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People-Pleasers — If You're Afraid to Stand Up for Yourself, Do THIS to Speak Up Without the Fear of Losing the People You Love With Africa Brooke
What makes it hard for you to speak up?
Do you ever say “yes” when you really want to say “no”?
Today, Jay is joined by Africa Brooke, a globally recognized consultant, speaker, and writer specializing in self-censorship, integrity, and expression. Known for helping individuals and organizations navigate the complexities of honest communication in the digital age, Africa brings a deep, compassionate lens to today’s most pressing cultural dynamics. Together, she and Jay unpack the psychology of cancel culture, which she redefines as “collective sabotage”—a pattern driven by fear, shame, and the pressure to appear morally perfect. Africa challenges the idea of accountability, suggesting it’s often rooted in fear-based conformity, and highlights “self-censorship” as a hidden consequence of the current social climate.
As the conversation unfolds, Africa opens up about a turning point in 2020—when she made a choice that didn’t align with her values just to gain social approval. That experience sparked her exploration of a “third perspective”, a path beyond binary thinking, where wisdom replaces performance and nuance replaces judgment. Jay and Africa discuss how social media pushes us to present a polished version of ourselves, and how fear can silence not just what we say, but who we really are. They break down the difference between performing out of fear and choosing your words with intention—reminding us that we’re not limited to staying silent or oversharing. Instead, encouraging us to speak from a place of self-awareness, integrity, and grounded confidence.
In this interview, you'll learn:
How to Speak Honestly Without the Fear of Judgment
How to Tell the Difference Between Self-Censorship and Intentionality
How to Navigate Conflict Without Abandoning Your Values
How to Stop Performing for Social Media and Start Living Authentically
How to Set Boundaries in a Respectful Way
How to Let Go of Binary Thinking and Find the Third Perspective
Even when it’s uncomfortable, your voice matters, because it’s real. Give yourself permission to step out of fear, show up with grace, and make space for the kind of dialogue that moves us forward.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:36 How Cancel Culture Reflects Modern Day Tribalism
03:29 Is Expressing Your Truth Worth the Risk of Punishment?
06:03 Understanding the Fear of Self-Censorship vs. Careful Thinking
09:48 Letting Go of the Identity Others Expect From You
15:22 Finding Freedom in Honest Expression
18:32 How Empathy Begins With Letting Go of Judgement
21:50 Why We Struggle to Give Ourselves Grace
26:33 The Fear Behind Another Person’s Freedom to Speak
33:57 Do Your Values Match the Life You’re Actually Living?
40:34 You Don’t Have to Heal Everything at Once
45:17 How Negativity Bias Shapes Our Perception of the World
49:02 How Ego Blocks Curiosity in Everyday Moments
53:46 Why You’re Not Entitled to Silence Others
01:07:30 Blame and Shame Don’t Lead to Real Change
01:11:36 How to Truly Understand People You Disagree With
01:14:37 From Cancel Culture to Collective Sabotage
01:19:19 How Constant Apologies Undermine Your Voice
01:21:07 Why We Must Let Everyday Moments Breathe
01:25:15 Self-Expression Should Not Be a Performance for the Internet
01:29:33 Don’t Build an Audience That Won’t Let You Evolve
01:37:54 Are You Living a Truth You Never Chose?
01:42:51 Does One Narrative Define Your Whole Reality?
01:44:41 Is It Ever Justified to Cancel Someone?
01:48:00 How to Give Grace Without Losing Your Boundaries
01:52:43 Most of What Feels Urgent Today Won’t Matter Tomorrow
01:55:55 Africa on Final Five
Episode Resources:
Africa Brooke | Website
Africa Brooke | Instagram
Africa Brooke | LinkedIn
Beyond the Self with Africa Brooke
The Third Perspective: Brave Expression in the Age of Intolerance
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
View all episodes
By iHeartPodcasts
4.8
2487224,872 ratings
What makes it hard for you to speak up?
Do you ever say “yes” when you really want to say “no”?
Today, Jay is joined by Africa Brooke, a globally recognized consultant, speaker, and writer specializing in self-censorship, integrity, and expression. Known for helping individuals and organizations navigate the complexities of honest communication in the digital age, Africa brings a deep, compassionate lens to today’s most pressing cultural dynamics. Together, she and Jay unpack the psychology of cancel culture, which she redefines as “collective sabotage”—a pattern driven by fear, shame, and the pressure to appear morally perfect. Africa challenges the idea of accountability, suggesting it’s often rooted in fear-based conformity, and highlights “self-censorship” as a hidden consequence of the current social climate.
As the conversation unfolds, Africa opens up about a turning point in 2020—when she made a choice that didn’t align with her values just to gain social approval. That experience sparked her exploration of a “third perspective”, a path beyond binary thinking, where wisdom replaces performance and nuance replaces judgment. Jay and Africa discuss how social media pushes us to present a polished version of ourselves, and how fear can silence not just what we say, but who we really are. They break down the difference between performing out of fear and choosing your words with intention—reminding us that we’re not limited to staying silent or oversharing. Instead, encouraging us to speak from a place of self-awareness, integrity, and grounded confidence.
In this interview, you'll learn:
How to Speak Honestly Without the Fear of Judgment
How to Tell the Difference Between Self-Censorship and Intentionality
How to Navigate Conflict Without Abandoning Your Values
How to Stop Performing for Social Media and Start Living Authentically
How to Set Boundaries in a Respectful Way
How to Let Go of Binary Thinking and Find the Third Perspective
Even when it’s uncomfortable, your voice matters, because it’s real. Give yourself permission to step out of fear, show up with grace, and make space for the kind of dialogue that moves us forward.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:36 How Cancel Culture Reflects Modern Day Tribalism
03:29 Is Expressing Your Truth Worth the Risk of Punishment?
06:03 Understanding the Fear of Self-Censorship vs. Careful Thinking
09:48 Letting Go of the Identity Others Expect From You
15:22 Finding Freedom in Honest Expression
18:32 How Empathy Begins With Letting Go of Judgement
21:50 Why We Struggle to Give Ourselves Grace
26:33 The Fear Behind Another Person’s Freedom to Speak
33:57 Do Your Values Match the Life You’re Actually Living?
40:34 You Don’t Have to Heal Everything at Once
45:17 How Negativity Bias Shapes Our Perception of the World
49:02 How Ego Blocks Curiosity in Everyday Moments
53:46 Why You’re Not Entitled to Silence Others
01:07:30 Blame and Shame Don’t Lead to Real Change
01:11:36 How to Truly Understand People You Disagree With
01:14:37 From Cancel Culture to Collective Sabotage
01:19:19 How Constant Apologies Undermine Your Voice
01:21:07 Why We Must Let Everyday Moments Breathe
01:25:15 Self-Expression Should Not Be a Performance for the Internet
01:29:33 Don’t Build an Audience That Won’t Let You Evolve
01:37:54 Are You Living a Truth You Never Chose?
01:42:51 Does One Narrative Define Your Whole Reality?
01:44:41 Is It Ever Justified to Cancel Someone?
01:48:00 How to Give Grace Without Losing Your Boundaries
01:52:43 Most of What Feels Urgent Today Won’t Matter Tomorrow
01:55:55 Africa on Final Five
Episode Resources:
Africa Brooke | Website
Africa Brooke | Instagram
Africa Brooke | LinkedIn
Beyond the Self with Africa Brooke
The Third Perspective: Brave Expression in the Age of Intolerance
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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