🔸 The elephant in the room.

📌 Context: In intro of second call we're discussing an unpublished call.

🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

1️⃣ I'm off. Couldn’t fall asleep last night, very unusual, and haven’t figured out why. Somebody’s stirring in there. Perhaps my reservedness is overcompensating for what I've previously mentioned wanting to pull back on.

#DirectAccess

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🔸 What they all need; Olivia takes the lead.

🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Anyone else notice that Olivia started speaking for her parts in the past few calls? She voices them literally.

In my "driving instructor" metaphor, I think I've transitioned from the front seat to the back, napping.

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🔸 Future tripping & flashbacks. The medicine works.
🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Why do I feel so relaxed working with Bee? It’s the opposite of “her parts trigger mine”. Maybe it’s something about our communication, or about her system. Maybe it’s because things look somewhat straightforward to me here. Or maybe it's from her experience in doing inner work. Maybe it’s because she speaks for parts so clearly, or is so able to express herself emotionally (oh those are the same thing, huh?).

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🔸 "Where is mom?"

🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

If I was going to suggest next steps, it would be

1. rehoming the abandonment parts and

2. getting back to other, to talk to mom or do whatever re-doing she needs.

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🔸 “Not a single fucking one...” A quiet space.

📌 A flag went up in both Genie and me when we listened back to the portion about Mio, specifically a line that could be construed as critical. We talked about editing it out, slept on it, listened back again, talked some more, and decided to leave it in and invite people to comment about it or our decision. Links to anonymous feedback form and invitation to join the chat at Discord are at the bottom of this and every episode description.

🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

I'm talking too much. Funny, I was having a bit of a sick day, felt a little low going into call. Who’s guiding whom?

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🔸 Shame exile - part 3. A little thing for a little wound.

🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

My tone was off. I can kinda forget my role when someone is working like this.

My skeptical sounding questions were not intended to be "devil's advocate", but protector's advocate! Mio and exile didn’t need me facilitating their side of things, so I was keeping an eye on concerned protectors.

A more direct approach: “hey protector, I'm here, step back”, didn’t feel right for a protector who had already interfered. She built a house, I'll walk around and check for leaks and unlocked doors.

I was a little too late offering my take on the “I need love and connection” question… I interpreted her “it starts w me” as being a singular statement about Self with parts.

But despite my lone-wolf lifestyle, I'm not a cynic about love between people. I just know we can’t control others. So you want love inside? Starts w you. Want love outside? Same!

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🔸 Time out; Keep going.

📌 Theresa followed up (a couple months later): I took all of that time off (along with some that COVID demanded) and every moment of it was absolutely necessary and now I feel so peaceful and spacious. Thank you for your contributions to my peace.

🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

One reason I was biting my tongue at the end is because I was so excited; it sounds like Theresa is at that place, enjoying that same insight and agreement w parts, that I have (in kinda dedicating my life to IFS). Like "Oooh shit.. The more I do this the more *everybody* wins??"

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🔸 Rose petals. Being a 12 year old with a baby.

🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Well im glad I asked! (In that first minute when I could have not). It’s uncomfortable, often for me, cuz I don’t want to nag. But I'm getting over that; it’s too important not to do it, so it's better to say it with the wrong words than not at all.

After rehoming baby, I was in a “quit while we’re ahead" mindset. Even though we were just 30 mins in, I had already been through that emotional journey that normally signal “all done!” So I was a bit befuddled re: the 12 year old.

And my “gonna check in?” spiel is still grade D. I know there are 10 different ways I could do it “right” but when I try them on, none feel right. Should I go back to not bothering? Better than confusing? It's tough! Imagine, you've just connected to this inner baby for the first time in your life, and now I'm gonna tell you that you oughta keep doing it?? I know how that would sound to my parts!

Maybe I’ll never stick the landing. Maybe I'm ok with that.

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1️⃣ Anger is caring
***
2️⃣ Death checking in...

🔹 Parts:

2️⃣

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

1️⃣ We started late and ended early. Brandon's decisions.

When we had our last call, I was feeling very hopeful, it sounded like we were having some more of a breakthrough, at least in the way we work together. He said, he wanted to get in more frequently, and I was looking forward helping him get to some of these more elusive parts.

But Brandon and I meet rarely, and more often than not he requests that we keep it under an hour. I'm wondering how much that is an impediment to us doing good work.

I believe Brandon when he says these conversations help him. And I like the challenge of working with him. But I'm having trouble imagining helping him unburden an exile in 40 minutes of conversation every 50 days.

On the other hand, I’m usually the first to insist “there are no rules”, and if he says it helps, then there’s no problem.

***

2️⃣ And now we are doing more regular calls.

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🔸 LSD, "Dying is an option" & The Big Realization.

🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

One of my first impulses (left unspoken) with un-deserver was “well, step back and let us try”. And that idea came up later. So part of me is thinking “we had the target, we had the MVSE (minimum viable self energy), we should have run w it."

Another part says “Olivia is right” in both her actions and words: she keeps at it and keeps getting results at her pace. Her pace, although her parts have felt it slow and sometimes impossible, is working. If un-deserver wants to be heard, who am I to argue?

And I do genuinely appreciate those questions. Too much? Is my philosophizing part kicking out Self? Maybe. But I’d rather explore than ignore. I'm learning here. I have my own skeptical parts, and although I meet them in most callers, it's a rare opportunity: sitting with so many great critiques.

What I didn’t say towards the end (I had said enough and didn’t want to deflect the grieving) was that what we are doing is how society gets support. Olivia and I can't have learned it any earlier than we did, but we are teaching it, now, to anybody with an internet connection. And we need the grumbly teen, the idealist, etc, at the table, to reach those parts in others.

The Big Realization from first principles! I can’t speak for her un-deserver, but mine is satisfied, we earned it.

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# grief