In this Life Check Yourself podcast, Marni and Chris discuss the dating traps exhibited by the guy contestants in the latest episode of the Bachelorette. Who does Michelle choose when presented with a strong contrast between looks-good-on-paper Jamie and the not-sure-I-am-good-enough Rodney?

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

• Why checking boxes is a bad way to date
• How F-boys keep you hooked
• Moving guys out of the friendzone
• The vulnerability-vagina connection

 

His Worth is Not Your Worth [1:25]

Marni notes that too many women become focused on how a guy looks on paper and whether or not he checks all the boxes. She warns against this because when we get attached to the idea of someone and not shared values, we end up with the wrong partner.

For example, Bachelor Jamie is CEO of a biomedical tech company. He fits the image a girl would be super happy to talk to her friends and family about when we peek behind the curtain he has been seen putting other dudes down and telling everyone else they are wrong.  Big red flags there.

The person you date does not add to your worthiness. 

Jamie tries to trap Michelle by saying he is trying to protect her, yet he is the one planting seeds of doubt in her mind. Plus, Chris points out Jamie hangs out with the not-so-nice guys and you know what they say about birds of a feather. Jamie displays a complete lack of humbleness. He can not be silly or laugh at himself. Who wants to date someone like that?

Sometimes we want to see what we want to see. That is why it is important to get clear about our values because we could be missing out on a great guy.

        

Why Do We Put Some Guys in the Friendzone? [17:56]

Enter Rodney. When he approaches Michelle he does the opposite of Jamie and tells her that he may not be this and he may not be that but asks her to give him a try. While it did catch Michelle off guard, she asked him why he would start a conversation (or a contest for that matter) in that way. He just unwittingly put himself in the friendzone!

Ladies, if you feel that the guys you are attracted to never want to commit, but the guys you are attracted to are not interested in you, this may be the issue.  

If you have gone out on a few dates and you like a guy but are not feeling it, what can you test the waters to see if he is just nervous or if he has low self-worth? 

• First, if a guy has low self-worth HE IS NOT YOUR GUY. 
• Tell him how you are feeling and ask him if he knows what might be missing from your interactions.

 

Chris says that men who are worth a damn will love doing something brave and show you who they really are. With the caveat that sometimes they need instructions.

 

Lessons Gleaned About F-Boys [30:05]

The clever ones know how to work the system. When true F-boys feel a woman is moving away, they turn on the waterworks. Or, when they feel you are getting clingy they move far enough away to keep you hooked. F-boys have colorful stories but they use their powers for evil instead of good. 

 

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