It's Not About The Money

Episode Overview

In this episode, I welcome Mike Jones, founder of Better Happy and author of The Happy Business Revolution, to explore how entrepreneurs can escape the "owner trap" and build more happiness into their businesses. Drawing on Mike's unique background in the military and his transformative experiences living in monasteries, we uncover valuable insights about the true meaning of happiness and how to create a business that serves both clients and the business owner alike.

Key Highlights

Mike's Journey from Military to Monastery to Business

• Joined the military in his early twenties seeking an escape from his hometown
• After two tours in Afghanistan, realised military life wasn't fulfilling him
• Spent time living with monks in Thailand and Nepal, gaining life-changing insights
• Discovered that Eastern philosophy views happiness as underlying fulfilment rather than constant ecstasy
• These experiences led him to start his own businesses with a completely different perspective

The Buddhist Approach to Emotions

• Learning to see emotions as "passing clouds" rather than part of one's identity
• Understanding we are not our emotions, but the experiencer of emotions
• This separation from emotions is particularly valuable for business owners on an emotional rollercoaster
• The practice of not attaching to emotions, whether positive or negative

The Owner Trap: Lessons from Mike's First Business

• Started a gym with the desire to help others, focusing entirely on client happiness
• Created a business that made clients happy but left him burnt out and unfulfilled
• "I went into business thinking, 'I'm just going to provide a good service and really look after our clients and the business will just be fantastic'"
• By COVID, despite having a great team and happy clients, he was miserable

The Core Four Model of Business Relationships

1. The business itself - expects cashflow and profitability
2. Customers - expect positive products/services and give money/referrals
3. Team - delivers service and expects wages, belonging, growth opportunities
4. Business owner - provides leadership, finance, growth and expects returns

Why Business Owners Neglect Themselves

• "Business is the most extreme form of personal development there is in disguise"
• We're evolutionarily wired to be modest, which works against valuing ourselves properly
• Society often pushes a message that making good money means exploiting others
• The common trap: "If you're not going to make good money, have a job"
• Passion alone won't sustain a business—financial reward must justify the stress and risk

Breaking Free from the Owner Trap

• "I thought about me from day one" - Mike's approach to his second business
• Being "sensibly selfish" - balancing client care with personal wellbeing
• Defining happiness through values alignment rather than constant emotional highs
• The danger of "putting life on hold" while building a business
• Understanding that business is a marathon, not a sprint

Practical Steps to Escape the Owner Trap

• Create an "aligned strategy" that starts with what YOU want from your business
• Plan what you want your business to provide in terms of finance, fun, freedom and fulfilment
• Shift from being a reactive business owner (letting the business happen to you) to a proactive one
• "You can solve all your problems and still not have what you want" - Jim Rohn
• Stop constantly firefighting problems and focus on creating what you truly desire

Final Thought

Looking after yourself first isn't selfish—it's necessary for creating sustainable impact. As Mike points out, "If you're constantly burning yourself out to put other things first, you're going to die early, you're not going to be happy to be around, you're not going to have clarity of mind." True business happiness comes from creating a business that serves both clients AND yourself.

Chapters

00:00 Escaping the Owner Trap

02:57 Mike's Journey to Happiness

05:47 Buddhism and Emotional Intelligence

08:51 The Shift in Perspective on Happiness

11:55 The Military's Approach to Emotional Training

14:54 Building Better Happy

17:59 Defining Personal Happiness

19:00 The Importance of Learning and Growth

20:06 Understanding the Business Marathon

20:26 The Core Four: Business Relationships

22:55 Overcoming Personal Development Challenges

25:30 The Trap of Modesty in Business

26:29 Building Confidence in Pricing

29:14 Rationality in Business Decisions

31:20 Future Aspirations and Business Evolution

33:34 Escaping the Owner's Trap

Resources:

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Connect Further:

Find Mike Jones on LinkedIn

Find Mike Jones online:

betterhappybusinessclub.com

betterhappy.co.uk

mikejones.live

Find Mike Jones' book

Episode Overview

IIn this episode, I explore the wealth gap that exists in the UK (where 45% of men hold stocks and shares ISAs compared to only 26% of women) and challenge us to reconsider what wealth truly means beyond the traditional definition of "assets minus liabilities."

Key Highlights

The Limited Definition of Wealth

• Financial services and media have long defined wealth purely in numerical terms
• This definition feels meaningless to most women's lived experiences
• While money is important for basic needs, true wealth encompasses much more
• Our language around money shapes our beliefs and actions

Redefining Wealth as Collective

• Wealth isn't just an individual pursuit but a collective experience
• It involves investing in companies that build wealth for society
• It includes experiences that create a deep sense of belonging
• True wealth makes us feel whole, enriched, and equal

The £2 Million Question

• I explored reactions to the question: "What if I transferred £2 million into your account?"
• Common responses revealed deep-seated money beliefs:
  • "Where are the strings attached?"
  • "That's too much responsibility"
  • "I need to give it away/share it"
  • "I don't deserve this"
• These reactions stem from conditioning about our relationship with money

When Money Feels Dangerous

• Many of us have experiences where money created problems:
  • Earning well but experiencing burnout
  • Relationship tensions when financial dynamics shifted
  • Friendship groups judging increased wealth
  • Feeling disconnected from loved ones due to financial differences
• These experiences create unconscious success ceilings

The Perfectionism Trap

• Fear of making imperfect money decisions leads to paralysis
• Sharing my personal story of buying property just before the 2007-2008 crash
• How past "mistakes" create lasting stories about our financial decision-making abilities
• We often spend money quickly to avoid the responsibility of making "perfect" decisions

Breaking Through Money Blocks

• Growing wealth is less about strategy and more about emotional capacity
• Our ability to hold more responsibility, trust ourselves with money
• The importance of recognising all the good financial decisions we've made
• The first step of the Money Narrative Clearing Method: awareness

The Six-Step Money Narrative Clearing Method

• Awareness as the crucial first step in transformation
• Identifying patterns in our relationship with holding wealth
• Recognising the emotions behind our money stories (guilt, shame, judgment)
• Building trust that money can be a positive tool aligned with our values

Final Thought

It's time to unlearn narratives like "you don't deserve wealth," "it's too complicated," or "it's greedy to want more." Wealth should be defined not by what we've been told, but by what makes us feel whole, enriched, and empowered.

Chapters

00:00 Redefining Wealth: A New Perspective

06:11 The Emotional Connection to Money

12:02 Overcoming Limiting Beliefs About Wealth

18:12 Creating a Safe Space for Wealth

24:05 Your Personal Definition of Wealth

Resources:

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Episode Overview

In this episode, I challenge the conventional wisdom about wealth and status by revealing four surprising psychological insights on why embracing a lower profile might actually lead to greater financial freedom and happiness.

Key Highlights

The Social Conditioning Around Wealth

• We've been conditioned to believe wealth looks like luxury items, big houses, and status symbols
• Research tells a completely different story about what creates true financial wellbeing
• The goal should be growing your bank account, not feeding emotional dependency on status

The Psychology of Permanent Dissatisfaction

• Many of us are trapped in what psychologists call a "cycle of permanent dissatisfaction"
• Each financial milestone shifts our emotional baseline, creating only temporary happiness
• The "hedonic treadmill" is wired into our brain chemistry - we quickly build tolerance to new pleasures
• Studies show that once basic needs are met, additional wealth brings diminishing emotional returns

Social Media and Financial FOMO

• Nearly 40% of people experience financial anxiety from social media
• Platforms heighten emotional triggers and induce harmful comparison
• "Financial FOMO" drives spending based on external validation rather than authentic values

My Personal Journey with Money

• Fell into "conspicuous consumption" as a financial advisor - spending for emotional signaling
• Projected abundance externally while experiencing internal financial incongruence
• Therapy helped redirect resources toward intrinsic value investments (education, skills, personal growth)
• This emotional shift transformed my relationship with money and ability to build wealth

The Prosperity Paradox

• Increased resources can actually increase stress when lifestyle inflation occurs
• Even maintenance costs follow this pattern - luxury brands require nearly three times the upkeep
• The greater the distance between income and expenses, the more financial peace you experience

From External Validation to Internal Values

• 25% of Americans admit pursuing romantic relationships for financial security
• Financial secrets and dishonesty often stem from shame around money
• True wealth comes from internal values like security, peace, and freedom rather than external validation
• "Your worth is not tied to your net worth"

Key Takeaway:

Understanding your emotional relationship with money is the first step toward building wealth that matters. Your relationship with money mirrors the relationship you have with yourself.

Final Thought

It's not about deprivation—it's about redirecting financial energy toward what genuinely fulfills you. Looking "poor" might actually be your path to true emotion

Chapters

00:00 The Hidden Power of Looking Poor

02:56 The Emotional Journey with Money

05:48 Conspicuous Consumption and Emotional Spending

09:10 Financial Mindfulness and Emotional Wellbeing

11:58 The Impact of Financial Relationships

14:53 Redefining Wealth and True Fulfillment

Resources:

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Episode Overview

In this episode, I explore why so many female founders experience "success ceilings" - those moments when business finally gains momentum, money flows in, goals are hit... and then something happens to pull us back down. Whether it's sudden emergencies, procrastination on new opportunities, or discounting services, these patterns aren't random. They represent unconscious self-sabotage that happens when money starts to flow.

Key Highlights

Understanding Success Ceilings

• Success ceilings manifest as unexpected obstacles just as business gains momentum
• Common signs include anxiety around increased sales, sudden "emergencies" requiring spending, procrastination on opportunities, discounting services, and boundary issues
• The brain is trying to protect us by returning to what feels familiar and safe

The Cautionary Tale of Nasty Girl

• Founder Sophia Amoruso grew from an eBay store to $100 million in revenue
• Appeared on Forbes' list of richest self-made women with net worth of $280 million
• Released bestselling autobiography "Girlboss" and Netflix series
• Filed for bankruptcy in 2016 and was acquired for just $20 million in 2017
• Illustrates both the excitement of rapid success and challenges of sustainable scaling

The Psychology Behind Self-Sabotage

• We all have a financial identity - a concept of how much money we "should" have
• When we exceed our unconscious money set point, we experience identity disruption
• Ancestral programming can trigger safety warnings when we achieve unusual success
• Trauma changes how genes express themselves, and these changes can be inherited
• Our nervous system responds to unfamiliarity by shifting into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn
• Fear of others' expectations creates resistance to expanded success

Breaking Through Success Ceilings

Nervous System Regulation:

- Practice deep breathing: inhale for 4, hold, exhale for 6

- Place one hand on heart, one on stomach while affirming "It is safe for me to receive"

- Regular practice helps rewire physical responses to success

Create Success Containers:

- Open a separate bank account for new income levels

- Practice writing larger invoices and sending them to yourself

- Rehearse conversations about higher rates

- Visualize having a financial team supporting your expanded business

Identity Work:

- Ask: "Who do I need to become to hold this level of success?"

- Create identity statements that align with your expanded financial reality

- Find accountability partners who expect this level of success from you

- Establish celebration rituals for financial milestones

- Set clear boundaries around time and energy

Inspirational Examples:

• Sarah Blakely maintained 100% ownership of Spanx when investors came knocking
• Her quote: "Success to me is internal, not external"
• Built a billion-dollar company by focusing beyond just numbers

Final Thought

Success limits aren't character flaws—they're protective mechanisms that once served us but no longer do. With awareness and practice, we can break through to new levels of sustained success where it feels safe to thrive.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Success Ceilings

02:50 Understanding Success Ceilings

06:04 The Story of Sophia Amoruso

08:55 Psychology Behind Self-Sabotage

11:55 Ancestral Programming and Financial Identity

14:53 Nervous System Responses to Success

18:08 Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage

20:58 Practical Steps to Embrace Success

23:47 Visualizing and Embodying Success

27:03 Creating New Financial Containers

29:49 Conclusion and Next Steps

Resources:

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This conversation explores the transformative experiences of a group of entrepreneurs who attended the Ski Person of Influence trip in Italy with me.

We share insights on personal growth, the importance of community, and the deep conversations that foster learning and connection.

The discussion highlights the diverse paths to success, the interplay of spirituality and business, and the emotional aspects of financial planning.

Ultimately, we reflect on the power of teamwork and stepping out of comfort zones to achieve greater heights in our entrepreneurial journeys.

This conversation explores the multifaceted journey of entrepreneurship, emphasizing the importance of trust, confidence, and the right environment.

We share our experiences and insights on leadership, emotional resilience, and the value of community support.

The discussion highlights the significance of vulnerability and reflection in personal and professional growth, encouraging listeners to embrace their unique journeys and the lessons learned along the way.

Chapters

00:00 The Magic of Connection in Italy

03:12 Diverse Paths to Success

05:52 Deep Conversations and Learning

08:57 Reflections on Personal Growth

12:03 Spirituality and Business

14:47 The Pursuit of Happiness

18:08 Language and Transformation

21:11 Curiosity as a Strength

23:53 Emotional Wealth in Financial Conversations

26:46 The Power of Spirituality in Business

29:56 Teamwork in Entrepreneurship

32:53 Stepping Out of Comfort Zones

35:59 The Importance of Community

38:49 Final Reflections and Takeaways

41:11 The Journey of Entrepreneurship

45:25 Trust and Confidence in Business

46:16 The Importance of Environment

50:02 Leadership and Team Dynamics

55:33 Emotional Resilience in Entrepreneurship

01:01:30 Vulnerability and Community Support

01:07:33 Reflection and Perspective in Business

Resources:

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Guests:

Bella Clark

[email protected]

Senior Financial Planner, Mckenzie and Co. Financial Consultants

On a mission to connect business owners with their Fierce Future Financial Self and give them a simple financial roadmap, so they can hyperfocus on their genius zone.

Isabel Clark | Mckenzie & Co

Instagram: @thefinancialplanninglady

Facebook: Bella Rose Clark

www.linkedin.com/in/financialplanninglady

Jasper Steinhausen

[email protected]

Founder of Business With Impact, A business consultant specializing in making sustainability profitable for product based SMEs "I get up in the morning to get business on the right side of history by becoming a force for good."

https://bwimpact.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jsteinhausen/

Camilla Collins

[email protected]

x2 Makeup Agency Owner, Author & Confidence Coach

Helping passionate solopreneurs gain confidence and clarity to prevent burnout and THRIVE through strategic self-management & lifestyle coaching

www.camillacollins.com

Instagram: @camillacollins.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/camillajcollins/

Tony J. Selimitony

[email protected]

As a global authority on personal transformation and business growth, Tony is known as a critically acclaimed author, filmmaker, TEDX speaker, seasoned life strategist and business consultant specialising in human behaviour and AI thought leader.

https://tonyselimi.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonyjselimi/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TonyJSelimi

BSkySocial: https://bsky.app/profile/tonyjselimi.bsky.social

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonyjselimi/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tonyjetonselimi

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TonyJetonSelimi

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyjselimipublic/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/tonyselimi/

Andrew Croasdale

[email protected]

Founder of Octopus Leadership, former career working in British Counter Terrorism and with MI5, now consultant and coach specialising in operational excellence and high performing teams for SME's.

https://octopusleadership.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrew-croasdale/

Vedran Peric

[email protected]

Helping entrepreneurs, business, and sports leaders to reach their biggest goals while staying balanced, aligned, and empowered. Founder of the Exponential Teams Accelerator to give leaders the precise tools, skills, and insights to expand their vision, purpose, teams, and impact.

www.exponential-teams.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vedranperic/

Rosita MacGowan

[email protected]

Founder of UK Tax Advice, a Tax Consultant, specialising in Tax planning to grow and protect wealth for business owners and investors, often property.

https://uktaxadvice.tax/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rositamacgowan/

Pedro Andrade

[email protected]

Founder of Comp Lair and VoxBrand, an entrepreneur with a diverse background in both arts and science. Also an online education and business coach, guiding entrepreneurs to build and scale profitable programs. With expertise in content structuring, marketing, sales, and systems.

https://www.complairvfx.com

https://voxbrand.scoreapp.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/comp_lair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complair

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pandrad

Vivienne Heyhoe

[email protected]

Co- founder of Wellspring Global. Partnering with founders and entrepreneurs to scale health & wellness businesses into investable, acquisition-ready market leaders. A former doctor turned entrepreneur and investor.

www.wellspringsglobal.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drviv

In this episode I share valuable lessons learned from a recent ski trip with entrepreneurs.

I introduce a framework for effective self-introduction and emphasize the importance of surrounding oneself with the right people, scaling through systems, and fostering deep conversations.

The discussion highlights the balance between profitability and impact in business, encouraging listeners to embrace both.

Chapters

00:00 Reflections from the Ski Person of Influence Trip

02:57 The Importance of Surrounding Yourself with the Right People

05:52 Hiring and Team Dynamics

08:46 Deep Conversations and Personal Growth

09:48 Introduction to the Framework: Name, Same, Fame, Aim, Game

13:44 Owning Your Worth and Claiming Your Seat

14:39 Scaling Through Systems, Not Hustle

16:32 The Power of 'Who, Not How'

19:21 Creating Before You Consume

21:42 Balancing Profitability and Impact

Resources:

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In this episode, I discuss the transition from traditional time-for-money business models to a new paradigm of wealth creation through asset building.

I emphasize the importance of creating sustainable income streams and introduce the GROW method as a framework for developing assets.

The conversation also addresses common mindset blocks that prevent entrepreneurs from making this shift and provides strategies for identifying unique knowledge and skills to leverage in business.

Chapters

00:00 The Shift from Time to Wealth

06:16 Understanding Asset Creation

13:03 The GROW Method for Asset Development

22:29 Overcoming Mindset Blocks

Resources:

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In this episode, Kate Daly and I discuss the pension gender gap and its implications during divorce.

Kate shares her personal experience with divorce and how it led her to co-found Amicable, an organization focused on helping couples navigate separation while protecting their financial futures.

The conversation delves into the emotional aspects of divorce, the importance of understanding pensions as marital assets, and the need for proactive financial conversations and prenuptial agreements.

Kate emphasizes the significance of considering pensions in divorce settlements to avoid long-term financial repercussions, especially for women.

In this conversation, Kate Daly and I discuss the complexities of divorce, focusing on the importance of fairness in agreements, the significance of co-parenting, and the challenges posed by abusive relationships.

They emphasize the need for emotional and financial support during the divorce process, the intricacies of valuing businesses, and the necessity of building a strategic support team to navigate the journey effectively.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to the Pension Gender Gap and Divorce

01:29 Kate's Personal Journey and the birth of amicable

05:08 Navigating the Emotional Landscape of Divorce

10:24 The Importance of Pensions in Divorce Settlements

18:43 Understanding Pensions as Marital Assets

22:50 The Need for Prenuptial Agreements and Financial Conversations

25:25 Options for Pensions During Divorce

27:47 Navigating Fairness in Divorce Agreements

32:12 The Importance of Co-Parenting

34:35 Addressing Abuse in Divorce Situations

36:30 Valuing Businesses in Divorce

46:21 Building a Support Team for Divorce

Resources:

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amicable website https://amicable.io/

Previous episode on pensions and divorce

Find useful resources Here

Find out the signs of financial abuse

Discover more about the Pensions Made Simple Course

In this episode, I explore the concept of money trauma and how early experiences shape our relationship with money.

I discuss the primal nervous system responses that can make money feel dangerous, the impact of inherited family patterns, and the importance of rewiring our perceptions of money to create a healthier relationship with it.

Through awareness and gentle practices, listeners can learn to feel safe with money and recognize their worthiness to receive financial success.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Money as a Threat

07:34 The Impact of Early Experiences on Money Perception

12:20 Nervous System Responses to Financial Success

17:28 Rewiring Your Relationship with Money

Resources:

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In this episode of the It's Not About the Money podcast, I explore the evolving field of financial coaching.

I discuss the differences between financial coaching and advising, the essential skills required for effective coaching, and the importance of empathy and deep listening.

I emphasise that one does not need to be perfect with money to become a financial coach and highlight the significance of understanding psychology and behavioral change in the coaching process.

The episode also covers how to identify the right financial coach and the role of trauma-informed coaching in addressing emotional blocks.

Finally, I provide insights on how to get started as a financial coach, including the importance of certification and defining the specific problems you want to solve for clients.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Financial Coaching

02:53 Understanding Financial Coaching vs. Financial Advising

05:45 Essential Skills for Financial Coaches

09:09 The Importance of Deep Listening and Empathy

11:59 Psychology and Behavioral Change in Financial Coaching

14:49 Communication Skills for Effective Coaching

17:53 Identifying the Right Financial Coach

20:49 Navigating Emotional Blocks and Accountability

24:08 The Role of Trauma-Informed Coaching

26:58 Getting Started as a Financial Coach

Resources:

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