Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

November 08, 2023320:⏫️ Theresa A. revisits
🔸 The elephant in the room.
📌 Context: In intro of second call we're discussing an unpublished call.
🔹 Parts:
1️⃣ P: Always have to be doing something. Unacceptable to not show up.

***

2️⃣ Quit complaining, quit having feelings. If you whine, you'll be less likable. You can’t escape the way life is. Be tough, cuz life is tough, or else you will be annihilated
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
1️⃣ I'm off. Couldn’t fall asleep last night, very unusual, and haven’t figured out why. Somebody’s stirring in there. Perhaps my reservedness is overcompensating for what I've previously mentioned wanting to pull back on.
***
2️⃣ I need to turn more of my responses into questions!
I missed lots of opportunities to prompt a you-turn. I didn't need to get back into “talk about IFS”, but my mind was kinda blown. What I was attempting to explain that I found so interesting: this sounds relatively straightforward to me, but not to Theresa; she’s confident & leaning in at times when I'm lost (see blue man / jungle muppet); I was floored by "ice cream", she didn't seem as much.
#DirectAccess

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2 hr 36 min
November 07, 2023319:⏫️ Olivia A. revisits
🔸 What they all need; Olivia takes the lead.
🔹 Parts:
“Inconveniencing adults"

“What if I never turn out to be...”

The point of life , enormous meaning and beauty
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Anyone else notice that Olivia started speaking for her parts in the past few calls? She voices them literally.
In my "driving instructor" metaphor, I think I've transitioned from the front seat to the back, napping.

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2 hr 13 min
November 05, 2023318: Bee A. revisits
🔸 Future tripping & flashbacks. The medicine works.
🔹 Parts:
P: Afraid to be sick. "You took too much insulin! Im trying to take care of you. She has to be watched, or she’ll eat the wrong thing." Thinks I'm 9 or 10, “you’re not safe”.

P: Fog

P: Desperate Munchausen “Im not as sick as you’re treating me, you’re making me sick!”

P: Hurry and eat it (pleasure). give me something (when something unknown comes up)

E: 9 yo, if I get well I won’t be loved. (Is this who is being needy so daughter wouldn’t abandon me?)

Dont get your hopes up

Self: I'm not 9, dad is dead, and the medicine works! Wait 2 minutes! slow down, it’s not a time out
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Why do I feel so relaxed working with Bee? It’s the opposite of “her parts trigger mine”. Maybe it’s something about our communication, or about her system. Maybe it’s because things look somewhat straightforward to me here. Or maybe it's from her experience in doing inner work. Maybe it’s because she speaks for parts so clearly, or is so able to express herself emotionally (oh those are the same thing, huh?).

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1 hr 7 min
November 04, 2023317: Justine A. revisits
🔸 "Where is mom?"
🔹 Parts:
P: The wisdom, healer, caretaker. Feels bound to:

E: Wants to be seen and heard/met. "Where is mom?" Supposed to come from mom and it’s not. Feels threatened, uncomfortable expressing around mom. Pretending things were OK because mom was pretending she didn’t see her. Wants to play, rainbows, lollipops, bouncing, let go of all the masking, wants Justine to go talk to her mom with her.

E: abandonment, deeper, afraid to talk to mom, dark, lowest in the torso, preverbal, cold, black rising up. E1 also has these parts or was protecting them, they are in her.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
If I was going to suggest next steps, it would be
1. rehoming the abandonment parts and
2. getting back to other, to talk to mom or do whatever re-doing she needs.

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1 hr 10 min
November 03, 2023316: Genie A. revisits
🔸 “Not a single fucking one...” A quiet space.
📌 A flag went up in both Genie and me when we listened back to the portion about Mio, specifically a line that could be construed as critical. We talked about editing it out, slept on it, listened back again, talked some more, and decided to leave it in and invite people to comment about it or our decision. Links to anonymous feedback form and invitation to join the chat at Discord are at the bottom of this and every episode description.
🔹 Parts:
P: what’s the point of dealing w family shit?

P: pointless has no point, annoyed. Bullies alongside:

P: pointless has no voice, but puzzle it out. you don’t fucking go there. Concern I will find out stuff that will destroy me.

E: Scared and ashamed. A walking bruise. Don’t touch me don’t look at me don’t expect of me. It will feel safe it it’s invisible
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I'm talking too much. Funny, I was having a bit of a sick day, felt a little low going into call. Who’s guiding whom?

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1 hr 30 min
October 30, 2023315: Mio A. revisits
🔸 Shame exile - part 3. A little thing for a little wound.
🔹 Parts:
E: Shame grows out of the house, Mud stamps

E: An open wound, waiting to be soothed, a soft collar. Not asking, not demanding.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
My tone was off. I can kinda forget my role when someone is working like this.
My skeptical sounding questions were not intended to be "devil's advocate", but protector's advocate! Mio and exile didn’t need me facilitating their side of things, so I was keeping an eye on concerned protectors.
A more direct approach: “hey protector, I'm here, step back”, didn’t feel right for a protector who had already interfered. She built a house, I'll walk around and check for leaks and unlocked doors.
I was a little too late offering my take on the “I need love and connection” question… I interpreted her “it starts w me” as being a singular statement about Self with parts.
But despite my lone-wolf lifestyle, I'm not a cynic about love between people. I just know we can’t control others. So you want love inside? Starts w you. Want love outside? Same!

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1 hr 41 min
October 28, 2023314: Theresa A. revisits
🔸 Time out; Keep going.
📌 Theresa followed up (a couple months later): I took all of that time off (along with some that COVID demanded) and every moment of it was absolutely necessary and now I feel so peaceful and spacious. Thank you for your contributions to my peace.
🔹 Parts:
P: Take time off/out. Stop w the Input, deal with:

P: intensity junkie /adhd hyperfocus!

P: Fear of money stuff, The anxious waitress, needs a smoke break. Get your money *make your own decisions*. (that exile again?). Sister of:

P Miss Independent. Doesn’t need anyone. Solid and stocky Judged by:

P: Fuck money crusaders

Es: Teen (and I assume younger: want more options)
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
One reason I was biting my tongue at the end is because I was so excited; it sounds like Theresa is at that place, enjoying that same insight and agreement w parts, that I have (in kinda dedicating my life to IFS). Like "Oooh shit.. The more I do this the more *everybody* wins??"
Once again too many of my comments are “theoretical” or like “it could also be this” and that activates both our analyzing / student parts. I'm working on it.

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1 hr 4 min
October 24, 2023313: Clare A. revisits
🔸 Rose petals. Being a 12 year old with a baby.
🔹 Parts:
12 yo, neeeds time off and rose water.

Baby, grey, too tightly wrapped, suffocating.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Well im glad I asked! (In that first minute when I could have not). It’s uncomfortable, often for me, cuz I don’t want to nag. But I'm getting over that; it’s too important not to do it, so it's better to say it with the wrong words than not at all.
After rehoming baby, I was in a “quit while we’re ahead" mindset. Even though we were just 30 mins in, I had already been through that emotional journey that normally signal “all done!” So I was a bit befuddled re: the 12 year old.
And my “gonna check in?” spiel is still grade D. I know there are 10 different ways I could do it “right” but when I try them on, none feel right. Should I go back to not bothering? Better than confusing? It's tough! Imagine, you've just connected to this inner baby for the first time in your life, and now I'm gonna tell you that you oughta keep doing it?? I know how that would sound to my parts!
Maybe I’ll never stick the landing. Maybe I'm ok with that.

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53 min
October 23, 2023312: ⏫️ Brandon A. revisits
1️⃣ Anger is caring
***
2️⃣ Death checking in...
🔹 Parts:
2️⃣
P: Slowing down

P: Tenacity

P: Not good enough
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
1️⃣ We started late and ended early. Brandon's decisions.
When we had our last call, I was feeling very hopeful, it sounded like we were having some more of a breakthrough, at least in the way we work together. He said, he wanted to get in more frequently, and I was looking forward helping him get to some of these more elusive parts.
But Brandon and I meet rarely, and more often than not he requests that we keep it under an hour. I'm wondering how much that is an impediment to us doing good work.
I believe Brandon when he says these conversations help him. And I like the challenge of working with him. But I'm having trouble imagining helping him unburden an exile in 40 minutes of conversation every 50 days.
On the other hand, I’m usually the first to insist “there are no rules”, and if he says it helps, then there’s no problem.
***
2️⃣ And now we are doing more regular calls.

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1 hr 37 min
October 22, 2023311: Olivia A. revisits
🔸 LSD, "Dying is an option" & The Big Realization.
🔹 Parts:
P: Gloom. Life is worthless, no point in continuing, constantly drowning

P: Agenda part has stepped back! "Stop being so serious about IFS"

P: Don't give me false hope that healing is possible
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
One of my first impulses (left unspoken) with un-deserver was “well, step back and let us try”. And that idea came up later. So part of me is thinking “we had the target, we had the MVSE (minimum viable self energy), we should have run w it."
Another part says “Olivia is right” in both her actions and words: she keeps at it and keeps getting results at her pace. Her pace, although her parts have felt it slow and sometimes impossible, is working. If un-deserver wants to be heard, who am I to argue?
And I do genuinely appreciate those questions. Too much? Is my philosophizing part kicking out Self? Maybe. But I’d rather explore than ignore. I'm learning here. I have my own skeptical parts, and although I meet them in most callers, it's a rare opportunity: sitting with so many great critiques.
What I didn’t say towards the end (I had said enough and didn’t want to deflect the grieving) was that what we are doing is how society gets support. Olivia and I can't have learned it any earlier than we did, but we are teaching it, now, to anybody with an internet connection. And we need the grumbly teen, the idealist, etc, at the table, to reach those parts in others.
The Big Realization from first principles! I can’t speak for her un-deserver, but mine is satisfied, we earned it.

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# grief
1 hr 26 min