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Protecting Teens from Diet Culture: How to Foster Positive Body Image & Healthy Habits
Did you know that 20% of adolescents in the U.S. experience symptoms of body dysmorphia or eating disorders? The pressure to achieve unrealistic beauty standards is stronger than ever, thanks to social media and diet culture. As a parent, you want to protect your teen from these harmful influences—but how?
In this episode, Dr. Cam is joined by Dr. Kelli Rugless, a licensed psychologist, certified eating disorders specialist, and the Chief Clinical Officer at Project HEAL, a non-profit dedicated to making eating disorder treatment accessible to all. Together, they uncover the dangers of diet culture, the role of social media, and how parents can support their teens in developing a healthy relationship with food and their bodies.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Social media plays a huge role in shaping teens' body image, often fueling insecurities and unrealistic beauty standards.
Teaching your teen to have a balanced, non-restrictive approach to food can help prevent disordered eating patterns.
Emotional eating isn’t inherently harmful—understanding its role can help teens develop a healthier mindset around food.
Open conversations about body image and self-worth can empower your teen to reject toxic diet culture.
Your connection and support as a parent are critical in helping your teen build confidence and a healthy self-image.
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit Follow so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
EPISODE CHAPTERS:
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Kelli Rugless
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Cam (00:00.454)
Hello parents, Dr. Cam here. Today we're diving into a critical issue—the constant pressure of diet culture and its impact on our teens. Did you know a whopping 20% of adolescents in the U.S. experience symptoms of body dysmorphia or eating disorders? Is the unrealistic expectation bombarding them on social media to blame? Joining me to shed light on this topic is the amazing Dr. Kelli Rugless, a licensed psychologist, Certified Eating Disorder Specialist, and the Chief Clinical Officer at Project HEAL, a remarkable nonprofit fighting for everyone to have access to eating disorder healing. Dr. Rugless, welcome to the show.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (00:40.369)
Thank you for having me.
Dr. Cam (00:41.958)
Absolutely. So let's start at the beginning. What inspired you to specialize in eating disorders?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (00:48.049)
Honestly, I was not inspired by anything. Truthfully, I went into graduate school thinking that eating disorders were the last thing I wanted to work with. I think they get a bad rap. My first introduction was a teacher talking about how people with eating disorders really don't get better, they're really difficult, and it's a really hard population to work with. I remember thinking, I don’t want to do that. So my first thought was absolutely not—I never want to do that.
But then, as part of my training, I had different rotations, and eating disorders were one of them. I began to see how much more they are about than just food. Food is what grabs everyone’s attention, but eating disorders are about so much more. Once I realized the different aspects they could involve—the intersection of mental health, physical health, and even social justice—it just felt like the perfect fit for me and my interests. So I wasn’t initially inspired, but once I had the experience, I saw the depth of it.
Dr. Cam (02:05.222)
Right. And then all of a sudden, it just sounded way more interesting and complicated. And they can be helped, correct? Because that started off like—wait a second! Yeah, they can be helped.
One of the scariest things about social media—one of many—is the impact it has on our self-esteem, how we view our bodies, and how teens are growing up viewing their own bodies. I've seen this personally. I know a lot of parents are worried about this. First of all, is this something to be concerned about?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (02:50.161)
Yes, we should all be very much concerned about the impact social media is having—not only on teenagers and their confidence and body image but on their mental health in general. Every single research study out there looking at social media tells us the same thing: people feel worse the more they use it.
And it doesn’t matter how they use it. You could try to curate a page focused on positivity and growth, but the issue is that social media is a highlight reel presented as real life. You're only seeing the best parts of people's lives—or even the most curated parts of the bad moments. It’s a well-edited, well-produced version of vulnerability or sadness. It looks real, but it’s not.
This makes it easy to believe your life should look like everyone else's and that your body should look like theirs. Not only is that unhealthy, but it’s also unrealistic.
Dr. Cam (04:14.374)
But here’s the thing, Kelli—social media isn’t going away, and our teens are not going to let go of it. It’s their entertainment, their social interaction, their connection to the world. So what do we do?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (04:30.193)
The best thing we can do is model the type of relationship we want our children to have with social media.
That means saying things like, I'm sure we're only getting half the story or I wonder what filters they used on that or We don’t see all of their life—just a small part. Keep reinforcing the idea that social media is entertainment, not reality.
You wouldn’t look at a movie and think, That’s how my life should go. You’d understand there are editors, production, and scripts involved. The same thing applies to social media, but because it feels organic, we forget all the mechanisms at play.
It’s also okay to set limits. Have house rules like no phones at dinner or no screens after a certain time when on vacation. These small boundaries help create a healthier relationship with social media. You’re not taking it away completely, but you are setting limits.
Dr. Cam (06:12.39)
That’s so important—for us as well. Because while we’re worried about our kids, I see the impact on parents, too. Parents start comparing their kids to others.
Diet culture has always been a big deal, but now it's everywhere. Dangerous TikTok trends for losing weight are popping up constantly. How do we buffer against this diet-crazed, thin-is-best culture—especially when so many of us have already bought into it?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (07:11.985)
That’s a great point. As parents, the way we influence our kids most is through how we talk about ourselves.
You can tell your kids all day long that all bodies are beautiful, but if you’re looking in the mirror criticizing yourself, talking about needing to lose weight, or pointing out your flaws, that message will override everything else.
Work on your own relationship with your body. Acknowledge that your body’s appearance is the least interesting thing about you. Your value is inherent—not tied to how you look. And your body does so much for you. Even if there’s something you don’t like about it, balance that with gratitude for what it can do.
If you need to talk to someone to work through those things, it’s worth it. The impact on your kids, your family, and even your friends is huge.
Dr. Cam (09:16.614)
That was something I was committed to from day one with my daughter—never talking about my body in a negative way in front of her. It’s a struggle, but I didn’t want her to have the same struggles.
Even with all of that, social media still bombards her with these messages. And sometimes, no matter how much we talk, what they see feels more real than what we say. So what else can we do?
[10:49.233] Kelli Rugless, PsyD: One thing we can do is stay curious. Instead of saying, "That’s bad for you—don’t watch that," ask them, "How does this make you feel?" Rather than jumping in to fix it, validate their experience. If they say, "It just makes me feel terrible," resist the urge to say, "No, you’re beautiful!" Instead, say, "I get that. If I were in your shoes, I’d feel the same way." When they’re ready for reassurance, that’s when you say, "But you are so much more than your appearance. I love this about you, your friends love that about you." Let them lead. Be there to listen first, and the influence will follow.
Our culture isn't right, but our goal is to talk to our kids and teenagers about the realities of accepting this really toxic culture that we live in, internalizing the messages, and what that can do—versus setting ourselves apart and actively trying to distance ourselves from the toxic aspects of our culture. Weight stigma is real.
People being afraid of gaining weight makes sense, right? Given the culture we live in—where there's discrimination against folks of different sizes—you can't get your clothes at the same store as your friends if you get above a certain size. If they do make it, it doesn't fit the same, the quality's different. There are real consequences to being in a larger body that people naturally want to avoid. It makes sense why they want to avoid that. However, it doesn't make weight stigma okay, right?
So what we're talking about is two types of discomfort. You can either be uncomfortable in the sense that you've internalized these toxic beliefs about weight and are forever on a hamster wheel trying to keep up with everyone, which is uncomfortable and really hard. Or you can be uncomfortable in the sense that you're separating yourself from the culture, which means you don't quite fit in. You're not talking about the same things, you're not getting on every new diet, you're not limiting the clothing you wear or saying, "I can only wear a one-piece because my body is this size." You're fully living the life you want to live in the body that you're in. And you might be on the outside of things, or you might get some dirty looks, or you might hear people saying rude things. No matter how you look at it, there's discomfort. It's going to be hard. The key is to pick your hard.
Which type of challenge do you want to take on? Which one is in alignment with your values and the kind of person you want to be as an adult? And that is the hard piece. It's a mature topic. It's a big, heavy decision. A lot of times, when I'm working with teenagers, one of the things they’ll mention to me is, "Why do I have to deal with this? All my other friends aren't talking about this. They're not thinking about this. Why am I thinking about it?" And I kind of commiserate with them and say, "I know. You're having to do some really heavy work really early. It will serve you. As you get older, you’ll be light years ahead of some folks. By the time you get to your 20s or 30s, you will have done this and figured out who you are outside of your appearance, and you'll be grateful. But right now, it is hard because the rest of your friends aren't dealing with this heaviness."
[19:41.126] Dr. Cam: Yeah. So what if they go into a really restrictive diet or develop a very unhealthy relationship with food and exercise because they’ve picked the "I don’t want to be different. I want to be thin and be like everyone I see in the world" route? Which, again, is not true. But what if they go that route and you're like, "I'm getting really scared about their health and their mindset about themselves because now they're obsessed with their weight"? I see kids that never feel good enough. I'll ask them, "What weight are you trying to get to?" or "How thin do you need to be?" and they don’t even have a goal. They just say, "Till I feel confident." And that’s dangerous because they won’t. So how do we handle that if we see our kids going down that path?
[20:29.137] Kelli Rugless, PsyD: That is the time to absolutely say something and do something—act quickly. Sometimes it can be tempting to let them grow out of it, to let them figure it out, or to avoid arguing with them. "I don’t want to create conflict, so I’m just going to let it be. I’m seeing some things I don’t like, and I’m just going to hope that things right themselves." With eating disorders, they thrive in isolation. The longer you let it go without saying something, the stronger it becomes and the harder it is to address.
When you see something, say something. Be loving, be kind, be warm, but be really clear about your concerns and act. Call a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. Look up an eating disorder treatment center in your area to get an assessment. Act quickly and get professionals involved. Eating disorders require a team—many people working from different directions to help someone recover. The quicker you notice it and get help, the easier it is to address. Talk about it, ask questions, express your love and care, but be really firm about your desire to help them and your confidence that what you’re seeing is not okay.
[22:20.902] Dr. Cam: Now, I’ve had parents who—understandably, no judgment—force their kids to eat. They set consequences if they don’t eat, put a certain amount of food on their plate, or bribe them to eat. Is that a helpful method?
[22:39.185] Kelli Rugless, PsyD: It depends on where your child is, but it can be helpful. I’d say it’s most helpful under the guidance of a provider. If, as a parent, you're going to take on that role, make sure your teenager has a therapist to help them process how hard it is to be forced to eat when they’re really afraid of food or gaining weight. But the act of feeding your child and making food non-negotiable is a very important part of treatment and recovery. A malnourished brain cannot get better. It can’t do the work of figuring out the underlying causes of the eating disorder if it is not well-nourished.
Feeding your child and making it a priority is huge, but you also want to make sure they have the support they need. Food is not just food anymore—it’s really hard. The level of anxiety that those with eating disorders feel when forced to eat is through the roof. They need support, skills, and sometimes even medication. So make sure you provide as much support as you can through the re-feeding process.
Dr. Cam (29:27.75)
Well, it's not as good as Doritos either, let's be real.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (29:39.697)
These black-and-white ideas about food—so that we can be more clear about what we feel like, what we actually want to eat versus what we feel driven to eat.
Dr. Cam (29:49.03)
That is so important. And Kelli, it’s funny because I use that same philosophy with tech use: when we keep restricting it, they end up binging it and not having a healthy relationship with it. So I think this goes across anything. If you see your kids hoarding or having meltdowns or sneaking something, it’s not about hoarding or stopping it more. It’s about where we are already restricting to the point where they now have to get sneaky.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (30:16.785)
Yeah, absolutely. We need more opportunities to say yes, right? The more you say yes, the easier it is to say no. Because you feel like, "Well, I can tell myself if I can’t have it today, I can have it another day." If I can’t have my electronics on Monday, I know I’ll get them on Tuesday. So I can put it away because I know I can look forward to it. And the same goes with food.
Dr. Cam (30:39.462)
Yeah, it is. And it’s all about developing a healthy relationship with it. I think that’s the biggest thing: How are we looking at it as something that gives us nutrients, energy, makes us feel good, and separating it from how we look? And that’s important.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (31:00.817)
Absolutely. The only other point I’ll make that I think is really important is I have a lot of parents talk to me about, "My kid is emotionally eating. Emotional eating is really bad. I don’t want them to do it." What I will say is, emotional eating is not bad. If you think about the things that we need to survive—water, air, food—food is the only one that can literally change, you know, it can increase a certain amount of neurotransmitters and change your mood.
So, it’s got a really valuable purpose. It’s our psychiatric medication. And when we don’t have access to it, that’s a good thing. You just want to make sure that’s not the only way your child is managing their emotions. If it’s one out of ten different things they do when they don’t feel good, that’s okay. We’re supposed to do that. That’s how humans have evolved. That’s what our relationship with food is supposed to be. It’s not just about fuel. But you want to make sure that your child also knows how to journal, meditate, put on some music to influence their mood, maybe get outside and get some sun. They need to know how to manage their emotions in a variety of ways, so they’re not overusing food as a tool for coping.
Dr. Cam (32:21.03)
I’m very thankful you brought that up because yes, that is a big one I hear as well. And it is something that makes you think, "Are they just going to be a binger their whole life?" I think looking at it as a coping mechanism and digging into what they’re coping with is huge. And finding other ways is phenomenal. Kelli, what’s the one biggest takeaway you think is important for parents to have from this episode?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (32:47.217)
I hope parents take away this idea: Their children are okay. There are things out there that are really scary, and there are big concerns, right? We want to avoid eating disorders, we want to avoid negative body image, but by and large, your children are okay. And what they need more than anything else is a connection with you. If you are fostering that connection, you will be able to see what they’re struggling with from a mile away, and you’ll have built the necessary relationship to have the influence you need to help them. So, rather than focusing on these individual topics that are scary, I would always go back to building that connection with your children. Get to know them, do your best to enjoy them, so that you are naturally in a relationship with them. That way, you’ll see what they see, and you can address issues as they come up. Because that’s where our power is as parents: In our ability to connect with them.
Dr. Cam (33:48.774)
It certainly is. And I think we focus a lot on the correction and the restriction, which tears apart our connection— the only thing that actually helps. So, I see that a lot. I love that. Kelli, how do people find you?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (33:58.897)
Yeah, it’s the connection and it’s the love. I’m on social media, although I’m not particularly active, but I am on social media at Dr. Kelli Rugless. I have my own practice, where I see parents, families, and adults for eating disorder and body image stuff, called Flir Psychology. I also work at Project Teal. Project Teal is an amazing nonprofit. If you or someone you know is concerned about having an eating disorder and maybe wants a free assessment, we offer free assessments. We provide treatment recommendations, connect you with providers in your area who specialize in eating disorders, offer cash assistance, and insurance navigation. We have a whole host of programs meant to help folks learn about eating disorders and recover at any stage. You can find me in those three areas.
Dr. Cam (35:01.222)
I have a feeling a lot of people are thinking, "I need Project Teal. How do they find it?"
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (35:05.041)
Yeah. You can go online at www.theprojectheal.org. That website has everything you need: resources, services, helpful information about eating disorders. It’s the website to visit.
Dr. Cam (35:21.254)
I’ll put that link as well. Kelli, thank you so much for joining me today.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (35:23.057)
Thank you for having me.
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
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By Dr. Cam
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Did you know that 20% of adolescents in the U.S. experience symptoms of body dysmorphia or eating disorders? The pressure to achieve unrealistic beauty standards is stronger than ever, thanks to social media and diet culture. As a parent, you want to protect your teen from these harmful influences—but how?
In this episode, Dr. Cam is joined by Dr. Kelli Rugless, a licensed psychologist, certified eating disorders specialist, and the Chief Clinical Officer at Project HEAL, a non-profit dedicated to making eating disorder treatment accessible to all. Together, they uncover the dangers of diet culture, the role of social media, and how parents can support their teens in developing a healthy relationship with food and their bodies.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
Social media plays a huge role in shaping teens' body image, often fueling insecurities and unrealistic beauty standards.
Teaching your teen to have a balanced, non-restrictive approach to food can help prevent disordered eating patterns.
Emotional eating isn’t inherently harmful—understanding its role can help teens develop a healthier mindset around food.
Open conversations about body image and self-worth can empower your teen to reject toxic diet culture.
Your connection and support as a parent are critical in helping your teen build confidence and a healthy self-image.
🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫
🔔 Remember to hit Follow so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
EPISODE CHAPTERS:
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Kelli Rugless
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Cam (00:00.454)
Hello parents, Dr. Cam here. Today we're diving into a critical issue—the constant pressure of diet culture and its impact on our teens. Did you know a whopping 20% of adolescents in the U.S. experience symptoms of body dysmorphia or eating disorders? Is the unrealistic expectation bombarding them on social media to blame? Joining me to shed light on this topic is the amazing Dr. Kelli Rugless, a licensed psychologist, Certified Eating Disorder Specialist, and the Chief Clinical Officer at Project HEAL, a remarkable nonprofit fighting for everyone to have access to eating disorder healing. Dr. Rugless, welcome to the show.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (00:40.369)
Thank you for having me.
Dr. Cam (00:41.958)
Absolutely. So let's start at the beginning. What inspired you to specialize in eating disorders?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (00:48.049)
Honestly, I was not inspired by anything. Truthfully, I went into graduate school thinking that eating disorders were the last thing I wanted to work with. I think they get a bad rap. My first introduction was a teacher talking about how people with eating disorders really don't get better, they're really difficult, and it's a really hard population to work with. I remember thinking, I don’t want to do that. So my first thought was absolutely not—I never want to do that.
But then, as part of my training, I had different rotations, and eating disorders were one of them. I began to see how much more they are about than just food. Food is what grabs everyone’s attention, but eating disorders are about so much more. Once I realized the different aspects they could involve—the intersection of mental health, physical health, and even social justice—it just felt like the perfect fit for me and my interests. So I wasn’t initially inspired, but once I had the experience, I saw the depth of it.
Dr. Cam (02:05.222)
Right. And then all of a sudden, it just sounded way more interesting and complicated. And they can be helped, correct? Because that started off like—wait a second! Yeah, they can be helped.
One of the scariest things about social media—one of many—is the impact it has on our self-esteem, how we view our bodies, and how teens are growing up viewing their own bodies. I've seen this personally. I know a lot of parents are worried about this. First of all, is this something to be concerned about?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (02:50.161)
Yes, we should all be very much concerned about the impact social media is having—not only on teenagers and their confidence and body image but on their mental health in general. Every single research study out there looking at social media tells us the same thing: people feel worse the more they use it.
And it doesn’t matter how they use it. You could try to curate a page focused on positivity and growth, but the issue is that social media is a highlight reel presented as real life. You're only seeing the best parts of people's lives—or even the most curated parts of the bad moments. It’s a well-edited, well-produced version of vulnerability or sadness. It looks real, but it’s not.
This makes it easy to believe your life should look like everyone else's and that your body should look like theirs. Not only is that unhealthy, but it’s also unrealistic.
Dr. Cam (04:14.374)
But here’s the thing, Kelli—social media isn’t going away, and our teens are not going to let go of it. It’s their entertainment, their social interaction, their connection to the world. So what do we do?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (04:30.193)
The best thing we can do is model the type of relationship we want our children to have with social media.
That means saying things like, I'm sure we're only getting half the story or I wonder what filters they used on that or We don’t see all of their life—just a small part. Keep reinforcing the idea that social media is entertainment, not reality.
You wouldn’t look at a movie and think, That’s how my life should go. You’d understand there are editors, production, and scripts involved. The same thing applies to social media, but because it feels organic, we forget all the mechanisms at play.
It’s also okay to set limits. Have house rules like no phones at dinner or no screens after a certain time when on vacation. These small boundaries help create a healthier relationship with social media. You’re not taking it away completely, but you are setting limits.
Dr. Cam (06:12.39)
That’s so important—for us as well. Because while we’re worried about our kids, I see the impact on parents, too. Parents start comparing their kids to others.
Diet culture has always been a big deal, but now it's everywhere. Dangerous TikTok trends for losing weight are popping up constantly. How do we buffer against this diet-crazed, thin-is-best culture—especially when so many of us have already bought into it?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (07:11.985)
That’s a great point. As parents, the way we influence our kids most is through how we talk about ourselves.
You can tell your kids all day long that all bodies are beautiful, but if you’re looking in the mirror criticizing yourself, talking about needing to lose weight, or pointing out your flaws, that message will override everything else.
Work on your own relationship with your body. Acknowledge that your body’s appearance is the least interesting thing about you. Your value is inherent—not tied to how you look. And your body does so much for you. Even if there’s something you don’t like about it, balance that with gratitude for what it can do.
If you need to talk to someone to work through those things, it’s worth it. The impact on your kids, your family, and even your friends is huge.
Dr. Cam (09:16.614)
That was something I was committed to from day one with my daughter—never talking about my body in a negative way in front of her. It’s a struggle, but I didn’t want her to have the same struggles.
Even with all of that, social media still bombards her with these messages. And sometimes, no matter how much we talk, what they see feels more real than what we say. So what else can we do?
[10:49.233] Kelli Rugless, PsyD: One thing we can do is stay curious. Instead of saying, "That’s bad for you—don’t watch that," ask them, "How does this make you feel?" Rather than jumping in to fix it, validate their experience. If they say, "It just makes me feel terrible," resist the urge to say, "No, you’re beautiful!" Instead, say, "I get that. If I were in your shoes, I’d feel the same way." When they’re ready for reassurance, that’s when you say, "But you are so much more than your appearance. I love this about you, your friends love that about you." Let them lead. Be there to listen first, and the influence will follow.
Our culture isn't right, but our goal is to talk to our kids and teenagers about the realities of accepting this really toxic culture that we live in, internalizing the messages, and what that can do—versus setting ourselves apart and actively trying to distance ourselves from the toxic aspects of our culture. Weight stigma is real.
People being afraid of gaining weight makes sense, right? Given the culture we live in—where there's discrimination against folks of different sizes—you can't get your clothes at the same store as your friends if you get above a certain size. If they do make it, it doesn't fit the same, the quality's different. There are real consequences to being in a larger body that people naturally want to avoid. It makes sense why they want to avoid that. However, it doesn't make weight stigma okay, right?
So what we're talking about is two types of discomfort. You can either be uncomfortable in the sense that you've internalized these toxic beliefs about weight and are forever on a hamster wheel trying to keep up with everyone, which is uncomfortable and really hard. Or you can be uncomfortable in the sense that you're separating yourself from the culture, which means you don't quite fit in. You're not talking about the same things, you're not getting on every new diet, you're not limiting the clothing you wear or saying, "I can only wear a one-piece because my body is this size." You're fully living the life you want to live in the body that you're in. And you might be on the outside of things, or you might get some dirty looks, or you might hear people saying rude things. No matter how you look at it, there's discomfort. It's going to be hard. The key is to pick your hard.
Which type of challenge do you want to take on? Which one is in alignment with your values and the kind of person you want to be as an adult? And that is the hard piece. It's a mature topic. It's a big, heavy decision. A lot of times, when I'm working with teenagers, one of the things they’ll mention to me is, "Why do I have to deal with this? All my other friends aren't talking about this. They're not thinking about this. Why am I thinking about it?" And I kind of commiserate with them and say, "I know. You're having to do some really heavy work really early. It will serve you. As you get older, you’ll be light years ahead of some folks. By the time you get to your 20s or 30s, you will have done this and figured out who you are outside of your appearance, and you'll be grateful. But right now, it is hard because the rest of your friends aren't dealing with this heaviness."
[19:41.126] Dr. Cam: Yeah. So what if they go into a really restrictive diet or develop a very unhealthy relationship with food and exercise because they’ve picked the "I don’t want to be different. I want to be thin and be like everyone I see in the world" route? Which, again, is not true. But what if they go that route and you're like, "I'm getting really scared about their health and their mindset about themselves because now they're obsessed with their weight"? I see kids that never feel good enough. I'll ask them, "What weight are you trying to get to?" or "How thin do you need to be?" and they don’t even have a goal. They just say, "Till I feel confident." And that’s dangerous because they won’t. So how do we handle that if we see our kids going down that path?
[20:29.137] Kelli Rugless, PsyD: That is the time to absolutely say something and do something—act quickly. Sometimes it can be tempting to let them grow out of it, to let them figure it out, or to avoid arguing with them. "I don’t want to create conflict, so I’m just going to let it be. I’m seeing some things I don’t like, and I’m just going to hope that things right themselves." With eating disorders, they thrive in isolation. The longer you let it go without saying something, the stronger it becomes and the harder it is to address.
When you see something, say something. Be loving, be kind, be warm, but be really clear about your concerns and act. Call a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. Look up an eating disorder treatment center in your area to get an assessment. Act quickly and get professionals involved. Eating disorders require a team—many people working from different directions to help someone recover. The quicker you notice it and get help, the easier it is to address. Talk about it, ask questions, express your love and care, but be really firm about your desire to help them and your confidence that what you’re seeing is not okay.
[22:20.902] Dr. Cam: Now, I’ve had parents who—understandably, no judgment—force their kids to eat. They set consequences if they don’t eat, put a certain amount of food on their plate, or bribe them to eat. Is that a helpful method?
[22:39.185] Kelli Rugless, PsyD: It depends on where your child is, but it can be helpful. I’d say it’s most helpful under the guidance of a provider. If, as a parent, you're going to take on that role, make sure your teenager has a therapist to help them process how hard it is to be forced to eat when they’re really afraid of food or gaining weight. But the act of feeding your child and making food non-negotiable is a very important part of treatment and recovery. A malnourished brain cannot get better. It can’t do the work of figuring out the underlying causes of the eating disorder if it is not well-nourished.
Feeding your child and making it a priority is huge, but you also want to make sure they have the support they need. Food is not just food anymore—it’s really hard. The level of anxiety that those with eating disorders feel when forced to eat is through the roof. They need support, skills, and sometimes even medication. So make sure you provide as much support as you can through the re-feeding process.
Dr. Cam (29:27.75)
Well, it's not as good as Doritos either, let's be real.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (29:39.697)
These black-and-white ideas about food—so that we can be more clear about what we feel like, what we actually want to eat versus what we feel driven to eat.
Dr. Cam (29:49.03)
That is so important. And Kelli, it’s funny because I use that same philosophy with tech use: when we keep restricting it, they end up binging it and not having a healthy relationship with it. So I think this goes across anything. If you see your kids hoarding or having meltdowns or sneaking something, it’s not about hoarding or stopping it more. It’s about where we are already restricting to the point where they now have to get sneaky.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (30:16.785)
Yeah, absolutely. We need more opportunities to say yes, right? The more you say yes, the easier it is to say no. Because you feel like, "Well, I can tell myself if I can’t have it today, I can have it another day." If I can’t have my electronics on Monday, I know I’ll get them on Tuesday. So I can put it away because I know I can look forward to it. And the same goes with food.
Dr. Cam (30:39.462)
Yeah, it is. And it’s all about developing a healthy relationship with it. I think that’s the biggest thing: How are we looking at it as something that gives us nutrients, energy, makes us feel good, and separating it from how we look? And that’s important.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (31:00.817)
Absolutely. The only other point I’ll make that I think is really important is I have a lot of parents talk to me about, "My kid is emotionally eating. Emotional eating is really bad. I don’t want them to do it." What I will say is, emotional eating is not bad. If you think about the things that we need to survive—water, air, food—food is the only one that can literally change, you know, it can increase a certain amount of neurotransmitters and change your mood.
So, it’s got a really valuable purpose. It’s our psychiatric medication. And when we don’t have access to it, that’s a good thing. You just want to make sure that’s not the only way your child is managing their emotions. If it’s one out of ten different things they do when they don’t feel good, that’s okay. We’re supposed to do that. That’s how humans have evolved. That’s what our relationship with food is supposed to be. It’s not just about fuel. But you want to make sure that your child also knows how to journal, meditate, put on some music to influence their mood, maybe get outside and get some sun. They need to know how to manage their emotions in a variety of ways, so they’re not overusing food as a tool for coping.
Dr. Cam (32:21.03)
I’m very thankful you brought that up because yes, that is a big one I hear as well. And it is something that makes you think, "Are they just going to be a binger their whole life?" I think looking at it as a coping mechanism and digging into what they’re coping with is huge. And finding other ways is phenomenal. Kelli, what’s the one biggest takeaway you think is important for parents to have from this episode?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (32:47.217)
I hope parents take away this idea: Their children are okay. There are things out there that are really scary, and there are big concerns, right? We want to avoid eating disorders, we want to avoid negative body image, but by and large, your children are okay. And what they need more than anything else is a connection with you. If you are fostering that connection, you will be able to see what they’re struggling with from a mile away, and you’ll have built the necessary relationship to have the influence you need to help them. So, rather than focusing on these individual topics that are scary, I would always go back to building that connection with your children. Get to know them, do your best to enjoy them, so that you are naturally in a relationship with them. That way, you’ll see what they see, and you can address issues as they come up. Because that’s where our power is as parents: In our ability to connect with them.
Dr. Cam (33:48.774)
It certainly is. And I think we focus a lot on the correction and the restriction, which tears apart our connection— the only thing that actually helps. So, I see that a lot. I love that. Kelli, how do people find you?
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (33:58.897)
Yeah, it’s the connection and it’s the love. I’m on social media, although I’m not particularly active, but I am on social media at Dr. Kelli Rugless. I have my own practice, where I see parents, families, and adults for eating disorder and body image stuff, called Flir Psychology. I also work at Project Teal. Project Teal is an amazing nonprofit. If you or someone you know is concerned about having an eating disorder and maybe wants a free assessment, we offer free assessments. We provide treatment recommendations, connect you with providers in your area who specialize in eating disorders, offer cash assistance, and insurance navigation. We have a whole host of programs meant to help folks learn about eating disorders and recover at any stage. You can find me in those three areas.
Dr. Cam (35:01.222)
I have a feeling a lot of people are thinking, "I need Project Teal. How do they find it?"
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (35:05.041)
Yeah. You can go online at www.theprojectheal.org. That website has everything you need: resources, services, helpful information about eating disorders. It’s the website to visit.
Dr. Cam (35:21.254)
I’ll put that link as well. Kelli, thank you so much for joining me today.
Kelli Rugless, PsyD (35:23.057)
Thank you for having me.
ABOUT THE SHOW
The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.
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