Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today is a solo show!

Takeaways from the show

See you next week!

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Ned Johnson is president & founder PrepMatters, an educational company providing academic tutoring, educational planning, and standardized test preparation.

A battle-tested veteran in the fields of test preparation, anxiety management, and student performance, Ned has been a professional “tutor-geek” since 1993, with more than 40,000 one-on-one hours helping students conquer an alphabet of standardized tests and reach their full potential.

In 2018, Ned co-authored, With Dr. William Stixrude, The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives. Their book explores how fostering children’s autonomy can help solve two challenges endemic to kids today: facing anxiety and developing intrinsic motivation. Ned is a sought-after speaker and teen coach on study skills, sleep deprivation, parent-teen dynamics, and test anxiety, and his work is featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, NPR, BBC, and many others.

Takeaways from the show

For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here.

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Today is a solo show straight from my journal!

Thank you to the patrons who were watching the livestream with me - I love speaking to a live audience!

Takeaways from the show:

For more shownotes, including transcripts, visit our website here.

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Michelle Bowen is a parent empowerment coach, entrepreneur and mother to a child who she gave birth to at the early stages of her awakening. The only way for Michelle to continue to further expand in her awakening was to utilize her relationship with her child. Your Child is Your Guide was birthed from her own process with her child that brought about an enormous transformation in her own life. In her practice, she specializes in guiding you to the realization of the divinity of your child and your relationship with them which initiates a level of accountability that aids in the acceleration of both your healing and actualization. Michelle learned that her child was her guide and provides you with guidance and applicable practices that allow you to see the same. The courses created by Michelle along with her other offerings show you how to achieve the actualization of the unconditionally loving relationship you want with your children.

For more shownotes, including transcripts, visit our website here.

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TODAY IS A SOLO SHOW!

I am so excited to be back here with you all… What a summer. I am so excited to reconnect and reset for the coming months, and to let you know what to expect for me, the community and the podcast

Before I get into it…

The Risky Behavior and Teens summit was AMAZING – thank you to my guests and everyone who registered – If you missed it, go to www.joyfulcourage.com/summit-shop and check it out – you can also see and purchase past summits that you may have missed.

For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here.

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Today is a solo show from me… And I am sharing some personal thoughts and plans for Joyful Courage and what to expect through the summer and into the fall.

What a wild first half of 2020

I am taking a break from the podcast

Hard to step away

AND

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Today’s guest is Vivek Patel. Vivek is a conscious parenting educator who works with families to help create more harmony and connection in their homes. He has dedicated his life to spreading awareness and supporting change in schools. He's worked with youth organizations teaching conflict resolution anti bullying and leadership through movement martial arts and dance. As a conscious parenting educator, he has written hundreds of articles and has 60 parenting videos, you can find his writing on Facebook, the meaningful ideas website and YouTube. We are discussing how to take current events and bring the learning into the home. Join us!

" Being anti-racist...It's a mindset that we look at the world through that we analyze the systems that we engage in with, that we listen to language with, and, and everything from media and advertising to government systems to educational systems, the correction system, the legal system, the financial system, the housing system, everything.”

“ From the micro to the macro, being willing to look at those things and see look for look at and look for the inequities, to be willing to see them inside yourself and and other people and the systems and the anti racist part of it is to be doing something to actively change it.”

“When we lift up the people that are oppressed, all of us benefit from it.”

 “Conscious parenting is cycle breaking”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

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Solo show – last minute decision to wait on the conversation that I was going to air today….

Today I am going to talk about chores and allowance

There was a post from a mom in on of the Joyful Courage FB groups a few weeks ago reflecting on how it was time for her 11 and 5 year old to begin chores and allowance. The comments were a range of advice, with many parents speaking into separating chores from allowance. I promised the group that I would speak into this on the podcast.

Before I do though, I want to say that you get to take this information and make it your own, right? You get to decide what is best for YOUR family when it comes to chores and allowance. I also acknowledge that being able to give our children and allowance isn’t something that everyone can do. Please listen for the underlying spirit instead of listening thinking there is a “right” way to do this.

Also, I want you to notice if you are listening though the filter of “my kids won/t…” or “what happens if they don’t…” or you will miss the message.

There is a level of significance and mattering that shows up when our kids are expected to be in contribution. Trust that. Trust them.

So chores – contributions/family work

Have a plan, be explicit

Co-creating routines

Inside the plan be explicit about what is a “completed job” and when it needs to be done by

Take time to train:

Fold this into the fabric of your family Don’t be rigid Ask for their ideas

Allowance – we don’t pay for chores…. Story about rowan and ian

“yeah but” – typically don’t need to threat or reward – and will be explicit “your jobs need to be done before you leave the house/jump on a screen/lunchtime/etc”

We don’t pay for chores.

We started giving the kids a small allowance when they were young so that they had money to learn to manage.

As they got older, their allowance increased and what we would pay for decreased

Resources:

Amy McCreedy on Joyful Courage Eps 62 – Teaching our Kids Money Sense The opposite of spoiled by Ron Lieber Montessori guide to age appropriate chores (handout online)

Build relationship. Build relationship. Build relationship.

Create an agreement around chores:

“I have a problem and I need your help”

You’ve got this friend! Let me now what you put into practice and any questions or feedback that you have.

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Today I am solo.

I have a heavy heart this week, and a short show. I know I promised something on chores and allowance but you will have to wait a few weeks for that.

This week I want to highlight a few shows that I have done in the past and offer up some resources to keep learning and growing as humans – because that is what my work si about – Joyful Courage is about embracing opportunities to grow, even when it’s messy and wobbly.

As someone with an audience that is largely white women, I am going to step into THIS opportunity to share some thoughts and steps to be better. I am heartsick over here as I reach out to my friends who are also people of color, letting thme know that I see them and I stand with them. I am heartsick all the time when I think about the conversations that they need to have with their children that I will never need to have with mine, because of the color of their skin. I am heartsick when I consider the fear they hold every time their partner or child leaves the house.

Enough.

And white women… we have power. We have so much power. My intention here is to invite you in to your own learning about your power, about your implicit bias, about the conditioning that continues to lead us all through a system that is designed to lift only some of us.

And I get it, where do we start? What do we do? It is uncomfortable, we don’t want to say the wrong thing, we don’t want to add to the hurt and the micro aggressions with our unintentional ignorance. But doing nothing and continuing to say nothing is not ok.

Time to speak up. To stand up. To learn, to be corrected when we get it wrong and take it with humility. To be uncomfortable. Because guess what? The black people in this country have been uncomfortable since the beginning. They have been beaten down, silenced, abused, ridiculed, traumatized and more – since the beginning. We can be in the growing pain of learning to be better.

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Today’s guest is Leah Carrie, a sex and intimacy coach who helps women shed shame about their sexuality and communicate about what they really want in the bedroom rather than just tolerating what they're given. Her clients learn to embrace their sexuality no matter what it looks like. She is the host of the podcast Good Girls Talk About Sex. 

Sexual freedom is a subject that is deeply personal to Leah because she spent most of her life being a very good girl. Most of the sex she had was either boring or painful, but she endured it because she didn't know she was allowed to ask for anything different. Having taken her own journey to sexual freedom, she is now passionate about breaking the silence, fear and shame around women's sexuality and pleasure and redefining what it means to be a good girl. Join us!

" I discovered, not only is it okay to be as interested in sex as I've always been, but it's okay for sex to be pleasurable. And it's really, really okay for me to ask for what I want.”

“I had spent my whole life thinking that I was giving consent for all of the sex I had been having, because I wasn't saying no. It turns out that's not what consent means at all. Consent is active and enthusiastic.” 

“We're all so afraid of being judged.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

To me, it means figuring out what we really really want and asking for it. Courage is, I think, figuring out what we want. And being willing to admit that maybe somebody else is interested in giving to us and the joyful part of that is sharing it and believing that maybe we could get it. And I really don't want people to be walking around like I was for the first 42 years of my life, believing that I was just supposed to accept whatever I was given and I wasn't allowed to ask for anything more. And since I have learned a new way of being, my life has changed dramatically in the best possible ways. And so I want that for everyone.

Resources: 

Good Girls Talk About Sex The Three Minute Game

Where to find:

Youtube | @goodgirlstalk on FB | @goodgirlstalk on Insta | FB Group | Website | Twitter

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