Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

“As scientists, we often look at one thing and we say, oh, that's the one thing it's competing for light. And then, and that's true. That's what people did. You know, the science, the experiments were simple, um, looking at one resource and not at the whole ecosystem. And so you miss all, you miss all these other ways that they're interacting. And if you, if we could look at the whole thing all at once, we would make completely different decisions about how to manage that ecosystem. But because people were so focused that Birch is competing for light and not just Birch, but Aspen and all kinds of like red Alder, all kinds of other species. And that led to the wholesale herbicide of these native plant communities to get rid of these so-called competitors. And if we'd just known ahead that they were also collaborating at the same time, any thinking person would never have gone in and poisoned these other plants. Because they create balance in the ecosystem,” so says Suzanne Simard, professor of forest ecology at the University of British Columbia, pioneering researcher into plant communication and intelligence, and best selling author of, Finding the Mother Tree: Discovering the Wisdom of the Forest. Born and raised in logging country, Suzanne and her holistic views of forest ecosystems were not welcomed into the male-dominated forestry industry. Pushed into academia, she has dedicated her career to investigating the complex relationships between trees. She is best known for her work on the communal lives of trees, exploring the ways in which trees use below-ground fungal networks to communicate, compete, and cooperate—exhibiting sophisticated social traits characteristic of a civil society not too different from our own. At the center of it all, she tells us, are the Mother Trees—immense, highly connected beings that play a vital role in intertwining and sustaining those around them. 

Our conversation dives into these enthralling, mysterious relationships, and the practical application of Professor Simard’s work on forest resiliency and adaptability, including how to manage and heal forests from human impact. We must value our ecosystems for more than what we exploit them for, she tells us, and by restoring biodiversity and respecting nature’s brilliance, we can reconnect to the intelligence of the natural world, and hopefully uncover a better way forward in the process.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

• Communities seeking balance…
• The development of a forest…
• Exploring the right relationship with nature…

MORE FROM SUZANNE SIMARD:

Finding the Mother Tree: Discovering the Wisdom of the Forest

Suzanne's Website

How Trees Talk to One Another: Suzanne Simard's TEDTalk 

Follow Suzanne on Instagram and Twitter

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“There are 12 questions that enable every person who's willing to, to answer them, to reevaluate their life and their legacy. Because what I have found, um, with my father's death is I miss not a single material thing about my father. I mean, I have his hat on the shelf behind me and I have a couple of his old tools, but that's it, what I really cherish the inheritance, I really cherish are the values, the laughter, the music, the food, my love of nature. That's his legacy, his powerful bullshit meter, his powerful, moral compass, his love of peoplehood. And that's what we wanna be sure we bequeath to our loved ones when we're gone. But it's more than just a bequest because when you ask yourself questions, like what is love? What makes me happy? What has been my greatest failure? What do I regret? What do I want my epitaph to be? What would I say at my own funeral as a final blessing to my loved ones? These are the kinds of questions that enable us to ask whether or not we are living the life we say, we believe in and the life we say matters,” so says Steve Leder, senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles and best-selling author of five books. In our conversation today, we talk about death and the creation of ethical wills, the subject of Rabbi Leder’s most recent book, For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story. The book, born of his experience helping thousands of people navigate loss, is a guide to writing a meaningful letter about your life - a so-called ethical will. Things are not our legacy, the rabbi tells us; and our estate plan will not nourish our loved ones, but our words and our stories have the power to provide something lasting and meaningful for generations to come. Rabbi Leder pushes us to examine our lives - our joys, our regrets, our successes and our failures - and to present those stories, brokenness and all, to those we love. Doing so, he says, will not only hold our loved ones when we are gone, but can serve to redirect us now as it forces us to examine the alignment between our professed values and the way in which we are actually living. His major takeaway? Don’t wait. Our bodies may disintegrate, but our lives are defined by our stories and we have the ability to create, and leave behind, worlds of meaning with our words. 

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

• Death, the most natural thing in the world…
• More than corporeal beings…
• Creating an ethical will…
• Through brokenness, wholeness…

MORE FROM STEVE LEDER:

For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story

Additional Books by Rabbi Leder 

Follow Steve on Instagram and Twitter

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“I didn't wanna be still, I had to be still, but I, I, I wanted more than anything to continue being a human doing. And the universe was insisting that I became a human being and it's profound. I mean, it's the greatest transformation of my life. You know, I went from being extremely supported on a business perspective to having to go buy stamps. And it takes me all day to mail a letter. You know, I'm really, I'm only able to do what I can do in a day and I love it. I really love it because as I often said, like, I can do bad all by myself. I don't need somebody else confirming a reservation and rubbing somebody the wrong way so that when I get there, the energy is weird. It's like now off I get somewhere and the energy's weird it's cuz of me.”

So says Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, a dear friend and mentor, who in her prior life, was the global head of literature, lectures, and events at WME, the agency. During her long and storied career she shepherded many of culture’s biggest luminaries, including Oprah, Brené Brown, and Sue Monk Kidd. And yes, Jennifer is an amazing dealmaker, who can look for synergies across industries so that everyone wins, but I believe her particular genius point is finding the story—I have watched her work with people where their story, which they perceived as messy, random, unimportant, comes together in her eyes as a cogent, powerful narrative. It is incredible to witness, and truly transforms that person’s perspective on their entire life. She is one of my friends and mentors—on any given day, she might be my mother, my sister, or as she would joke, my daughter—and I have learned so much from watching her navigate the world with fierceness and power. In today’s conversation, she talks about her transition into a sacred pause as she contemplates how she wants to serve in this next phase of her career—and we explore story as both a tool for personal healing and an opportunity for societal change. Let’s get to our conversation.

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“I talk about dysfunctional relational stances that would repeat over and over again. For example, angry pursuit is an oxymoron. Angry pursuit will never get complaining about how the person isn't close to. You will never get then closer to you. It is dysfunctional. That's what dysfunctional means. It doesn't work. It'll never get you what you want. And the first phase of the therapy that we do, relational life therapy. And in some ways, the first phase of this book is identifying what your repetitive, adaptive child. Relational stance is the thing you do over and over and over again, automatically knee jerk. I talk about whoosh comes up like a wave. I just gotta do this. I've gotta fix this person. I've gotta stand enough for myself. I gotta get outta here. And that is the hallmark of your adoptive child that is automatic and, and compulsive. And this whole book is about moving beyond that part of you into the wise adult part of you, that can take a breath and do something, not automatic, but chosen deliberate, more skillful,” says bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terry Real. His new book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, combines new findings in neuroscience and his vast experience working with couples on the brink of disaster to give readers the skills necessary to move their relationship from a dysfunctional you vs. me into a more collaborative “us”.

 There is no such thing as working on a relationship, Terry tells us, in order to work on healing the system, we must heal the individual parts. So many of us, he says, grew up without adequate emotional support, and the techniques we developed to survive in those environments as children, can go on to poison our intimate relationships. Though we may not remember the trauma, our knee-jerk reactions to distressing situations and relational conflict push our learned adaptive strategies into overdrive. 

 Terry’s science-backed toolkit helps individuals move beyond their involuntary response, which tends to be rigid, harsh, and unforgiving; and come into their potential as a wise adult - one who stops, thinks, and reflects; able to tap into a more collaborative self for the betterment of the relationship. Through deep individual work, nurturing our inner child, and choosing to go against our impulses rather than indulging them; we can transform ourselves and save our relationships.  

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

• Fight, flight, or fix?...
• Healing the individual to heal the relationship…
• Coming down from false empowerment…
• A contempt-free life…

MORE FROM TERRY REAL:

Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

Terry's Website

Read Terry’s Other Work: 

• I Don't Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression
• How Can I Get Through To You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women
• The New Rules Of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work

DIG DEEPER:

Find an RLT Certified Therapist Near You 

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I'm sharing a special preview of A Slight Change of Plans, a podcast all about who we are and who we become in the face of change. Dr. Maya Shankar is a cognitive scientist who is an expert on human behavior, and she’s here to help us navigate the changes we all experience

in our lives. She sits in intimate conversations with celebrity guests like Tiffany Haddish and Kacey Musgraves as well as everyday inspirations, like journalist Euna Lee, who was held captive in North Korea for 140 days, and Kate Bowler, a religious scholar whose own belief

system was thrown into question after she was diagnosed with cancer. You'll also meet change experts — including leading grief therapist Julia Samuel, psychologist Adam Grant, and psychologist Ethan Kross – whose scientific insights will help us make better decisions and live

happier, more fulfilling lives In this preview, you’ll hear Maya in conversation with Jodie Patterson, a mother whose son came out as transgender when he was just shy of three years old. Jodie knew her son would face many changes ahead, but what she didn’t anticipate was

how much she would change, too. You can listen to A Slight Change of Plans, from Pushkin Industries, at https://podcasts.pushkin.fm/scpthread.

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“I think the key is to really believe it when you see something that you're doing every day in your diet that is making your hormones off or your skin off it, a lot of women know what's happening to their bodies. We're more intuitive in that way than men are. So I think it sounds really cheesy and we've heard it over and over again, but please listen to your body because it's telling you something. And so I think that, I think that it's just important to listen and make a note of things that make us feel terrible and things that make us feel good.” So says Dr. Nigma Talib, a Los Angeles based Naturopathic Doctor and the author of the best selling book, Younger Skin Starts in the Gut. A pioneer in the Naturopathic medical profession, Dr. Nigma has been asked to speak all over the world, bringing light to the root causes of illness and how the application of cutting edge dietary, supplemental and functional laboratory testing guidance can correct health issues and enable optimal well-being.

Dr. Nigma joins me today to talk about all things wellness, from Vitamin D deficiency and sleep hygiene, to stool tests and hormones. We discuss the nutritional supplements to take to ensure you look like a grape, not a raisin; the importance of the 80/20 rule; and how to establish your personal hormonal baseline through testing. Our hormones are messengers, she tells us, but when they are out of whack wires can get crossed, leading to fatigue, joint pain, premature aging and depression - making it all the more important that we listen to our bodies and get curious, putting together the pieces of our health in a way that allows us to live optimally and feel our best. 

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

• Grapes, not raisins…
• Exploring the 80/20 rule…
• The essential supplement checklist…
• Exercise, done right…

MORE FROM DR. NIGMA TALIB:

Younger Skin Starts in the Gut: 4-Week Program to Identify and Eliminate Your Skin-Aging Triggers - Gluten, Wine, Dairy, and Sugar

Reverse the Signs of Ageing: The Revolutionary Inside-Out Plan to Glowing, Youthful Skin

Visit Dr. Nigma Talib’s Website

Follow Dr. Nigma on Twitter and Instagram

DIG DEEPER:

Exercised: Why Something We Never Evolved to Do Is Healthy and Rewarding

Hate Working Out? Blame Evolution - NYT, January 2021

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"If you are in a Western life and, and are designed as an empath or a spiritual being that feels things very deeply, it is important for you to hold and maintain your peace and to send, to usher that energy to others that may be experiencing pain and suffering at any given time. If you were in a period in your life in which you are in pain or suffering, would you want everyone else in the world to be suffering along with you? Probably not. If you were sick, you wouldn't want all of your family members to be miserable and sad, just because you're feeling sick. You would want people to be in their peace. You would want people to hold that energy of joy, because that is what creates healing, energy and meaning and purpose."

So says Carissa Schumacher. This is Carissa’s second visit to Pulling the Thread, and I highly recommend listening to that introductory conversation if you’re new to Carissa’s work. Otherwise, buckle your seat belt! In this conversation, Carissa and I dive into many of Yeshua’s recent transmissions including the necessity of moving empathy into compassion, the essential nature of suffering, the difference between purpose and vehicle, and the universal nature of intuition. We cover a lot of ground.

I also wanted to tell you that due to popular demand, Carissa is going to lead a study group for her and Yeshua’s book, THE FREEDOM TRANSMISSIONS, an essential read if you haven’t yet picked up a book. This is going to be an online, four-day journey in June, with some visits from special friends, including Yeshua. I will be in the group to help facilitate the conversation, and hope to see you there. Carissa just put up a website, finally, where you can find all the information you need about her, Yeshua, The Freedom Transmissions book, journeys, and sessions. It is at THE SPIRIT TRANSMISSIONS DOT COM. Information about the online journey in June is also there!

MORE FROM CARISSA SCHUMACHER:

THE FREEDOM TRANSMISSIONS

CARISSA SCHUMACHER’S WEBSITE

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"This to me is basic, but it feels like we've drifted really far from it in our culture. That to be a human, the basic condition of being a human is being needful. You know, like we need air, we need housing, we need food, we need companionship. We need all of these things. And somehow in our culture, it feels like you're asking for too much, if you need things, right, you're supposed to be super self-sufficient. You're supposed to be able to like pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You're supposed to be able to like handle everything and it's just it's work. And it is it's too much for one person to do."

So says author and journalist Angela Garbes, who in the first pages of her new book, ESSENTIAL LABOR, expands the concept of “mothering,” creating a tent for everyone, of any gender, who is engaged in the process of creation and care. This pretty much includes everyone. A first-generation Philipino-American, Angela makes the argument that the United States must re-orient the way we think about everything—the economy, in particular—to venerate the vital act of care, of tending to each other’s needs, and of prioritizing the collective…otherwise we are lost.

In our conversation, we touch on what this means for all of our lives, including the ways that women like me must come out of our shame pockets to talk about all the people who care for us—labor that has become largely invisible behind the veneer of our projections of what it looks like to be a functioning family in America. As I explain to Angela, our family would cease to work without Vicky, who is effectively our third parent. I believe Angela is right, that we need to be having these collective conversations first, in order to push culture to reprioritize against a new axiom of what really matters in our lives.

MORE FROM ANGELA GARBES:

ESSENTIAL LABOR: MOTHERING AS SOCIAL CHANGE

LIKE A MOTHER: A FEMINIST JOURNEY THROUGH THE SCIENCE AND CULTURE OF PREGNANCY

FOLLOW ANGELA ON TWITTER

ANGELA’S WEBSITE

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"When we talk about the ghost of the unsaid, we're talking about the inherited feelings of our parents, unprocessed trauma, where the Phantoms that lived inside them, We're talking about traumas that our parents and grandparents would not process, and they are transmitted to us in some raw way. And I quote in the book, Holocaust survivors Maria Toric, Nicholas Abraham, who said, 'What haunts us are not the dead, but the gaps left within us by the secrets of others.'

So says psychotherapist Galit Atlas, who has spent her life and career both witnessing and unraveling the ways that the lived—and unlived—experiences of our ancestors can show up in our own lives. Galit—who is Syrian/Iranian by way of Israel—grew up in the midst of trauma, violence that continued to unfold around her against a generational tapestry of pain. We talk about the direct transmission of trauma in our conversation, as well as these “Gaps” or secrets, that show up in her practice again and again. We also talk about this idea of what Freud called “Afterwardness,” which is the way that we reprocess traumatic memories again and again from our new lived perspective. We explore what healing looks like for clients who suddenly become aware of how these hidden forces and patterns are informing their lives—and what it looks like to clip those threads and set yourself free. And perhaps most poignantly, we discuss the idea of victims and aggressors, and how so many of us, in the grips of our victimhood feel justified in lashing out—this is a phenomenon we can trace from our personal lives to the global stage, and it deserves our awareness.

MORE FROM GALIT ATLAS:

EMOTIONAL INHERITANCE: A THERAPIST, HER PATIENTS, AND THE LEGACY OF TRAUMA

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"I talk to so many women who, you know, we talk about huddle and we talk about, I referenced, you know, back catalog friends, people who I've known for years and years, you are never too late to add to your huddle. You are never, it is, you are never too old to, to add to your circle of friends. And what Elise is alluding to is certainly something that I feel as well, which is, you know, we live in these various chapters in our, in our lifetimes, you know, things change. We go through different. We have these various aha moments, I think for you. And I, we've both really deepened our spiritual practices and our intentionality around life and what we wanna do and how we wanna share ourselves. And I think as we've been in these more vulnerable spaces on the other side of giant things, we've been a part of, we've gotten to know ourselves better." -Brooke Baldwin

Many years ago, journalist Brooke Baldwin sat in her mother’s bedroom and cried about the state of her career and her relationship—and while she was grateful for her mom’s attention and support, she had a simultaneous thought: Where were her friends? Thus became her quest—ancillary to her daytime job as an anchor on CNN—to find her huddle. In her mind, she wanted to reclaim the idea of huddle—a macho sports term—and apply it to groups of women working together for mutual goals, like joy, success, and intimacy. She wrote a book about this adventure—understandably called HUDDLE—where she explores the power of female friendship and camaraderie all over the country. And the way that when women come together, they achieve improbably awesome things. As her book went to press, she announced her time at CNN was coming to an end, and we met each other shortly after, when we were both feeling stripped down and open to new adventures. Brooke is now part of MY Huddle, and her enthusiasm for the power of friendship is palpable and contagious.

MORE FROM BROOKE BALDWIN:

HUDDLE

FOLLOW BROOKE ON TWITTER

FOLLOW BROOKE ON INSTAGRAM

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