Polyamory Weekly

Kevin Patterson discusses his soon-to-be-released new book, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamory

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Announcements

• Solo Poly Con is in Seattle in April with early bird pricing until January 31 #sopoco18
• Take the Relations Decisions Lab survey and click Participants>Open Relationship survey if you are currently monogamous and looking to open up your relationship
• Lush's Polyamory bath bomb

5:15 Interview: Kevin Patterson

• Poly Role Models blog
• Love's not color blind: race and representation in poly and other alternative communities
• New York Times Magazine article
• Poly Role Models Facebook page with all the book tour events
• He'll be at Poly Living Philadelphia, Playground Conference in Toronto, CatalystCon, Poly Dallas Millennium and have stops in Portland, Olympia, Seattle, Vancouver
• IndieGoGo to get the book early and support the book tour!
• Enter to win your advance copy of Love's Not Color Blind! Click on the Love's Not Color Blind book tour, click the Share button to share it as a public post, and write a post to share it with your friends to enter!
• Find Kevin on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram

27:25 Feedback

A listener calls in response to episode 517 to share a rare but serious danger of HSV

31:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Educator, business owner, and burlesque performer Iris Muscarella discusses the importance of nurturing sisterhood in polyamory

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Interview: Iris Muscarella on sisterhood in polyamory

• New insights on relationship anarchy
• Andie Nordren on relationship anarchy
• what is sisterhood exactly, and what does that look like in polyamory?
• What advice would you give to women who feel they aren't good at making female friends?
• Iris reaches out to her metamours to introduce herself and to show respect for the existing relationship
• How to set up metamour group time if you're an introvert
• How to let people play to their strengths

26:15 Feedback

• Maria calls in to ask why we don't use our real names—wouldn't it be more powerful?
• Alan recommended a few Christian poly-friendly churches: the Metro Community Church, Unitarian Universalist church, and the Christian New Thought church

32:30 Happy poly moment

Ann writes in to say that her young triad is happy

33:30 Thanks!

Thanks to Theresa for sending in $100 donation this week!

34:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Highlights from the best episodes of 2017

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:15 Erich Viege presents a Poly Weekly year in review

• The author of original comic series Wonder Woman William Marston was in a polyamorous triad, and a movie based on his life was released in 2017. Episode 536
• Response to Mayim Bialik's rant on polyamory
• Ethical Slut 20th anniversary update
• 43 episodes, 17 listener questions (approximately 1/3); cohosts Lusty Guy, Kevin Patterson, Koe Creation, Erich Viedge
• Minx and LG published No Dick Pics: How to Opimize Your Online Dating Profile
• Dan Savage was our biggest celebrity
• Also Pepper Mint, Kitty Chambliss, Cooper Beckett, Isabelle Broué, Dedeker Winston, Page Turner, and AggieSez
• And as we strove for inclusion, Poly Dallas Millennium organizer Ruby Bouie Johnson and Chris Smith, a doctoral student, about his paper called Open to Love; Poly and the Black American. Also Ignacio Rivera spoke on consensual sex education and Iris Muscarella on egalitarian solo poly.
• Then there was the New York Times piece (not) featuring Kevin Patterson
• And how to love someone who was abused (503) , how to love someone whom you love more than he loves you (506), and how to tell a partner no (514), can poly fix my husband—(no, you have to own your shit (523)

23:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Is it OK to use your veto power if your metamour is a drama queen to the point that your needs aren't being met?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Intro and host chat

Lusty Guy cohosts, and we talk over how our polycule handled the holidays this year.

Also, Threadfinder writes in to let us know the Baton Rouge Open and Poly (BROP) group is doing well, and they are also hosting Drums in the Swamp.

9:00 My partner is dating a drama queen

Kathy has been dating for a year a guy who started dating X four months ago. Kathy didn't get along with the metamour X and feels her own needs were not being met by her partner when he was with the metamour. Kathy feels that Guy would shower X with support, and Kathy would do the emotional labor of supporting Guy through events/breakups with X. But when Kathy needed Guy's emotional support when she lost her grandmother, she says that Guy couldn't, and she felt it was because he was always supporting X. Guy and X break up, Kathy supports Guy. He wants to get back together with X, and Kathy feels awful that she just can't bring herself to back this plan and exercises her veto power. She asks:

So besides sharing my story, I have a question: How do you deal in an ethical way with these situations? How can give my partner the time, space and support he needs while my needs to spend quality time with him and to have a relationship conversation aren't being fulfilled?

• Lusty Guy recommends limiting your interactions and vulnerability with Guy if you feel that you and your relationship are being negatively affected by X
• He also recommends considering owning your shit and determining what you have contributed to the situation
• Minx references the Relationship Bill of Rights and the point that you have the right "to seek balance between what you give to the relationship and what is given back to you."
• Also, be specific—maybe Guy has been thinking he's been giving you "emotional support," but it doesn't look like the support you want. Say what "emotional support" looks like to you when you ask for it—being physically present for a hug, arranging to spend an uninterrupted hour of listening, or maybe just a kind text message or two. What exactly does good "emotional support" look like? Ask for it, and acknowledge when he does it!

19:00 Feedback

D responds to the question on episode 486 about having a partner newly identify as a heteroromantic grey asexual.

21:00 Happy Poly Moment

Scott wrote in to share that he celebrated his 46th birthday by buying himself a ring with his three lovers' names on it.

21:50 Thank you!

Thanks to Heidi for the pi donation and to Nicholas and Eric for joining as PW Playmates!

23:20 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Erich Viedge interviews French poly filmmaker Isa Lutine, a.k.a. Isabelle Broué, about her latest poly film.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Intro and host chat

Nurse, counselor and poly educator Kathy Labriola shares her poly holiday survival guide tips in a guest blog post.

2:45 Poly in the news

• Sudden abundance of black and poly web series and films
• Polyamory is one of the most popular relationship search terms of 2017
• You, me and polyamory: Inside Philadelphia's growing nonmonogamous community featuring our own Kevin Patterson and Antoinette Crumby's poly relationship! And their pastor's response blog post was awesomely compassionate and loving.

11:00 Interview: Erich Viege interviews filmmaker Isa Lutine, a.k.a Isabelle Broué

Broué is the director of the 2004 film Tout le plaisir est pour moi — all the pleasure is for me — about a radio journalist who realises one day she's lost her clitoris.

In 2016, She made a feature film about polyamory which won the Best Screenplay AND Best feature at the Vancouver women in Film festival in 2017. Her latest project is called Lutine le Film. You can find it at www.lutinelefilm.com and on Facebook Lutine le Film. Broué herself is on Facebook as Isa Lutine. ("Lutine" is the French word for elf or imp and broadly means something like "polyamorous person.")

If you would like to arrange a screening, you can contact Broué through her website lutinelefilm.com

31:20 Happy Poly Moment

Angel shares the best possible outcome of coming out to a human resource person at work!

32:50 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Kitty Chambliss shares her insights on jealousy and the Jealousy Survival Guide

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Intro and host chat

We're on Spotify!

1:50 Poly in the news

Polyamory in Sicilon Valley

4:10 Interview: Kitty Chambliss, author of the Jealousy Survival Guide

Kitty Chambliss is a #1 Amazon best selling author, relationship coach, polyamorous and sex-positive speaker, activist, and founder of Loving Without Boundaries (LWB). Since 2012 LWB has over 200 blog posts and 70 podcasts to date. Kitty's work has been featured in Stories From the Polycule, Multiamory, Swingtowns, PostModern Woman, the upcoming book It's Called Polyamory: Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships, and other publications around the globe.

Kitty is a professional dual-certified (CPC and ELI-MP) relationship coach. Lastly Kitty is thrilled to be bringing her first book: Jealousy Survival Guide: How to feel safe, happy, and secure in an open relationship out to the world. Kitty has made it her life's mission to make thriving relationships – even unconventional ones – attainable to everyone. Find her on her website.

33:40 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Pepper Mint discusses his new book, Playing Fair: Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men Into Women

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Intro and host chat

Minx apologizes for not publishing the last two weeks due to work and family obligations, but yay, we have an interview with Pepper this week!

2:00 Interview: Pepper Mint

Pepper Mint is an activist, educator, and community organizer in the polyamory and BDSM communities in San Francisco. Over the years, he has been responsible for many fun adventures, including Poly Speed Dating and the OpenSF conference. You can find his writings at freaksexual.com and pepperminty.com, and you can buy his new book Playing Fair: a Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men Into Women on Amazon here or at Thorntree Press here.

24:30 Feedback

Nick writes in about how the episode 535 on asexuality was a revelation for him.

28:40 Happy Poly Moment

Catharina shares a happy poly moment about being an awesome partner and metamour!

31:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews sex educator Casey Blake for tips on how to talk about your poly relationships and your general polyamory with your kids:

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Intro and host chat

So excited to bring you another piece out of South Africa. The audio line wasn't the best, but we hope the great interview shines through!

2:30 Interview: Casey Blake

Casey Blake is a South African sex educator who helps parents to break the silent taboo of speaking about our lives in ways that can make a difference for our children. She founded What Now Counselling in 2013 to provide a variety of services to help people cope with the life, when the first words that come to mind are "What Now?" and runs workshops on how to have "the talks" about sex and relationship with kids.

South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews Casey Blake to ask about how to come out to his own kids, and she recommends a few things:

• Don't insist on being the source of all correct information—be willing to say you don't know or to ask them what they think.
• Ask them what do relationships mean to you?
• If your kid discovers you have a date outside your marriage, ask them what they think about that? What does "date" mean to you?
• When we are silent about things, it teaches our children that they can't talk to us. Bring stuff up, even out of the blue—it teaches them that they can also bring up unspoken things or ask questions after a while.
• It's OK to teach that sex is nice/pleasurable, and that's why the door is closed.
• An easy answer is to ask what do you think. For example, if your kid asks what you do on your date with your girlfriend, ask them, "what do you think?" Don't let your internalized shame get in the way of communication with your kid.
• Ask the children for the information they've got in a conversational manner: where did you hear that? What do you think? (Listen, breathe and try not to laugh!) Pixelate what needs pixelating.
• Being ignorant makes your kids susceptible to danger.
• You can't talk with your children about something you are ashamed they know you're doing.

You can find her on Facebook at Tools for Having The Talks - with Casey Blake or on Facebook at Body-Positive Parenting - with Casey Blake

24:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

Ignacio Rivera shares their latest work on a variety of topics, including consensual sex education

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Sponsorship: Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents!

The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents who are looking to open up their relationships for the first time or who have opened it up before but are looking to open up again. To participate, go to www.relationshipdecisions.org, click on the Participants tab and select Open Relationship Project link. And remember, it's for science!

2:30 Poly in the news

• Spike Lee's new poly, pansexual Netflix series, She's Gotta Have It
• Professor Bob reviews Professor Marston and the wonder Women

6:30 Interview: Ignacio Rivera

Ignacio Rivera aka Papí Coxxx who prefers the gender-neutral pronoun "they" is a Two-Spirit, Black Boricua Taíno New Yorker currently living in Baltimore. Ignacio has spoken at home and abroad on various topics including but not limited to sexuality, racism, sexism, transgender issues, anti-oppression, anti-violence, sexual liberation and multi-issue organizing. Ignacio's work has manifested itself through skits, one-person shows, poetry, lectures, workshops and experimental film.

Ignacio identifies as an independent polyamorist, kinky, switch and sex worker who is on a sexually liberating life-long path. They are the founder of Poly Patao Productions (P3), The HEAL Project and Re(Nude) Sex(uality) Coaching. They can be seen in Pink and White Productions, "The Wild Search " Morty Diamond's "Tranny Fags" on a "Trans Entity: The Nasty Love of Papí and Wil" and Cheryl Dunye's "Mommy is Coming."

We talk about their consensual sex education projects, their Pure Love talk show with their daughter about what her sex education was like (and the results thereof), and how they came to be poly before the internet. They started Shades of Poly, a nonmonogamous support group for poly people of color.

Re(Nude) Sex(uality) Coaching

Pure Love talk show with their daughter

HEAL project coverage

30:45 Feedback

Kim in Liverpool writes in to say how useful the solo poly conversation with Iris Muscarella was helpful.

33:30 Happy Poly Moment

J shares a first happy poly moment of finally being comfortable with a metamour.

37:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."

We review this stellar poly romantic comedy with sociologist Mimi Schippers.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:15 Poly in the news

• Marston movie wins more poly plaudits, sinks at box office; director and angry granddaughter face off in print
• Professor Marston's opening weekend
• All coverage

6:45 Sponsorship: Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents!

The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents who are looking to open up their relationships for the first time or who have opened it up before but are looking to open up again. To participate, go to www.relationshipdecisions.org, click on the Participants tab and select Open Relationship Project link. And remember, it's for science!

8:00 Interview: Sociologist Mimi Schippers on the Wonder Women movie

Mimi Schippers is Professor of Sociology and Gender and Sexuality Studies at Tulane University and teaches courses on gender, sexuality, and feminist and queer theory. She also developed one of the first college courses on the sociology of monogamy and polyamory. Her book Beyond Monogamy: Polyamory and the Future Of Polyqueer Sexualities was published in August 2016 and focuses on the feminist, queer, and anti-racist potential of polyamory, multi-adult intimate relationships, and group sex.

Her website is mimischippers.com, and she blogs at marxindrag.com. Find her on Twitter and Facebook.

• Why this movie is awesome
• Angela Robinson centered the story on Elizabeth and Olive rather than on Marston and male-dominant polygyny
• The ultimatum and the six-hour walk
• A poly-centered view of the stories of historical figures such as Emma Goldman and e e cummings

Her blog post reviewing the movie is here.

36:15 Movie review: Joreth on Professor Marston and the Wonder Women

Her full 25-minute review and conversation with Alan from the Poly in the News blog is available at www.polyishmoviereviews.com

40:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, "Good Suspicions."