Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey AUDIOBOOK is available!! I am confident that the Joyful Courage audiobook will be a supportive companion as you ride it out with your kids – full of stories and tools that will connect you with self and others, the audiobook will be something you can listen to over and over and over again. Follow Joyful Courage on FB and IG, and sign up for my weekly newsletter at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

::::

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups:
Live and Love with Joyful Courage
Joyful Courage for Parents of Teens

::::

Today is a solo show! I am sharing about what is happening in the Joyful Courage community these next few weeks:

• Adolescent Mental Health Mini Summit

www.joyfulcourage.com/mhminisummit

• Podcast Recap LIVES added to the Patreon community

www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage

Other topics that I am speaking into:

• Resentment on the journey
• Making self care happen
• Being in choice
• And making choices that allow us to let go
• Being a model
• Transformation starts with us

How are you showing up for your family??

:::::

GET THE BOOK!

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Today’s guests are Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson. Dan is an internationally acclaimed author, award winning educator and child psychiatrist. He is currently a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, where he also serves as a co investigator at the Center For Culture, Brain And Development, and co director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center. Dan co authored some of our favorite parenting books, including The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, and The Yes Brain. With the other guest joining us today, he also wrote Brainstorm: The Bible for Parents of Teens, Parenting From The Inside Out and Aware, which came out the summer of 2018 and he came on to discuss that book with me. 

Dr. Tina Bryson is the other guest that we get to hear from today. She is the co author with Dan Segal of three New York Times bestsellers soon to be four and is the Executive Director of the Center for Connection in Pasadena, California. Tina is also a pediatric and adolescent, psychotherapist, she keynotes conferences, and conducts workshops for parents, educators and clinicians all over the world. There is so much more I could add to the bios of both of these guests I could truly go on and on. They're here today to share about their latest book, The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become, and How Their Brains get Wired. Join us!

Resources: 

The Whole Brain Child

No Drama Discipline

The Yes Brain

The Baby Book

Eps 154: Dr. Dan Siegel Discussing the Science of Being Present

The Power of Showing Up

Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence

Eps 100: Dr. Tina Bryson Supports Us With Brain Informed Parenting

Eps 126: Tina Bryson is BACK teaching us about nurturing a YES BRAIN

Brainstorm

Parenting From The Inside Out 

Where to find Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson:

Dr. Tina Bryson

Dr. Dan Siegel

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey AUDIOBOOK is available!! I am confident that the Joyful Courage audiobook will be a supportive companion as you ride it out with your kids – full of stories and tools that will connect you with self and others, the audiobook will be something you can listen to over and over and over again. Follow Joyful Courage on FB and IG, and sign up for my weekly newsletter at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

::::

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups:
Live and Love with Joyful Courage
Joyful Courage for Parents of Teens

::::

Today’s guests are Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson. Dan is an internationally acclaimed author, award winning educator and child psychiatrist. He is currently a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, where he also serves as a co investigator at the Center For Culture, Brain And Development, and co director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center. Dan co authored some of our favorite parenting books, including The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, and The Yes Brain. With the other guest joining us today, he also wrote Brainstorm: The Bible for Parents of Teens, Parenting From The Inside Out and Aware, which came out the summer of 2018 and he came on to discuss that book with me. 

Dr. Tina Bryson is the other guest that we get to hear from today. She is the co author with Dan Segal of three New York Times bestsellers soon to be four and is the Executive Director of the Center for Connection in Pasadena, California. Tina is also a pediatric and adolescent, psychotherapist, she keynotes conferences, and conducts workshops for parents, educators and clinicians all over the world. There is so much more I could add to the bios of both of these guests I could truly go on and on. They're here today to share about their latest book, The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become, and How Their Brains get Wired.  Join us!

"One of the best ways for us to predict how well a kid turns out is by looking at this research from decades and decades and across many cultures that says that the way a parent shows up and whether the degree to which they provide secure attachment relationships, that this is a huge predictor for how well kids turn out on many things that we measure them on.”

“The science of attachment is so powerful.” 

“No matter what happened to you as a parent, how you come to make sense of what happened to allows you to be present.”

“The brain wires based on the kinds of experiences we have.”

“Every child is different. Every parent is different, every situation is different. And the key is really more about being present and attuning.”

“What your child needs most from you is to show up.”

 “The messiness, the disconnection, the inevitable ruptures. That's a part of life. The fact that there are ruptures doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means you're human.”

“You can always begin again, knowing the direction you want to take.”

“If we can show up in that moment, and help the other person feel safe and seen and sued. That's always the right answer.”

 “It's about helping the child know, at the end of the day, that if something goes wrong, if they are in distress, if they have a need, we will see it, and we will show up for them flawed, not perfect.” 

“This science is full of hope.”

“It isn't about perfection, it's about presence”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Secure attachment as a predictor of future success 
• The Power of Showing Up
• What parents need to understand about attachment
• Does attachment involve just one attachment figure?
• The different ways parents can show up
• What attachment teaches kids
• The science of attachment and how it applies to everyday life 
• Mutual belonging and connection
• How experiences wire the brain
• Showing up for ourselves
• The value of a coherent narrative
• The 4 S’s
• Repairing ruptures
• What conflict can teach
• What the 4 S’s look like in action
• The difference between fostering attachment and being permissive
• Predictability as safety
• Expanding the container of consciousness and the window of tolerance
• Experiences with attachment across generations
• The ongoing opportunity for development
• Paths of Hope and where they lead
• Why parents need people to show up for us too
• Aiming for presence, not perfection
• Self as embodied and relational 
• Learning to tolerate uncertainty

Resources: 

The Whole Brain Child

No Drama Discipline

The Yes Brain

The Baby Book

Eps 154: Dr. Dan Siegel Discussing the Science of Being Present

The Power of Showing Up

Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence

Eps 100: Dr. Tina Bryson Supports Us With Brain Informed Parenting

Eps 126: Tina Bryson is BACK teaching us about nurturing a YES BRAIN

Brainstorm

Parenting From The Inside Out 

Where to find Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson:

Dr. Tina Bryson

Dr. Dan Siegel

PATREON – Joyful Courage Super FAM

For $5/month Joyful Courage Super FAM patrons get to be a part of a sweet little private FB community where I show up every Monday for a Q and A, and beginning in January 2020, I will be showing up every FRIDAY to tease apart the weekly podcast episode. You want to be a part of this – it is a fabulous way to give back.

Go to www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage

:::::

GET THE BOOK!

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey AUDIOBOOK is available!! I am confident that the Joyful Courage audiobook will be a supportive companion as you ride it out with your kids – full of stories and tools that will connect you with self and others, the audiobook will be something you can listen to over and over and over again. Follow Joyful Courage on FB and IG, and sign up for my weekly newsletter at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

::::

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups:
Live and Love with Joyful Courage
Joyful Courage for Parents of Teens

::::

Today is a solo show, reflecting on 2019 – the celebrations, the lessons, all of it. I am so grateful for the community and the love you send me and each other on the daily!!

Adolescent Mental Health Mini summit registration: www.joyfulcourage.com/mhminisummit

See you in the new year!

:::::

GET THE BOOK!

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Today is a solo show, reflecting on 2019 – the celebrations, the lessons, all of it. I am so grateful for the community and the love you send me and each other on the daily!!

See you in the new year!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Aparna Venkataraman. Aparna is a parent coach, meditation teacher, motivational speaker and global wellness advocate for doTERRA essential oils. Her approachable nature, strong intuition and problem solving skills guide her in supporting parents of babies, toddlers and teens to empower themselves and build healthy relationships with one another through effective communication, confidence building and light hearted mindfulness techniques.

She values authenticity, which you all know is one of my favorites, a kind nature, motivation, love, compassion, gratitude and humor as key components of a beautiful life. She’s here to share ways that families can relieve stress through self care, mindfulness and effective communication. Join us!

"Self care means to me to find ways to connect back to what is lighting me up, what is helping me to find peace and stay connected to my authentic self.”

“There are simple things you can do each day that can help you to create a routine where you're feeling connected to yourself and not just waiting until the weekend until you have much more time”

“We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be a certain way and to show up in the world as somebody who has it all together. When we're really actually stressed, really, really stressed on the inside.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey AUDIOBOOK is available!! I am confident that the Joyful Courage audiobook will be a supportive companion as you ride it out with your kids – full of stories and tools that will connect you with self and others, the audiobook will be something you can listen to over and over and over again. Follow Joyful Courage on FB and IG, and sign up for my weekly newsletter at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

::::

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups:
Live and Love with Joyful Courage
Joyful Courage for Parents of Teens

::::

Today’s guest is Aparna Venkataraman. Aparna is a parent coach, meditation teacher, motivational speaker and global wellness advocate for doTERRA essential oils. Her approachable nature, strong intuition and problem solving skills guide her in supporting parents of babies, toddlers and teens to empower themselves and build healthy relationships with one another through effective communication, confidence building and light hearted mindfulness techniques.

She values authenticity, which you all know is one of my favorites, a kind nature, motivation, love, compassion, gratitude and humor as key components of a beautiful life. She’s here to share ways that families can relieve stress through self care, mindfulness and effective communication. Join us!

"Self care means to me to find ways to connect back to what is lighting me up, what is helping me to find peace and stay connected to my authentic self.”

“There are simple things you can do each day that can help you to create a routine where you're feeling connected to yourself and not just waiting until the weekend until you have much more time”

“We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be a certain way and to show up in the world as somebody who has it all together. When we're really actually stressed, really, really stressed on the inside.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Self-care beyond manicures and exercise 
• Why self care doesn’t have to wait for the weekend 
• The pressure to keep up appearances
• How to tell when you’re connecting to your authentic self
• What is intrinsic self care
• The power behind finding our why 
• How spirituality can be helpful 
• The role of breath in self care
• Stress, parenting and mindfulness 
• Tips for learning mindfulness 
• Ways to start small in your mindfulness 
• Laughter as stress relief

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

So joyful courage in the context of an intrinsic self care practice, that's the courage to show up. vulnerably, really, and to do what I really want to do, and even if it doesn't make sense to anyone, or even to myself, but to do what feels good and what I want to do, and to not be afraid of sharing that if I feel like sharing that with somebody, but to not be afraid to find the joy in things as we just talked about when things don't feel great, not being afraid to do that and knowing that when I'm doing that I'm taking care of myself and I'm helping myself to really make the day feel a little easier so I can move through my day too. That, I think, is joyful courage when I'm taking care of myself and doing something that feels great especially on those days that don't feel great.

Resources: 

Essential Oils

Where to find  Aparna:

Website | Instagram | Facebook

:::::

GET THE BOOK!

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

SOLO SHOW!

I have shared about going to therapy – and quite a few of you have reached out and shared that this has prompted YOU to find this kind of support in your community – SO HAPPY!

I told you how I shopped around and chose on that I thought was the right fit. I had actually had some one I trust and worked with suggest that somatic therapy was really the fit I wanted, so that is what I looked for.

Even after shopping around, after a few sessions, I felt unsatisfied with the experience. IT felt slow and directionless. Now, this could ABSOLUTELY say something about me, right? Have I spoken before about my need to get things moving and FIX problems???

I have another friend that told me that I would LOVE who she was seeing – it’s a man, interestingly enough I thought I wanted to work with women but I LOVE THIS GUY. And while he isn’t solving my problems and going into “fix it” mode – the masculine energy is what I am noticing is supporting the work. But it also feels balanced because there does seem to be spaciousness, but my experience of the time spent with him feel directional.

So, all that to say that you all have permission to change up your mental health team if something feels off. Unapologetically.

Today I want to talk about something that has been coming up for me, AND with some of my clients. I have a feeling you are all going to relate with this as well.

So let me set this up and you can decide if you can relate….

You are looking ahead to the weekend. Everyone is going to be home on Sunday and you would really like to have a family day, time together doing something…. Maybe you’ll all decide to go to a movie or do a project, but you know that time together is something you all need and Sunday is the perfect time….

Sunday rolls around and your partner gets busy with a home improvement project that looks like it is going to last all day, one of you kids has made plans with friends and gets irritated when you tell him nope, you have to be home. And maybe the other child is looking for “alone time” rather than “together time.”

We are all in this together, friends!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey AUDIOBOOK is available!! I am confident that the Joyful Courage audiobook will be a supportive companion as you ride it out with your kids – full of stories and tools that will connect you with self and others, the audiobook will be something you can listen to over and over and over again. Follow Joyful Courage on FB and IG, and sign up for my weekly newsletter at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

::::

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups:
Live and Love with Joyful Courage
Joyful Courage for Parents of Teens

::::

SOLO SHOW!

I have shared about going to therapy – and quite a few of you have reached out and shared that this has prompted YOU to find this kind of support in your community – SO HAPPY!

I told you how I shopped around and chose on that I thought was the right fit. I had actually had some one I trust and worked with suggest that somatic therapy was really the fit I wanted, so that is what I looked for.

Even after shopping around, after a few sessions, I felt unsatisfied with the experience. IT felt slow and directionless. Now, this could ABSOLUTELY say something about me, right? Have I spoken before about my need to get things moving and FIX problems???

I have another friend that told me that I would LOVE who she was seeing – it’s a man, interestingly enough I thought I wanted to work with women but I LOVE THIS GUY. And while he isn’t solving my problems and going into “fix it” mode – the masculine energy is what I am noticing is supporting the work. But it also feels balanced because there does seem to be spaciousness, but my experience of the time spent with him feel directional.

So, all that to say that you all have permission to change up your mental health team if something feels off. Unapologetically.

Today I want to talk about something that has been coming up for me, AND with some of my clients. I have a feeling you are all going to relate with this as well.

So let me set this up and you can decide if you can relate….

You are looking ahead to the weekend. Everyone is going to be home on Sunday and you would really like to have a family day, time together doing something…. Maybe you’ll all decide to go to a movie or do a project, but you know that time together is something you all need and Sunday is the perfect time….

Sunday rolls around and your partner gets busy with a home improvement project that looks like it is going to last all day, one of you kids has made plans with friends and gets irritated when you tell him nope, you have to be home. And maybe the other child is looking for “alone time” rather than “together time.”

Literally no one is on board with a family day.

Maybe you use language like:

“I was kinda hoping we could do something with the kids today” or “It’s important to me that we spend time together as a family” or “I really wish you wanted to hang out with us”

And then our people carry one with the home improvement, making plans with friends, or retreating into their bedroom.

And what happens to us? Well, what happens to me is I start to feel really angry and resentful. I feel slighted, disrespected, dismissed. I then continue to interact with my family from this place. The energy of the house shifts and everyone is now MOTIVATED to be busy with their own thing, away from mom, who has now moved into bitch/blamer mode.

From the outside looking in, this is ridiculous, right?

Did I even explicitly SAY to my family, “lets spend Sunday afternoon together?” and make it a plan? No.

Were my family rejecting me when they carried on with what they needed/planned for that day? No.

Did I actually FUEL disconnection in my response to them? Yes.

Right, get it together, Casey.

But in the moment…..  In the moment it feels like rejection. IT feels like no one cares. Thoughts of failure show up, catastrophizing…. Comparison to other families that are FOR SURE joyfully doing something wonderful with THEIR families. What is wrong with us?

And all of this comes also with tightness in my chest and belly, a clenched jaw, furrowed brow – an overall experience of tension. And that is the physical sensation that typically leads me into a mindset of poor me, gosh darn it, I am hurting and they need to know it.

Its funny too, when I am feeling this way, I get really uptight if the kids are on their screens, or their rooms are a mess – all of a sudden I can see a million things that bother me and I am throwing it at them.

And it isn’t about the screens or the rooms, it’s about the hurt I am experience, that I actually set myself up for!!

And this can really sneak up on you too, right? When you expect one response and get something else? This is something I am working out with my therapist, because when my expectations are challenged, I go into fight or flight – typically fight mode. My thinking gets rigid, and I am grasping for control….  Yeah, it’s a control thing I think. And I am sure this can be traced back to my interpretation of stability or instability growing up.

So what do we do???  IF you have read my book, you know that I highlight that experience of awareness “I know I am pissed and should calm down” coupled with the justification of  “but god damn it they need to KNOW”

Yeah……. Raise your hand if you know the struggle. It’s like the emotional experience has tentacles and it’s holding us captive. Because if we move through it, move through or anger and resentment in a positive way, and then show up from a place of connection and love, what?

There is this idea that if others don’t feel our pain, they are somehow getting away with something. The reality is, when what we are being triggered by is an internal experience that we are having, and then responding to others from that place of pain, all they really are is confused, or perhaps scared.

So, how about we choose to do something different when this resentment shows up? Lets start with getting some space.

Meme:

I am unworthy.

I am noticing, that I am having the thought, that I am unworthy.

I am being rejected/dismissed/ignored

I am noticing, that I am having the thought, that I am being rejected/dismissed/ignored

Is it true?

Yes or no – what can I do about it?

If the answer is yes, have a meaning full conversation with the people that you feel are involved (I love the conversation I had on Eps 174: Learning to be a more mindful communicator with Oren Jay Sofer, check it out)

If the answer is no, take care of yourself. Feel your feelings and give yourself a chance to process them. Journal. Talk to a friend. Talk to your therapist. Be with your experience and move through it, rather than avoid it or distract yourself from feeling it.

Ok, so what can we do to be proactive? 

If you want something, be explicit about it, not vague. You can’t expect for your children to tease apart your generalizations to hear what you are really trying to say.

This sounds like:

“Sunday afternoon we are all going to be home and I would like us to do something together from 1-5, so don’t make any plans, please.”

As the holidays get closer, know that you are going to be making lots of plans and expectations in your head. Take this opportunity to speak into the experience you would like to have. Encourage and invite your family into the planning so that they know what to expect and what YOU expect. Find flexibility too – because you are SHARING the experience with others…

Helpful?

I love this topic – know that I am actively practicing what I shared with you today, all the time. Imperfectly.

We are all in this together, friends!!

:::::

GET THE BOOK!

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Today’s guest is Tonya Dalton. Tonya is a productivity expert, writer, speaker and founder of Inkwell Press Productivity Company, a company centered around productivity tools and training. she released her book The Joy of Missing Out on October 1, she's going to share a little bit about her book with us. Tanya is also the mother of two teenagers and really knows what it means to be the leader of a family. Join us!

" I love that it feels like a permission slip. Like I feel like I have permission to just stop chasing my tail.”

“We're filling our calendars, but we're not really filling our souls.”

“it's really about mindful living. It's really about living with intention.”

“Productivity is not about doing more. It's about doing what is most important.”

“Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured.”

“None of us truly have it all together all of the time.”

“Balance is a myth.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices