How To Empathize and Keep Your Boundaries In Three Steps

Empathy in codependency often causes a person to violate their own boundaries or allow unhealthy behavior to continue with an individual.

Boundaries often feel harsh and conflicting while also empathizing with the pain that a person may be expressing in an ineffective way.

Use these three steps to empathize with a person while keeping your boundaries:

1) Recognize and name the pain you see they're expressing

2) Express care and understanding about the *pain*

3) Establish or state the boundary 

An Example:

Context: Person A is upset that Person B told them no in response to a request for time personal time with them and Person A called Person B a a name.

Person B: I see you're hurt and upset about me saying no. I totally understand how that feels. It really sucks.

And if you call me names, I'll step away from this conversation till you've worked through the emotions you're feeling.  I'm here to listen, but I am not here to be treated that way.

Notice that the pain that Person A has is validated, understood, and witnessed while the behavior is what is boundaried.  This separation helps the person understand that their feelings are valid, but certain behaviors are not tolerated by Person B. 

You can empathize while also establishing the behavior you will tolerate and not tolerate.

*** 

***

Join my email community to get access to more episodes, tools, my writings, and more here: https://connect.freetheself.com

Join my Facebook community for more guidance, tools, and my insights: https://community.freetheself.com

Follow me on Facebook, Youtube, Instagram, TikTok, and my podcast here: https://links.freetheself.com

***

[The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings Start September 24, 2023]

This LIVE 8-week training is for codependents, people-pleasers, and perfectionists that:

- Feel like there's something crucial they're missing in their healing work
- Are stuck in a circle of relapse and "trying to not be codependent"
- Feel lost and frustrated not knowing what to do to get real peace and healing

There are 8 necessary factors that create lasting healing and freedom from codependency:

- Safety
- Sanity
- Personal Sovereignty
- Trust Yourself
- Know Yourself
- Love Yourself
- Be Yourself
- Share Yourself

I will be teaching the essential skills and knowledge in each of these factors starting September 24, 2023 in my 8-week course, "The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings".

This includes:

- Origin of Codependency & Nervous System Care
- Inner Awareness
- Capacity & Emotional Care
- Differentiation and Knowing Yourself
- Fantasy and Reality
- Real Worth
- Being Sovereign
- Boundaries 101
- Pre-recorded Bonus One: Safe-People and Resourcing
- Pre-recorded Bonus Two: Self-Trust Foundation

These eight trainings give you the crucial knowledge, tools, and practices needed to transition your codependent habits into healthy relating habits that create well-being, peace, and happiness FOR YOU.

You'll be empowered to create these results because:

- You'll be able to identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies and connect with reality
- You'll be able to soothe and care for your anxiety, pain, grief, and other emotions
- You'll be cultivating trust in yourself
- You'll be discovering your real worth
- You'll be starting to really know and distinguish yourself from others
- You'll be able build real boundaries
- You'll be able to detect and disengage your people-pleasing and fawning behaviors

Students that have learned these skills report:

- Feeling big relief from trying so hard to fix themselves
- More