Today we’re going to talk about if it’s better to block or ignore your ex.

Ultimately, the decision should be based on your overall goals post breakup.

Of course, there is always more nuance to these discussions so that’s what this article is going to be focused on, the nuance.

Above we already established our sort of rule of thumb.

Realistically, not many people who come to our website have that goal fully figured out. They are stuck on a pendulum constantly swinging back and forth between wanting their ex back one day and then not wanting them.

So, my goal here is to help you make this decision easier and I’d first start by looking at few statistics

Now, I’ve written about the merits of ignoring and blocking an ex quite a lot but what do the statistics actually say.

Well, that’s the thing. There are no legitimate sources of research out there that have done a deep dive into ignoring or blocking an ex.

So, the internal research from our private facebook support group is the best we could do for you.

Let’s first start by talking about ignoring an ex.

When I talk about ignoring an ex I’m really talking about implementing a no contact rule. A self imposed period of time where you are ignoring your ex purely as an opportunity for self growth on your part.

Of course, the no contact rule isn’t meant to be permanent (unless of course we talk about “the block” version but we aren’t doing that here.)

Generally there are three time frames that we’ve historically recommended when it comes to no contact.

The goal with no contact is to get to this place emotionally where you’ve outgrown your ex before you actually begin to establish contact again.

So, the intent to actually start a conversation is always there and that’s what separates “ignoring an ex” from “blocking an ex.”

But what do the statistics say.

Well, we’ve been blessed with some amazing success stories over the years.

If you look at the successes that I’ve interviewed one common theme you’ll find throughout all of them is that the no contact rule is present.

In fact, in a recent study we conducted in 2021 we found that over 90% of our success stories mentioned the no contact rule in their approach to getting their ex back.

This lends further credence to the,

“Ignoring = Get Your Ex Back Approach”

We’ve even gone as far as looking at why ignoring an ex seems to be so effective.

We believe it’s because the average client is trying to get back an ex that leans more towards avoidant.

Let’s use hard data here.

In 2020 I conducted a poll in our private facebook group asking our participants what attachment style they believed their ex was.

More than 400 participants took part.

70% believed their ex was an avoidant.

So, with this knowledge we can safely assume that a lot of times a no contact rule is being used on an avoidant which if you know anything about avoidants you would know is exactly what they want.

In fact, in this video,

I make a strong case that the only way an avoidant will miss you is if they feel comfortable missing you and that usually doesn’t happen until they feel like you’ve moved on.

What does the no contact rule do?

Basically puts forth the fact that you are moving on.

Of course, we still have one fly in the ointment.

In the past I have made some statements based on research I conducted in 2013. Now, I don’t know about you but that’s a long time ago and interestingly, the dating dynamics have seemed to have changed.

So, what was the statement I made?

Close to 80% of people who try the no contact rule will break it at least one time. 

That’s been my rallying cry for years to explain to people that the no contact rule is difficult. Well, what if I were to tell you the stats have changed?

In preparation for this article I ran a poll where I asked,

For those of you who have attempted a no contact rule. How many of you made it through without breaking it at least once?

Here were the results.

So, why the sudden change in statistics? To me, it just means my team and I are doing a better job of educating individuals who attempt the no contact rule the pitfalls of breaking it.

Each time you have to start it over after failing it loses a bit of effectiveness.

Now lets switch gears and talk about blocking an ex.

Blocking an ex is actually my preferred method for getting over an ex.

It may sound harsh but I personally believe that the more you can limit the temptation of talking to an ex the easier it will be to focus your energies within and heal.

Too often have I seen clients try to remain friends with an ex they want to get over only to be caught back up in the on again/off again cycle.

So, blocking an ex should only be used if you want to get over the breakup.

There are a few stipulations I’d like to talk about here though. If you presently find yourself in a situation where you can’t block your ex full out then you are going to have to make a few alterations.

What would a situation like that look like?

In those cases I’d recommend a soft block instead of a hard block.

Now, most of the time when I’m dealing with clients who are on the opposite end of the situation. They are the ones being blocked by their exes and we’ve learned some interesting things about that.

So, most of our clients who find themselves caught up in a situation like this immediately panic because they want to find a way to get unblocked.

And the best advice we can give based on empirical data is to literally do nothing.

Don’t react.

Just wait it out.

70% of the time if you do nothing your ex will unblock you on their own accord.

So, what does that tell us for the discussion we are having in this article?

Simply that the odds of you keeping your ex blocked are pretty low. The single hardest thing you are going to be dealing with is temptation.

These kind of thoughts often lead to a type of pogo sticking effect to occur.

What’s that?

Pogo Sticking: Where you block your ex, then unblock them to see what they are up to only to block them again. And on and on we go.

This is why I’m such a huge proponent of using blocking only if you want to get over your ex. It’s simply a strict way of limiting your distractions.

Take the no contact rule as an example. Theoretically the only difference between a no contact and a block is that with a no contact rule the temptations and distractions are always available to tempt you.

You can see when your ex reaches out to you.

You can see what they are doing on social media.

With a block that goes away. There are no distractions. No facebook stalking or instagram hounding (just made that up.) You get the picture though.

In the end the battle that really matters really happens up here (points to head.)

If you can’t obtain emotional control then everything is all for naught.