Polyamory Weekly

Justine of asexuality.org busts asexual myths and shares her experiences

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat and announcements

The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents who are looking to open up their relationships for the first time or who have opened it up before but are looking to open up again. To participate, go to www.relationshipdecisions.org, click on the Participants tab and select Open Relationship Project link. And remember, it's for science!

3:00 Interview: Asexuality

Justine/Heart is a physicist by day who volunteers at www.asexuality.org and spoke to us about what asexuality is and how to find resources to learn more.

https://asexualoutreach.org/ for live meetups in North America

To reach Justine, go to the asexuality.org forums and message her.

24:15 Feedback

Andy from Ann Arbor called in to let us know about polyamory in a science fiction book by Nora Jemisin, The Fifth Season. The second book in the series has a poly triad seamlessly worked into the book, and the first two books in the trilogy won the Hugo award two years in a row.

25:45 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Janet Hardy on the last 20 years of polyamory and the latest edition of the Ethical Slut.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat and announcements

The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents who are looking to open up their relationships for the first time or who have opened it up before but are looking to open up again. To participate, go to www.relationshipdecisions.org, click on the Participants tab and select Open Relationship Project link. And remember, it's for science!

2:45 Interview: Janet Hardy on her life and The Ethical Slut's third edition

Janet Hardy, author of over a dozen books on sexuality, BDSM and polyamory, joins us for a life and editorial update. She's sharpening her illustration skills for a brand-new, fully-illustrated edition of The Sexually Dominant Woman and working with her grown sons on their early poly lives, working title "Slut and Sons."

We talk about that great write up in Rolling Stone, the first headline about geeks making the best lovers that opened the door to talking about poly in the 90s and how that has changed. And we talk about what is new in ES3—consent culture, more inclusiveness and more. Plus, Janet's favorite musical!

Buy the book from Janet's Facebook page or book Janet through her website

26:15 Happy poly moment

New listener Sarah shares a happy poly moment about her partners collaborating to make her day.

27:45 Thank you!

Welcome Meiyi to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

28:15 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

A listener asks how to reduce friction and awkwardness in first-time metamour meetings; LustyGuy and Minx respond, and correspondent Erich Viedge offers a relevant interview with and letter from Wilrieke Sophia.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat and announcements

• Remember my response to Mayim Bialik's clueless video about open relationships? She did a correction video here in which she corrected her assumptions about open relationships and polyamory. Huzzah for Mayim!
• In personal news, Minx and her kitty moved in with LustyGuy and L to form a blended household.
• If you want to have us speak at your event outside the US and are willing to host a fundraiser to finance our travel, we are happy to donate classes, signed books and even relationship coaching to help you out! Interested? Email [email protected]

9:30 Topic: reducing friction in first-time metamour meetups

Claire in Portland has three partners with some being long-distance, and she is arranging for everyone to meet for the first time. How can she reduce the awkwardness of this first meeting and make sure everyone is comfortable?

• You can't make anyone do anything
• Think of it as a party: set up channels of communication beforehand, introduce people and conversational topics, have favorite foods and drinks at hand, diminish expectations and pressure, have icebreaker activities set up
• Model the behavior you want to see: calm and vulnerable
• Let everyone know that nothing rides on this—you can flub everything up, and it will still be OK
• Ask everyone involved what they would need to be comfy and their ideas for helping to make everyone else comfy
• Thanks to Erich Viedge for interviewing poly activist and educator Wilrieke Sophia on a similar topic and having her read her "Letter to the Women Who Sleep with My Man" for us!

27:10 Feedback

A listener wrote in to comment on a response to herpes we discussed on episode 517, pointing out that, while most people experience herpes as a minor inconvenience at most, herpes can be quite painful for some outlier cases.

29:00 Happy poly moment

A listener writes in to share how she and her husband overcame the obstacles to enable her to ask for what she wanted and to be truly happy for her husband and their new lover!

33:35 Book review: Erich Viege interviews Paige Turner

Our correspondent Erich Viedge interviews Paige Turner, author of Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory. Paige Turner is an educator and author living in Cleveland, Ohio and blogs daily at http://www.poly.land, Tweets at @polydotland and has a Facebook group.

42:00 Thank you!

Welcome Theodore and Mallory as new Poly Weekly Playmates! And thanks to Katherine and Craig for your donations!

42:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Sex therapist Ruby Bouie Johnson addresses a listener question about premature ejaculation.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Poly in the news

• The Ethical Slut is in Rolling Stone!
• Poly in the news coverage of the Rolling Stone piece
• The coverage of the Marston/Wonder Woman poly movie in the Poly in the News blog

7:45 Topic: Can I be poly if I come too quickly?

Sexpert and sex therapist Ruby Bouie Johnson joins us to give advice to a listener who reports suffering from premature ejaculation and wonders if he can be poly with this issue? Does he need to find a partner who also comes quickly?

Ruby ponders a few questions: how quickly is too quickly? Does this happen all the time, even when masturbating?

Video hub of instruction

The Guide to Getting It On

List ?

Urban Tantra

www.sextherapistruby.com www.blacksexgeek.net

www.polydallasmillennium.com

How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Iris Muscarella, burlesque performer, jazz singer and new poly educator, shares insights on solo and egalitarian polyamory.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Poly in the news

• Professor Marsten and the Wonder Women, the bio pic about William Moulton Marsten, the polyamorous creator of Wonder Woman, comes out October 13
• It's time for the church to talk about polyamory

7:05 Interview: Iris Muscarella on solo and egalitarian polyamory

Iris Muscarella, business owner, burlesque performer and jazz singer, host of Dallas-area poly women's sleepovers and new poly educator, shares thoughts on solo and egalitarian polyamory.

Solo egalitarian poly is the love language of the individual. "I don't wanna be your whole world; I just wanna be a part of your world."

How Iris defines solo and egalitarian; relationship anarchy; how solo poly differs from "just dating"; how do you show the importance of your relationship(s) in the absence of typical relationship escalator benchmarks; what do solo poly people need to have in their toolkits; how can people be better allies to people of color in the poly community—listen to hear, not to respond

33:30 Feedback

• Herbalwise shares a bit of everyday poly in the podcasting world
• Friggin' Limey calls in to let us hear his accent!

36:00 Happy Poly Moment

A listener writes in to share a sexy and erotic happy poly moment—and breakfast afterwards!

38:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Listener AJ asks what are the political struggles of the poly movement today.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

• LustyGuy and Kevin Patterson cohost
• We were listed as one of the Eight Most Inventive, Informative and Titillating Sex Podcasts by Indie Wire!

3:30 Topic: What are the real political struggles of the poly movement today, and what should they be?

Listener AJ writes in to ask if being considered a target by marketers and being included in the legal system should really be the goals of the poly movement. "Do we really desire inclusion in the system we already have?" they question, along with questioning what are the real struggles of the poly movement today and what we can learn from the LGBTQ resistance movements.

Find Kevin as Poly Role Models on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Tumblr blog

Support Kevin at http://patreon.com/polyrolemodels

He'll be at CatalystCon speaking on race and sex-positive parenting

How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

There is a growing demand for poly plot lines in science fiction novels. Guest host Erich Viege interviews Alisia Gus of Curiosity Quills publishing.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

Erich Viege is hosting this week

2:15 Poly in the News

Amanda Palmer on her open marriage with Neil Gaiman, now.

3:30 Interview: Curiosity Quills publisher Alisia Gus on polyamory

There is a growing demand for sci fi books with poly in background. And they are accepting submissions, if you're a writer! Gus wants to partner with other publishers telling more stories of non-mono relationships. And she is offering a subscription box, like book box of the month.

To submit, email [email protected]

Current poly sci fi novels from Curiosity Quills:

Kiya: Hope of the Pharaoh

Survival Kit's Apocalypse

Ruth Fox Sinclair The White Pavilion

Links:

https://curiosityquills.com/

Alisa Gus

Alisa's Twitter, Curiosity Quills Twitter

18:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Chris Smith on polyamory and the Black American

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Poly in the News

A Yoplait ad campaign builds on the idea of polyamory

4:20 Interview: Chris Smith

Chris Smith is a PhD student at Howard University studying higher education and a relationship researcher focused on non-monogamy within the Black demographic.

Open to Love; Poly and the Black American

• People raise sex and put it on a pedestal. And that's OK, but raise communication and flexibility to that same level.
• Polyamory as a possible method of strengthening Black economic power
• Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present
• Blacks are already ostracized; it can be difficult to add polyamory to the mix. As a Black male, it's already hard to fight the aggressive and overly sexualized stereotypes; polyamory can appear to reinforce those
• Link for the Black and poly survey Let's get to 3,000!
• Black polyamorous anthology description and consent forms to participate email [email protected]
• Find Chris Smith on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter as MrTenability

35:50 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

What behavioral patterns do you establish at the beginning of your relationships, and why does that matter?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

If you want to have us speak at your event outside the US and are willing to host a fundraiser to finance our travel, we are happy to donate classes, signed books and even relationship coaching to help you out! Interested? Email [email protected]

5:10 Poly in the News

The third edition of their seminal book, The Ethical Slut!

6:20 Topic: behavioral patterns in your relationships (and how to establish them)

Sarah from Australia asked for Lusty Guy to elaborate on his comment about patterns at the start of relationship establishing what will happen later on in the relationship. What patterns do you establish when you start dating? Any red flag behaviors? What the hell is Lusty Guy talking about?

• A pattern is the behavior you adopt in the face of differing styles or approaches to stuff in relationships
• The way you establish a pattern is to ask yourself how you ideally want to respond to conflicts or conflicting patterns (such as who plans a date)—and those will often persist throughout the duration of the relationship
• What do you want your partner to learn?
• LG likes to look for ways to be his very best self in the first relationship conflict. "Whenever you want to reach someone, you have to be reachable." Be vulnerable!
• Red flags: pay attention to the nature of the stories people tell about themselves. Are they the avenging hero? Martyr? Berserker? Affable buffoon? And look for the differences between the behavior you observe and the stories they tell
  • Also, do they share?
  • How do they talk about their past relationships? Are they respectful of past partners and relationships?
  • What comments do they make about strangers?

24:25 Feedback

Thanks for having Goody Howard on the show!

26:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

What is a "comet," and why are they valuable?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

Koe Creation cohosts 1:00 Announcements

Poly Dallas Millennium got a great write up in the Dallas Observer!

2:45 Poly in the News

Polish ethicist addresses polyamory—because his grandfather was poly

Poly comedian in the U.K. describes her polyamory as feminist and liberating

Koe mentions Sex at Dawn

7:30 Topic: let's talk about poly comets!

A listener calls in to ask more about poly comets. Rough definition of a comet: An occasional lover who passes through one's life semi-regularly, but without an expectation of continuity or a romantic relationship. For more poly terms, check out More Than Two's excellent poly glossary.

Koe shares their ideas on long-term comets and short-term comets

18:45 Feedback

The chairperson of Poly Denmark writes in to let us know that poly is alive and well in Scandinavia and has been for over 10 years!

Polydan; includes e-mail list. Polyamory.dk (note the interesting version of the infinity-heart logo).

23:15 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."