Inner Source - Healing from Toxic Abuse

This episode focuses on the Fear of rejection, which also includes fear of abandonment, because of the way it impacts relationships.  The fear of rejection is based in a deep seeded need to be accepted or liked. Our ability to truly connect with others greatly depends on feeling safe and the ability to trust. Fear of rejection inhibits us from being our truest self.  The ultimate goal of emotional healing is returning to the truest, most authentic version of self. Learn what the signs and dangers are of the fear of rejection and techniques on how to overcome it.

This episode focuses on the inner programming that results after being with controlling and manipulative people. Many  abusive relationships follow the same patterns as brainwashing institutions such as cults.  In a toxic environment, our automatic thoughts adapt to the positive and negative experiences. We don’t even realize that they may become part of our internal dialogue and response system.  After a while we find that we are out of line with our truest and deepest selves including our own values, beliefs, opinions and memories.  Being out of line with our truest self results in a sense of instability, self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety, and depression.  Learning how we became conditioned by manipulators can be a big part of the healing process in piecing our lives back together.

Sometimes we stay in relationships much longer than we should because we believe, want to believe, or want to find out if the other person genuinely loves us.  Breaking a bond of authentic love can be one of the most difficult things we ever go through. But if the love is not authentic then the feeling may be one of being trapped.  When you know for sure whether the relationship is based on authentic love or if it is a transactional relationship you gain more power over your choices.  This episode details and provides examples of authentic love versus toxic love. so that you can make more informed choices about how to proceed in the relationship, and if you want to stay or leave.

Becoming the observer gives you the advantage of keen awareness and more emotional management.  Which means not getting sucked into irrational and pointless battles. It means becoming aware of yourself, your emotions, your responses, and how you interpret your experiences from a non-judgmental place.  It also allows you to observe others' reactions without emotional investment.

Sometimes it can be difficult to determine if you are in a toxic relationship, and ironically, especially when you’re in one.  There are many factors that contribute to a very powerful trauma-bond causing confusion, distortion of reality, and a lack of trust in  your own perceptions.  You might often have a strong desire to leave the relationship but get stuck wondering if you’re misreading the behaviors, or if the negative moments are just mistakes that can be mended, forgiven and put in the past only to find a repeated pattern of similar destructive behavior.  But it’s hard to tell how much of the dysfunction in the relationship is you  and how much of it is your partner. This episode provides 30 signs of toxic behaviors to help you identify where the toxicity resides in order to make more informed decisions.

We end up over-apologizing for everything.  This is our attempt to avoid more conflict and backlash.  Apologizing also helps defend against disappointing others.  But being in the habit of apologizing sets us up for low self-esteem and other negative affects.  This episode looks at the ‘sorry syndrome’, which can develop after being around toxic people for a while, as we take on more and more of their responsibilities.

You have been a great source of narcissistic supply, but you finally figured out that you have been dealing with a narcissist.  When they realize that you see this, there will be backlash.  That is because they know that they will be unable to fool you anymore and won’t be able to continue their narcissistic supply from you.  You are now interfering with their addiction, which is the supply of attention, admiration, power and control that you gave them.  They will be in withdrawal.  You might see a no gap transition, meaning they will quickly find another source of supply, maybe immediately into another relationship to stabilize their inner world.  You will also see narcissistic rage, which looks completely unfamiliar and like pure evil.  Look out for smear campaigns, verbal, emotional, mental and even possibly physical abuse, and of course, the victim mentality.

There are times when it is more difficult to leave a toxic relationship than to stay in one.  This episode offers four essential strategies to remain in a toxic environment without losing your mind or yourself.  These four counter actions, when practiced, can save you from further pain and can actually contribute to your healing.  Learn how to become stronger against manipulative tactics and use protective measures to free yourself of the control of others.

I have learned from trauma-focused therapy approaches that we need to feel our emotions.  We all want to avoid, dismiss, or deny difficult and hurtful feelings but the only way to heal is to feel.  This activates the natural healing process and frees us from the debilitating effects of unresolved trauma and deeply buried emotions.  Without going through this difficult part of the journey we live with chronic tension, anxiety, depression, apathy, low energy, depleted self-esteem, irritability, difficulty focusing, and troubled relationships.  This episode explains body-based trauma release approaches that help break the trauma cycle.  It takes you through realistic approaches and techniques to help you get to the core negative emotions that keep you stuck and start moving the flow of energy to become free of the binding hold that long held negative emotions have over you.

Loss is part of life, but more importantly it is a part of any toxic relationship.  Whether it is the loss of others or the loss of self, loss is almost a guarantee in and around toxic behaviors.  We always lose a part of ourselves when we are around someone with little empathy.  People who fall on the toxic spectrum have little empathy and are generally focused on getting their needs met before anything else and with little regard to others.  A big part of loss is that the fear of it can keep us stuck in toxic, unhealthy relationships.  The fear of loss itself is the very thing that traps us.  The fear becomes so great that we subtly begin to overlook lots of things that we would normally run from.

But the other part of loss is gain.  What we gain when we face loss, let go of what we no longer need and free ourselves of the fear of loss cannot be measured.  We not only regain ourselves, but we become stronger and our life has more meaning.  This episode focuses on the stages of loss and how to progress through them when the loss is connected to a toxic relationship.