Man Alive

By Shana JamesSociety & Culture Health & Fitness Philosophy Sexuality

Man Alive episodes

November 07, 2019 #119: Stop Being Defensive to Rebuild Passion and Trust
One of the fastest ways to create distance and resentment in a relationship, or at work, is to defend yourself. It takes humility to stop defending yourself and it's often incredibly hard! Today's episode has great tips for becoming more aware and letting go of defensiveness.
35 min
October 31, 2019 #118: A Call to the Hero in You – Jeffrey Erkelens

Most boys these days are not initiated into manhood. You may not have been either. This can cause pain that is challenging to recover from but today’s guest has a path to find the hero you actually are, but may have forgotten.

http://traffic.libsyn.com/manalive/jeffrey-hero.mp3

Show notes

In many cultures around the world, boys around age 8-10 are taken into nature and guided in a ritual by the older men.

This serves to support boys to step into their manhood, to find their courage and strength, to understand the responsibilities of becoming a grown up.

Were you ever explicitly guided from boyhood to manhood?

Were you taught what it takes to care for yourself and others, in the midst of a changing and challenging world?

If you were, I am deeply grateful.

Most men in our modern culture have not been guided. And thus have lost part of their strength, grit and well-being.

Jeffrey Erkelens is the author of The Hero in You. It is a powerful book written for boys, as well as for men who struggle to feel their place in the world and their sense of being a hero on their own journey.

In this conversation we discussed:

* The initiation boys need to become men who are not only successful but fulfilled* An evolved conception of manhood * The deadly “dragons” that take you from your unique path onto one of following expectations and shoulds * The ways in which men ARE needed in the modern world* The life forces a man needs so he can accomplish his goals and contribute to a cause of his choosing

Jeffrey references an African proverb: “If we don’t initiate the young they will burn down the village to feel the heat.”

Are there situations or relationships you have “burned down” in your life, perhaps feeling unguided or misled, or maybe out of a desire to feel your own aliveness in a world that feels deadened?

If so, check out Jeffrey’s stories here and then visit his Facebook page to get a copy of his book.

Links:

Connect with Book For Boys

Curious what you’d need to become a better leader and lover? Take the quiz

For Women: Modern dating doesn’t have to be a nightmare for women

Bio:

From Jeffery:

So far in my life, I’ve been a warehouse picker, a commodities trader, a plantation owner, an investment banker, Chairman, Manager, mortgage banker, venture capitalist, entrepreneur, telemarketer, door-to-door salesman, and non-profit manager. I have counseled Presidents and bribed Vice-Presidents. I have skirted near the extremes of affluence and poverty, and struggled in the in-between. I have dined in the most expensive restaurants and dumpster-dived for scallops and Jimmy Dean sausage.

On my 55th birthday:

* I realized I no longer enjoyed, nor believed in the story I was in, so I decided to write my own.* I left my job, and walked away from a promise of a generous lifetime pension in exchange for my freedo...
32 min
October 31, 2019 #118: A Call to the Hero in You
Most boys these days are not initiated into manhood. You may not have been either. This can cause pain that is challenging to recover from but today's guest has a path to find the hero you actually are, but may have forgotten.
32 min
October 23, 2019 #117: Trust: How to Build it, Not Break it – Patrick Wolf

Trust is the foundation of both romantic and professional relationships. You become more successful by knowing how to build, rather than break, trust. This week we show you how!

http://traffic.libsyn.com/manalive/trust-patrick.mp3

Show notes

Do you have a sense of how much people trust you? Can you feel the moments when you lose someone’s trust?

Trust is an important part of any relationship, from business to romantic.

If there’s something you’re not getting from people — respect, love, care, attention, etc — there is likely a breakdown in trust.

The good news is that being a trusted person isn’t something you’re born with, it’s a skill you can build.

The tricky part is that trust can be built or broken in micro moments.

When you understand the foundations of building trust you can use them in every conversation and interaction you have.

Today’s Man Alive podcast guest, Patrick Wolfe, has spend the last 20 years working in the field of technology as well as meditating in monasteries. He has trained in Authentic Relating and has lead workshops in Los Angeles, at Burning Man and the World Domination Summit.

Patrick and I talk about the subtleties of trust and even demonstrate them as they happen between us.

In this conversation we discussed:

* Many ways trust can be built or broken in every interaction* The key to inspire others and avoid suspicion and mistrust* What listening well really looks like* How to keep your assumptions in check so they don’t shut people down * How slowing down can actually build connection and respect faster

Links:

Connect with Patrick Wolf

For Men: 3 Ways Men Lose Influence at Work and With Women

For Women: Modern dating doesn’t have to be a nightmare for women

Bio:

Patrick Wolf is passionate about the art of relating and creating connection. He coaches individuals and has facilitated 50+ connection workshops at Burning Man, World Domination Summit, Touch & Play, a public school and in his home area in Los Angeles.

Patrick supports his clients to find more fulfillment in their lives through exploring practical tools that inspire more insight, self-awareness, emotional intelligence and happiness.

Apart from his relational work Patrick has been an executive in the entertainment industry for 15+ years which won him multiple awards for his work as a software architect and spent 6 years practicing mindfulness and compassion in a meditation center in Thailand.

36 min
October 23, 2019 #117: Trust: How to Build it, Not Break it
Trust is the foundation of both romantic and professional relationships. You become more successful by knowing how to build, rather than break, trust. This week we show you how!
36 min
October 16, 2019 #116: Healthy Anger Makes Men More Powerful – George Stoimenov

When a man doesn’t feel anger he is also cut off from his passion, power, determination, confidence and creativity. In this episode you’ll discover how to access and express your healthy anger.

http://traffic.libsyn.com/manalive/george-anger.mp3

Show notes

Do you feel comfortable getting angry?

Or do you stuff your anger and pretend things are ok when they’re not?

Or perhaps you explode and make messes you then have to clean up?

Most of us weren’t taught how to express anger in a healthy way.

As I raise my child, I see how much fire and passion anger holds. It can be creative or destructive.

As a parent it’s not easy to know what to do!

Many men who stuff their anger were taught to be good, to not interrupt or get “out of line.”

Many men who make messes with their anger didn’t have a parental figure who was compassionate and skilled at helping them with their hurt and struggle.

On today’s Man Alive podcast episode I brought in speaker and men’s coach George Stoimenov to talk about this important topic, because when anger is out of balance you, and those close to you, will suffer.

George was born and raised in rural Bulgaria. From a young age he struggled to express anger and it nearly cost him his life!

In this conversation we discussed:

* The importance of having a “sword” and making sure it is cleared of shadow* What it looks like when a man’s anger turns inward into self-hatred* The pillars of Confidence, Presence and Character George supports men with* The freedom and lightness that comes with accessing emotions that have been stuffed* The compassionately challenging wake up call for the little boy inside you

Links:

Training for Men

For Men: 3 Ways Men Lose Influence at Work and With Women

For Women: Modern dating doesn’t have to be a nightmare for women

Bio:

George Stoimenov is the founder and main editor of Men’s Corner. Born and bred in rural Bulgaria, George has lived in Britain since 2009. He is a men’s coach and public speaker who delivers talks on various subjects related to masculinity and being a man.

George runs a life-coaching business exclusively designed to empower men and support them in stepping into their confidence, presence, character and the realization of their full potential.

Apart from his work with men in the United Kingdom, George has worked with, and spoken to, men in South Africa, Zambia, and his native Bulgaria. George and his family live in Eastbourne, East Sussex.

35 min
October 16, 2019 #116: Healthy Anger Makes Men More Powerful
When a man doesn't feel anger he is also cut off from his passion, power, determination, confidence and creativity. In this episode you'll discover how to access and express your healthy anger.
35 min
October 09, 2019 #115: Making Divorce as Peaceful as Possible – Doug Memmott

More than 50% of marriages end in divorce these days. It is one of the most stressful events a person can go through. Today’s guest talks about how to make it easier for couples to collaborate and stay peaceful in the process.

http://traffic.libsyn.com/manalive/doug-divorce.mp3

Show notes

If you are considering getting a divorce, or in the middle of one, this week’s Man Alive podcast conversation is an important one for you.

Having gone through a divorce myself, when I heard about the process Doug Memmott developed to support couples, I thought “This is genius!”

The legal process adds another layer of difficulty which can compound the pain and struggle. Doug has created a way to mediate between two partners with one carefully trained mental health professional who is skilled in dealing with the emotions and problems of divorce. It is called Parting Properly.

Separating from a partner, and sometimes in addition, a family, is rated as one of the most stressful situations a person can go through in a lifetime. It is second only to the death of a spouse or child. So I brought Doug in to discuss:

* Perspectives to make divorce less painful* The most important commodity not to waste, even when going through divorce* How to shift from a combative process to a collaborative process * Wisdom from Buddha, Benjamin Franklin, Victor Frankl and Don Miguel Ruiz * Doug’s personal learnings from his wife’s death and son’s terminal illness

If you are going through a divorce I wish for you that it be as easeful as possible. Reach out to Doug if you could use support in reaching the ideal divorce situation and to me if you could use some emotional support.

Links:

Parting Properly

For Men: 3 Ways Men Lose Influence at Work and With Women

For Women: Modern dating doesn’t have to be a nightmare for women

Bio:

Doug came up with Parting Properly, the Ideal Divorce Solution. It is consistently successful and the mantra is very simple: We mediate between both partners with a single, carefully trained mental health professional, who is skilled in dealing with the emotions and problems that arise in divorce. Everyone agrees not to litigate and we empower our clients to retain control of the decisions that have to be made, and to resolve issues based upon fairness and practicality.

Because of our experience and the rejection of litigation as a means of dealing with the divorce, we are able to cap our fees, putting us in alliance with the interests of our clients, rather than in the middle of a conflict between clients and attorneys, whose fees increase with conflict and delay. Parting Properly enables mental health professionals to use their skills to guide couples to mutually beneficial results.

33 min
October 09, 2019 #115: Making Divorce as Peaceful as Possible
More than 50% of marriages end in divorce these days. It is one of the most stressful events a person can go through. Today's guest talks about how to make it easier for couples to collaborate and stay peaceful in the process.
33 min
October 06, 2019 #114: The New Non-Toxic Seduction – Robert Kandell

Ever wondered how seduction could be more relaxed and genuine? How you could let go of games and lines but still create attraction and spark. Today’s episode with Robert Kandell will show you how!

http://traffic.libsyn.com/manalive/Robert-seduction.mp3

Show notes

Seduction is a LOADED word and in the MeToo era it has become even more confusing for men!

Have you ever tried to find a way to attract or turn on a woman that felt powerful, but where you also could be relaxed, genuine and connected?

Have you wanted to create spark without playing a role or a game?

It’s pretty clear to me, both as a love coach and as a woman who has been seduced, that roles and games don’t work in the long term.

I want you to have a way to get closer to women where everyone wins, in the short and long term! So I brought Robert Kandell onto today’s Man Alive podcast episode to talk about a new type of seduction!

Robert is known as the Modern MANtor! He is the host of a podcast called TuffLove – Your Pragmatic Guide to Relationships, Sex and Purpose in the 21st Century and author of an Amazon #1 Best Seller – unHIDDEN – A Book for Men and Those Confused By Them.

In this conversation we discussed:

* Making the shift from the old to the new seduction and the freedom it allows men* What makes a man exude strength and attraction, without saying or doing anything* The incredible experiences that happen when you courageously engage with a powerful, modern woman* How to feel good about your desires, kinks, passions, etc. and successfully collaborate with your partner* Becoming a better ally to women

This was one of the most fun conversations I’ve had in a long time! Whether you are single or in a relationship you’ll learn new ways to create connection and spark that are more relaxing for you.

Links:

Robert Kandell

For Men: 3 Ways Men Lose Influence at Work and With Women

For Women: Modern dating doesn’t have to be a nightmare for women

Bio:

Robert Kandell, known as “The Modern Mantor” is an interpersonal communications and relationship expert, speaker, podcaster and author. His focus lies in navigating and educating the public around the modern man and his many nuances in the modern era. He is the host of a podcast called TuffLove – Your Pragmatic guide to relationships, sex and purpose in the 21st century and author of an Amazon #1 Best Seller – unHIDDEN – A Book for Men and Those Confused By Them.

37 min

About Man Alive

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If you're not satisfied with your love or sex-life, and could use some insights into what makes women want more of you, tell me more about yourself here and we'll schedule a time to talk: shanajamescoaching.com/consult