An apology is a starting point, a basic human relationship skill, and an essential component of healing. In this twice-monthly Rocking Relationships in Recovery webinar, host Jon Taylor, Utah Therapist (CSAT), discusses how and why to effectively apologize.

TAKEAWAYS:

[3:08] Executed well, an apology can be a powerful change for a person issuing the apology.

[4:06] John shares the first big fight he and his spouse had in their marriage.

[6:41] Saying 'I'm sorry' is the first step, then asking 'How can I help?'"

[12:25] If your apology is coupled with resentment, you're not doing it right.

[15:30] Turn on your thinking brain and consider what you could do differently.

[18:30] Offer solutions to your partner that can correct the hurt.

[22:05] The danger of a forced apology.

[24:08] The non-apology apology is thinly veiled manipulation.

[27:27] How can I proceed when the people I've hurt refuse to talk to me?

[33:14] How does self-sabotage show up for both addicts and betrayed partners?

[37:40] Self activation and authentication can open us up to hurt as well as clarity.

[38:50] How can I react to my addict spouse if he refuses support?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

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Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

QUOTES

• "If you're going to use apology, you need to be ready to follow through. Otherwise you're going to hollow out the word and make it the word that signals the start of a fight, not the start of repair."

• "Apology, executed well, can be a powerful change for the person issuing the apology."

• "I ended up listening and paying attention, and that's the power of saying 'I'm sorry'."

• "Be careful not to hold your 'I'm sorry' hostage or make it conditional. If you're doing that, then you are the problem."

• "We're misusing an apology when we expect it to be a quick fix."

• "We never know where our person's breaking point is and we can't be the one to define that."