Intrinsically Ordered

Coming out is often portrayed as the happy ending—but for many people, it's only the beginning.

In this conversation with former Catholic priest and licensed therapist Danny Peterson, we explore why so many LGBTQ people who come out later in life feel like they're reliving adolescence as adults. We discuss religious trauma, dating, therapy, identity, relationships, extended adolescence, ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and what happens after the excitement of coming out fades into ordinary life.

We also talk about why relationships don't magically become easy, why many people search for gurus or simple answers after leaving religion, and how learning to tolerate uncertainty can become one of the healthiest parts of healing.

00:00 From Priest to Therapist
03:55 Extended Adolescence Explained
09:52 Healthy Coming Out Skills
13:13 Values and Red Flags
18:09 Sex vs Relationship First
20:59 Finding Mentors and Community
28:21 The Coming Out Paradox
33:38 ACT and Moving Forward
41:30 Facing Hard Truths
46:42 Ditching Gurus Dogma
53:40 Therapy Expectations Reality
57:41 Allyship Religion Safeguards
01:00:16 Finding A Therapist
01:04:15 Private Practice Wrap Up

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode, Colin and I react to Brian Holdsworth's video asking whether "gay priests" are even a real thing. What starts as a discussion about labels quickly turns into a much bigger conversation about sexual orientation, Catholic theology, history, identity, and how the Church talks about same-sex attraction.

We unpack the arguments, examine where we think the reasoning breaks down, and discuss why language matters when talking about real people. Along the way we dive into Pope Francis' comments on seminaries, the 2005 Vatican instruction on admitting men with same-sex attraction to the priesthood, ancient Greek sexuality, bisexuality, orientation, and why analogies don't always prove what people think they prove.

00:00 Pride Month Banter
01:06 Reacting to Brian Holdsworth
03:09 Pope Francis Quote Fallout
05:13 Ancient Rome Was Gay
08:20 Labels and Orientation Debate
13:54 Appetites and Identity Claim
17:49 Catholic Analogy Time
22:17 Cravings vs Human Love
25:04 Appetites Make You Gayer
31:55 Short Term Hookups Critique
35:46 Dehumanizing the Gay Label
38:15 Labels and Identity Sprawl
38:52 Paradox of Tolerance Rant
39:51 Honorary Gender Studies
40:38 Dodging the Priest Question
41:16 Chastity vs Gay Label
42:29 Church Policy Contradictions
44:29 Food and Gluttony Analogy
46:50 Spectrum and Ancient World
51:31 Frauds and Sacraments
55:10 Title Not Description Confusion
57:00 Trad Conspiracy Briefcase
01:00:02 Sponsor Break Real Estate
01:01:15 Why Labels Help Research
01:07:29 Why So Many Gay Priests
01:10:50 Growing Up Without Language
01:15:47 Landing the Plane Conclusion

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

A Catholic priest (Fr Philippe Dalleur) and youtuber (Ethan Muse) have argued that shadows in photographs taken at Fatima in 1917 provide scientific evidence for extraordinary sources of light in the sky. So I spent more than 100 hours investigating the claim, since my entire job revolves around working with cameras and lighting as a cinematographer.

00:00 - A "Miraculous" Photo?
01:03 - How the Science Should Work
02:32 - What Was Our Lady of Fatima?
03:34 - Series Overview (Skip This)
05:08 - Lenses Loose a Dimension
08:56 - Reason #1: Can't Really Calculate a Lost Dimension
11:27 - How to Actually Calibrate Lenses
14:14 - Reason #2: Vintage Lenses Make It Even Harder
16:17 - The Third Dimension
18:10 - Reason #3: They Didn't Validate Their Methods
19:13 - Reason #4: Shadows Can't Really Be Measured
22:13 - Example Optics of Similar Scene
22:52 - Preview of Part 2: Lies in Development

This is a three part series. Part 1 (this video) covers why lenses make these calculations almost impossible without calibration. Part 2 will cover their terrible development process and post-production deception. And then Part 3 will recreate the lighting effect they're talking about.

Source #1: "Fatima Pictures and Testimonials: in-depth Analysis" published on March 8, 2021in Scientia et Fides  (keep in mind, this is not a peer reviewed science journal, they claim it's 'peer reviewed' but the peers are humanities people)
Source #2: "Fatima's Miracle Photo D115 - Sun Height Estimation" published on Sep 24, 2021 on the YouTube channel "BioPhilo" (I confirmed with Ethan that this is Dalleur's channel)
Source #3: "Sun Elevation Evaluation Technique + HUD" published on Aug 10, 2022 on the YouTube channel "BioPhilo"
Source #4: "Our Lady of Fatima" published on Sep 5, 2025 by Ethan Muse on his substack.
Source #5: "It Wasn't the Sun!" published on Oct 10, 2025 by Ethan Muse on his substack.
Source #6: "Catholic vs. Atheist: Was Fatima Miraculous?" of Ethan Muse and James Fodor on Jul 18, 2026 on the "Capturing Christianity" YouTube channel hosted by Cameron Burtuzzi

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

The recent SSPX excommunications have left a lot of Catholics—and even journalists—trying to understand what actually happened. In this episode, I sit down with Hunter, a former SSPX traditionalist (and also former sedevacantist seminarian), to unpack the history behind the headlines.

We explain Vatican II, Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre, the founding of the SSPX, the 1988 episcopal consecrations, the creation of the FSSP, and why Pope Leo XIV's decision is different from previous popes. We also discuss how traditionalist movements understand authority, conscience, and obedience, and why this controversy has been building for decades rather than weeks.

00:00 SSPX Excommunication News
00:55 Hunter’s Trad Journey
03:31 What Happened In July in Econe, Switzerland
05:34 Nuclear Excommunication Explained
09:02 Vatican II Basics
12:06 Lefebvre and SSPX Origins
16:12 Spirit of Vatican II Debates
21:33 Key Doctrinal Flashpoints
27:28 Subsistit In Controversy
30:28 1974 Declaration and Breakaway
33:50 1983 Split and Sedevacantists
36:04 Obedience Paradox and Fallout
36:57 Bad Commands vs Doctrine
37:42 Sedevacantists Inside SSPX
41:15 1988 Bishops and Split
44:17 Valid vs Licit Sacraments
46:51 Obedience Paradox and Conscience
57:54 July Consecrations Fallout
01:03:24 Will SSPX Radicalize
01:07:09 Future of Trad Groups
01:09:49 Wrap Up and Thanks

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of Apostate Imprimatur, Colin and I react to Brian Holdsworth's video asking how to tell a "real" Catholic from a "fake" Catholic. What starts as a discussion about Catholic identity quickly turns into debates about language, gender, authority, and whether Catholic apologetics consistently apply their own standards.

We discuss why so much Catholic YouTube feels like insider baseball, examine Brian's analogies about chairs, cars, and police officers, and argue that many conservative critiques of gender misunderstand what gender scholars are actually saying. Along the way, we talk about Catholic definitions, language change, trans identities, Church authority, and why some apologetic arguments seem persuasive only if you've never encountered the opposing viewpoint.

00:00 Episode Two Kickoff
01:20 Trad Cath Vibes and Profanity
02:33 Series Format and Feedback
05:12 Cue the Candace Owens Video
05:58 Catholic YouTube Insider Baseball
08:57 Cookie Break and Hot Takes
12:04 Who Counts as Catholic
13:21 Gender Detour What Is a Woman
23:33 Police Officer Analogy
30:00 Definitions Language and Power
34:18 Matter Form and Sacraments
38:11 Chair Example and Cake Chairs
38:58 What Counts as a Chair
39:19 Context Makes Words Work
40:19 Chairs and Trans Analogies
41:33 Form Matter and Sacraments
41:57 Car Parts and Functionality
44:35 Personhood Corpses and Souls
47:04 Uncanny Feelings Explained
49:42 Internal Bonds vs External Bonds
52:24 Defining Catholic Membership
57:06 Fake Catholic vs Not Catholic
01:03:56 SSPX and Legitimate Authority
01:10:29 Gender Debate and Word Games
01:17:10 Wrap Up and Next Video

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

What if the conversation around Christianity and LGBT people is far more complicated than either side admits?

In this episode, I sit down with therapist, author, and speaker Peter Valk (LPC) to explore one of the most difficult conversations happening in the Church today. We discuss conversion therapy, Side B Christianity, historic Christian sexual ethics, language surrounding sexuality and gender, why many churches struggle to talk about these topics well, and how pastors, parents, and Christians can approach these conversations with greater compassion and honesty.

Whether you agree with Peter's conclusions or not, this conversation is about understanding the complexity behind the headlines and moving beyond culture-war talking points toward thoughtful dialogue.

00:00 Meet Peter Valk
03:49 Why This Should Matter for Both Sides
11:35 Labels and Language
14:56 Gender Terms Explained
17:40 Identity Label Debate
20:30 Pastors and Discomfort
23:08 Sacred Cows
25:57 Listening Without Fear
29:55 Coming Out Well
33:36 Respectful Questions
35:43 Resources to Learn
37:42 Practical Church Steps
42:14 Clear Welcome Messages
47:35 Conversion Therapy Warning
54:45 Long Term Support
58:01 Wrap Up and Where to Find

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode, Colin, Kevin NonTradiCath, and I react to Christian Wagner and Noah/Jesus and Whatnots' argument that kissing before marriage is sinful and compare it with the historical sources he cites. Along the way, we explore the writings of St. Alphonsus Liguori, medieval and early modern Catholic sexual ethics, Christopher West, Theology of the Body, and whether Catholics can really claim that the Church has always taught one consistent moral framework.

We also discuss how debates like this reveal a deeper issue: if Catholics still have to decide which saints, theologians, and authorities to follow, is Catholicism really as different from Protestantism as many apologists claim?

00:00 Podcast Intro and Chaos
00:59 Meet Kevin and the Premise
01:53 Can You Kiss Your Girlfriend
04:14 Why This Debate Matters
06:34 Who Is Christian Wagner
11:36 Watching the No Kissing Video
12:28 Laxity and Catholic Authority
16:14 Near Occasion of Sin Stories
20:57 Alphonsus Quotes and Sex Panic
23:53 Skipping Ahead to the Argument
26:20 Repression and Catholic Guilt
28:33 Kevin Pulls the Alphonsus Book
31:00 Who Was Alphonsus Liguori
32:13 Liguori Moral Doctor
34:03 Doctors You Cant Disagree
36:37 Modesty Of The Eyes
37:49 Dont Look At Women
47:54 Mortal Sin By Looking at Kids
50:03 Repression And Obsession
52:42 Modesty In Speech
55:16 Laughter Under Scrutiny
01:01:44 Fasting And Health Claims
01:04:35 Holy Lettuce Possession
01:06:59 Liguori And Extremes
01:07:57 Rules Over Harm
01:08:41 Drowning Rescue Caveats
01:11:37 Magisterial Minimalism
01:14:02 Three Tier Authority Critique
01:19:58 Fallible Framework Problem
01:20:27 No Infallible List
01:25:19 Back To Kissing Debate
01:26:53 Jimmy Akin Weigh Teachings
01:30:46 Protestantism With Extra Steps
01:34:04 Real World Harm
01:39:53 Final Takeaways And Goodbye

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Christian marriage advice often sounds inspiring, but what happens when it encourages people to ignore compatibility, personal calling, financial realities, or even their own well-being?

In this episode, I sit down with former evangelical pastor  ⁨@BrianRecker⁩   to examine one of the biggest Christian relationship influencers online and unpack the messages behind his viral marriage advice. We talk about purity culture, patriarchy, complementarianism, having large families, fear-based theology, and how these ideas shape dating, marriage, and parenting in both evangelical and conservative Catholic circles.

We also discuss why so much Christian relationship advice focuses on roles instead of people, how hell and religious fear influence life decisions, and what healthier, more equal relationships can look like after deconstruction.

Read Brian's new book 'Hell Bent' - https://a.co/d/0ad4Sd2D
Brian's substack: https://brianrecker.substack.com

00:00 Brian’s Evangelical Background
02:51 Fear of Hell and Assurance
05:23 Purity Culture and Sexual Shame
07:03 Who Is Ryan Miller
09:25 Love at First Sight Claims
11:57 Wife and Mom as Calling
17:07 Parenting Overwhelm and Pressure
22:48 Spiritual Bypassing and Big Families
30:01 Have More Kids Than You Can Afford
37:07 Comments Reveal the Harm
43:42 Hell as a Control Mechanism
47:05 A Healthier Christian Vision
48:33 Relearning Relationships Resources
52:33 Where to Follow Brian
54:03 Final Thanks and Wrap Up

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

For years I assumed the choice was simple: Catholicism or Protestantism. But the deeper I looked, the more I realized there is an entire world of high church Christianity that most people never hear about.

In this conversation, I'm joined by Austin from  @GospelSimplicity   to explore Anglicanism, Episcopalianism, Lutheranism, Orthodoxy, liturgy, tradition, deconstruction, and what options exist for people who are reevaluating Catholicism but still want to take Christianity seriously.

We discuss why young Christians are rediscovering tradition, the appeal of high church worship, the differences between Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican, and Lutheran churches, and practical advice for anyone trying to find a spiritual home after deconstruction.

00:00 Austin’s Faith Journey
02:50 Why Episcopalian And Not Catholic
06:27 Discovering Protestant Breadth
10:42 Protestant Label Explained
13:46 Why Gen Z Loves Tradition
19:31 High Church Protestant Map
28:00 Are Teachings Simpler
31:21 Anglican Openness to Doctrine
32:24 Brittle Faith and Flexibility
33:39 Episcopal vs Anglican Explained
35:53 Anglican Labels in America
38:40 Why People Convert to Orthodoxy
41:55 Orthodox Diversity and Trends
44:04 Advice for Deconstructing Catholics
49:20 Finding a Church Without Paralysis
54:03 Praying While Spiritually Homeless

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

When I was a traditional Catholic, I was taught exactly what atheism was supposed to be: lonely, meaningless, directionless, and ultimately incapable of providing a fulfilling life. Then I became an atheist myself.

In this episode, I reflect on my journey from devout Catholicism to atheism and explain why I don't actually think atheism is a worldview at all. I talk about losing my faith, losing my community, searching for meaning, running ultramarathons, and eventually discovering that atheism wasn't a replacement for religion.

00:00 - Backstory
01:16 - What Catholicism Taught Me About Atheism
03:00 - I Never Wanted to Experience Atheism
05:33 - Atheism Was As Bad as I Was Told
07:03 - What An Alcoholic Ultramarathoner Taught Me
09:42 - Atheism is Nothing, Because It's Everything
11:26 - Atheism is Options - Not a Plan
12:46 - Atheism Gave Me Everything I Love
15:37 - The Irony of Ultramarathon Finish Lines

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.