In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas sit down with their friend Matt to explore his journey through addiction, loss, and recovery.

Matt shares how his struggles began long before substances entered the picture. Growing up feeling unseen, failing the 11+ exam, craving his father’s approval, and later feeling physically and emotionally “behind” his peers all contributed to a deep sense of inadequacy. Football became his first escape, followed by cannabis in his early teens, which quickly developed into a daily habit that numbed his thoughts and emotions.

As Matt moved into adulthood, his substance use escalated. Alcohol, cocaine, and cannabis became daily necessities rather than choices. What began as social use turned into years of chaotic, exhausting routines—using before work, drinking to cope, lying to loved ones, and living with constant shame and fear. Despite holding down a job in the building trade and appearing “functional,” Matt describes an inner life marked by isolation, dishonesty, and despair.

Attempts to control or moderate his use only deepened the pain. After meeting a partner who challenged him to confront his addiction, Matt managed long periods of abstinence without support—white-knuckling sobriety while remaining mentally obsessed with alcohol. This period culminated in profound emotional turmoil, made even more devastating by the suicide of his brother.

A turning point came when Matt was introduced to recovery literature and, soon after, attended his first NA meeting. For the first time, he saw himself clearly as an addict and recognised that “treats” and moderation were simply relapses in disguise. Although early recovery was uncomfortable and fear-filled, Matt stayed, listened, and slowly followed suggestions—getting a sponsor, working the steps, and learning how to be honest.

Now approaching three years clean, Matt reflects on the freedom he’s found through recovery: emotional peace, genuine friendships, integrity, and the ability to live life without constant self-medication. He speaks openly about the life-changing impact of Step Four, the importance of honesty, and how recovery has transformed not just his substance use, but his relationships and sense of self.

This episode is a raw, relatable reminder that recovery is possible—even after decades of addiction—and that real change often happens slowly, subtly, and through connection with others who understand.