding between what moms believe and what daughters feel
• Why, as a parent, you have to connect before you correct
• What it took for Lacey and her mother to finally be honest with each other

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Passport Journeys website
• Therapy After Mom Died - Lacey’s book 

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Brad was 17, sitting in a psych ward for the second time, when a stranger told him about a program in Tennessee. He said no. He ran from a rest stop on the highway, and the police caught him a few hours later. That moment tells you everything about where he was: a kid who had never learned to stay, never learned to feel, and hadn’t yet found anything worth staying for.

What followed was more than a decade of trying to outrun himself. Percocet. Heroin. A methadone clinic he drove to every morning with no car and no money. A felony conviction at 18. A deportation to Canada with a lifetime ban from the US. Brad doesn’t tell his story like a cautionary tale. He tells it like someone who finally understands what his brain was looking for, and what it took to stop running long enough to build something worth keeping.

Today he hosts Sober Motivation, a top 0.5% podcast globally with more than five million downloads, and runs an online community for people in recovery. He started it from his basement not because he had the answers, but because he knew what it felt like to be alone in this.

This conversation is for every parent who has watched their child go through treatment and wondered if anything is actually landing. Brad says something I’ve believed for years but have rarely heard said plainly: sobriety is the starting line, not the finish line. What he built after that line, and why it held, is what this episode is really about.

If you’ve done everything right and it still isn’t working, this one is for you.

YOU’LL LEARN:

• How Brad went from two psych ward stays and a felony to host of a top recovery podcast
• Why sobriety was never his problem, and what the real work looked like
• The question he asks every person about the night before they get sober
• What getting back on ADHD medication at 38 finally showed him about himself
• What it means to build a life you have something to lose in

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Sober Motivation Podcast
• Sober Motivation Community
• Brandon Novak Memoir, Dreamseller

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Rawly Glass grew up in a home full of violence. At 16, he made a pact that he would figure out how to do things differently. He earned a master's in social work, built a career in private therapy, and by all appearances was doing the work. But something from his history kept surfacing, quiet and persistent. When someone handed him the word codependent, he turned it over and put it back down. It did not fit. And he needed to understand why.

What Rawly found was that codependency, as commonly taught, is a behavioral label for something much deeper. It has pathologized one of the most beautiful things about people: the capacity to be gentle and caring. Underneath the behavior there is almost always a more fundamental disruption. Trauma, even the quiet kind, interferes with the development of what he calls a relationship with self. When that gets interrupted, we stop orienting inward and start orienting entirely outward, trying to control what we can see because we cannot access what we feel. He calls it external dependency.

Rawly is a therapist and parent educator who has done this work on himself over decades. He brings research, clinical observation, and a deeply personal story to a question most of us have been handed without enough context: what is driving the behavior, and what does real recovery look like?

If you have ever felt like the codependent label did not quite fit but had no other words for it, Rawly Glass has words for it.

You'll learn:

• What Rawly means by external dependency, and why it fits better than codependency
• The rotten potato story, and what it revealed about looking for the source
• The 15 aspects of a relationship with self, and why most of us are missing some
• Why self-care often fails, and what has to come first
• What co-regulation actually looks like when your child is escalating

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Rawly Glass website
• Rawly Glass on YouTube
• Brainstorm - book by Dan Siegel
• Broken Toys, Broken Dreams - book by Terry Kellogg

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Will White has been doing this work since last century, and he means that literally. Licensed since 1989, he has worked in group homes, boarding schools, mental health centers, and in 1996, co-founded Summit Achievement, a wilderness therapy program he ran for nearly 27 years. When he tells you the landscape of behavioral health for young people has shifted more in the last five years than in the previous three decades combined, he knows what he’s talking about. 

The externalizers of a generation ago, the kids who broke things, slammed doors, and announced their pain loudly, have largely given way to a different kind of struggling young person. One who is anxious, inward, and frozen. Who won’t leave the room, won’t leave the house, and whose parents keep quietly rearranging life around them in an effort to keep the peace. Will has watched this pattern closely, including at Mountain Valley Treatment Center, where young residents had become so overwhelmed by anxiety that the outside world felt completely out of reach. The treatment models that worked before are not always the ones that work now, and the gap between what young people need and what is actually available to them is widening.

That gap is exactly what Will set out to address when he helped launch The Trade, a new nonprofit program in rural New Hampshire for young adults (all genders) ages 18 to 30. It’s not a therapy program in the traditional sense and if you have a young person stuck in that uncomfortable in-between of not ready for college, not ready for independence, but also not well-served by just being home, it may be exactly what you did not know to look for.

I wanted Will back on the show (he appears way back in episode 14) because his view of the bigger picture is one I trust. In this conversation, we talk about the seismic shifts in behavioral health, what is driving the rise in anxiety, and why less talk and more doing might be what this generation actually needs. If your young person is stuck and none of the usual paths seem to fit, this one is for you.

YOU'LL LEARN:

• The shift Will has watched from externalizing kids to anxious, frozen ones, and what he believes is behind it
• What The Trade is and who it’s built for
• Why apprentices get paid from day one, and what receiving a first paycheck does to a young person
• The over-accommodation pattern Will kept seeing in parents, and when caring starts to make things worse
• What Will leaves exhausted parents with, from someone who has been doing this work for four decades

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• The Trade website
• Will White on Hopestream episode #14
• Trish Ruggles, Therapeutic Consultant at Pathfinder Consulting
• Mountain Valley Treatment Center website

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

I have sat with hundreds of moms who came to me at completely different points in their child's substance use, and the gap between them has always struck me. One mom is barely breathing, convinced the worst is already happening. Another is quietly telling herself it might just be a phase. Neither one is wrong, exactly. What they both share is that they are navigating one of the most consequential situations of their lives without a real map.

That gap, between what parents fear and what is actually happening, is exactly what this episode is about. Medicine has always used staging to give patients and families a language for urgency, for appropriate response, for what comes next. Parents of kids with substance use issues have never been handed anything like that. We are expected to assess, decide, and respond without the framework that clinicians spend years building.

So in this episode, I am borrowing that idea because staging is one of the most useful concepts in medicine. It tells you where you are, how serious things actually are, and what kind of response fits the moment. I walk through four stages of substance use, what you might see on the surface, what is happening underneath, and how your role as a parent shifts at each one.

What I want you to hear in this conversation is that you have more influence than you have probably been told. There is a 94% chance your child does not believe they have a problem yet. That is not a reason to give up. It is actually the case that makes you, the parent, the most important factor in whether they ever get help. This framework is not meant to frighten you into action. It is meant to give you the kind of clear-eyed picture that lets you stop reacting and start responding strategically.

If you have been operating without a map, this one is for you. 

YOU'LL LEARN:

• The four stages of substance use and what each one actually looks like from the outside
• Why a quiet kid at home can be at a higher risk level than you think
• How today's substances change the risk math at every stage
• What your role as a parent is, and why it matters more than you have probably been told
• The shift that moves you from reacting to responding strategically

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Dr. Anna Lembke episode 
• Dr. Gabor Maté episode
• Worried Sick free ebook

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

There is a specific kind of searching that happens at 2am when you are a parent in the thick of it, typing symptoms and half-formed fears into a search bar because you cannot say them out loud to anyone in your life. My cofounder Cathy Cioth knows exactly what that feels like, and in this conversation, we sit down to answer the questions we hear most from parents in our community, including the ones that tend to arrive with a quiet residue of shame just for asking.

We start with one that stops many parents cold: does your child actually have to go to formal treatment to get better? The answer is more nuanced than most of us were told, and the data behind it may genuinely surprise you. From there, we get into PAWS, post-acute withdrawal syndrome, the thing nobody warned you about when your child finally got sober and you expected life to start looking better, and it did not. Cathy and I are nine and ten years out from the hardest seasons of our own journeys, both trained in CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training), and nothing in this conversation comes from a textbook.

This episode is the conversation you may wish you could have had years ago, before you knew what you did not know yet.

You'll learn:

• Why formal treatment is not the only path to recovery, and what the research actually says
• What PAWS is, why it blindsides so many families, and how to recognize it in your child
• How to reward non-using behavior in a way that feels genuine rather than transactional
• Why natural consequences belong to your child, not to you, and what it costs to keep carrying them
• When doing nothing is the most potent intervention available to you

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Jo Collete Episode
• Recovery Research Institute
• Dina Cannizzaro Episodes: 297, 288, 173, 138

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Maya Kruger grew up knowing, in a way children simply know things, that mothers die. Her own mother had lost her mother suddenly at 26, and the shadow of that loss shaped everything, including the fierce, almost desperate closeness Maya and her mother shared. She was so convinced that by leaving nothing unsaid, she could somehow protect what they had. Then, the evening after a morning hike together, her mother was killed in a car accident. Maya was 18, not yet fully formed, and suddenly on her own in a way she had spent her whole childhood bracing for and still could not have prepared for.

What followed was not a clean grief. It was the kind that gets woven into everything, into the acting conservatory she attended in Tel Aviv, into the plays she wrote for the national theater, into a one-woman show called Hand Me Downs where she played her grandmother, her mother, and herself all at once. She got into Juilliard and could not go. She got into drama programs in the States and found herself, over and over, cast as other people's mothers, which she describes as both a wound and a doorway. It was not until she was sitting alone for three days on an Outward Bound solo in the Utah desert, nine crackers a day and a whistle around her neck, that something cracked open.

She is now a psychotherapist, trauma specialist, and founder of Overture Therapy in New York, where she works with anxious moms navigating the ways that a child's crisis can bring every old wound roaring back to the surface.

This conversation goes somewhere I was not entirely prepared for. Maya reframes anxiety in a way that stopped me cold, and she has a way of talking about the guilt and shame that lives in a mother's body when her child is struggling that made me feel genuinely seen. She says something about what anxiety is actually asking for that I keep returning to.

If you have ever felt like your child's struggle has cracked open something in you that you did not know was still there, this one is for you.

You'll learn:

• Why Maya grew up believing mothers disappear, and what she tried to do about it
• What maladaptive behavior actually is, and why context changes everything
• The reframe she offers for anxiety that makes it something other than the enemy
• What she means by parking next to yourself, and why it is so hard to do
• The message an anxious mom is actually passing to her kids, and how to change it

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Free, 15-minute consultation with Overture Therapy
• Overture Therapy website
• Hear Brenda Zane on Maya’s podcast, “How Did You Get Here?” episode 22

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Hunter Clarke-Fields was a painter. She had a graduate degree in art education, a high school teaching job, and what looked from the outside like a creative life. What nobody could see was that she was white-knuckling her way through it, cycling between intense highs and pits of despair she could not explain, having panic attacks in the hallways before she had any tools to handle them. She reached for yoga, then for books on mindfulness, and read about it for years before she finally, at 27, sat down and actually tried.

She set a timer for 10 minutes and sat there thinking the whole time. She was certain she was doing it wrong. But two months in, she looked back and realized she had not fallen into a single pit. Not one. For someone who had been cycling into darkness every couple of weeks for most of her adult life, that was not a small thing. It was everything. And it sent her down a path she never expected, one that eventually turned her into the Mindful Mama Mentor, a podcast host, a mindfulness teacher, and the bestselling author of Raising Good Humans.

Hunter now teaches mindfulness to parents all over the world, with over 20 years of meditation practice behind her and two daughters who, she will freely admit, grew up slightly allergic to the whole thing.

 I wanted to have this conversation because I think mindfulness gets written off as vague or soft, and Hunter makes it anything but. She explains what is actually happening in your brain when you blow up at your kid, why longer exhales are not just a cliche, and what she calls the Three R's, a framework so simple you will remember it in the worst moment. She also says something about feelings being like toddlers that I keep coming back to. 

If you have ever thought that mindfulness is not for you, or that you are too far gone to start, this one is for you.

You'll learn:

• Why Hunter spent two months certain she was meditating wrong.
• The part of mindfulness most people skip that changes everything.
• Her Three R's for the moments you most want to lose it.
• What she says feelings are like, and why it reframes everything.
• The one thing she would tell a struggling parent to try today.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Hunter Clarke-Fields website
• Raising Good Humans Book
• Mindful Mama Podcast

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Marie's son was diagnosed with ADHD at eight, she did what devoted parents do. She learned everything and got to work. By the time weed entered the picture in his teens, she had already lined up CRAFT counselors, drug and alcohol specialists, an at-risk youth petition, even a street artist mentor. She is a school psychologist. She had the frameworks, the language. None of it stopped what was coming.

What followed were years of watching him cycle through residential treatment, partial hospitalization, therapeutic boarding school, sober living, and inpatient care, all before nineteen. When he came home and relapsed within days, Marie and her husband made the call she'd been bracing for: he couldn't live with them anymore. And something unexpected happened inside her.

Today, her son has a job. He calls. He showed up to his dad's birthday and ate cake with relatives he hadn't seen in years. Marie listens without lecturing. She is only now learning what it means to help herself.

This is one of the most honest accounts I've heard of doing everything right and still feeling unsure.

If you've done everything you can think of and you're still waiting, this one's for you.

You’ll learn:

• The moment Marie felt a significant shift inside her after her son relapsed and had to leave home
• What “active waiting” looks like in practice, and how that doesn’t mean ‘letting go’
• The specific kind of change talk Marie started hearing from her son, and what it signals about where he is in his process
• How Marie and her husband are thinking through the next housing crisis before it happens, including a practical tool for staying grounded when everything hits at once
• The shift from parenting mode to consulting mode, and what it looks like to give your child a voice in solutions without solving everything for them

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Clear30 App - helps people take a 30 day break from weed
• Jessica Lahey’s “The Gift of Failure”

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Sally Harris’s middle daughter started down a dangerous path at 14, she did what most devoted mothers do. She fought hard to fix it. Boarding school. Rehab. Anything and everything she could think of. What she did not expect was that the hardest decade of her life was still ahead, or that the coping mechanism she reached for would quietly become a crisis of its own.

Her daughter’s story wound through some of the darkest places a mother can imagine, and Sally will tell you she did not handle it with grace. She handled it the way most of us do: imperfectly, desperately, and often in ways that made things worse. What turned everything around was not something she did for her daughter. It was something she finally did for herself.

Ten years later, her daughter is back. They speak together publicly. They laugh about things that were anything but funny at the time. Sally now coaches moms who are somewhere in the middle of their own version of this, and she brings the kind of clarity you can only get from having actually lived it.

This conversation goes to places I do not hear enough people talking about honestly: what it does to a mother when her child goes silent, the ways we unknowingly push them further, and what it actually looks like to do the work on yourself while your child is still out there struggling. Sally asks one question of every mom she works with, and I think it will stay with you.

If your child has asked for space, cut contact, or simply drifted somewhere you cannot reach, this one is for you.

You’ll learn:

• The coping mechanism Sally reached for and what finally made her put it down for good
• Why honoring a requested pause is harder than it sounds, and what happens when we do not
• What Sally means by "father wounds" and how often they show up in the families she works with
• The one question she asks every mom she coaches, and why the answer changes everything
• A practical tool she calls a personal board of directors, and why your friends probably should not be on it.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Sally Harris YouTube Channel
• Sally Harris website

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.