Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

October 16, 2023309: Charlotte A. revisits
🔸 Everyone needs a friend.
📌 J's dream ⁠here⁠
🔹 Parts:
Choking, dying, burning.

Saint forgives all.

Rage, red, tasmanian devil, sweating fire. Aligned with

The olympian

Afraid of the pathetic, complicit mother.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Not feeling well today. Multiple tech problems (before and during call) didn't help.

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1 hr 25 min
October 16, 2023310: ⏫️ Bee A. revisits
1️⃣ Take a nap, let me tie your shoes. And James solo.
***
2️⃣ Internal plate smashing w/ The Compassionate One.
🔹 Parts:
1️⃣ P: The cotton ball, fog, shut it down, take it nap, resembles my mother. "This is too much for you, lemme tie your shoes for you... You don’t know what you’re doing. You can’t even follow instructions. You’re not smart enough you’re not strong enough you are handicapped. If you try you’ll fail, disappointed."

P: Will crush hope! Thinks im 9 or 10 Would rather play and discover. Does it all have to be so serious?

P: Mother. Needy! If I give you space you’ll shut me out. You’ll never listen to me

E: Part that feels weak. Can’t you see me? Screaming. I wanna try and believe but they’re all waiting on me to fail. Will you let me try?

***

2️⃣ P: “You can’t be who you are Or everyone’s gonna leave you”. You don’t know how serious this is, you’re gonna make it worse. Better to avoid it. They’re gonna find out how needy you are. Fraud. Thinks im pre pubescent

P: Fuzzy fog (see last call)

E: “Other lives depended on me giving up mine. And if they find out what I gave up, they won’t like me” She wants freedom to write, do art, with no expectations
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
1️⃣ I realized after she came back from break: I *was* talking because she wasn’t! Relieved.
***
2️⃣ I was starting to lose it after the plates there... sometimes I forget it’s a podcast and I'm supposed to make words come out.
Otherwise I was unusually explanatory and lead-y but from the very start of this call (and others) I feel like her system is rather trusting/deferring to me. So I'm speaking to the audience *in her*. In fact that might have been a personal record for induction.
There’s some other context from our convos that makes me feel more comfortable leading even when she’s blended / emotional. Not saying any of that’s a good thing, just noticing.

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2 hr 22 min
October 15, 2023308: Genie A. revisits
🔸 I'm in charge. Don't forget!
Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTQbiNvZqaY
📌Genie followed up:
Had another vivid “house” dream last night. This time it was a real house where I used to live - all the others have always been made up houses. And this house where I used to live had been totally renovated by these other people that were living in it now. Knocked down walls, kitchen moved to the other side of the house, and the flat downstairs was actually livable! It was beautiful! I was only visiting for a tour - with a whole bunch of other people - so I couldn’t stay, but it was very tricky finding my way out onto the street again. It was a nice dream.🙂 Not that subtle. 😆
***
Toto - "Africa". That's our quintessential starting a road trip song! LOL. No idea of most of the lyrics, but we can all bellow out "We bless the rains down in Aa-aa-frica" at the top of our lungs with the windows wide open and the music turned way up. The little one in her carseat thinks it's hilarious!
Also - can't remember if I ever told you this - but I did notice a big change in how I responded and reacted to Mum after that session. It was quite a relief actually. And much more pleasant - for both of us. So I guess, despite not remembering most of it, it did have an effect.

🔹 Parts:
P: Fragile brittle woman. Sudden changes and loud noises are upsetting

P: Her caretaker, Must work quietly, Unconditional motherly, Thinks I’m:

E: Teenager, Inexperienced. Thinks the world is a rosy place, not serious, not aware of danger. Needs me to have wisdom/insight. Waiting for proof. Wants to see consistency. Wants to be a passenger on road trip. Wants no responsibility
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Interested targeting, huh? High five to both of us, I say.

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1 hr 11 min
October 14, 2023307: Mio A. revisits
🔸 Shame exile - part 2: The magic house.
🔹 Parts:
E: Baby

E: Guilty one. Year older than:

E: Shame. In garden, blue overalls. Hyper focused, looking out for danger. “Do you understand what it means to protect my shame?”"I don’t know how to play"

P: Fixing part doesn’t want her to feel

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1 hr 31 min
October 12, 2023306: Theresa A. revisits
🔸 A different space. Receiving the rain.
Songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wB9YIsKIEbA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=298mC2COSJg

📌 Theresa followed up: That was such a cool adventure. I get it in a deeper way now that I'm not sure I can explain. I'm so impressed with my parts, and I'm learning that, while there are a lot of things that need to be healed in there, sometimes all you need to do is reconnect to the part and see its beauty and intelligence in full sun. (I know that's always part of the process, but here it was different). She was whole despite the broken connection. It's like those friendships where you can go without seeing each other for years, and then you get together and pick right back up where you left off.
The jungle itself was her, the "picture of me" standing in the rain with an open heart... was her. She created that whole scene for me to see and understand, in a way that is definitely not rational.

I sensed that you were somehow worried that I was not "centering" Self? I dunno, it was something bigger this time than Self helps part. It was like the "Self to part" relationship was more like a "Self to part's Self" relationship. It was beyond language. It was 100% necessary for me to be in Self to get to her, but she didn't "need" me to heal her once I got there. She needed me to see that she is valuable, for my own sake. (The systems sake, more precisely). She's not mad at other parts, she's not holding grudges. She's just there. She wants me to see that they done have it all figured out. That's all.
This was a deeply meaningful session to me and I think it might have taken me a step closer to... You'll never guess. More solo practice. 🤓 Even though the two topics seemed to compete with one another at the beginning. Not saying imma do that EVERY day though, because... You know.... Parts. 😄
🔹 Parts:
P Keeps me from solo work. possibly the pusher: “do tangible stuff"

P Don't commit

P You're avoiding something

P The Believer: How would you like to be left in the jungle? Do you really wanna be without me? I am not silly / naive / gullible. Wants acknowledged and less rigidity, playfulness, go stand in rain

P The Non-Believer: The universe is cold. Sad and tired. Frantic little blue man (but that’s a facade) he’s a jungle muppet trickster. If I can’t be driving I want out.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Sounds like an off day for me. I think Theresa was right and my point was either wrong or came out wrong. Yes we let parts lead us in this process. But because I didn't catch a lot of “let me show this part compassion” moments in the convo, I was wanting to make sure Self's role was acknowledged. I trust Theresa, her process & commitment (which can lead me to more experimenting and theorizing, or just rambling, in and out of sessions). But I'm confident we'll figure it out!

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1 hr 16 min
October 10, 2023305: Clare A. revisits
🔸 The rock, the rose, butterflies & sunshine.
🔹 Parts:
P: The rock. Heaviness. Wants to let the rock heaviness go Needs my permission to let it go. Why? Butterflies. Thinks that I am 49, when I was considering divorce.

E: 12yo. Twisted in knots, Dense, alone, tired. Wants to stretch, wants to be 12 but “doesn’t need to”. The other girls chit chat about boys, wearing pink… needs undemanding time. Protects:

E: The baby, beautiful.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I had a sudden insight! Immediately after hanging up I texted Clare: “is the baby the butterflies?” And got a resounding yes!

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1 hr 10 min
October 08, 2023304: ⏫️ Justine A. revisits
1️⃣ Revisiting a river in China.

2️⃣ Spacey or Spacious? "I don't ever know not thinking"
🔹 Parts:
1️⃣
P: The thinking part, it's a caretaker. Let’s not go in the body ever again. 20-21, moved out, traveled, alone, crying and looking for answers by the river. No relief from pain from:

E: The hurt ones. grateful and relieved. Early abandonment, attachment. A nest, pillow, a teddy, a cat.
2️⃣
P Juggling, thinking, too busy. I can’t stop. Have to go round and round, cuz there’s no other choice. See me, just see me

P Get stoned

P The self sitting at the table

P No mistakes, because “I can’t speak to parts”

P You mustn’t get it wrong, so don’t try. Don’t be your full size. Dont step in to anything
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
1️⃣ Feeling ecstatic, it's hard to focus on guiding. I just want to just settle back, join the awedience.

2️⃣ "The more the therapist is able to tolerate the anxiety of not knowing, the less need there is for the therapist to embrace orthodoxy." - Irvin D. Yalom.
If you said “James that was some shitty practitionering”, well I'd be open to that.
I'm also open to the possibility that Justine’s awareness, insight and intuition are surpassing mine, and perhaps I'm only dumb compared to her.
And/or: IFS, like everything, is trickier when sleepless, and when I say "nothing needs to happen", I mean it!

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2 hr 29 min
October 06, 2023303: Scott A. revisits
🔸 A haunted place, a ghost town. The hooks are in.
📌 Scott followed up:
Was really interesting for me how things rapidly unfolded at the end as we were wrapping up. I was trying to engage that part at the door of a former friends house, at the time I was in college-- someone he felt let him down, didn't really love him. And he needed help and guidance desperately at that time. He thought that I was the exile. I knew because I felt all of this flood of exile energy, but I also showed him that it didn't affect me, and I invited him to take a walk down the street. And have encountered that exile ever since I can remember. Most likely an infant -- not only emotional pain but a real physical pain, like from a surgical procedure and being held down and defenseless. And this time was different in the sense of being somewhat immune to it but still highly aware of those sensations. Maybe the necessity of being there for this part allowed me to stand up to it.
🔹 Parts:
The 21-22 year old, betrayed.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I don’t know. I just focused on my own curiosity and presence. Still don’t know the magic words

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1 hr 18 min
October 04, 2023302: Olivia A. revisits
🔸 Olivia & James cordially invite you to Relaxing Time!
🔹 Parts:
Agenda part wants to be free

Shaming: relaxing is all you ever do. This freedom isn’t deserved. Watch out, you’re gonna be weird in some way

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1 hr 8 min
October 02, 2023301: Brandon A. revisits
🔸 Lightning is so crackling & chaotic... let's call this a light-*beam* round.
🔹 Parts:
E: I don’t matter

P?: Fear that that’s true, fear of connecting. Dad left, grandpa died. Needs B to heal E and to sit with its emotions.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I think I did it already. I wish it was cognitive/mental/emotional, then I could tell you how. But it’s physical/energetic. Will you tune out if I say "chakra"? (Part of me: “I will!!”)
I'm not saying we should throw out our books and rely solely on yoga... But if your parts are like mine: prioritizing the "answers" over the feelings, then I'd recommend giving it a shot!
There’s also the experiential: if this was my first call w Brandon, I’d be much less confident.
Finally: frequency/regularity. Brandon has always been a "once every two or three months" caller. I wonder what our work would look like if we met every week...

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34 min