Life Is Love School

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Do you struggle with food? The holidays can be challenging for people who suffer from an eating disorder, and our guest Maggie Dong can relate to the struggles.

At age 16, Maggie’s life spiraled out of control when her mom suddenly passed away, and her father was sent to jail. Left with a younger brother to care for, Maggie coped with this overwhelming stress through controlling food intake and exercise. In her mind, life would be better once she achieved the perfect body.

She severely restricted food to lose weight, avoided most social events to hide the disorder, worked out seven days a week, three hours a day, and ate very little. She felt miserable most days, and grief, anger, insecurity, jealousy, and negativity plagued her. ⁣ Her life went from bad to worse when the man she thought was “the one” unceremoniously dumped her.

To find a reason to exists, Maggie had to dig deep. In her despair, she asked, “Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?” Little did she know, these questions will lead her to a discovery that not only helped her end the disorder but give her a brand new lease on life. In two years, her life took a complete 180 turn.⁣ ⁣

Physical difference:⁣

——— Mental difference ———  

Listen to Maggie’s incredible journey recovering from a debilitating eating disorder and the spiritual work she did to rebuild herself from the inside. If you struggle with self-love and self-image, this is a discussion you don’t want to miss!

Review Our Podcasts: Like all Life Is Love School episodes, we aim to deliver you useful information in a short amount of time, so you can apply what you’ve learned to reap the benefits immediately. If you like our podcasts, please leave us a review on Apple Podcast and send me an email with a screenshot of your review to get a copy of Life Is Love School's "How to build self-love habits " guide, complete with a streak tracker to help you build healthy habits in the new year! Please click here for instructions on how to leave a review.

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Are you terrified of dating because you think you might make the same painful mistake again?

"I don't know where to start" is a common refrain from people newly out of a long term relationship. Dating can fill us with trepidation if we've been out of the scene for a while and we had a track record of heartaches. How do we find a great partner, knowing that the dating pool is rife with liars, cheaters, users, and abusers?

If this resonates with how you feel, then you will enjoy this episode with Chrissy.

Chrissy and I met through the "Self-Love Challenge" workshop I hosted in October of 2019. I was impressed by her confidence, exuded only by someone who knows her value intrinsically. As I got to know Chrissy more, I learned that her strength came out of the crucible of several painful relationships with narcissistic partners, including a physically violent ex-husband that stalked her. Much to Chrissy's credit, she realized that these relationships' had one thing in commonality, and that's her. She was determined to heal whatever was inside her that resulted in this painful pattern, so it does not repeat.

Hear Chrissy talk about how knowing her intrinsic value changed her approach to men entirely and the powerful mindset she holds while navigating the treacherous water of online dating. We go in-depth on red flags you shouldn't ignore, and why feeling an overwhelming sense of connection early on in a relationship might be a warning signal, especially for victims of childhood neglect and abuse.

"I have my own high standards for what I want in a partner and how I want to be treated. I bring a lot to the table. I'm not talking about material things but what I have to offer as a person — love and loyalty and all the things that make a good relationship." - Jennifer Lopez

Often dating advice focuses on strategies, made famous by books such as "The Rules," but this is upside-down thinking. A person without a healthy sense of self who dates with strategies is playing games — she is pretending to give but hoping to get the love and approval from others that she is unwilling to give herself. Even if she can mask the underlying needy energy for a while, sooner or later, the charade will be up, and the manipulations will backfire (See "Why playing hard to get doesn't work"). There's no shortcut to love — others can only love us to the extent we love ourselves. When we love and value who we are, our actions will automatically align with the confident, magnetic person we know ourselves to be, and others can't help but be attracted to us. I saw this transformation happen to Chrissy, and I am grateful for her willingness to share her story with great candor in the hopes of helping others too.

PS If you are interested in diving deeper into the topic of self-love, I am hosting a free "Loving Your Inner Child" workshop starting Dec 27th to help survivors of childhood parental abuse heal. The intake form is due this week. If we cannot fit you into this delivery, please stay tuned for possible sessions in 2021.

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A question that comes up often in our FB discussions is on dating and Attachment Styles. Per popular request, in this episode, I interview therapist Diana Chu on what attachment style is, how it impacts our relationships, and specific strategies we can employ to move us towards becoming more securely attached.

Diana also talks in-depth about how therapists assist clients in this process, using “saying no” and boundary setting as examples.

[min 3:00] The origin of attachment theory — The “Strange Situation” tests the four types of attachment style Anxious (Preoccupied), Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant), Avoidant (Dismissive), and Secure.

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Are you an addict or know an addict and wonder what it takes to quit and stay clean? If so, this is the episode for you. 

Addicts feel out of control, ashamed, and alone, but statistics show that chemical addiction is sadly common. About one-third of our population suffers from it, and countless more lives are impacted by being with an addict. 

My guest today is Dr. Stephan Neff, an anesthesiologist from New Zealand. As Dr. Neff puts it, "I am a medical doctor and an alcoholic in recovery."  

For years Dr. Neff led a life of secrets and lies — getting dead drunk night after night and showing up at work like a bleary-eyed bear with a headache. His life looked normal on the outside, but it was a tragedy waiting to happen, until one night, while he lay blacked-out drunk in the garage, his wife and boss staged an intervention. 

Listen to Dr. Neff explain the 12-step program that kickstarted the life he has today, how he dug deep to heal the trauma within that caused him to start drinking, and how he stayed sober, now six years and counting. As Dr. Neff puts it, "The day you stop working on yourself is the day you relapse."

If you want to end a harmful addiction, stay clean, and live the life you want, this is the episode for you.

About our guest:

Dr. Stephen Neff is an anesthesiologist from New Zealand and the author of "My Steps To Sobriety: Living a fantastic life without alcohol." As a man trying to drown his sorrows, he found out the hard way that the critters can swim. Today, Stephan is an expert in living an extraordinary life, that alcohol has no role to play. He shares this passion through his podcast, YouTube channel, and other social media (all titled "my steps to sobriety").

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Do you feel like work is eating into your life? Are you an empathetic, sensitive person but find your kindness being used against you at work? Are you being bullied by a narcissist and unsure who to turn to or what your options are?

So much of our waking hours are spent working, so if our work environment is toxic, it's rather hard to feel happy.

In this episode, I bring my friend and long time mentor Donald Farmer to the show. Donald is a highly respected Silicon Valley executive known for his deep expertise in the Business Intelligence space, but more importantly, he stands as a kind, compassionate, and high integrity leader in an industry too often plagued by narcissistic personalities.

Hear Donald's sage advice on how to handle tricky situations at work and how to tap into our inner reservoir of strength when we need it most.

About our guest: Donald Farmer is a Silicon Valley veteran who's held executive leadership roles across companies like Microsoft and Qlik. Donald has a passion for guiding and mentoring people from a foundation of strategic insight, technical understanding, and empathy. He synthesizes what he's learned into simple - but not easy - frameworks that help others achieve new success levels.

P.S. For more discussions, join us on Facebook at "Life Is Love School."

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This episode is longer than our typical 15-20 min length; however, I know you will find it time well spent. Parts of Laura’s story touch upon sensitive subjects, such as sexual abuse of a minor and torture, so you may want to use headphones if you have children nearby.

Laura was raised in Alabama by an overly protective single-mother who, to protect Laura, forbade her from even playing in the neighbor’s yard or going for sleepovers. What her mother did not know, however, was that the real monsters lurked inside the family. When Laura was just nine years old, they repeatedly molested her over many years and made her keep it secret.

Eager to escape the abuse at home, Laura left the moment she turned eighteen with only a backpack full of clothes and a teddy bear. She married her boyfriend the next day to make sure her mother couldn’t get her back. Two days later, her husband beat her.

Thus began Laura’s string of abusive marriages, including one sadistic ex-husband who locked her up and administered torture so cruel that it only exists in the most brutal prisoner of war camps.

In Laura’s words, she probably would have stayed, because by then, she believed that she deserved what she got. Then one day, while being pummeled on the ground, Luara looked up and saw her toddler’s face, and something inside of her snapped.

Despite having only a high school education and no money, that night, Laura waited until her husband was sound asleep, grabbed her daughter, and made for a desperate escape.

Hear Laura tells her story of surviving the unimaginable, her dangerous escape from a psychopath, how she found love, and how she turned making beautiful soup from a hobby to curb PTSD nightmares to a blossoming business that ships globally today.

PS: I offer private coaching service, covering topics that are especially important for trauma survivors (Click Here For More Info).

About our guest: Laura Hatt is the founder of Dolphin Woodhouse, an online store that sells Laura’s handcrafted artisanal soap, lotions, and scrubs. Recently, Laura left her 9-5 job to run Dolphin Woodhouse full-time. Congratulations Laura!

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Kelly and Don shared a love for travel and enjoyed a great sex life. Seven years into their marriage, they had triplets. To Kelly and the outside world, they had the perfect marriage, so much so that, according to Kelly, other couples often sought their mentorship on marriage related issues.

However, what Kelly did not know is that Don lived multiple lives. He dated several women on the side, taking them on trips, buying them jewelry, and promising them marriage. Like Kelly, these women were kept completely in the dark on what’s going on.

What we see only in movies and fiction became Kelly’s real life. In this episode, Kelly tells her story of crushing revelations, her fears and self-blame, and how she found forgiveness to forge a new path.

For those of you that wonder if wrongdoers ever get their just deserts, this story will be interesting to you too

Like all Life Is Love School episodes, we aim to deliver you useful information in a short amount of time, so you can apply what you’ve learned to reap the benefits immediately. If you like our podcasts, please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcast. Your review will help more survivors who need to hear our message of hope and healing find us, and it also means a lot to me personally. Please click here for instructions on how to leave a review.

About our guest: Kelly Savage is an intuitive empath, wisdom, and spiritual seeker by birth and an RN and Life Coach, Courage Navigator, Yoga, Reiki, and Mindfulness practitioner by trade. She has been drawn to healing and helping all her life, but only now in her 50s has she decided to let go of ego, stereotypes, self-sabotaging thoughts and move into action to inspire, coach, and lead others to dance with courage by changing the music. Kelly genuinely believes that circumstance does not define us; it is courage and our relationship to it that defines us. She has survived and witnessed the impact of molestation, alcoholism, drug addiction, emotional abuse, infertility, infidelity, divorce, and remarriage. You can connect with Kelly at [email protected] and her website www.alifecoach.ca.

Thank you!

P.S. For more discussions, join us on Facebook at “Life Is Love School.”

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Were you raised by toxic parents and are worried that you might pass the abuse down to your own children? If so, this is an episode you won't want to miss.

In this episode, holistic coach and new mom, Maggie Conrad, shares how she broke the chain to be a good mother to her newborn son. We go into a lot of depth on boundary setting. We cover not just the 'why" but the "how" to do it from our core, so we stay grounded even when we face pushbacks.

If there are toxic people in your life that you either cannot or are unwilling to cut out completely, setting good boundaries is essential to your peace of mind. I think you'll find a lot of value out of this conversation!

About our guest: Maggie Conrad is a Joy Coach for Boss Mamas. She uses Mindset and Meditation practices to help women discover their true selves, and align with their soul’s purpose. She is a mom to a 15-month-old ball of energy, lives in Austin, Texas, and has experience with overcoming trauma, integrating body and mind, Conscious Parenting, and tapping into Intuition as a guide. You can find her in her group, Joyful Boss Mamas, having fun, sharing all the messy bits of being a mompreneur, and supporting other women on their journey.

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Ben was nine when he was traumatized by an innocuous incident in school. His decision to stuff down, rather than experience the emotions, eventually landed him in the therapist's office for the first time decades later, after losing a significant relationship.

Ben shares his story and the specific techniques he uses to help clients work through blocked emotions to regain freedom. If you suffer from trapped emotions that's consuming an ever-larger part of your life, this is an episode you won't want to miss.

About our guest: Since 2014, Ben has spoken all over the world with a message that raises listeners' sights and encourages them to achieve their greatest potential. With real-life examples and entertaining stories, Ben helps listeners understand and acknowledge their emotions so they can turn their pain into power. To contact Ben, see:

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The root of many Childhood PTSD symptoms is emotional dysregulation. We all get dysregulated sometimes, and we all eventually return to regulated. However, trauma survivors suffer from more triggers, the amplitude of dysregulation is larger, and it takes them longer to bring emotions back to the norm. For all these reasons, managing emotions well is crucial to thriving post-trauma.

One of the most effective ways to get back to a calm emotional state is to release fears and resentments by taking it out of our heads and put it on paper. We basically "free-write" our thoughts in a journal, which is why this therapy is called "freewriting." 

In this episode, I talk about using freewriting to regulate difficult emotions and process events, and the specific prompts I use. I also cover using journaling to do gratitude exercises and goal setting to get our day to the best start.

If you like our podcasts, please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcast. Your review will help more survivors who need to hear our message of hope and healing find us, and it also means a lot to me personally. Please click here for instructions on how to leave a review. As a thank you gift, after reviewing my podcasts, send me an email with your review to get a copy of my journaling prompts and detailed instructions on how to use journaling to regulate emotions.

If you want to journal regularly but have trouble making the habit stick, check out "Having a Hard Time Building New Habits? Try Habit Stacking" to learn how to use the magic of habit stacking to make a new habit stick.

If you know habit stacking already, but like me, find it difficult to implement manually, check out the free HabitApp (download at https://habit.app).