Polyamory Weekly

Meet Goody Howard, sex positive superhero!

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host Chat

Poly Dallas Millennium was eye-opening!

2:45 Poly in the News

• In Australia, TV news coverage of women fired for being poly
• Satire: experts warn this Seattle poly relationship could expand to cover all of Seattle!

9:17 Interview: Goody Howard, Sex Positive Superhero

We do a poly profile of Goody Howard, Sex Positive Superhero, whom we met at Poly Dallas Millennium. An intimacy consultant and a sex educator who loves to host toy parties and teach classes on oral sex, her superpower is helping people to be comfortable discussing intimacy, sexuality and their own wants and needs.

• To support her trip to the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit next week, go to PayPal and send your donation to [email protected]
• Women of Color Sexual Health Network
• Her favorite thing to do is to teach oral sex classes, currently available as Lick! Sexy Summer Series 2017 in the Dallas area.

And Goody kindly agreed to give me feedback on what went wrong with my keynote address at PDM. How can I (and others) be more inclusive?

1. Rather than giving voice to the voiceless, pass the mic. Give the opportunity to speak directly to the POC rather than speaking for them.
2. Call in versus call out. "Call in" is to address an incident of privilege or implicit bias privately. A "call out" is addressing the incident publicly, in front of others.
3. Educate yourself. On micro-aggressions and on how systematic racism works so you can recognize when it's happening.

Find her on Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, (still looking for her vanity URL on YouTube, so subscribe to her YouTube channel so she can!), and her site is http://www.askgoody.com/.

41:15 Thank you!

Chris donated $69.96 to celebrate the wife and girlfriend going on their first date!

42:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Listener Shanna calls in to ask if her willingness to be poly will help them get past her husband's cheating.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

• Minx and LustyGuy will be at Poly Dallas Millennium next month
• Koe is coaching; hire them at koecreation.com or email [email protected]
• And teaching The Great Wide World of Nonmonogamy at the Armory in San Francisco on August 31. Get tickets here. And they are also working on their memoir as a second-generation poly person!

4:30 Poly in the News

Wait for the second date to reveal you're poly? From Savage Love

5:15 Topic: will poly fix his cheating?

Listener Shanna calls in to say that her husband has cheated and she is open to polyamory. How do they move past the cheating and improve their relationship together?

22:40 Feedback

We learn the term "parrot gliding"!

23:45 Happy Poly Moment

Marie shared a happy poly moment in Swedish!

How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

What do you do when your partner dismisses your shit-owning?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

We'll be at Poly Dallas Millennium next month

1:20 Poly in the News

Wait for the second date to reveal you're poly? From Savage Love

4:30 Topic: when owning your shit isn't enough

Listener A writes in to ask when owning your shit isn't enough—how about treating your partner with compassion and care. Sometimes, people use "own your shit" to mean "I don't want to do the work that a healthy relationship requires." Where is the line between owning your shit and being compassionate and caring for your partner?

Relationship Bill of Rights

12:45 Feedback

• A listener calls in to ask why women can have friendships with women but men can't have friendships with men
• Queen of Sodomy calls in from Iceland to question if the poly folks should join the GLBTQIA community

20:15 Happy Poly Moment

Ivan called in with a HPM about kids meeting metamours

21:45 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Is it OK that I am feeling displaced by my metamour?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Announcements

We complain about having to close the windows and turn off the fans in order to record when it's 90 degrees out. J Also!

• We'll be at Poly Dallas Millennium next month
• Minx learned how to moderate YouTube comments after posting her response video to Mayim Bialik to YouTube.
• Second Favorite Man poly country western ballad by Tight Pajamas will be our outro music. The music video is here, and you can purchase the song here.

6:30 Poly in the News

• David gives an audio review of The Secret History of Wonder Woman book about the polyamorous author and recommends it for those interested in comic books, feminism or the fight for birth control
• 13:30 we also discuss our reactions to the Wonder Woman movie
• 16:05 Three men in Columbia registered their poly marriage

17:15 Topic: I'm feeling displaced by my new metamour

New to Poly is feeling pushed aside by her partner's relationship with her new metamour, with whom her partner is exploring BDSM. She is feeling displaced because her partner is repeatedly canceling or changing her established chats in order to make plans with her new metamour. Is it OK to feel this way?

• Yes, it's always OK to feel whatever you feel!
• Talk to your partner and own your shit—good job!
• Work on a shared solution together

25:00 Feedback

• Andy comments on episode 517 STIs for dummies on a situation in which HSV could be a more important issue—pregnancy
• AggieSez shares a comment on episode 488 Negotiating metamour meets, reminding us that the metamour gets a say in the timing as well, not just the couple!

31:00 Happy Poly Moment

Diva called in with a happy poly moment about coming out to her kid!

34:20 Thank you!

Welcome Abby as a new playmate and thanks Leadra in Germany for the $69 donation!

17:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Minx addresses Bialik's misconceptions about open relationships.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Announcements

Lusty Guy's My Swinging Origin Story

2:10 Topic: Responding to Mayim Bialik's video post on open relationships

A few weeks ago, Mayim Bialik made a video post about how she doesn't get open relationships. Here's my response video on YouTube and on Facebook (with 22,000 views already!)

She has quite a few misconceptions! Here are the top six misconceptions I created a response video to clear up:

1. Most primates are monogamous Not true! 97% of mammals are nonmonogamous. Among the primates, a few monkeys and one ape, the gibbon, are monogamous. Every other species is nonmonogamous.
2. It's all about the sex. She says she gets it's not all about the sex, but then proceeds to spend six out of seven minutes talking about the sex. So… who's making it all about the sex here?
3. Male sexuality always equals promiscuity, and female sexuality always equals monogamy and lack of sexual interest. This isn't about sexual dimorphism; it's about people's individual orientations. Male sexuality doesn't equal promiscuity, and female sexuality doesn't equal monogamy and a lack of sexual interest. In fact, did you know that, when approaching poly from the point of view of a couple, it's usually the woman's idea to open up?
4. If a lifestyle wouldn't work for me, it couldn't possibly work for anyone else. Mayim talks about how relationships take time and energy, and she couldn't imagine having enough focus for another partner in addition to her spouse and kids. Great! But, just as she chose how many kids she could bring into her life and love and care for, consenting adults also get to choose how many partners they can bring into their lives to love.
5. Poly practitioners are at higher risk for STIs. Wrong! The people at highest risk for STIs are those who are uneducated about transmission methods, who prefer lying or cheating to honest communication and who don't get tested regularly and share those results with their partners. In fact, STI rates tend to be lower among polyamorists because we educate and communicate without shame about STIs.
6. People only practice polyamory because they are unhappy in their existing relationships. Wrong again! Well, OK. Sometimes this does happen. But most people practice polyamory, non-monogamy or relationship anarchy because it's the truest expression of themselves. And by the way, not all non-monogamy starts with a couple. Plenty of people are solo poly.

9:45 Feedback on episode 518

• A listener calls in to say that she was interrviewed for that NYT Magazine article and is glad her story wasn't included with those who came to poly from cheating
• AggieSez chastises the journalist for not following journalism 101: not getting direct quotes from people who were not the married partners. If the whole premise is that other people are involved but you never interview or quote those partners, you're leaving out a huge part of the story! She's putting together a media guide for journalists wanting to cover poly!

14:40 Happy Poly Moment

Free wrote in to share an HPM about helping out a partner's sick kid. Parenting happy poly moment for the win!

17:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

A chat with podcaster and author Cooper S. Beckett about his new novel, Approaching the Swingularity.

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Announcements

Lusty Guy's My Swinging Origin Story

2:00 Interview: Cooper S. Beckett

Cooper S. Beckett, long time host of the Life on the Swingset podcast, talks about his new fiction novel, Approaching the Swingularity.

Our written interview blog post with Cooper about Approaching the Swingularity.

Follow him on Twitter and Instagram.

23:45 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

A listener calls in from Japan to ask if one can be successfully poly if one is introverted.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Announcements

Lusty Guy's Swingtowns article on fighting fair

Alan's poly 101 article

2:20 Topic: Can you be introverted and poly?

A listener writes in from Japan to ask if it's possible to come across as anything other than lonely and desperate when you're introverted and poly. Then he calls in a few weeks later to say that, after reading our books and listening to our podcasts, he feels GREAT and is good to go!

Lusty Guy's article on loving yourself first

14:15 Feedback

Alex asked about my idea of improving the relationships I enter and what Lusty Guy and L would say Minx has improved their relationship? L's list:

• L got a friendship with Minx, a cleaner house, international vacations, an active social calendar
• LustyGuy has more energy and has discovered the value of an attractive, organized space

25:15 Happy Poly Moment 29:45 Thank you!

Thanks to anonymous, Kerstin and JA for becoming playmates and for donating to PW!

30:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Kevin Patterson and Ruby Bouie Johnson join the team to review that NYT Magazine article on open marriage from May 11.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:15 Topic: That New York Time Magazine article

In this unrepresentative 12,000 word article, New York Times Magazine chooses to show only dysfunctional poly couples and uses Kevin as The Token Black Guy.

This is their more representative follow up article

Kevin's response post The Times Piece About Open Marriage Doesn't Represent My Experience

Ruby's response post What the New York Times Neglected to See

25:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Jenn Stauffer of Utah Poly shares her insights on the testing and transmission of four key STIs

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Announcements and host chat

I'll be giving a talk on polyamory at Ignite Seattle on May 18. Keep an eye on the Poly Weekly Facebook page and Twitter account for the livestream if you'd like to watch remotely.

3:10 Topic:

Jenn Stauffer of Utah Poly shares the key takeaways from her RelateCon presentation on The Sensible Slut, a review of the transmission and testing methods of the top four STIs: chlamydia, HPV, HSV and HIV. Contact her via Utah Poly.

28:10 Feedback

Listener K writes in to talk about the newbie poly mistakes they made and to express gratitude at the educational materials PW provides so they don't feel so alone!

30:05 Thanks

Thanks to our newest anonymous PW Playmate!

29:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

An interview with Racheline Maltese, co-author of a new poly romance novel.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Announcements and host chat

• I'll be giving a talk on polyamory at Ignite Seattle on May 18
• For more information, read the Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory ebook or paperback
• For a how to guide to setting up your new poly relationship, read Tristan Taormino's Opening Up; for a guide to poly ethics, read More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert

8:30 Interview: Racheline, co-author of The Art of Three poly romance novel

Racheline Maltese, co-author of the new poly romance novel The Art of Three with Erin McRae, talks about the process of writing a romance novel for poly folks.

Racheline Maltese can fly a plane, sail a boat, and ride a horse, but has no idea how to drive a car; she's based in Brooklyn. Erin McRae has a graduate degree in international affairs for which she focused on the role of social media in the Arab Spring; she's based in Washington DC. Together, they write romance – often queer, often poly -- about fame and public life. Their work is currently available with, or forthcoming from, publishers including Cleis, Dreamspinner, Riptide, and Simon & Schuster's Saga Press. As hybrid authors, they also independently publish. Like everyone in the 21st century, they met on the Internet.

Their website

Buy The Art of Three here

Follow Racheline on Twitter or on Instagram or Like their Facebook page

Follow Erin on Twitter or on Instagram

28:30 Feedback

Catherine gives feedback on episode 368 Metamour cock block—she was on the other side of a similar situation, and she is happy to hear the advice given!

33:45 Happy poly moment

Meredith writes in with a sweet family happy poly moment

35:45 Thanks

Thanks to Manfred and Natalie and welcome Stephanie to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

36:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."