Make Your Damn Bed

I’m the type of person who always feels like I’m running late despite the fact that I very rarely am.

I’ve been trying a new type of thought exercise where I take a moment to visit with a more senior or elderly me. Sometimes it’s my 81st birthday. I sit as her, with the underlying understanding that everything did eventually work itself out, and I had a great, full, and beautiful life despite all of its challenges. 

As I sit in my 80 ish year old body, I take a moment to reflect on the good parts I can recall and then I bring her back to my 37 year old body. With the back that creaks so much less often and feet that ache so much less intensely. I bring my senior self back into the apartment she hasn’t seen for decades in the town she sometimes misses. She looks at her partner with adoring eyes as they haven’t wrinkled and spotted in the sun just yet. She puts sunscreen on us both and digs out the old hobbies she regrets not taking more seriously. She takes her time to cook a nourishing meal with hands that don’t shake and arms strong enough to lift the dutch oven. She eats slowly because there is no rush, and she has learned that in her many years of rushing on this planet. She feels excited to be in a body she used to not appreciate. She wants to wander and explore with these eyes that seem to see more clearly and bones that don’t tire so quickly. 

She’s not afraid about missing a boat because she realized there is no single boat. So I try not to be afraid of missing the boat. She reminds me that we can build our own boats, or chill on the beach - it doesn’t really matter as long as we remember it doesn't matter. As long as the truly objectively important shit gets done, we need to stop pretending like it’s possible to get everything else done too. One way to remember that is to allow your future self to lend you some peace and wisdom once in a while. So she lends me her peace and she lends me her wisdom and with it she returns to me more energized, and grateful to be alive and able to experience this time again. For the first time in years she is awakened to the miraculous nature of this current life. She is happy to be here, and she is me.  

The source: https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/always-in-a-rush-maybe-its-time-urgency

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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Megan Phelp’s 4 rules for productively engaging with people who you disagree with:

• Don’t assume bad intent but instead, assume good or neutral intent.
• Ask questions: This signals that the person is being heard, and they also feel safer to ask questions in return.
• Stay calm: "right" doesn’t justify "rude". Pause, step away, use a digital buffer for social media exchanges, and then come back.
• Make the argument: don’t assume the value of your position should be obvious; it isn’t to others. If we want them to change, make the case for it.

DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim + Offender - Aggressive avoidance of accountability

SEP: Somebody Else's Problem - Passive avoidance of accountability

Tips for talking to people you disagree with: https://ideas.ted.com/4-tips-for-talking-to-people-you-disagree-with/

DARVO wiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO

SEP wiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somebody_else%27s_problem

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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COMMON TROLLING TACTICS:

Ad Hominem attacks, Whataboutism, Just Asking Questions, Devil's advocate, Sockpuppets, Astroturfers, Do Your Own Researchers, Strawman, Tribalism, Tone policing, Hate mongering, Concern trolling, Moving the Goalposts, Red herring, False dilemma, Circular reasoning, DARVO, Thought terminating cliches, Outrage baiting, Derailing, Dogpiling, Virtue Signaling.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM:

1. Name the tactic: ("This is a classic strawman.")
2. Refocus on facts: ("Here is what we’re actually discussing.")
3. Set boundaries: ("If you keep [tactic], I’m done.")
4. Disengage if needed: Don’t feed the damn trolls.

Samantha North on Internet Trolling Tactics https://samanthanorth.com/internet-trolling-tactics

Samantha North on Astroturfing: https://samanthanorth.com/astroturfing-on-social-media

Logical Fallacy List: https://opexsociety.org/body-of-knowledge/effective-arguing-beware-of-logical-red-herrings/

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

COMMON TROLLING TACTICS:

Ad Hominem attacks, Whataboutism, Just Asking Questions, Devil's advocate, Sockpuppets, Astroturfers, Do Your Own Researchers, Strawman, Tribalism, Tone policing, Hate mongering, Concern trolling, Moving the Goalposts, Red herring, False dilemma, Circular reasoning, DARVO, Thought terminating cliches, Outrage baiting, Derailing, Dogpiling, Virtue Signaling.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM:

1. Name the tactic: ("This is a classic strawman.")
2. Refocus on facts: ("Here is what we’re actually discussing.")
3. Set boundaries: ("If you keep [tactic], I’m done.")
4. Disengage if needed: Don’t feed the damn trolls.

Samantha North on Internet Trolling Tactics https://samanthanorth.com/internet-trolling-tactics

Samantha North on Astroturfing: https://samanthanorth.com/astroturfing-on-social-media

Logical Fallacy List: https://opexsociety.org/body-of-knowledge/effective-arguing-beware-of-logical-red-herrings/

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcast

OR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcast

OR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica 

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Internet trolls have gotten out of hand, so today we're talking about the common trolling tactics and how to deal with them.

Samantha North on Internet Trolling Tactics https://samanthanorth.com/internet-trolling-tactics

Samantha North on Astroturfing: https://samanthanorth.com/astroturfing-on-social-media

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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As someone who gets flustered and frustrated during confrontations, I tend to use humor as my first line of defense, which can be a powerful tool to disarm without escalating. But when people double down, I get flustered, especially when dealing with bad-faith arguments or deeply entrenched beliefs. I am focused on learning when to escalate, confront, engage, or disengage, and it has completely changed my perspective on what makes a "successful conflict".

Not every battle needs fighting. Ask: Is this person open to dialogue, or just looking to provoke? Will bystanders benefit from your response, even if the bigot won’t? Is your energy better spent elsewhere?

If they’re just trolling, sometimes the best response is disengagement. Read the room and react accordingly.

Further Reading: https://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/escalation

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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"There is much unneeded suffering in the world and in our institutional life, much of it caused by our desire to have our own way or to adapt to what we don’t believe in. Collaboration with the enemy is one form of the politics we have been waiting for: a reachable way for power, love, and neighborliness to reshape our collective lives." - Peter Block

Adam Kahane's book: https://reospartners.com/resource-library/collaborating-with-the-enemy

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to do exactly the work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces which make it a living thing. - John Stuart Mill

The resource from Henrik Karlsson: https://www.henrikkarlsson.xyz/p/unfolding

Part 2: “Becoming perceptive”

Part 3: “Rationality is an underrated way to be authentic”

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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"If a person can’t get out of bed, something is making them exhausted. If a student isn’t writing papers, there’s some aspect of the assignment that they can’t do without help. If an employee misses deadlines constantly, something is making organization and deadline-meeting difficult. Even if a person is actively choosing to self-sabotage, there’s a reason for it — some fear they’re working through, some need not being met, a lack of self-esteem being expressed.

People do not choose to fail or disappoint. No one wants to feel incapable, apathetic, or ineffective. If you look at a person’s action (or inaction) and see only laziness, you are missing key details. There is always an explanation. There are always barriers. Just because you can’t see them, or don’t view them as legitimate, doesn’t mean they’re not there. Look harder." - Devon Price

Devon Price's Blog Post: https://humanparts.medium.com/laziness-does-not-exist-3af27e312d01

Buy the book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Laziness-Does-Not-Exist/Devon-Price/9781797120591

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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“It is love that pushes us to face the journey toward justice without flinching, love that impels us to keep going on the long, hard road, love that provides the moral compass and the map.” - Carolina De Robertis, Radical Hope: Letters of Love and Dissent in Dangerous Times

The Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/557986/radical-hope-by-carolina-de-robertis/

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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