Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

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Skills, skills skills! Mama Tanya shares with our community an incredible example of how meeting your child where they are at can shift the outcome of your experience. It is easy for us as parents to become presumptive about misguided behavior  Remember how curiosity is key? By becoming curious with our kids, we are able to recognize the skills they still need to develop, as well as see the reasons for certain choices, which are not always what they seem.

Mama Tanya shares:

“Sorry for the long post but I need some advice. “ school, and they gave him homework to do over the weekend. He said he didn't think it was fair to have homework on the weekends (which I agree), but on Saturday he set his homework on fire! Took the lighter when no one was watching, went outside like he was going to go play, and set it on fire burning half the page and dunking it in the pool.

When I found the half burned sheet of paper in the pool, I kept my cool but was obviously shocked that he would react that way to homework. I let him know that I thought it was a poor decision to 1. light something on fire (safety!) and 2. refuse to do his homework in such a permanent way. Internally I felt helpless and frantic to solve the problem, externally I let him know that I get it, homework sucks, and I reminded him that he could ask for help.

I asked him what made him set it on fire, was he feeling overwhelmed? Or angry? Or both?  He was visibly upset both about being caught and about homework so I didn't preach or press the issue until later that day. When he was calm I talked to him about how sometimes we have to do things we don't like (like washing dishes) but we can learn to do it anyway, it doesn't have to be perfect, and we can ask for help.

I also explained that between two extremes (setting homework on fire and staying up till midnight doing homework- neither which are healthy) he could find a happy medium. He said he had not done his best and that he would try to do his best this week. - I felt like it was handled positively all in all.

But, when he told his father and co-parent (who lives elsewhere) over the phone, his dad immediately started saying that he wasn't going to send him something previously promised, that he would take his computer and phone away if he ever did it again, and went into punishment mode.

So, what would you do? I thought about saying he couldn't do his electronic time until he completed his homework. Or I would give him extra electronic time every time he completed his homework. But I am super conflicted. I feel like homework issues should be dealt with by the teacher. Natural consequences. Of course I want to help the teacher, but not sure how...”

Bullet Point:

• How to approach the reasoning behind the behavior
• Kids do more in response with how they feel
• Getting off the emotional freight train
• Getting curious so we can be solution minded, see where child has influence
• Parents assume children make choices rationally, when in fact they have limited skills
• Revisiting Dr. Siegel’s “Palm of the Hand” example
• Assessing what else can be going on inside their body
• How to identify lacking skills and helping kids deal with the discomfort
• Letting go of our perspective as the only perspective
• Letting go of “should” (ex. They should know better)

Quotes:

14:52 “Curiosity really allows us to move past assumptions and get into our child’s world”.

15:07 “Curiosity requires us to let go of the idea that we know all the answers and what it is that our kids need”.

Links mentioned in the show:

Podcast Episode 75 – Marcilie Boyle

Podcast Episode 100 – Dr. Tina Payne Bryson

Dan Siegel's Brain Video

Casey's Teaches Kids about the Brain

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Mother’s Journey to Joyful Courage

PNW FALL TOUR!!

I am so so SO happy and excited to get to share ALL the details about this amazing workshop! Registration is now open for my Bellingham, Seattle and Portland events and SPACE IS LIMITED so you are going to want to sign up NOW and reserve your spot.

www.joyfulcourage.com/mothersjourney

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Coaching with Casey

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

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Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

World traveler, calm seeker, mom coach, multi-lingual speaker, Alexander Hughes, brings us her methods for supporting mamas in the chaos that is parenthood. The trials and tribulations of her own experience in motherhood would eventually fuel the passion of support she gives to other moms navigating the same road. Alex has created a soft space for mamas feeling out of control to find their rhythm and calm. At her website inneressencecoaching.com one has access to her workshops, authentic words of wisdom and that much needed place to connect with someone who gets it. With three kids and a handful of international moves Alex knows what it means to feel out of control in the mama chaos – which is why she has turned over every rock to find that much needed calm. We really should just make her wear a cape.

What you will hear in this episode:

Quotes:

“When you have kids and you're a stay-at-home mom and you have stay-at-home parents, checking those boxes and feeling that sense of achievement doesn’t always happen”. 6:34

“Models and patterns live deep inside of me based on my own childhood and my own experiences”. 11:16

“Create a new best friend voice that is going to support us in the choices we are going to make”. 12:06

“If we can switch from that and seeing these mistakes, those blowups as opportunities to reconnect with your kid, teach your kid, learn yourself”. 20:28

“It’s your job to love yourself and to practice self care and self love because your children are watching you. AND you are a better everything when you do”. 43:04

What does Joyful Courage mean to you:

“I think that you need to be courageous to be a conscious mom, to practice positive parenting, or to take that journey toward calm responding. It’s about opening yourself up to feelings. It’s about treating those moments as learning opportunities when you do ‘make those mistakes’. When you open yourself up, you need to be courageous to be vulnerable. Once you do that it opens up this space for connection, which without there would be no joy”.

Where to find Alex:

WebsiteFacebookLinkedin

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Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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World traveler, calm seeker, mom coach, multi-lingual speaker, Alexander Hughes, brings us her methods for supporting mamas in the chaos that is parenthood. The trials and tribulations of her own experience in motherhood would eventually fuel the passion of support she gives to other moms navigating the same road.  Alex has created a soft space for mamas feeling out of control to find their rhythm and calm. At her website inneressencecoaching.com one has access to her workshops, authentic words of wisdom and that much needed place to connect with someone who gets it.  With three kids and a handful of international moves Alex knows what it means to feel out of control in the mama chaos – which is why she has turned over every rock to find that much needed calm. We really should just make her wear a cape.

What you will hear in this episode:

• Alex’s journey into and out of chaos
• An experience of transitions from a working professional to working mom to stay at home mom and back to working mom
• Our vision vs. our reality
• Why finding calm is so important as a mother
• The importance of mother’s nurturing a relationship with self
• Identifying patterns and models in current parenting
• Understanding where patterns and models come from
• Understanding the internal work necessary to tackle patterns & models
• How we set ourselves up and why this can ultimately lead to chaos
• Changing how we see the road – going from linear to cyclical
• Understanding the cycles through life
• Awareness of what we model for our kids
• Access to tools 1) manage stress 2) manage anger 3) creating a life for yourself that are aligned with values and self loving
• How our words create expectations for the inner child
• Where courage lies
• Summary of how Alex helps mamas on the road to calm - #1 Internal Work #2 External Work
• Self Care – is about “doing stuff that lights you up”
• Calm responding wisdom & tools

Quotes:

“When you have kids and you're a stay-at-home mom and you have stay-at-home parents, checking those boxes and feeling that sense of achievement doesn’t always happen”. 6:34

“Models and patterns live deep inside of me based on my own childhood and my own experiences”. 11:16

“Create a new best friend voice that is going to support us in the choices we are going to make”. 12:06

“If we can switch from that and seeing these mistakes, those blowups as opportunities to reconnect with your kid, teach your kid, learn yourself”. 20:28

“It’s your job to love yourself and to practice self care and self love because your children are watching you. AND you are a better everything when you do”. 43:04

What does Joyful Courage mean to you:

“I think that you need to be courageous to be a conscious mom, to practice positive parenting, or to take that journey toward calm responding. It’s about opening yourself up to feelings. It’s about treating those moments as learning opportunities when you do ‘make those mistakes’. When you open yourself up, you need to be courageous to be vulnerable. Once you do that it opens up this space for connection, which without there would be no joy”.

Where to find Alex:

Website
Facebook
Linkedin

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Mother’s Journey to Joyful Courage

PNW FALL TOUR!!

I am so so SO happy and excited to get to share ALL the details about this amazing workshop! Registration is now open for my Bellingham, Seattle and Portland events and SPACE IS LIMITED so you are going to want to sign up NOW and reserve your spot.

www.joyfulcourage.com/mothersjourney

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Coaching with Casey

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Practice, practice, practice. There is no other way to really move into how we want to BE. Practice is the key. The beauty of choosing and moving through practice is we discover new ideas, concepts and understandings that make our practice more enjoyable AND dare I say magical. In this episode we dig a little deeper into the idea of using our lens to take us to where we want to go. When toddling through different lenses we can shift this practice even deeper. We are joined by Ian O’Roarty, tween extraordinaire, into the lens of his practice through making amends. Listen and see how many fruitful lenses you discover.

What you will hear:

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Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Practice, practice, practice. There is no other way to really move into how we want to BE. Practice is the key. The beauty of choosing and moving through practice is we discover new ideas, concepts and understandings that make our practice more enjoyable AND dare I say magical. In this episode we dig a little deeper into the idea of using our lens to take us to where we want to go. When toddling through different lenses we can shift this practice even deeper.  We are joined by Ian O’Roarty, tween extraordinaire, into the lens of his practice through making amends. Listen and see how many fruitful lenses you discover.

What you will hear:

• iTunes reviews – yay!! Thank you!!
• Ian is my guest to talk about what making amends looks and feels like from an 11 year old perspective
• Power of perception
• Moving into the perception of being a new sibling
• What might that look like to a toddler?
• How we collect evidence to support our perception
• What will we choose in the practice of collecting evidence?
• Is our evidence creating our fears? OR is our evidence helping us move through how we want to be?

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Essential Oils

It’s all about the peppermint this week. I played with using this essential oil to increase my focus and concentration when it was time to WORK.

** I am not an expert – I am learning and sharing with you as I go.  DO YOUR RESEARCH TO STAY SAFE!!

If you are interested in finding our more you can email me at [email protected] OR get your first starter kit at  http://bit.ly/caseyyloils

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Mother’s Journey to Joyful Courage

PNW FALL TOUR!!

I am so so SO happy and excited to get to share ALL the details about this amazing workshop! Registration is now open for my Bellingham, Seattle and Portland events and SPACE IS LIMITED so you are going to want to sign up NOW and reserve your spot.

www.joyfulcourage.com/mothersjourney

:::::

Coaching with Casey

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Kristin Hovious is a committed teacher with over a decade of experience in vocational, adult education, serving Chicago’s Cortiva Institute as both Education Director (2007-2008) and Adjunct Faculty Member (2006-2017.) Her training as a massage therapist and yoga teacher provides a foundation and love for anatomy and science of human development.

As a Positive Discipline Certified Trainer, Kristin, combines a career of teaching and serving with her passion for creating mutually respectful environments for families, children, classrooms and schools. In her collaboration with teachers, administrations and families, Kristin’s goal is to help facilitate opportunities for adults and students to become compassionate leaders, with the hope that doing so will help build more peaceful communities. Kristin has served on the Positive Discipline Association Board of Directors as a Consultant since 2016.

What you will hear in this episode:

 “I don’t think repairing relationships comes naturally or easy to us. It is practice”.

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

“What Joyful courage means to me is that there is a consistent opportunity to practice repair. That is always worth it - it’s so important in the whole trajectory in our lives together as human beings. If we can be joyful in repair then maybe we can also turn the corner and be joyful about mistakes”.

Where to find Kristin:

Selchicago.com

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Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Ep. 104 Kristin Hovious

Intro:

Kristin Hovious is a committed teacher with over a decade of experience in vocational, adult education, serving Chicago’s Cortiva Institute as both Education Director (2007-2008) and Adjunct Faculty Member (2006-2017.)  Her training as a massage therapist and yoga teacher provides a foundation and love for anatomy and science of human development.

As a Positive Discipline Certified Trainer, Kristin, combines a career of teaching and serving with her passion for creating mutually respectful environments for families, children, classrooms and schools. In her collaboration with teachers, administrations and families, Kristin’s goal is to help facilitate opportunities for adults and students to become compassionate leaders, with the hope that doing so will help build more peaceful communities. Kristin has served on the Positive Discipline Association Board of Directors as a Consultant since 2016.

What you will hear in this episode:

• Kristin’s journey into Positive Discipline (PD)
• How PD grew in the Hovious’ Home and the challenges that came with learning a new way
• How teaching anatomy in her career paved the way for curiosity in neuroscience
• Understanding how emotions and behaviors influence connection
• Discussion on ‘kind and firm’ rephrasing as ‘connection and accountability’ and why
• Why shifting society’s idea of mistakes and punishments lacks ability to repair
• Understanding mistakes as opportunities to learn
• How repairing is a practice and it has the power to transform our relationships
• Mistakes lead to repairing opportunities
• Kristin walks us through four steps in healthy repair
• Relatable examples from Kristin’s own life help us empathize and feel supported in our own challenges
• Modeling is key
• Sticking to our agendas is a way we move away from connection
• When we repair relationships we have the power to heal connections
• Diving into our parenting pain so we can make amends
• Discomfort is a place to get curious, not a place to get stuck

 “I don’t think repairing relationships comes naturally or easy to us. It is practice”.

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

“What Joyful courage means to me is that there is a consistent opportunity to practice repair.  That is always worth it - it’s so important in the whole trajectory in our lives together as human beings.  If we can be joyful in repair then maybe we can also turn the corner and be joyful about mistakes”.

Where to find Kristin:

Selchicago.com

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Mother’s Journey to Joyful Courage

PNW FALL TOUR!!

I am so so SO happy and excited to get to share ALL the details about this amazing workshop! Registration is now open for my Bellingham, Seattle and Portland events and SPACE IS LIMITED so you are going to want to sign up NOW and reserve your spot.

www.joyfulcourage.com/mothersjourney

:::::

Coaching with Casey

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Who needs sleep? If you think about your best parenting moments vs. your more challenging ones I think we could venture to say that sleep OR lack of sleep would be a BIG contender. We have all been there. We move fluidly through that familiar bedtime routine, finish that last Llama Llama page, kisses, lights out….. We are no further from the kitchen when we hear “Mooooooooooom”!!! or Daaaaaaadddddeeeeeeeeeeee”! Sigh.

Mama Christine posted this week about her daughter’s sleep struggles “oh, tribe, apologies for the long post, but I'm in dire need of some help. bedtime. dear lord, my daughter is 5, and it. is. brutal. her bedroom is on the first floor, mine is upstairs. she's often hungry before bedtime, so we usually do a snack like high fat yogurt and fruit. after bedtime jobs are done, i read to her, we sing, and say our goodnights...generally 20ish minutes. nearly every night, she's out of bed for any number of 'reasons': need to say goodnight to the dog, still hungry, thirsty, needs to say something to me, needs to ask me a question, needs another hug, says she can't sleep (within minutes of me leaving her bedroom) and the list goes on”. 

Christine is not alone here, otherwise there would not be a book called Go the F@ck to Sleep . Let’s break this struggle down, so Christine can get some sleep and her little one can feel peaceful slumber.

What you will hear:

·     Iceberg view – top of the iceberg; requests, getting our of bed, one last… Under the surface; belonging and significance, influence, connection

·     Mischief showing up when we have misguided ideas about belonging and significance

·     Getting curious, noticing lack of skills to complete task (ie going to sleep)

·     Getting curious so we can be solution minded, see where child has influence

·     Children long for connection, they settle for attention

·     Creating routines that help kids know what is happening and allowing them to have influence

·     Making agreements to help kids create boundaries

·     What is my child’s perspective?

·     Asking how am I feeding this problem?

Link to Deborah MacNamara

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::::

Who needs sleep? If you think about your best parenting moments vs. your more challenging ones I think we could venture to say that sleep OR lack of sleep would be a BIG contender.  We have all been there. We move fluidly through that familiar bedtime routine, finish that last Llama Llama page, kisses, lights out….. We are no further from the kitchen when we hear “Mooooooooooom”!!! or Daaaaaaadddddeeeeeeeeeeee”! Sigh.

Mama Christine posted this week about her daughter’s sleep struggles “oh, tribe, apologies for the long post, but I'm in dire need of some help. bedtime. dear lord, my daughter is 5, and it. is. brutal. her bedroom is on the first floor, mine is upstairs. she's often hungry before bedtime, so we usually do a snack like high fat yogurt and fruit. after bedtime jobs are done, i read to her, we sing, and say our goodnights...generally 20ish minutes. nearly every night, she's out of bed for any number of 'reasons': need to say goodnight to the dog, still hungry, thirsty, needs to say something to me, needs to ask me a question, needs another hug, says she can't sleep (within minutes of me leaving her bedroom) and the list goes on”. 

Christine is not alone here, otherwise there would not be a book called Go the F@ck to Sleep . Let’s break this struggle down, so Christine can get some sleep and her little one can feel peaceful slumber.

What you will hear:

·      Iceberg view – top of the iceberg; requests, getting our of bed, one last… Under the surface; belonging and significance, influence, connection

·      Mischief showing up when we have misguided ideas about belonging and significance

·      Getting curious, noticing lack of skills to complete task (ie going to sleep)

·      Getting curious so we can be solution minded, see where child has influence

·      Children long for connection, they settle for attention

·      Creating routines that help kids know what is happening and allowing them to have influence

·      Making agreements to help kids create boundaries

·      What is my child’s perspective?

·      Asking how am I feeding this problem?

Link to Deborah MacNamara

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Click here to find out more about A Mother's Journey to Joyful Courage - coming Fall 2017 to Bellingham, Seattle and Portland!

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Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Young Living Essential Oil

You’ve heard me speak a bit about the benefits I am experiencing with Young Living Essential Oils – let me know if you want to chat more by shooting me an email at [email protected] OR go to http://bit.ly/caseyyloils - I am happy to support you!

:::::

Coaching with Casey

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Kate Orson is a Hand in Hand parenting instructor, and author of Tears Heal: How To Listen To Children is on the podcast today! Originally from the UK she now lives in Basel, Switzerland, with her husband, author Toni Davidson, and their four year old daughter Ruby.

You can find her work in parenting magazines including The Green Parent, Juno and Smallish.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

Quotes:

“I think our entire culture has this mental block when it comes to crying”.

“I came across this different way of listening to the emotions. It’s reframing the way we view tears. It’s about listening and allowing the feelings”.

“Children need safety to let go of feelings”.

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

“I would say parenting is really really hard work. Sometimes we make mistakes and it may seem really hard to get up the next day and embrace it as a fresh day. We should have the Joyful Courage to embrace the challenges of parenting”.

Where to find Kate:

website I Facebook I Twitter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices