Like a Virgin

If you’re a regular listener of this podcast, you might be able to guess that Rose has always liked scary movies and Fran has embraced them gradually after decades of being terrified of anything with a whiff of brujería. Now, both love the seminal 1996 teen slasher movie Scream and its increasingly meta sequels. This week, Fran & Rose discuss the rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie and explore important questions like, why isn’t Jamie Lee Curtis in every movie? And what would Fran be wearing when Rose murders them in their fantasy slasher film?

Plus, they debate things you’ve all been wondering, like: is Rose’s new dog a lesbian or a she/they bisexual lesbian? Is Euphoria over-hyped? Exactly HOW much money does Carrie have? Will Fran catch up on Yellowjackets so they can finally talk about it on this podcast??

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At its purest, this podcast trafficks in the kind of art that requires sustained evangelizing to ensnare a new fan. Works of art so maligned, so… memed that it’s difficult to tell on first watch if true fans like it earnestly or ironically. Rose has been trying to get Fran to love and appreciate Twilight for years. They did finally watch it together after many botched attempts, but Fran still isn’t convinced. So Rose recruited today’s guest, famous Twihard and writer Peyton Dix to help her persuade Fran of the beauty and complexity of everything Twilight: the movies mainly but also the books they’re based on, the soundtracks, the wigs, the Mormon sensibility, and many other inane details that make Twilight singular and maddening. Virgin challenge: if you’ve never consumed Twilight, try to listen to this episode and not immediately go watch it.

Plus, Fran’s favorite sensi superhero, Rose’s favorite new show Yellowjackets, how to remember your problematic fave fantasy franchises, and a generous and hopeful recap of that very go piss girl episode of And Just Like That.

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Inside you there are two wolves: one is Fran and one is Rose, and they both are obsessed with Moonstruck, the only movie where Nicolas Cage is hot. The 1987 Oscar-winning romantic comedy really has it all: a protagonist played by a woman on the pop star to leading lady pipeline, an iconic makeover, a cryptic prophecy from a witch, and valuable wisdom for the sensitive viewer. If you love love, if you’re a total Lothario, if you’re always looking for more nuanced discussions of cheating, or if you simply love Cher, you will love this episode. 

Plus, Fran & Rose’s queer-in-review: all their faves from another cursèd year’s movies, TV shows, music & books. 

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Merry Christmas, virgins! This year, you get the biblical origin story of religious Christmas AND Fran & Rose’s favorite secular Christmas’s offerings. Tangents include: how birthing the messiah would actually be really annoying, Lady Gaga’s not-so-classic Christmas Tree, and Cameron Diaz’s Big Stepmother Energy in The Holiday.

Plus, the A24 trailer that’s looking like a True Blood prequel with a Bjork cameo, Yellowjackets on Showtime, flop TV creator Aaron Sorkin on queer representation, and sifting through the cringe of the latest And Just Like That.

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If you want to do The Holidays with Fran & Rose, you need three things: a hot butterbeer from the The Three Broomsticks at Universal Studios, Kelly Clarkson’s When Christmas Comes Around…, and the 2006 romcom Last Holiday, wherein Queen Latifah invents self care. This episode has all three and more. Ira Madison III is on the show to help explain why a movie with a plot that hinges on the results of a CT scan taken at a department store is a holiday season must-watch. Tangents include: working and quitting retail, Kohl’s Cash, Fran’s stint as a missionary in the Czech Republic, and what the fuck happened to Ira’s 401K.

Plus, the latest in kinda-queer-but-mostly-heterosexual television: Fran & Rose’s highly anticipated thoughts on And Just Like That and 12 Dates of Christmas. And an ode to iconic homoerotic vampire writer Ann Rice.

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If you don’t get the title, immediately google “Kim Cattrall scatting.” In honor of the Samantha-less reprisal of their problematic fave TV show Sex and the City, Fran & Rose get into all the reasons why the show was so hilarious, so transgressive, and SO bad. Come for a journey through alllll the gay stuff (“yes ladies, I’m a lesbian”), stay to find out who Carrie really should have ended up with.

Plus, musings on pressing questions like: is Kelly Clarkson the new Queen of Christmas? Whose label told him to never waste a crisis? What do all of Fran & Rose’s most listened to artists this year have in common? Why isn’t Fran a Skims-fluencer yet?

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If you saw the Lady Gaga film House of Gucci, you may have spent some of its 2-hour-and-40-minute runtime asking yourself… how would I have completely rewritten and edited this movie? This week, AMC Stubsinista Fran Tirado & Little Monster Rose Dommu invite Gagaologist & writer Hunter Harris to share her favorite lines and suggested cuts (and bonus takes on Adele, Disney Live Action remakes, Katy Perry, and Jeff Bezos’ Cinderella). Tangents include Ridley Scott’s stocking fetish, how the *real* Gucci family cyberbullied Al Pacino, a herstory of the Girlboss-to-Flop pipeline, and Olive Garden’s Chicken Parmigiana.

Plus: a requiem for Stephen Sondheim and his sex dunegon you’ll never get to go to now, opinions on Gossip Girl, the Janet doc & Grimes’ latest decree, and get out your guillotine for Fran & Rose’s recap of their Black Friday / Cyber Monday shopping <3

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Before Rose became the spooky girl with dark, foreboding energy she is today, she was the Eloise of the Boynton Beach Mall, taking cabs alone as a tween to go buy bondage pants and red Manic Panic hair dye. Meanwhile, Fran was on the other side of Hot Topic’s sex dungeon facade, eating an Auntie Anne’s pretzel and longing for gothness. Together they take you through their early aughts evolutions from mall goth to Alternative. Diversions include: the house of pale evil spirits that was Abercrombie and Fitch, Old Navy zip-off ski pants, and Evelyn’s Favorite Pasta.

Plus, hot takes on Adele’s 30, Keanu’s algorithmically perfect Boyfriend moves, why Eddie Redmayne doesn’t need to talk, the latest in Marie Antoinette (2006) inspired girlboss period dramas, and which Housewives Fran & Rose would (and wouldn’t) send on an Ultimate Girls Trip.

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Not everyone was radicalized as a Swiftie by Taylor’s groundbreaking 2012 album Red, but a young Bowen Yang — stressed, depressed and sipping pumpkin spice lattes while walking fast through the traffic lights of Midtown Manhattan — was forever altered. He joins Fran and Rose to answer key questions about the famously emotionally maximalist album like: Why is it called Red? Was it the first album where Taylor had bangs? How do you survive being doxxed by radical Swiftites? 

Plus, Fran and Rose opine their favorite lyrics (and merch) from the release of Red (Taylor’s Version), debate celebrity-assisted surprise proposals, and explain the cataclysmic events clinching Salt Lake City’s place in the canon of most memorable Real Housewives moments.

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Fran and Rose make history as the first friends to start a podcast. Their inaugural episode delves into the first media franchise Rose ever stanned and Fran’s first forbidden love: the wizarding world of Harry Potter. Their conversation spans the books, the movies, the horny fanfiction, the not-so invisibility cloaked queer identites of all the characters and the she-who-must-not-be-named of it all. 

Plus, Fran tries to stay awake at the movies and Rose draws a line in the sand on Hollywood queer-baiting. Expect hot takes on Wicked, Dune, Spencer and Eternals. And never forget: ACAB includes Harry Potter.

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